Title: He doesn't know
Characters: Zhou Mi, Donghae
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 977
Summary: Zhou Mi just doesn’t know why it hurts this much.
A/N: A little roleplay-inspired piece of writing based on the current state of mind of my dearly beloved Mimi that I wrote because he needs to face what bad of a shape he's really in.
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He doesn’t know what went wrong, or when it started to go wrong. He doesn’t know how he could’ve foreseen this somehow, or how he could’ve maybe stopped it from happening. He doesn’t know why or how or when. All he knows is that one morning he woke up and he had known – somehow – that something was wrong. The empty closets proved him right. Emptiness where there used to be clothes, shoes, personal belongings. Donghae had disappeared from his life exactly the way he had appeared into it: suddenly. But he doesn’t really know anymore how to function properly without him now.
Before he had been alone; living by himself in an apartment in London, doing what he had to do to get through the day. He’d been fine with that. It wasn’t a perfect life but it was just fine for him. He didn’t need all the stuff in his life that other people loved to fill theirs with. He had a few friends to meet up with once in a while but not those you’d talk to about everything going on. Just friends, people to have fun with, shop with when he felt like it and just some faces to look at or voices to listen to when he felt a need for it.
And then Donghae appeared, randomly walking up to him, introducing himself and asking him if he wanted to go for a walk. Definitely the most open way he’d ever been spoken to and the least used ice breaker ever. But he said yes, smiled and laughed with the boy, talked about random things. They reached his apartment building after a while and for some reason he managed to convince Donghae to piggyback him up to the seventh floor.
It must have been quite the sight. Donghae was almost two heads smaller than him after all. He’d have done it the other way around but one had to be realistic; he hardly made it up those stairs alive with his shopping bags, let alone carrying another person. Donghae made it easily, however. They reached his apartment door, where Donghae had put him down and he had invited the other in. For a drink, he said. They ended up sitting on the couch talking with no drink whatsoever, about nothing much in particular. But Donghae smelled nice and he somehow couldn’t stop thinking about that even when they started kissing.
Donghae had gone home that night, but it had been the last time. He moved into Zhou Mi’s life and apartment all at once, settling himself between the dinner appointments into the couch. It was very easy to adapt to the other’s presence in his life. Even though they slept in one bed, they never had really gone past kissing, his insecurities being the main reason for that. But it had not been a problem. They strangely seemed to fit together even though their personalities were far from matching.
It was Donghae who was the first person to get him drunk – one glass sufficed for that – and Donghae who he had been feeling up in the middle of the bar. Donghae whom he had fallen against drunkenly in the taxi, and Donghae whom he’d given sloppy kisses all the way while being carried upstairs. It was Donghae he ended up undressing that night – and who undressed him – and Donghae who’d been his first on everything that happened after that. Even for the kissing, really, but he’d rather not confess to that.
It was Donghae he came home to every evening, Donghae he smelled on his blankets, Donghae he made dinner for, Donghae who promised him forever, loved him, indulged him.. It was Donghae who found him in a hospital back home in China even though no one had known to contact him after the car accident and Donghae who brought him back to their apartment safely afterwards. It was Donghae he bought a hyperactive puppy for which they called Bit and Donghae who breathed against his skin every night in the cosy warmth of his bed. It was a good life.
But things got busier and Donghae had to leave for several days here and there for work. Surprisingly it worked for Zhou Mi. He managed to cope just fine even though he’s actually a clingy person and very impossible with people leaving him. He went out with some of his friends, focused a little more on his work and Donghae always ended up returning before he could miss him. Even when the trips became longer and more often, he was fine with it. He was fine with his life, cherishing the weekends he could spend with Donghae and easily dealing with the time he couldn’t.
They were fine, they were used to that way of living and despite time passing, they still felt the same way. He was certain of that, is still certain of that, so he really doesn’t get why all of a sudden the closets are empty, Bit is gone and all the memories are left with him alone. It’s like Donghae has never existed and he’s the only one with the strange idea that once there really was a person living with him, sleeping with him, loving him.
But he’s convinced that there’s a good explanation for that, that Donghae just had to go somewhere and will come back soon with proper explanation. Or without, that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that Donghae will come back because he promised he would never leave and that’s a promise he won’t ever break. And Donghae loves him so it will all be fine. Zhou Mi just doesn’t know why it hurts this much then. He doesn’t know why he’s getting drunk daily, or why the memories of Donghae and him seem to be laughing him straight in the face.
