Title: What's in a name: Henry
Characters: Henry
Rating: G
Wordcount: 528
Summary: His violin was his life.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
His violin was his life.
Everything could be taken from him, as long as he still had his violin, he would make it through. He had struggled to learn how to play it from a very young age and even though it sometimes was indeed hard, he had never given up. To become a great violin player was his dream. At first it had been more of his parents’ dream, but somewhere along the years, it had turned into his as well. He loved playing. It made him able to lose himself into the music, not caring about what others thought or how they looked at him. His violin was a huge part of his life, for music made him able to escape.
Not that he really needed to escape, though. Life was pretty good for him overall. Of course there had been lots of hard times, but those were all in the past. He remembered the pain in his neck and wrists after hours of practicing the violin. He remembered the bleeding fingers and the heart-wrenching determination to learn how to play and to become a great violinist one day. But more clearly, he remembered standing on a stage and hearing disapproving screams. He remembered composedly walking off the stage, only to shed painful tears in the arms of his hyungs. He remembered so much hard times that used to haunt him in the creeping moments before he fell asleep. However, those memories were all part of the past now. He was quite the violin player now, with quite an impressive group of fans who supported him no matter what he did. And if that wasn’t enough yet, he also had fourteen hyungs who would take his hand and pull him through any rough times without even the slightest moment of hesitation.
Real life was no longer something to try and hide from. Instead, it had become something to enjoy and look forward to. Getting up in the morning would go with an accompanying smile and an immediate satisfied glance at himself in the bathroom mirror when he went to brush his teeth. Going up on stage was something to enjoy, instead of something to dread, and the still remaining chants of people not willing to accept him passed by his ears, overthrown by the cries of support his fans gave him. Having his six hyungs with him when performing was like having six of his brothers with him.
Yes, he was quite the happy person now. He didn’t plan on giving up on that anytime soon either. Disappointment and hardships had been a big enough part of his life already, so he was more than happy to leave those behind. He had grown stronger and was ready to face whatever life would throw at him, together with his hyungs. The fourteen guys he had spend so many time with in the past years had really become like family to him. They were a group of friends who were tightly knit together, bonded by more than just a mutual affection. Whenever he was together with his hyungs, he would feel undefeatable. They were Super Junior after all.
Showing posts with label series: WIAN. Show all posts
Showing posts with label series: WIAN. Show all posts
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
[FIC] What's in a name: Kyuhyun
Title: What's in a name: Kyuhyun
Characters: Kyuhyun
Rating: G
Wordcount: 463
Summary: Keeping yourself together was the most important part.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Keeping yourself together was the most important part.
You never knew when life would throw more crap at you, right? It would always throw unexpected things at your head and surprise you with more nonsense the day after. Even when once you thought everything was going fine, it would all just crush into nothingness again. For that reason, he had made it his talent to stay calm under any circumstances in order to be prepared when things would turn out to go wrong. So far, it had worked pretty well and there had been no failures in his theory yet.
Unless one counted in the car accident of course.. But he definitely had the right to lose himself there. After all, who wouldn’t be overly happy about waking up out of a coma? Okay, it had hurt a bit, yet he had at least been awake then. Although it had been even more painful to see the worry, the shock, the happiness and the disbelief on his fellow members’ faces. They had given off the impression of having expected him to never wake up again and it was obvious that, when he had woken up, it had shocked them senseless.
He hadn’t been in that much danger, right?
Yes, there had been some bruises and scratches, but in the end, he had been fine. It had only hurt a little here and there when he practiced too hard or when he forced himself to reach his goal. Apart from that, he had hardly felt a thing. Right.. Who was he kidding? It had hurt like hell. When he walked, it felt like he had broken every possible bone in his body. Sitting down was like putting your butt on a chair full of needles. Hell, even simply breathing without anything else caused him to feel like a thousand knives were stabbed in his lungs. He had felt pain with every step he had taken.
Utter and excruciating pain.
Nevertheless, he wasn’t someone to complain. Having the chance to be on a stage with his hyungs had been all he cared for. He had worked hard to achieve that and had felt endlessly proud whenever he sang together with them. It was like life was all the much better when they were together up on stage, when they overflowed the stage. That’s why it was hard to be only twelve. Even harder to be only eleven. But now that it had gotten down to ten.. Well, he could only be glad that he had learned how to keep his cool about things. All that mattered was that, in the end, the same fourteen people that cried for him before, would still cry for him again..and he loved the bunch of big babies for that.
Characters: Kyuhyun
Rating: G
Wordcount: 463
Summary: Keeping yourself together was the most important part.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Keeping yourself together was the most important part.
You never knew when life would throw more crap at you, right? It would always throw unexpected things at your head and surprise you with more nonsense the day after. Even when once you thought everything was going fine, it would all just crush into nothingness again. For that reason, he had made it his talent to stay calm under any circumstances in order to be prepared when things would turn out to go wrong. So far, it had worked pretty well and there had been no failures in his theory yet.
Unless one counted in the car accident of course.. But he definitely had the right to lose himself there. After all, who wouldn’t be overly happy about waking up out of a coma? Okay, it had hurt a bit, yet he had at least been awake then. Although it had been even more painful to see the worry, the shock, the happiness and the disbelief on his fellow members’ faces. They had given off the impression of having expected him to never wake up again and it was obvious that, when he had woken up, it had shocked them senseless.
He hadn’t been in that much danger, right?
Yes, there had been some bruises and scratches, but in the end, he had been fine. It had only hurt a little here and there when he practiced too hard or when he forced himself to reach his goal. Apart from that, he had hardly felt a thing. Right.. Who was he kidding? It had hurt like hell. When he walked, it felt like he had broken every possible bone in his body. Sitting down was like putting your butt on a chair full of needles. Hell, even simply breathing without anything else caused him to feel like a thousand knives were stabbed in his lungs. He had felt pain with every step he had taken.
Utter and excruciating pain.
Nevertheless, he wasn’t someone to complain. Having the chance to be on a stage with his hyungs had been all he cared for. He had worked hard to achieve that and had felt endlessly proud whenever he sang together with them. It was like life was all the much better when they were together up on stage, when they overflowed the stage. That’s why it was hard to be only twelve. Even harder to be only eleven. But now that it had gotten down to ten.. Well, he could only be glad that he had learned how to keep his cool about things. All that mattered was that, in the end, the same fourteen people that cried for him before, would still cry for him again..and he loved the bunch of big babies for that.
[FIC] What's in a name: Kibum
Title: What's in a name: Kibum
Characters: Kibum
Rating: G
Wordcount: 560
Summary: Keep the faith and don’t let them get you down.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Keep the faith and don’t let them get you down.
It was important for people like him to have that idea in life. When there were decisions to make that others might not like - most especially when there were lots of those others who rise or fell together with those decisions - one couldn’t just hop around carelessly. He had known that when he started in the acting world, he had known that when he debuted as a singer and he had known that when he finally decided to give acting his full attention. He knew there would be people going against his decision, but he also knew that it was the best thing to do. He was not someone to be pushed into a direction that he didn’t feel completely comfortable with just because a horde of others thought it was the best for him to do.
Bearing the consequences was the harder part. Spending all his time with acting meant giving up on the idol life, for a while at least. He could never have imagined how difficult his choice would be. Seeing his friends winning awards and shows without being able to stand by their side was always hard. Only being able to say he was sorry that he couldn’t be there with them, without being able to change that fact was even harder. Yet the company had made it clear; when he focused on acting, he’d have to give up on the group for a while, because the movie bosses wanted all his attention; and when he focused on singing, then acting would be a dream he should forget about, because recordings, practices and promotional shows took most of his time. Getting that news, he was forced to choose.
Unlike many of his fans and other random people seemed to believe, however, he didn’t go over it lightly. He suffered, being unable to stand by his friends’ sides. He got lonely at times and would mostly only be able to call them, maybe hop by once every four months. At times when he was free, often they were not, and the other way around happened as well. Every visit to them made him feel the strong friendship again, but it was always accompanied by another heartbreaking goodbye. The problem was that he couldn’t really take that. He never was one to say goodbye, he rather left silently or didn’t leave at all, but being with his friends made leaving again harder every time. Even he didn’t really know how he managed to keep holding on to his decision.
