Title: That Gay Thing
Characters: Hyukjae, Donghae, Yesung, Sungmin, OC
Rating: PG-13
Chaptercount: 1/?
Summary: Playing the part of the struggling possibly-gay in their last year's school play, Hyukjae loses himself in the role and falls in love with another guy. He tells himself he's not gay, that he's just overdoing the getting-in-role thing, but for some reason it's not as convincing as he would like it to be.
A/N: An idea that came to me a while back. It's a plotline I want to write because it is a current day thing and I'd love to take on a more difficult topic for once. My updates may come very slow, but I'm determined to bring this story to a good end. I hope that with my view on these things and feelings I will not insult anyone. I have no idea how it feels for people who go through this (I'm also not a guy), but I'm trying to picture it the best I can~ ^-^
- - - - -
“Alright guys, listen up.” When Miss Park says those words, the rowdy bunch that are my classmates calms down and we all turn to the front of the classroom. It’s strange to be here again, sitting at these tables with all nine of my classmates, waiting for the teacher to tell us what this year’s going to be all about.
I assume it’s going to be different this year, however, since it’s my last year of university. At the end of this year I’ll hopefully graduate with a diploma in hand, successfully having gotten my major in acting. That’s probably what everyone else in this room wishes for as well. I for one know at least two other people who do. I turn to look at Donghae on my right, but before I can mutter anything to him, Miss Park continues talking.
“So… Welcome back everyone.” She smiles at us and lets her eyes wander over all the students present. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her smile but it’s still the same. “I’ll get straight to the point as to not waste this hour we have today. This year you guys will be doing all the work.” The words confuse me but I don’t have to wait for a decent explanation for too long because she soon continues talking.
“You have only one thing to do this school year. All of you are going to work together to write, direct and perform a play. There’s ten of you which will probably cover the main roles and the most important side roles. If you need more people, I’ll pick out some of the second years to help out and you can use the first years as stage fillers as well. You start now and will have to perform your play a week before graduation.” Once again Miss Park looks at all of us. “Any questions?”
I’m stunned into silence for a moment and I’m pretty sure everyone else is too, but then some hands rise and questions are starting to get asked. “What kind of play does it have to be? It’s not a musical, right,” someone asks, but I’m not quite sure who.
“Any kind you’d like. But you’re going to have to decorate the stage yourself, so I suggest you don’t make it too fictional.” It’s obvious that Miss Park is amused by the situation she has put us in, which shows from the way she’s eyeing us all with that happy smile. “I’ll be around to help you out as well, of course, but this has to come from all of you mainly. You’ll be graded on cooperation, dedication and your eventual acting. So I suggest you start with finding a plotline.”
She turns away after those words, busying herself with some papers on her desk and after a moment’s hesitation we’re all huddled together discussing possible plotlines and some of my classmates’ big ideas. There’s only so much inspiration we have in one hour of class, however, so the idea we settle for in the end is somewhat lame, or at least it is in my opinion: a love story, the famous guy in school with the unpopular, ugly girl.
We’ve voted for the main roles already. Donghae will take the lead because he’s amazing and Chaerim volunteered to play the main girl. It’s a role none of the other girls want to take because she’ll have to start out by changing pretty much everything about her appearance to be able to ‘become’ pretty throughout the play. The idea of wearing fake braces surprisingly doesn’t appeal to many people.
“Hyukkie!” Donghae punches my shoulder as we leave the classroom and I pretend to be hurt as I turn to look at him. “Why didn’t you volunteer for the main role?” Donghae asks as if I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life not doing so. I chuckle and roll my eyes.
“Because you would have won anyway.” My words immediately make Donghae open his mouth to protest but I stop him with a slight raise of my hand. “Don’t protest. Let’s just face it that you’re the better actor out of the two of us. You know, more life experience and all that jazz. We learned about that in our second year.” Throughout my words Donghae’s expression becomes more sour and I know I’ve won the discussion. “So anyway, you playing against Chaerim, huh? I guess you already look forward to the kiss?”
