[FIC] What's in a name: Sungmin

Title: What's in a name: Sungmin
Characters: Sungmin
Rating: G
Wordcount: 527
Summary: Strength is found on the inside, right next to Love and Confidence.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.

- - - - -

Strength is found on the inside, right next to Love and Confidence.

Unlike most people, however, he had no idea where to find it. No matter how long he searched for it, no matter how hard he trained, he had never been able to find it. Sure, he could swing some nunchucks around, twirl a stick through the air or maybe kick some balloons to burst.. Sure, he could throw someone over his shoulder, kick someone to a certain death or give someone a severe beating, but that did not lead him to feeling strong and assured.. Those things only made him feel all the more like a stupid little rabbit, trying to look stronger by showing of its completely useless front teeth.

No, he didn’t feel strong at all.

Given the fact that he could beat Youngwoon in a fight, not feeling strong was a bit silly, really, but it still was the truth. Whenever he tried to do something more, develop some unique skills of his own, there would be a little voice inside of his head, telling him to give up. It would be nagging at him to quit, because ‘What was he thinking? He couldn’t make it anyway.’ He would not listen to the discouraging words, however, and would just continue practicing until his body was worn out and exhausted. Yet the voice would still be there, pestering him about his lacking abilities. Always telling him that he just wasn’t good enough. It made him feel insecure.

Moreover, it made him feel like he was never good enough.

Inside his head, the rational part of him told him that he was doing fine, that he was better than most, but the emotional, insecure and biggest part of him would contradict that. With very lame excuses, actually, but he still believed those the most. It was seemingly easier to believe that he was worth nothing than to go around feeling like he owned the whole world. It also was definitely easier to tell people that he didn’t know that much than to brag about having so many talents. Because how arrogant would that sound? And yes, he sometimes was even shocked himself when he realised how convincing all that nonsense could be, yet he still believed it..and it was killing him.

Not even seeing the fans tell him how awesome he was could make him accept the truth, that he had a talent. It was basically so that only the love of his friends, only those fourteen crazy guys, could bring out his rational self and make him smile again. He never tried to be strong when with them, but somehow he always seemed to find the strength to go on and believe at such times. They gave him a reason to be free, with their lame jokes, silly laughter and crazy competitions. Every time he looked at one of them, he would smile and know again how great of a person he was. When with them, he would find Strength, close beside Confidence and Love, just a tad bit lower than Arrogance. Yes, they made him realise that he was worth something too.