Maybe there would be a time when they could be together again. He hoped there would be. For his friends, his members, the fourteen people who had supported even his decision to temporarily leave them, were too precious to him. He would never be able to just leave them behind. He would never be able to just let them go. He would forever be a part of Super Junior and he was proud to be one. No matter what decision he had made, no matter what others seemed to think of him, he was convinced that he had acted to his best interest and he would not let anyone tell him differently. As long as those important to him supported him, he didn’t need anyone else’s approval.
Characters: Kibum
Rating: G
Wordcount: 560
Summary: Keep the faith and don’t let them get you down.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Keep the faith and don’t let them get you down.
It was important for people like him to have that idea in life. When there were decisions to make that others might not like - most especially when there were lots of those others who rise or fell together with those decisions - one couldn’t just hop around carelessly. He had known that when he started in the acting world, he had known that when he debuted as a singer and he had known that when he finally decided to give acting his full attention. He knew there would be people going against his decision, but he also knew that it was the best thing to do. He was not someone to be pushed into a direction that he didn’t feel completely comfortable with just because a horde of others thought it was the best for him to do.
Bearing the consequences was the harder part. Spending all his time with acting meant giving up on the idol life, for a while at least. He could never have imagined how difficult his choice would be. Seeing his friends winning awards and shows without being able to stand by their side was always hard. Only being able to say he was sorry that he couldn’t be there with them, without being able to change that fact was even harder. Yet the company had made it clear; when he focused on acting, he’d have to give up on the group for a while, because the movie bosses wanted all his attention; and when he focused on singing, then acting would be a dream he should forget about, because recordings, practices and promotional shows took most of his time. Getting that news, he was forced to choose.
Unlike many of his fans and other random people seemed to believe, however, he didn’t go over it lightly. He suffered, being unable to stand by his friends’ sides. He got lonely at times and would mostly only be able to call them, maybe hop by once every four months. At times when he was free, often they were not, and the other way around happened as well. Every visit to them made him feel the strong friendship again, but it was always accompanied by another heartbreaking goodbye. The problem was that he couldn’t really take that. He never was one to say goodbye, he rather left silently or didn’t leave at all, but being with his friends made leaving again harder every time. Even he didn’t really know how he managed to keep holding on to his decision.
Maybe there would be a time when they could be together again. He hoped there would be. For his friends, his members, the fourteen people who had supported even his decision to temporarily leave them, were too precious to him. He would never be able to just leave them behind. He would never be able to just let them go. He would forever be a part of Super Junior and he was proud to be one. No matter what decision he had made, no matter what others seemed to think of him, he was convinced that he had acted to his best interest and he would not let anyone tell him differently. As long as those important to him supported him, he didn’t need anyone else’s approval.
[FIC] What's in a name: Ryeowook
Title: What's in a name: Ryeowook
Characters: Ryeowook
Rating: G
Wordcount: 567
Summary: Remembering your dreams is good, but you can always make new ones.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Remembering your dreams is good, but you can always make new ones.
Yet it had all been strange and new at the beginning. The world of recordings, shows, television programs,.. It was a big and scary place to him at times, but on the other hand it was also exciting, renewing, challenging. He had been thrown into it at a young age, but he tried to enjoy every minute of it, because he knew exactly what a great opportunity he had been given.
Every now and then he would wonder if he would once reach his dream, writing and composing songs for others, but he would never feel particularly bad over not being there yet. It already was a very nice thing to be able to live a life that was many people’s dream; a life filled with uncommon opportunities, where every day was an adventure. He liked being able to get up and never knowing for sure what would happen to him that day.
Of course there were moments when constantly being in the spotlight tired him out or when he just wished he could get a day’s rest to regain his energy, but the places he had bee, able to visit and all the things he had achieved being a part of Super Junior certainly did make up to him for the pretty permanent lack of sleep. The make-up he often had to wear to cover up the evidence of this sleeplessness was just a minor detail which he gladly took together with all the positive things.
What bothered him more was to see the other members, most of them his hyungs, suffer because of their popularity. Leeteuk with his painful hip, Sungmin’s feeling of minority, Donghae missing the last few days of his father’s life, the pressure Kangin had felt during his trial, Hangeng’s whole terrible situation, Kyuhyun working hard even though he wasn’t fully recovered yet, … All those things hurt him more than any bad thing happening to himself could ever do.
Over time he had learned to soften the greater pain with small gestures; an occasional warm hug when it was needed, a simple show of gratitude when someone did something for him, a warm meal when they were hungry,.. The others would make jokes about it, but he knew they appreciated it a lot.
Only at very rare times would he see one of his friends really suffer under all the pressure, and when they did, it hurt him all the more. He didn’t like seeing his friends hurt or in trouble, for it meant that they were not happy, and all he basically wanted was for everyone he loved to feel fine and to be strong. So he tried to always do his best to keep everyone happy and to support everyone with their tiniest needs.
Knitting the group together was basically what he did. Preparing dinner so that everyone could share a moment together while eating, cleaning the dorm so that no one would complain about other people’s stuff being in the way,.. He basically took care of everything. Yet in exchange for that, he got the love of all his members and the assurance that all fourteen of them would always be there to take care of him if ever he would need them to. Having that knowledge, he felt like he could take on the world.
Characters: Ryeowook
Rating: G
Wordcount: 567
Summary: Remembering your dreams is good, but you can always make new ones.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Remembering your dreams is good, but you can always make new ones.
Yet it had all been strange and new at the beginning. The world of recordings, shows, television programs,.. It was a big and scary place to him at times, but on the other hand it was also exciting, renewing, challenging. He had been thrown into it at a young age, but he tried to enjoy every minute of it, because he knew exactly what a great opportunity he had been given.
Every now and then he would wonder if he would once reach his dream, writing and composing songs for others, but he would never feel particularly bad over not being there yet. It already was a very nice thing to be able to live a life that was many people’s dream; a life filled with uncommon opportunities, where every day was an adventure. He liked being able to get up and never knowing for sure what would happen to him that day.
Of course there were moments when constantly being in the spotlight tired him out or when he just wished he could get a day’s rest to regain his energy, but the places he had bee, able to visit and all the things he had achieved being a part of Super Junior certainly did make up to him for the pretty permanent lack of sleep. The make-up he often had to wear to cover up the evidence of this sleeplessness was just a minor detail which he gladly took together with all the positive things.
What bothered him more was to see the other members, most of them his hyungs, suffer because of their popularity. Leeteuk with his painful hip, Sungmin’s feeling of minority, Donghae missing the last few days of his father’s life, the pressure Kangin had felt during his trial, Hangeng’s whole terrible situation, Kyuhyun working hard even though he wasn’t fully recovered yet, … All those things hurt him more than any bad thing happening to himself could ever do.
Over time he had learned to soften the greater pain with small gestures; an occasional warm hug when it was needed, a simple show of gratitude when someone did something for him, a warm meal when they were hungry,.. The others would make jokes about it, but he knew they appreciated it a lot.
Only at very rare times would he see one of his friends really suffer under all the pressure, and when they did, it hurt him all the more. He didn’t like seeing his friends hurt or in trouble, for it meant that they were not happy, and all he basically wanted was for everyone he loved to feel fine and to be strong. So he tried to always do his best to keep everyone happy and to support everyone with their tiniest needs.
Knitting the group together was basically what he did. Preparing dinner so that everyone could share a moment together while eating, cleaning the dorm so that no one would complain about other people’s stuff being in the way,.. He basically took care of everything. Yet in exchange for that, he got the love of all his members and the assurance that all fourteen of them would always be there to take care of him if ever he would need them to. Having that knowledge, he felt like he could take on the world.
[FIC] What's in a name: Siwon
Title: What's in a name: Siwon
Characters: Siwon
Rating: G
Wordcount: 548
Summary: Some people believe that there is more to life than what we see.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Some people believe that there is more to life than what we see.
In fact, he was one of those people. He was convinced that the things he saw in front of him were not just what he saw. Events needed a reason to be happening and people didn’t turn out less fortunate just because. He didn’t mean to say that poor people were meant to be less fortunate, it was just that he believed there were reasons for everything and that everyone would be judged when their time came. One couldn’t go around playing a bully and simply have the world accept it, because there was a reason for it, that’s not what his theory meant. Yet he was still convinced that things didn’t happen just like that.