It takes only a second for my best friend to punch my shoulder yet again, giving me a glare for giving away his secret so easily. It’s not like I’m very impressed by this show of his prudence but I give him an apologetic look anyway because I know Donghae thinks no one knows yet. He’s wrong in thinking that, of course, his crush is as obvious as... well, probably as obvious as sunshine on a rainy day. I don’t even know what kind of comparison that’s supposed to be but it sounds alright.
“I do, though,” Donghae admits after a while and I grin. It’s true and we both know it, he just likes to make a big deal out of denying and hiding it before admitting the truth. “I guess I look forward to it, just hoping she doesn’t look like a nerd anymore by then, that’s going to be somewhat awkward I guess?”
“Hey, don’t judge a book by its cover, Donghae!” I turn to see who has joined our conversation and smile upon spotting Eunyoung catching up with us. She’s one of our other close friends in class, someone we’ve known since the very first year in this university. I’m not quite sure but I think she might have a crush on Donghae, although that’s never been proven. Yet the way she constantly gravitates towards him makes it all the more plausible.
Donghae laughs as she throws her arm around his neck and ruffles her fist through his hair. They’re soon wrestling their way towards the exit of the building as I just follow along, smiling over their bickering. It’s the two of them that I assume will probably end up together one day, not Donghae and Chaerim, as much as he wishes for that to happen. Eunyoung matches with my friend in ways that go beyond love so I hope he’ll choose her and certainly doesn’t hurt her.
There’s not much we can do for the play at home so when Donghae offers to go out that evening I agree wholeheartedly, amused at the way he immediately calls up a few other friends. There’s some from the same course as them and then a few from high school who are now studying plenty of different things. He always calls up everyone but usually only three or four of them have time to make it over.
It’s the same this evening and we end up going out with Ryeowook, Siwon - who brings his girlfriend Minah - and Sungmin. Eunyoung goes along as well but as always she’ll have to leave by ten. Her parents don’t want her out that late for reasons unknown and she always complains about it. So far I’ve refrained from telling her that it’s for the best because after ten Donghae usually starts dancing with everything that has boobs and moves along with him.
The evening is nice, despite the fact that I don’t really know Sungmin nor Ryeowook that well while they’re the two who stay behind at the table with me when the others go to dance. We exchange some random small talk but it’s nothing interesting and I end up moving over to the dance floor as well in order to avoid more awkwardness. Since we have class still the next day, we all go home by midnight and I drop down on my bed with a content sigh.
It takes a while to fall asleep but once I do, my alarm clock wakes me after what seems like mere seconds. I’m surprisingly awake and it takes less long than usual for me to put on some clothes and set for class. When I enter, everyone’s already there aside from Miss Park. I settle on my usual seat next to Donghae and after a short good morning settle for watching him bicker with Eunyoung.
It doesn’t take long for our teacher to enter the classroom but we know she usually takes another minute or two before being ready so the buzzing of conversations doesn’t cease. I let my eyes wander over these people that I got to know so well over the past few years, smiling lightly at recalling some of the memories I share with them. It’s nice to be back in school, I conclude after a while, nice to be working together with them again.
“Miss Park, I would like to suggest something...” Everyone falls silent when Hwayoung suddenly speaks up. It’s not often that she raises her voice but when she does it’s usually interesting. I have a certain feeling of apprehension towards it today because suggestions usually also mean change and I’m fine with things being the way they are now.
“What would you like to suggest, Hwayoung? Anything you’d like to change?” Miss Park replies with a smile and a sigh escapes me. Here we go already.. Donghae nudges my side lightly, giving me a look that politely tells me to shut the heck up about it even though I’m not saying a word. I roll my eyes at him but try to keep my annoyance at bay.