Whenever life got tough, he would tell himself this. He would convince himself that there was a reason for people to be so cold towards him, for the project to be so hard, for the steps to be so difficult to learn, and so on. Being born and raised in a Christian family, he had strictly believed in God and such, but even though he probably wasn’t going to stop believing, it had lessened quite a bit when he started his path as an idol. Not that the members weren’t Catholic, most of them were, but there wasn’t always time to go to church every service nor was there time to pray before dinner, because for many of the food he ate, he only got two minutes. Sometimes it was hard to keep up with everything he wanted to do in his life.
Of course his belief didn’t keep him from having fun. The amount of free time he had was divided between his church services and his friends. He was one who could enjoy life the way it came to him. Moments of simply sitting at a café, drinking coffee and talking with friends were the most precious ones. He believed that the ones we love are those we should keep close. It didn’t matter if they were white, black, green or blue, people were people after all and if they were put on our path for us to meet them, then who were we to deny that meeting? Who are we to go against what was meant to be?
Now it was also untrue to claim that he never went against anything. He would for his friends. When Kyuhyun had gotten the accident, he had prayed for him every day, trying to make sure the boy would get through. When the second album came out and people bashed Henry, he had told the boy that it was all nonsense and that he should be strong for it would soon be over and then he would have passed the test. When all the difficulties happened with his hyungs, he had prayed for a way to make it all go back to how it had been, how it was supposed to be. It was his first time having to convince himself that everything happened for a reason. So he told himself that if God had given him the chance to meet all the members, He also had the right to take them away again..but he had rather He didn’t.
Characters: Siwon
Rating: G
Wordcount: 548
Summary: Some people believe that there is more to life than what we see.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Some people believe that there is more to life than what we see.
In fact, he was one of those people. He was convinced that the things he saw in front of him were not just what he saw. Events needed a reason to be happening and people didn’t turn out less fortunate just because. He didn’t mean to say that poor people were meant to be less fortunate, it was just that he believed there were reasons for everything and that everyone would be judged when their time came. One couldn’t go around playing a bully and simply have the world accept it, because there was a reason for it, that’s not what his theory meant. Yet he was still convinced that things didn’t happen just like that.
Whenever life got tough, he would tell himself this. He would convince himself that there was a reason for people to be so cold towards him, for the project to be so hard, for the steps to be so difficult to learn, and so on. Being born and raised in a Christian family, he had strictly believed in God and such, but even though he probably wasn’t going to stop believing, it had lessened quite a bit when he started his path as an idol. Not that the members weren’t Catholic, most of them were, but there wasn’t always time to go to church every service nor was there time to pray before dinner, because for many of the food he ate, he only got two minutes. Sometimes it was hard to keep up with everything he wanted to do in his life.
Of course his belief didn’t keep him from having fun. The amount of free time he had was divided between his church services and his friends. He was one who could enjoy life the way it came to him. Moments of simply sitting at a café, drinking coffee and talking with friends were the most precious ones. He believed that the ones we love are those we should keep close. It didn’t matter if they were white, black, green or blue, people were people after all and if they were put on our path for us to meet them, then who were we to deny that meeting? Who are we to go against what was meant to be?
Now it was also untrue to claim that he never went against anything. He would for his friends. When Kyuhyun had gotten the accident, he had prayed for him every day, trying to make sure the boy would get through. When the second album came out and people bashed Henry, he had told the boy that it was all nonsense and that he should be strong for it would soon be over and then he would have passed the test. When all the difficulties happened with his hyungs, he had prayed for a way to make it all go back to how it had been, how it was supposed to be. It was his first time having to convince himself that everything happened for a reason. So he told himself that if God had given him the chance to meet all the members, He also had the right to take them away again..but he had rather He didn’t.
[FIC] What's in a name: Donghae
Title: What's in a name: Donghae
Characters: Donghae
Rating: G
Wordcount: 597
Summary: ‘Don’t ever give up.’ his father had said, so he hadn’t.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Don’t ever give up.’ his father had said, so he hadn’t.
Other people could have told him the same thing over and over again, but it would never have gotten the same effect, for he loved his father dearly. And what else could he do but grant a dying person’s last wish? Even now, almost five years later, he still didn’t know why those words had left such a big impression on him. Yet they had, and he was now living he consequences. Not that he thought those consequences bad, but it was just strange how a few words could have such an effect on him. Then again, his father had been very dear to him of course.
Never in his whole youth could he have guessed that, one day, his father, the closest friend he had, was going to be taken away. Not once did he think about such tragic outcomes. Especially not at times when his father took him out fishing or when they sang together. He had always seen his father as the strongest man on earth and in his eyes, nothing would ever have been able to defeat his father. But then reality had come knocking..
God knows why it had to be his father getting sick. Why not some evil mafia leader or some bloodthirsty tyrant? The world would have been better off without them. Or why not he himself? No, life had to suck and make his father sick. As the memories of happy afternoons spent singing died away and were replaced by memories of hospitals and scary machinery, he had slowly started to fear the worst, but had never voiced his fears, afraid to make them reality that way.
He had lived his life as an SM trainee, meeting the other members one by one and gradually growing closer to some of them. There had been no real difficulties or annoyances, yet he had also never really given it all much thought. Because his father was sick, he tried to do his best as a singer, tried to make it all worthwhile, tried to live the life his father could never have. But it was all in vain, for it was still him living his father’s dream, not his own. Even after debut, although he worked hard, he sometimes got bored with it and remembered his own dream of being a famous soccer player. Until he was given the news that his father, his best friend, was no more.
After that day, no training was too hard anymore and no practice too long. He would go on until he fainted from exhaustion and would wake up just to get back to work, because he didn’t believe that his father would have wanted him to slack. And somehow, somewhere along the way, his father’s dream had also become his own. Seeing the fans cheer for him, feeling the love they gave him, he felt as if a little bit of that emptiness inside of him was filled up.
Every time he thought of giving up, there would be his father’s words in his head, and every time he painfully remembered his father, there would be understanding looks and reassuring hugs. He would be able to go on again, seeing the love he got from his members and he would feel refreshed, knowing that the fourteen of them would be by his side, forever and always. With those things in mind, he could keep going, savouring the reassuring knowledge that somewhere up there in heaven, his father was always watching over him.
Characters: Donghae
Rating: G
Wordcount: 597
Summary: ‘Don’t ever give up.’ his father had said, so he hadn’t.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Don’t ever give up.’ his father had said, so he hadn’t.
Other people could have told him the same thing over and over again, but it would never have gotten the same effect, for he loved his father dearly. And what else could he do but grant a dying person’s last wish? Even now, almost five years later, he still didn’t know why those words had left such a big impression on him. Yet they had, and he was now living he consequences. Not that he thought those consequences bad, but it was just strange how a few words could have such an effect on him. Then again, his father had been very dear to him of course.
Never in his whole youth could he have guessed that, one day, his father, the closest friend he had, was going to be taken away. Not once did he think about such tragic outcomes. Especially not at times when his father took him out fishing or when they sang together. He had always seen his father as the strongest man on earth and in his eyes, nothing would ever have been able to defeat his father. But then reality had come knocking..
God knows why it had to be his father getting sick. Why not some evil mafia leader or some bloodthirsty tyrant? The world would have been better off without them. Or why not he himself? No, life had to suck and make his father sick. As the memories of happy afternoons spent singing died away and were replaced by memories of hospitals and scary machinery, he had slowly started to fear the worst, but had never voiced his fears, afraid to make them reality that way.
He had lived his life as an SM trainee, meeting the other members one by one and gradually growing closer to some of them. There had been no real difficulties or annoyances, yet he had also never really given it all much thought. Because his father was sick, he tried to do his best as a singer, tried to make it all worthwhile, tried to live the life his father could never have. But it was all in vain, for it was still him living his father’s dream, not his own. Even after debut, although he worked hard, he sometimes got bored with it and remembered his own dream of being a famous soccer player. Until he was given the news that his father, his best friend, was no more.
After that day, no training was too hard anymore and no practice too long. He would go on until he fainted from exhaustion and would wake up just to get back to work, because he didn’t believe that his father would have wanted him to slack. And somehow, somewhere along the way, his father’s dream had also become his own. Seeing the fans cheer for him, feeling the love they gave him, he felt as if a little bit of that emptiness inside of him was filled up.
Every time he thought of giving up, there would be his father’s words in his head, and every time he painfully remembered his father, there would be understanding looks and reassuring hugs. He would be able to go on again, seeing the love he got from his members and he would feel refreshed, knowing that the fourteen of them would be by his side, forever and always. With those things in mind, he could keep going, savouring the reassuring knowledge that somewhere up there in heaven, his father was always watching over him.
[FIC] What's in a name: Zhou Mi
Title: What's in a name: Zhou Mi
Characters: Zhou Mi
Rating: G
Wordcount: 595
Summary: Zero was a nice amount to start with, in his opinion.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Zero was a nice amount to start with, in his opinion.
However, the general idea was that somewhere along the way, one would start gaining something. It didn’t have to be treasures or kingdoms, but something, anything at all, would be nice. Yet from the moment on he had started to try and make something out of his life, from the moment on he had reset the count to zero, he had not gained anything at all the first few months. It had all been fights and hardship, struggling to make it big in a country that wasn’t even his own. It had been hard and he had felt like a piece of toilet paper more often than once, but it was during those times that he had realised the value of friends.
Overall his life had been quite peaceful. He had been the son of loving parents, growing up in a nice environment with a good amount of friends. There had been no real hardships for him throughout his years of studying, no big turns in life that he hadn’t expected. He had really been an average kid with an average life. That was, of course, until his talent for singing had been discovered and he had started participating in competitions. They were all for fun at first, not at all being a way for him to escape the boring nothingness of his life, like it was the case for some, but more something to have fun with, to see how far he would get in them.
Until his audition for SM Entertainment.. When his friend told him about having subscribed him for it, he had been surprised and shocked, but he had also liked it. It had been like a whole new adventure, being put in for an audition with a real music company. The surprise had been great when they told him he had passed and joy had been all around. Until he was sent to Korea to go join a group there to make it big with. That’s where the trouble had started.
Most of his friends had encouraged him to take the shot and go become an idol, but when they found out about his hardships, they had seen their own mistake and had often apologised. He had always laughed their worries away, for what good would it do to have them worry about him, yet it had indeed been a hell to live in. The group, of course, had been no problem at all. They had easily accepted him and had soon treated him as one of their own, but the fans..
It had been hell. Trying to live up to the expectations of so many, trying to stand against the hatred of even more. There had been times that he wanted to give up, but he had remained strong for his dongsaeng, who had gone through the same struggles. He had shown his strong side, had kept showing the fans and the anti-fans how he could take whatever they threw at him. At times where he really had wanted to give up, his members, his newfound family, would be there to cheer him up and help him go on, and when the first of his own, personal fans had shown up at the concerts, he had finally felt that he had gained something. Not only did people believe in him now, he also had his fourteen friends and family members, and even though he didn’t see them often, they were always there for him, together with the fans.
Characters: Zhou Mi
Rating: G
Wordcount: 595
Summary: Zero was a nice amount to start with, in his opinion.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Zero was a nice amount to start with, in his opinion.
However, the general idea was that somewhere along the way, one would start gaining something. It didn’t have to be treasures or kingdoms, but something, anything at all, would be nice. Yet from the moment on he had started to try and make something out of his life, from the moment on he had reset the count to zero, he had not gained anything at all the first few months. It had all been fights and hardship, struggling to make it big in a country that wasn’t even his own. It had been hard and he had felt like a piece of toilet paper more often than once, but it was during those times that he had realised the value of friends.
Overall his life had been quite peaceful. He had been the son of loving parents, growing up in a nice environment with a good amount of friends. There had been no real hardships for him throughout his years of studying, no big turns in life that he hadn’t expected. He had really been an average kid with an average life. That was, of course, until his talent for singing had been discovered and he had started participating in competitions. They were all for fun at first, not at all being a way for him to escape the boring nothingness of his life, like it was the case for some, but more something to have fun with, to see how far he would get in them.
Until his audition for SM Entertainment.. When his friend told him about having subscribed him for it, he had been surprised and shocked, but he had also liked it. It had been like a whole new adventure, being put in for an audition with a real music company. The surprise had been great when they told him he had passed and joy had been all around. Until he was sent to Korea to go join a group there to make it big with. That’s where the trouble had started.
Most of his friends had encouraged him to take the shot and go become an idol, but when they found out about his hardships, they had seen their own mistake and had often apologised. He had always laughed their worries away, for what good would it do to have them worry about him, yet it had indeed been a hell to live in. The group, of course, had been no problem at all. They had easily accepted him and had soon treated him as one of their own, but the fans..
It had been hell. Trying to live up to the expectations of so many, trying to stand against the hatred of even more. There had been times that he wanted to give up, but he had remained strong for his dongsaeng, who had gone through the same struggles. He had shown his strong side, had kept showing the fans and the anti-fans how he could take whatever they threw at him. At times where he really had wanted to give up, his members, his newfound family, would be there to cheer him up and help him go on, and when the first of his own, personal fans had shown up at the concerts, he had finally felt that he had gained something. Not only did people believe in him now, he also had his fourteen friends and family members, and even though he didn’t see them often, they were always there for him, together with the fans.
[FIC] What's in a name: Eunhyuk
Title: What's in a name: Eunhyuk
Characters: Eunhyuk
Rating: G
Wordcount: 581
Summary: Endings always mean the start of a new beginning.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Endings always mean the start of a new beginning.
Unlike most people, he knew this was true. He had seen it happen a lot, in times where his life had taken strange twists and turns. In times where he knew nothing but the aching truth of the words he believed in so deeply. Because the words also meant that when something new started, something else had to end. It was sometimes so normal when he thought about it, at other times it was too painful to imagine and he wouldn’t know how to deal with the idea.
Not many had the same opportunities in life like he had gotten. Not many knew the same chances, luck and success that he had known. He would often think about it in bed, right before sleeping. In those few seconds between his head touching the pillow and him falling asleep, he would realise that, even though it could be hard work, he had gotten very lucky being able to actually be an artist. He considered himself lucky to have been able to develop his talents and he would never be able to imagine his life differently.
He would sometimes, after long schedules, wonder if he had chosen the right thing, if he had made the right decision. Because sometimes he would regret the choices he had made and wonder if things might have been better if he had just remained the calm little boy that no one knew, who had some really good dance moves, but that was about it. Sometimes he wondered if the start of his trainee life had ended something that would have otherwise been so much better than the things he had now.
Yet he also knew that the things he had gained probably were so much more completing than the things he might possibly have gotten when life had turned out differently could ever be. He was one to take life with a grain of salt, not caring about what others thought and just going at his own pace. He didn’t just take what was given, but refused what he didn’t want and fought to gain more when needed. He made his own starts and chose to end things himself.
Underneath the outer layer of self-assurance and coldblooded fighting for his own goals, however, he often also had a more emotional side. He needed the feeling of camaraderie a lot and would do anything for his friends. He didn’t care about his fame, opportunities or money. When something was on with his friends, he would protect them until his last breath, making sure that they were alright before giving his own needs attention again. That was also the reason that he felt so emotionally tied to his fellow members.
Keeping them safe, keeping the fourteen of them close, was something that he would always try his best for. He had a never ending loyalty towards their group and he would gladly suffer if it meant keeping them together. Letting go of Kibum, Kangin and Hangeng had been hard, even though they still remained part of his group of friends, and he would do anything to keep them from harm, even though they were so far away. If anything, he wished he could bring them back and keep everyone happy. But he couldn’t. All he could do was hope that his fourteen friends, his second family, would never know an ending. So he fought for them with all he had.
Characters: Eunhyuk
Rating: G
Wordcount: 581
Summary: Endings always mean the start of a new beginning.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Endings always mean the start of a new beginning.
Unlike most people, he knew this was true. He had seen it happen a lot, in times where his life had taken strange twists and turns. In times where he knew nothing but the aching truth of the words he believed in so deeply. Because the words also meant that when something new started, something else had to end. It was sometimes so normal when he thought about it, at other times it was too painful to imagine and he wouldn’t know how to deal with the idea.