“Actually I have a different plot to suggest. Perhaps we could write a play about a guy or a girl who falls in love with someone of the same gender. We could try to portray the inner struggle and how society’s going to bring those feelings down. I think it might open some people’s eyes towards this subject and perhaps some of the youngsters dealing with the same problems can feel inspired or find courage.”
I have to agree that the idea is noble if anything. The way she talks about it gives off the impression like she has been there herself but I find it better not to ask anything. Miss Park doesn’t seem to have the same reserve though. “That’s an interesting idea, Hwayoung, how did you come up with that,” she asks and I find myself wondering about the same thing.
“My brother moved to America two years ago together with his boyfriend because they weren’t accepted into the society here.” Hwayoung seems slightly hesitant to admit that fact but still continues anyway and a quick glance around the classroom tells me everyone’s paying attention to her now. “I’ve seen the things he’s been through and I wouldn’t want anyone to have to suffer like that. Not because of something as good as love.”
She smiles lightly but there’s a lot more in her eyes than that. I’m surprised exactly how much more there is and all of a sudden I find myself wanting to use this new plotline, just so I can get that girl to feel better and to help her spread this story to the other people.
“Well, it’s definitely a story I’d support,” Miss Park breaks through my reveries, smiling at Hwayoung still. “You want to take the main role?” As they probably all expect by then, Hwayoung quickly shakes her head. Our teacher’s eyes then move over to Donghae, going to Chaerim after that. “Either of you feel up for this role?”
Chaerim immediately shakes her head. “I’m sorry, miss, but I’d feel too awkward trying to pretend to be in love with one of my friends. Faking a crush is my weak spot,” she explains herself. I feel my eyes going to Donghae automatically after those words. He’s frowning, seemingly thinking it over, but I see the start of rejection forming in his mind.
“Donghae?” Miss Park asks next and now I’m no longer the only one looking at him. “You have to find someone to act opposite of you as well, though.” That seems to stump him even more because even though he doesn’t wordily reject the part, Miss Park already turns to Hwayoung with a regretful expression.
“I’ll do it.”
It takes a moment for everyone to realise who spoke, but then they’re all looking at me. “If Donghae plays the second main. And I refuse to kiss a guy. If you really want a kiss in it, you’ll have to hide our faces behind something or darken the stage before anything happened, otherwise it’s going to be one big, awkward mess.” I try not to mind too much that everyone’s staring, hiding my face slightly and especially NOT looking at Donghae nor Hwayoung.
“Donghae?” Miss Park asks again and I wait with bathed breath for his reaction. It’s silent for but a moment yet that short amount of time feels like a whole year to me.
“Alright,” Donghae agrees then and I can hear the smile in his words. “Hyuk and I will take the main roles.”
Two weeks later we have a pretty solid idea and a script that solely needs to have dialogues made and details added. Gongjae turned out to be one of a kind at coming up with plots and Hwayoung – being the one to come up with the main idea – has helped him out. The idea is simple, they say, but Donghae and I are the ones who have to fill in the dialogue as we go.
“Get into character,” Miss Park told us when we asked her about it. “When you two get into character you make up your own lines all the time anyway.”
It’s true, we often had times when we were acting and got into it so much that we just let our characters have their say. I am always convinced that Donghae is the one starting the adlibs, but he always says he just follows along with me. Miss Park concluded that we are both good at getting into character and becoming the person we’re acting out.
I still remember the one time that happened when Donghae was acting as a female character due to a lack of girls and he was PMS-ing for a good week afterwards.
What comes next is the creation of our decor. The story will mainly happen inside the main person’s school, but we also need a café where he’ll be meeting his soon-to-be-crush for the first time, the house where he’ll tell his parents and the dark alley he’ll get beat up in.
There’s many things we need to create for this play but Donghae and I have to practice the most so we got the other’s approval to work on the other things a little less. We need to create the dialogues after all, which is not as easy of a job as they all make it to be. So while everyone else is discussing the main school decor, we’re sitting at the back with my laptop in between us in order to come up with our first meeting.