Not many had the same opportunities in life like he had gotten. Not many knew the same chances, luck and success that he had known. He would often think about it in bed, right before sleeping. In those few seconds between his head touching the pillow and him falling asleep, he would realise that, even though it could be hard work, he had gotten very lucky being able to actually be an artist. He considered himself lucky to have been able to develop his talents and he would never be able to imagine his life differently.
He would sometimes, after long schedules, wonder if he had chosen the right thing, if he had made the right decision. Because sometimes he would regret the choices he had made and wonder if things might have been better if he had just remained the calm little boy that no one knew, who had some really good dance moves, but that was about it. Sometimes he wondered if the start of his trainee life had ended something that would have otherwise been so much better than the things he had now.
Yet he also knew that the things he had gained probably were so much more completing than the things he might possibly have gotten when life had turned out differently could ever be. He was one to take life with a grain of salt, not caring about what others thought and just going at his own pace. He didn’t just take what was given, but refused what he didn’t want and fought to gain more when needed. He made his own starts and chose to end things himself.
Underneath the outer layer of self-assurance and coldblooded fighting for his own goals, however, he often also had a more emotional side. He needed the feeling of camaraderie a lot and would do anything for his friends. He didn’t care about his fame, opportunities or money. When something was on with his friends, he would protect them until his last breath, making sure that they were alright before giving his own needs attention again. That was also the reason that he felt so emotionally tied to his fellow members.
Keeping them safe, keeping the fourteen of them close, was something that he would always try his best for. He had a never ending loyalty towards their group and he would gladly suffer if it meant keeping them together. Letting go of Kibum, Kangin and Hangeng had been hard, even though they still remained part of his group of friends, and he would do anything to keep them from harm, even though they were so far away. If anything, he wished he could bring them back and keep everyone happy. But he couldn’t. All he could do was hope that his fourteen friends, his second family, would never know an ending. So he fought for them with all he had.
[FIC] What's in a name: Sungmin
Title: What's in a name: Sungmin
Characters: Sungmin
Rating: G
Wordcount: 527
Summary: Strength is found on the inside, right next to Love and Confidence.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Strength is found on the inside, right next to Love and Confidence.
Unlike most people, however, he had no idea where to find it. No matter how long he searched for it, no matter how hard he trained, he had never been able to find it. Sure, he could swing some nunchucks around, twirl a stick through the air or maybe kick some balloons to burst.. Sure, he could throw someone over his shoulder, kick someone to a certain death or give someone a severe beating, but that did not lead him to feeling strong and assured.. Those things only made him feel all the more like a stupid little rabbit, trying to look stronger by showing of its completely useless front teeth.
No, he didn’t feel strong at all.
Given the fact that he could beat Youngwoon in a fight, not feeling strong was a bit silly, really, but it still was the truth. Whenever he tried to do something more, develop some unique skills of his own, there would be a little voice inside of his head, telling him to give up. It would be nagging at him to quit, because ‘What was he thinking? He couldn’t make it anyway.’ He would not listen to the discouraging words, however, and would just continue practicing until his body was worn out and exhausted. Yet the voice would still be there, pestering him about his lacking abilities. Always telling him that he just wasn’t good enough. It made him feel insecure.
Moreover, it made him feel like he was never good enough.
Inside his head, the rational part of him told him that he was doing fine, that he was better than most, but the emotional, insecure and biggest part of him would contradict that. With very lame excuses, actually, but he still believed those the most. It was seemingly easier to believe that he was worth nothing than to go around feeling like he owned the whole world. It also was definitely easier to tell people that he didn’t know that much than to brag about having so many talents. Because how arrogant would that sound? And yes, he sometimes was even shocked himself when he realised how convincing all that nonsense could be, yet he still believed it..and it was killing him.
Not even seeing the fans tell him how awesome he was could make him accept the truth, that he had a talent. It was basically so that only the love of his friends, only those fourteen crazy guys, could bring out his rational self and make him smile again. He never tried to be strong when with them, but somehow he always seemed to find the strength to go on and believe at such times. They gave him a reason to be free, with their lame jokes, silly laughter and crazy competitions. Every time he looked at one of them, he would smile and know again how great of a person he was. When with them, he would find Strength, close beside Confidence and Love, just a tad bit lower than Arrogance. Yes, they made him realise that he was worth something too.
Characters: Sungmin
Rating: G
Wordcount: 527
Summary: Strength is found on the inside, right next to Love and Confidence.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Strength is found on the inside, right next to Love and Confidence.
Unlike most people, however, he had no idea where to find it. No matter how long he searched for it, no matter how hard he trained, he had never been able to find it. Sure, he could swing some nunchucks around, twirl a stick through the air or maybe kick some balloons to burst.. Sure, he could throw someone over his shoulder, kick someone to a certain death or give someone a severe beating, but that did not lead him to feeling strong and assured.. Those things only made him feel all the more like a stupid little rabbit, trying to look stronger by showing of its completely useless front teeth.
No, he didn’t feel strong at all.
Given the fact that he could beat Youngwoon in a fight, not feeling strong was a bit silly, really, but it still was the truth. Whenever he tried to do something more, develop some unique skills of his own, there would be a little voice inside of his head, telling him to give up. It would be nagging at him to quit, because ‘What was he thinking? He couldn’t make it anyway.’ He would not listen to the discouraging words, however, and would just continue practicing until his body was worn out and exhausted. Yet the voice would still be there, pestering him about his lacking abilities. Always telling him that he just wasn’t good enough. It made him feel insecure.
Moreover, it made him feel like he was never good enough.
Inside his head, the rational part of him told him that he was doing fine, that he was better than most, but the emotional, insecure and biggest part of him would contradict that. With very lame excuses, actually, but he still believed those the most. It was seemingly easier to believe that he was worth nothing than to go around feeling like he owned the whole world. It also was definitely easier to tell people that he didn’t know that much than to brag about having so many talents. Because how arrogant would that sound? And yes, he sometimes was even shocked himself when he realised how convincing all that nonsense could be, yet he still believed it..and it was killing him.
Not even seeing the fans tell him how awesome he was could make him accept the truth, that he had a talent. It was basically so that only the love of his friends, only those fourteen crazy guys, could bring out his rational self and make him smile again. He never tried to be strong when with them, but somehow he always seemed to find the strength to go on and believe at such times. They gave him a reason to be free, with their lame jokes, silly laughter and crazy competitions. Every time he looked at one of them, he would smile and know again how great of a person he was. When with them, he would find Strength, close beside Confidence and Love, just a tad bit lower than Arrogance. Yes, they made him realise that he was worth something too.
[FIC] What's in a name: Shindong
Title: What's in a name: Shindong
Characters: Shindong
Rating: G
Wordcount: 474
Summary: Supporting others started with supporting yourself first.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Supporting others started with supporting yourself first.
He had learned this throughout life, had learned not to try and make someone else feel better when you weren’t jumping for joy yourself. Because how convincing could ‘Don’t worry, everything’s going to be okay!’ be when you yourself looked like nothing’s ever going to make you smile again? Therefore, he had always tried to accept his own life and all the things that came with it, in order to be able to help others.
In the beginning it had been hard. Before he started to talk back, he had regularly been laughed at, teased or bullied for his slightly fatter looks and had not often known how to keep smiling despite all the happy faces around him. Even the encouragements of his friends and the repetitive advice of just ignoring the annoying people didn’t help him to keep from feeling bad. That was until some wise words were spoken to him by one of his members.
No one else but you has to live with your body so who cares what the others say?
During the weeks and months that passed after he had been given that advice, he started to realise how true they were and started to regain his confidence. He might not have had the perfect bodyline or the gorgeous abs, but he was happy with what he did have and he felt consoled thinking of his personality that was better than that of most people. Once he achieved that conviction, everything took a turn for the better
Other people’s thoughts didn’t bug him anymore from then on.
No matter what was said to him, he kept on smiling. There were always jokes for him to throw around and silly actions for him to do. He never failed to bring up the right things at the right times to make others smile or laugh. Because of that, he soon became the greatest source of laughter in the band and probably one of the most trustable members among them. Although he sometimes acted a little childish, he knew when to stop messing around and become serious again. It was a trait not many people possessed.