“Alright. Let’s see. So we meet in a café where I am because..?” I start, opening the document with the script to scroll through to the right moment. “Main guy is invited by friends to an evening out where he meets other main. He is immediately intrigued by the other boy and as they develop a friendship, his feelings evolve..”
I look up at Donghae after that, raising my eyebrows a little and licking my lips suggestively as I scoot over towards him. “Hello there, gorgeous. What be your name?” I ask him in what’s supposedly a seductive way. For a moment he’s staring at me weirdly while I’m trying to keep a straight face, but then we’re both laughing and he shoves my arms away from him.
“This is going to be a long road,” he says with a small smile. “You do realise that at the end they’re going to be having actually mushy scenes, right?” I need a moment to grasp those words, but then I’m scrolling through the document towards the ending. “They end up together?” I squeak somewhat panicked, coming to the scene where the main character has the other main confessing to him. He doesn’t have any reply yet, though, but my hopeful glance at Donghae brings no solace. He looks pensive yet somehow certain of himself.
“They don’t have a set ending yet, Hyuk. Have you even read through the script at all last night? But well, it’s going to depend on how we make our characters come to life. Our dialogues are going to make or break their relationship, I guess.” He smiles at me amusedly for a moment and I know I won’t like what will come next. “You know how much I love happy endings, so pucker up big boy!” I make a disgusted sound at his kissy face and quickly push it away from me.
“Gross, Hae, very gross. If I’m ever going to kiss a man, it’s definitely not going to be you.” I make a face at him before turning back to the computer. “Alright, back to business. First scene, we’re in a bar, who starts the conversation.” Looking up at Donghae, I find him looking at me and it’s obvious that we both already know the answer.
“I would,” he says. “You’d be too much of an awkward stick.” I’d contradict that but our own first meeting proves otherwise. We met in a DVD store, he struck the conversation and I awkwardly answered him as best as possible. But then again, he thought I was a store worker because of the colour of my shirt while I was actually only finding some movies for my own. I like to think it was my good taste in movies that became the base for our friendship.
“You would,” I agree with him for that, and from there on we start to make our dialogues It’s a few hours well spent, while the others sketch and create the first ideas for the decor. Eunyoung is the one to come between us when our time’s up. She has to wave a hand in front of the computer screen to catch our attention and when we look up, everyone else is gone already.
“Class is over for today. We have to find the things we need as cheap as possible,” she explains to us and I nod in understanding while typing up the last part of the sentence we’re working on. Only then do I save the document and look up again.
Donghae is checking his phone to see whether he can get a ride home from his brother. Meanwhile Eunyoung is eyeing him longingly. I can’t help but chuckle and give her a subtle wink as she turns to look at me. She rolls her eyes but doesn’t comment – and how can she with Donghae sitting but inches away. I turn to him once more and hum something as I nudge his arm in hopes of getting his attention. He only looks up when he finishes his texting.
“Mind if I stay at yours tonight, Hyuk? We can work on the dialogues some more if you want?” The question isn’t rare, but it is unexpected as he doesn’t look very troubled today. It happens more often that Donghae stays over at my place for a night. The excuse is that he has to travel a long way to get home, reality is that his mother had another fight with her boyfriend of the week or that she had another nervous breakdown.
I don’t ask for the actual reason anymore. We long have gotten him an extra bed and my parents treat him like he is their actual son. “Sure, Hae,” is therefore what I reply easily. The smile on his face is immediate as he beams his happiness and relief at us.
“Thanks, dude. I did agree to meet with Donghwa first though, so I’ll meet you in an hour or two? Or do you want to come along?” He looks at Eunyoung for a moment and I look up at her as well at that. She’s trying not to look too obvious while shooting me hopeful glances. I smile apologetically as I focus on Donghae again.