Giving other people the smile on their faces back was the most important thing for him. To see others become happy and shine was what made him happy too. He was always proud when he realised the smiles and the laughter were provoked by him, no matter if the person was a close friend or a stranger. And at times where he himself had a hard time, there was a group of fourteen people ready and willing to bring the smile back on his face too, something he was forever grateful for. And no matter how many people smiled because of him, nothing beat seeing the members smile too.
Characters: Shindong
Rating: G
Wordcount: 474
Summary: Supporting others started with supporting yourself first.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Supporting others started with supporting yourself first.
He had learned this throughout life, had learned not to try and make someone else feel better when you weren’t jumping for joy yourself. Because how convincing could ‘Don’t worry, everything’s going to be okay!’ be when you yourself looked like nothing’s ever going to make you smile again? Therefore, he had always tried to accept his own life and all the things that came with it, in order to be able to help others.
In the beginning it had been hard. Before he started to talk back, he had regularly been laughed at, teased or bullied for his slightly fatter looks and had not often known how to keep smiling despite all the happy faces around him. Even the encouragements of his friends and the repetitive advice of just ignoring the annoying people didn’t help him to keep from feeling bad. That was until some wise words were spoken to him by one of his members.
No one else but you has to live with your body so who cares what the others say?
During the weeks and months that passed after he had been given that advice, he started to realise how true they were and started to regain his confidence. He might not have had the perfect bodyline or the gorgeous abs, but he was happy with what he did have and he felt consoled thinking of his personality that was better than that of most people. Once he achieved that conviction, everything took a turn for the better
Other people’s thoughts didn’t bug him anymore from then on.
No matter what was said to him, he kept on smiling. There were always jokes for him to throw around and silly actions for him to do. He never failed to bring up the right things at the right times to make others smile or laugh. Because of that, he soon became the greatest source of laughter in the band and probably one of the most trustable members among them. Although he sometimes acted a little childish, he knew when to stop messing around and become serious again. It was a trait not many people possessed.
Giving other people the smile on their faces back was the most important thing for him. To see others become happy and shine was what made him happy too. He was always proud when he realised the smiles and the laughter were provoked by him, no matter if the person was a close friend or a stranger. And at times where he himself had a hard time, there was a group of fourteen people ready and willing to bring the smile back on his face too, something he was forever grateful for. And no matter how many people smiled because of him, nothing beat seeing the members smile too.
[FIC] What's in a name: Kangin
Title: What's in a name: Kangin
Characters: Kangin
Rating: G
Wordcount: 543
Summary: Knowing yourself doesn’t always guarantee success.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Knowing yourself doesn’t always guarantee success.
Always being the good hyung, he had taken care of his fellow members, giving them support when they needed it and eyeing their every move to make sure they were alright. He would be the crazy talker who couldn’t keep secrets on shows, but would always make sure not to hurt his members with what he said. Over the years, they had already learned that not telling him anything was still the wisest choice and he didn’t blame them for it. But he was still there to be their support, to be there when they needed someone, to be the hyung they could rely on when they needed it.
Never could he have foreseen the events that happened and made him have to give all of that up. It had been stupid of him to drink so much a little too often. It had been even more stupid to get his drunk butt in a car and start driving. Hitting another car was a quite expectable follow-up of the events, but running away after doing so was not. He couldn’t even understand himself why he had taken a run for it. Okay, he had done something wrong, but there were people in the cab as well. He should have helped them, stayed. At least not run away to protect his so-called idol status.
Given the fact that he had ran away after hurting two people and driving while having drunk too much, he had been treated quite softly. They had not locked him up, not even for a few days only, had not made it a huge thing in the media, had not really done very much to him. It made him feel guilty. Bumping into the cab was something he had no coherent memory of anymore, but everything after that was still vividly present in his mind. He could not forget the images of running away, the view of the police station as he slowly walked towards it, debating until the last second if he should go in or not. The memories of that night haunted him still.
If only he had not been such a fool, then maybe things would have worked out differently. If only he had been less of a fool, none of that would have happened and he wouldn’t have to live with the memories and the guilt. It was impossible for him to get over what he had done, one of the reasons why he hadn’t touched a single drop of alcohol anymore ever since the incident had happened. He was determined to make things right and better his life.
No, he was not going to make the same mistake again, and therefore, he had to make a new start. After his two years of army service, he would come back as a whole new Kim Youngwoon and a whole new Kangin. He would be the one that he was before again. And he knew that when he would return from the army, there would be fourteen pairs of open arms waiting to embrace him. For they were his family and no matter what he did, his family would always keep supporting him. That had been their promise. A family’s promise.
Characters: Kangin
Rating: G
Wordcount: 543
Summary: Knowing yourself doesn’t always guarantee success.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Knowing yourself doesn’t always guarantee success.
Always being the good hyung, he had taken care of his fellow members, giving them support when they needed it and eyeing their every move to make sure they were alright. He would be the crazy talker who couldn’t keep secrets on shows, but would always make sure not to hurt his members with what he said. Over the years, they had already learned that not telling him anything was still the wisest choice and he didn’t blame them for it. But he was still there to be their support, to be there when they needed someone, to be the hyung they could rely on when they needed it.
Never could he have foreseen the events that happened and made him have to give all of that up. It had been stupid of him to drink so much a little too often. It had been even more stupid to get his drunk butt in a car and start driving. Hitting another car was a quite expectable follow-up of the events, but running away after doing so was not. He couldn’t even understand himself why he had taken a run for it. Okay, he had done something wrong, but there were people in the cab as well. He should have helped them, stayed. At least not run away to protect his so-called idol status.
Given the fact that he had ran away after hurting two people and driving while having drunk too much, he had been treated quite softly. They had not locked him up, not even for a few days only, had not made it a huge thing in the media, had not really done very much to him. It made him feel guilty. Bumping into the cab was something he had no coherent memory of anymore, but everything after that was still vividly present in his mind. He could not forget the images of running away, the view of the police station as he slowly walked towards it, debating until the last second if he should go in or not. The memories of that night haunted him still.
If only he had not been such a fool, then maybe things would have worked out differently. If only he had been less of a fool, none of that would have happened and he wouldn’t have to live with the memories and the guilt. It was impossible for him to get over what he had done, one of the reasons why he hadn’t touched a single drop of alcohol anymore ever since the incident had happened. He was determined to make things right and better his life.
No, he was not going to make the same mistake again, and therefore, he had to make a new start. After his two years of army service, he would come back as a whole new Kim Youngwoon and a whole new Kangin. He would be the one that he was before again. And he knew that when he would return from the army, there would be fourteen pairs of open arms waiting to embrace him. For they were his family and no matter what he did, his family would always keep supporting him. That had been their promise. A family’s promise.
[FIC] What's in a name: Yesung
Title: What's in a name: Yesung
Characters: Yesung
Rating: G
Wordcount: 516
Summary: Youth is the best part of life.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Youth is the best part of life.
Every time people gave him weird looks for his behaviour, he would realise it again. Back when he was young, no one used to look at him strangely, no matter what he did. He would come home with a snail, claiming it to be the fastest snail in the world, and his mom would simply pat him on the head, ruffle his hair and tell him she was sure he would win lots of snail-crawling competitions. His mom had also laughed with him sometimes, but her laughter had never been hurtful. Except for his mother, everyone else had stopped smiling at his antics after a while and had started giving him those weird looks.
Somewhere along the way of life, he realised, youth disappeared, and when adulthood kicked in, so did the weird looks. Somehow, at a certain point in time, someone had decided him ‘too old to be acting this ridiculous,’ and from that moment on, acting ‘out of the ordinary’ had become a no-go. He had gotten used to it, but that didn’t mean he liked it. He had always wanted to be able to just be himself, but it seemed harder than expected. Not that he wasn’t himself, it was just that others didn’t always seem to accept it. He didn’t care much, really. He didn’t bother to feel offended when someone laughed at his actions once again, nor did he really give a damn when someone questioned his behaviour, but it would be nicer for everyone to just shut up and deal with it.