“Sorry, promised to take Eunyoung out for pizza. It’s been ages since we had any. I’m sure you have enough to discuss with your brother.” The excuse is waterproof. Eunyoung and I never agreed on eating pizza but whenever she wants to talk to me, that’s exactly what we do and her relieved expression shows I understood her distress well.
“Ah, yes, alright. I’ll see you tonight then?” Donghae seems to be oblivious to our silent exchange, making it all the easier for me to keep up the pretences.
“Yeah, If I’m not back yet when you arrive you can just wait for me inside. I’m sure umma will provide you with anything you need.” He hums in understanding as he gets up. With a small nod at Eunyoung and me and a short wish of “I hope the pizza is good” he then leaves the classroom. Eunyoung and I look at the empty doorway a moment longer before eyeing each other.
“Poor him,” Eunyoung hums, making me smile with some regret. “I hope his mother will realise soon that she doesn’t need those other guys to be able to live. Donghae’s studies are all paid for by now and with the money Donghwa’s making they’re able to live just fine.”
I shrug slightly in reply. “She’s too proud to agree to take her son’s money to live on. But what are you admiring Donghwa so much for lately? Have you changed your allegiance to him instead of poor, unknowing Hae?” She throws her scarf at my head and I laugh as I pick it up from the table. “Thanks dear, it’s getting colder indeed and I needed one of those,” I tell her as I pack it away in my bag before looking up. “So what kind of pizza do you want?”
She manages her angry glare only a moment longer before she’s grinning at me and I don’t need long to grin back.
Showing posts with label eunhyuk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eunhyuk. Show all posts
Tuesday, 10 January 2012
Monday, 19 December 2011
[FIC] That Gay Thing
Title: That Gay Thing
Characters: Hyukjae, Donghae, Yesung, Sungmin, OC
Rating: PG-13
Chaptercount: Prologue
Summary: Playing the part of the struggling possibly-gay in their last year's school play, Hyukjae loses himself in the role and falls in love with another guy. He tells himself he's not gay, that he's just overdoing the getting-in-role thing, but for some reason it's not as convincing as he would like it to be.
A/N: An idea that came to me a while back. It's a plotline I want to write because it is a current day thing and I'd love to take on a more difficult topic for once. My updates may come very slow, but I'm determined to bring this story to a good end. I hope that with my view on these things and feelings I will not insult anyone. I have no idea how it feels for people who go through this (I'm also not a guy), but I'm trying to picture it the best I can~ ^-^
- - - - -
"But you LOVE me," Donghae shouts and for a moment the other boy looks so scared his expression of total disbelief fades a bit.
"No I don't," he then regains himself as he speaks with a grim edge to his voice, almost back in control over himself. "I don't know why you'd think that." He puts his hands on his hips and eyes the young man opposite of him who looks like he's going to burst into tears any moment now. Where it was Donghae who looked sure of himself at first, it is now the other young man who seems to be in control of the situation.
"What do you mean, Kibum? You said so yourself!" Donghae seems somewhat desperate by now but it is obvious the other is not affected by those words. "You kissed me!"
The silence is deafening for a few moments and then the other says the one thing he probably knows will break his friend. "No I did not. I'm straight and it is high time for you to accept that."
Characters: Hyukjae, Donghae, Yesung, Sungmin, OC
Rating: PG-13
Chaptercount: Prologue
Summary: Playing the part of the struggling possibly-gay in their last year's school play, Hyukjae loses himself in the role and falls in love with another guy. He tells himself he's not gay, that he's just overdoing the getting-in-role thing, but for some reason it's not as convincing as he would like it to be.
A/N: An idea that came to me a while back. It's a plotline I want to write because it is a current day thing and I'd love to take on a more difficult topic for once. My updates may come very slow, but I'm determined to bring this story to a good end. I hope that with my view on these things and feelings I will not insult anyone. I have no idea how it feels for people who go through this (I'm also not a guy), but I'm trying to picture it the best I can~ ^-^
- - - - -
"But you LOVE me," Donghae shouts and for a moment the other boy looks so scared his expression of total disbelief fades a bit.