Unnerved about what people thought of him, he did sometimes feel guilty towards his friends and band members. What others thought of him, would also affect the general idea of the band, but every time he had tried to start a conversation about it, both his hyungs and dongsaengs had reassured him that it was no problem at all and that he should just be himself, because they liked him for who he was. It was that constant support that kept him believing in himself.
No matter what people thought of him when he once again told them about his totally uninteresting and utterly boring turtle, no matter how negative the response was, he would just smile and go on like he didn’t even notice it. He really didn’t notice it, to be more exact. They could offend him for all he cared, he would just continue being himself, because that was the most important thing in life. One shouldn’t give in to outside pressure and just stick to being normal and feeling good about it.
Growing up and leaving his youth behind had been annoying, having people expect him to behave like everyone else had been annoying, trying to get a shot at a ‘normal’ life had been annoying, but it had brought him where he was now and it had given him the opportunity to get to know the fourteen other members. For that reason only, he would gladly take any future weird look other people would throw him.
Characters: Yesung
Rating: G
Wordcount: 516
Summary: Youth is the best part of life.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Youth is the best part of life.
Every time people gave him weird looks for his behaviour, he would realise it again. Back when he was young, no one used to look at him strangely, no matter what he did. He would come home with a snail, claiming it to be the fastest snail in the world, and his mom would simply pat him on the head, ruffle his hair and tell him she was sure he would win lots of snail-crawling competitions. His mom had also laughed with him sometimes, but her laughter had never been hurtful. Except for his mother, everyone else had stopped smiling at his antics after a while and had started giving him those weird looks.
Somewhere along the way of life, he realised, youth disappeared, and when adulthood kicked in, so did the weird looks. Somehow, at a certain point in time, someone had decided him ‘too old to be acting this ridiculous,’ and from that moment on, acting ‘out of the ordinary’ had become a no-go. He had gotten used to it, but that didn’t mean he liked it. He had always wanted to be able to just be himself, but it seemed harder than expected. Not that he wasn’t himself, it was just that others didn’t always seem to accept it. He didn’t care much, really. He didn’t bother to feel offended when someone laughed at his actions once again, nor did he really give a damn when someone questioned his behaviour, but it would be nicer for everyone to just shut up and deal with it.
Unnerved about what people thought of him, he did sometimes feel guilty towards his friends and band members. What others thought of him, would also affect the general idea of the band, but every time he had tried to start a conversation about it, both his hyungs and dongsaengs had reassured him that it was no problem at all and that he should just be himself, because they liked him for who he was. It was that constant support that kept him believing in himself.
No matter what people thought of him when he once again told them about his totally uninteresting and utterly boring turtle, no matter how negative the response was, he would just smile and go on like he didn’t even notice it. He really didn’t notice it, to be more exact. They could offend him for all he cared, he would just continue being himself, because that was the most important thing in life. One shouldn’t give in to outside pressure and just stick to being normal and feeling good about it.
Growing up and leaving his youth behind had been annoying, having people expect him to behave like everyone else had been annoying, trying to get a shot at a ‘normal’ life had been annoying, but it had brought him where he was now and it had given him the opportunity to get to know the fourteen other members. For that reason only, he would gladly take any future weird look other people would throw him.
[FIC] What's in a name: Hangeng
Title: What's in a name: Hangeng
Characters: Hangeng
Rating: G
Wordcount: 502
Summary: He knew the feeling of being ‘less’ than others.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
He knew the feeling of being ‘less’ than others.
After all, he had lived through a lot of bad conditions himself. He knew what it felt like to be a nobody when you were supposed to be somebody. He knew what it was like to be completely and utterly lost, all by yourself in a foreign place where people even spoke a language you didn’t understand at all. But he had been lucky, right? There had been people who had taken his side, who had fought together with him, and he had made it through.
No one could tell him what to do anymore now. He had learned to live free, to be himself and not care about what others said or did. He was a caught bird that was finally let out into the world again. Sometimes he really wondered how his friends could still bear living the life they were living, without being crushed by all the pressure. It sure felt great for him to be able to do what he wanted to do without having a management or company boss control his every step. But there was something else as well..
Guilt.
Every time he saw them on TV, every time he read an article about them, every time his mind was flooded by memories of them, he could feel it take hold if his intestines and squeeze them until he almost physically felt pain because of it. He felt like a traitor for leaving them, and the fact that he couldn’t even call them to see if they were alright or to reassure them he was fine wasn’t really helping either. Especially not when his best friend left heartbreaking messages all over the internet.
No, he wasn’t one to shrug off the friendship he had gotten from the members and leave without a single thought about them. No matter how much he smiled when he was out in the open, no matter how much activities he did without them, they were always on his mind, somewhere in the back of his head. Especially when he stood on stage alone, he felt the absence of twelve or six others that should normally accompany him. Singing by himself was strange, yet exciting at the same time, and he didn’t know which of those two feelings should be more prominent.
Going away and leaving everyone behind had been hard, but he hadn’t been able to do anything else. Even though his character was soft, he had to push through until the end. No matter what the outcome would be, he was going to try his best to become a free man. That way, he could meet up with his dear friends again with more relaxed surroundings and they would be able to stay friends forever. That was something he certainly wasn’t going to let go of; the fourteen boys who had become something much like family to him over the years and had taken up a major place in his heart?
Characters: Hangeng
Rating: G
Wordcount: 502
Summary: He knew the feeling of being ‘less’ than others.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
He knew the feeling of being ‘less’ than others.
After all, he had lived through a lot of bad conditions himself. He knew what it felt like to be a nobody when you were supposed to be somebody. He knew what it was like to be completely and utterly lost, all by yourself in a foreign place where people even spoke a language you didn’t understand at all. But he had been lucky, right? There had been people who had taken his side, who had fought together with him, and he had made it through.
No one could tell him what to do anymore now. He had learned to live free, to be himself and not care about what others said or did. He was a caught bird that was finally let out into the world again. Sometimes he really wondered how his friends could still bear living the life they were living, without being crushed by all the pressure. It sure felt great for him to be able to do what he wanted to do without having a management or company boss control his every step. But there was something else as well..
Guilt.
Every time he saw them on TV, every time he read an article about them, every time his mind was flooded by memories of them, he could feel it take hold if his intestines and squeeze them until he almost physically felt pain because of it. He felt like a traitor for leaving them, and the fact that he couldn’t even call them to see if they were alright or to reassure them he was fine wasn’t really helping either. Especially not when his best friend left heartbreaking messages all over the internet.
No, he wasn’t one to shrug off the friendship he had gotten from the members and leave without a single thought about them. No matter how much he smiled when he was out in the open, no matter how much activities he did without them, they were always on his mind, somewhere in the back of his head. Especially when he stood on stage alone, he felt the absence of twelve or six others that should normally accompany him. Singing by himself was strange, yet exciting at the same time, and he didn’t know which of those two feelings should be more prominent.
Going away and leaving everyone behind had been hard, but he hadn’t been able to do anything else. Even though his character was soft, he had to push through until the end. No matter what the outcome would be, he was going to try his best to become a free man. That way, he could meet up with his dear friends again with more relaxed surroundings and they would be able to stay friends forever. That was something he certainly wasn’t going to let go of; the fourteen boys who had become something much like family to him over the years and had taken up a major place in his heart?
[FIC] What's in a name: Heechul
Title: What's in a name: Heechul
Characters: Heechul
Rating: G
Wordcount: 599
Summary: History was like an already turned page to him.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
History was like an already turned page to him.
E ven though he didn’t think life would turn out the way it did for him, he was happy that it had. Because by following the course his life had taken, he had been able to find out lots of surprising truths about life, about love, about work, about others and, most importantly, about himself. He had discovered that his pretty face would take him far in life, but not all the way. Never all the way. One needed skills too to make something good out of life. He had learned that the hard way.
Every so many months, he would drink too much, drop down somewhere and think about life. He then often wondered what he would do with his once the fairytale ended. Because surely his idol status would once be taken from him. He also sometimes thought back to the car accident, remembering how close he had been to losing his life back then and how frail a human life really was. Thoughts like that, however, were only allowed on those drunk nights. At other times, the past was a closed book and the present was the future to him. Complaining about past things wasn’t his cup of tea.
Complaining about present things, however, was. He liked to give his members a hard time. Mostly because they never gave him crap about it. It was funny to see how they tried to let him have a feeling of superiority, even though they all knew Youngwoon could floor him with one blow and Jungsoo could shut him up with a single word. The beauty of it all was that they didn’t. They let him play strong and arrogant, as long as he kept to the silent rule of not interfering with any of the others’ wellbeing.
Having a group of close friends like his members was something he had never deemed possible. He used to be his school number one loner. The boy who had friends but didn’t really need them. He used to be a worriless kid. But then real life had gushed down on him and he was more than happy to have had his friends around at that time. If there was anything in his life that he was truly, unbelievably grateful for, it was to have met the fourteen people that always had his back whenever things got rough.
Unlike what many people thought, he was a very emotional person. He would sometimes spend a whole day looking at the things around him and realising how precious everything was. More often than once, he would be thinking over his life and philosophizing about it. No one had ever noticed it because of his positive and carefree behaviour when other people were watching. Only those close to him would know, and whenever his emotions took the upper hand, they were there to make him feel better again.
Living a life the way he did was risky, but all the more fun, even if he said so himself. There was no way he would change the course of his life even if he had the chance to. Because no matter how hard it could be and how annoyed he could get by all the dongsaengs, he loved them all in his own hard-voiced way and showed it by the way he would laugh at their stupid jokes and the way his eyes would sparkle when he pulled another prank on them. He also knew that without them, he wouldn’t even be half of what he was today.
Characters: Heechul
Rating: G
Wordcount: 599
Summary: History was like an already turned page to him.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
History was like an already turned page to him.
E ven though he didn’t think life would turn out the way it did for him, he was happy that it had. Because by following the course his life had taken, he had been able to find out lots of surprising truths about life, about love, about work, about others and, most importantly, about himself. He had discovered that his pretty face would take him far in life, but not all the way. Never all the way. One needed skills too to make something good out of life. He had learned that the hard way.
Every so many months, he would drink too much, drop down somewhere and think about life. He then often wondered what he would do with his once the fairytale ended. Because surely his idol status would once be taken from him. He also sometimes thought back to the car accident, remembering how close he had been to losing his life back then and how frail a human life really was. Thoughts like that, however, were only allowed on those drunk nights. At other times, the past was a closed book and the present was the future to him. Complaining about past things wasn’t his cup of tea.
Complaining about present things, however, was. He liked to give his members a hard time. Mostly because they never gave him crap about it. It was funny to see how they tried to let him have a feeling of superiority, even though they all knew Youngwoon could floor him with one blow and Jungsoo could shut him up with a single word. The beauty of it all was that they didn’t. They let him play strong and arrogant, as long as he kept to the silent rule of not interfering with any of the others’ wellbeing.
Having a group of close friends like his members was something he had never deemed possible. He used to be his school number one loner. The boy who had friends but didn’t really need them. He used to be a worriless kid. But then real life had gushed down on him and he was more than happy to have had his friends around at that time. If there was anything in his life that he was truly, unbelievably grateful for, it was to have met the fourteen people that always had his back whenever things got rough.
Unlike what many people thought, he was a very emotional person. He would sometimes spend a whole day looking at the things around him and realising how precious everything was. More often than once, he would be thinking over his life and philosophizing about it. No one had ever noticed it because of his positive and carefree behaviour when other people were watching. Only those close to him would know, and whenever his emotions took the upper hand, they were there to make him feel better again.
Living a life the way he did was risky, but all the more fun, even if he said so himself. There was no way he would change the course of his life even if he had the chance to. Because no matter how hard it could be and how annoyed he could get by all the dongsaengs, he loved them all in his own hard-voiced way and showed it by the way he would laugh at their stupid jokes and the way his eyes would sparkle when he pulled another prank on them. He also knew that without them, he wouldn’t even be half of what he was today.
[FIC] What's in a name: Leeteuk
Title: What's in a name: Leeteuk
Characters: Leeteuk
Rating: G
Wordcount: 529
Summary: Life was always the same.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Life was always the same.
Every time he came back from practice, he would go out to train his body and find all kinds of stuff to do until the next point on the schedule came up. In the evening he would host Sukira and get back to practicing. Then, in the early hours of the day, he would drop down on the bed like a half dead person, but sleep would not take him until after he conversed with fans on the internet for another hour.
Even after that, it often did happen that he still would not find sleep. When worries, doubts and useless thoughts took over his mind, he would often be staring at his ceiling for hours longer after closing down his computer and putting aside his phone. It even happened that he didn’t sleep at all in certain nights. The day after such nights, he would be like a zombie throughout every practice, but still he would try to give it his very best. Because he couldn’t give any less than that. No matter what the cost.
There were times when the bags under his eyes were so prominent that even make-up couldn’t hide them. Other times when the fog clouding his minds was so thick he couldn’t even remember what he had done or said less than a minute ago. But the most worrying times were those when he just wanted to give up and leave the world behind. He hated those moments. They made him weak, they made him vulnerable, they made him want to cry even though he couldn’t.
Endless days and nights of work would wear him down completely, but there was one thing that kept him going; the knowledge that others depended on him. When he didn’t do what he was supposed to do, the other members would fail as well. He had a responsibility towards his friends, his dongsaengs. He was the one who was supposed to keep them all going, showing them what great things they could reach when they all stuck together. He had to be the tough one, the one that never showed any sign of wanting to give up. So he took a deep breath and kept going.
Unlike he would have done in his younger years, he never gave up. He never lay down his head and stopped fighting. Taking care of the twelve others for so long had given him a new vision on life. It had made him stronger, made him realise that giving up wasn’t always the best thing to do. Sometimes one had to fight to reach one’s goal, to get people to follow you. He had learned that when the two Chinese members had joined the family. Together, they had stood strong against the crowd and had overcome most of the negative responses.
Knowing there were people beside him, that’s what made him go on. Knowing that, if he should ever fail, there would be at least fourteen pairs of shoulders to cry on, fourteen pairs of arms to hug him, fourteen backs to carry him, fourteen voices to comfort him.. And that’s what made him keep going.
Characters: Leeteuk
Rating: G
Wordcount: 529
Summary: Life was always the same.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Life was always the same.
Every time he came back from practice, he would go out to train his body and find all kinds of stuff to do until the next point on the schedule came up. In the evening he would host Sukira and get back to practicing. Then, in the early hours of the day, he would drop down on the bed like a half dead person, but sleep would not take him until after he conversed with fans on the internet for another hour.
Even after that, it often did happen that he still would not find sleep. When worries, doubts and useless thoughts took over his mind, he would often be staring at his ceiling for hours longer after closing down his computer and putting aside his phone. It even happened that he didn’t sleep at all in certain nights. The day after such nights, he would be like a zombie throughout every practice, but still he would try to give it his very best. Because he couldn’t give any less than that. No matter what the cost.
There were times when the bags under his eyes were so prominent that even make-up couldn’t hide them. Other times when the fog clouding his minds was so thick he couldn’t even remember what he had done or said less than a minute ago. But the most worrying times were those when he just wanted to give up and leave the world behind. He hated those moments. They made him weak, they made him vulnerable, they made him want to cry even though he couldn’t.
Endless days and nights of work would wear him down completely, but there was one thing that kept him going; the knowledge that others depended on him. When he didn’t do what he was supposed to do, the other members would fail as well. He had a responsibility towards his friends, his dongsaengs. He was the one who was supposed to keep them all going, showing them what great things they could reach when they all stuck together. He had to be the tough one, the one that never showed any sign of wanting to give up. So he took a deep breath and kept going.
Unlike he would have done in his younger years, he never gave up. He never lay down his head and stopped fighting. Taking care of the twelve others for so long had given him a new vision on life. It had made him stronger, made him realise that giving up wasn’t always the best thing to do. Sometimes one had to fight to reach one’s goal, to get people to follow you. He had learned that when the two Chinese members had joined the family. Together, they had stood strong against the crowd and had overcome most of the negative responses.
Knowing there were people beside him, that’s what made him go on. Knowing that, if he should ever fail, there would be at least fourteen pairs of shoulders to cry on, fourteen pairs of arms to hug him, fourteen backs to carry him, fourteen voices to comfort him.. And that’s what made him keep going.
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