"No I don't," he then regains himself as he speaks with a grim edge to his voice, almost back in control over himself. "I don't know why you'd think that." He puts his hands on his hips and eyes the young man opposite of him who looks like he's going to burst into tears any moment now. Where it was Donghae who looked sure of himself at first, it is now the other young man who seems to be in control of the situation.
"What do you mean, Kibum? You said so yourself!" Donghae seems somewhat desperate by now but it is obvious the other is not affected by those words. "You kissed me!"
The silence is deafening for a few moments and then the other says the one thing he probably knows will break his friend. "No I did not. I'm straight and it is high time for you to accept that."
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
[FIC] What's in a name: Eunhyuk
Title: What's in a name: Eunhyuk
Characters: Eunhyuk
Rating: G
Wordcount: 581
Summary: Endings always mean the start of a new beginning.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Endings always mean the start of a new beginning.
Unlike most people, he knew this was true. He had seen it happen a lot, in times where his life had taken strange twists and turns. In times where he knew nothing but the aching truth of the words he believed in so deeply. Because the words also meant that when something new started, something else had to end. It was sometimes so normal when he thought about it, at other times it was too painful to imagine and he wouldn’t know how to deal with the idea.
Not many had the same opportunities in life like he had gotten. Not many knew the same chances, luck and success that he had known. He would often think about it in bed, right before sleeping. In those few seconds between his head touching the pillow and him falling asleep, he would realise that, even though it could be hard work, he had gotten very lucky being able to actually be an artist. He considered himself lucky to have been able to develop his talents and he would never be able to imagine his life differently.
He would sometimes, after long schedules, wonder if he had chosen the right thing, if he had made the right decision. Because sometimes he would regret the choices he had made and wonder if things might have been better if he had just remained the calm little boy that no one knew, who had some really good dance moves, but that was about it. Sometimes he wondered if the start of his trainee life had ended something that would have otherwise been so much better than the things he had now.
Yet he also knew that the things he had gained probably were so much more completing than the things he might possibly have gotten when life had turned out differently could ever be. He was one to take life with a grain of salt, not caring about what others thought and just going at his own pace. He didn’t just take what was given, but refused what he didn’t want and fought to gain more when needed. He made his own starts and chose to end things himself.
Underneath the outer layer of self-assurance and coldblooded fighting for his own goals, however, he often also had a more emotional side. He needed the feeling of camaraderie a lot and would do anything for his friends. He didn’t care about his fame, opportunities or money. When something was on with his friends, he would protect them until his last breath, making sure that they were alright before giving his own needs attention again. That was also the reason that he felt so emotionally tied to his fellow members.
Keeping them safe, keeping the fourteen of them close, was something that he would always try his best for. He had a never ending loyalty towards their group and he would gladly suffer if it meant keeping them together. Letting go of Kibum, Kangin and Hangeng had been hard, even though they still remained part of his group of friends, and he would do anything to keep them from harm, even though they were so far away. If anything, he wished he could bring them back and keep everyone happy. But he couldn’t. All he could do was hope that his fourteen friends, his second family, would never know an ending. So he fought for them with all he had.
Characters: Eunhyuk
Rating: G
Wordcount: 581
Summary: Endings always mean the start of a new beginning.
A/N: I wrote the first drabble (which was Leeteuk's) on the 8th of May and since then have gradually written the others as well. It is one drabble a member. There are no plotlines, this is basically my positive fangirl view on what goes on in their minds I guess, and I just really enjoyed writing these out, although it sometimes was a major battle.
- - - - -
Endings always mean the start of a new beginning.
Unlike most people, he knew this was true. He had seen it happen a lot, in times where his life had taken strange twists and turns. In times where he knew nothing but the aching truth of the words he believed in so deeply. Because the words also meant that when something new started, something else had to end. It was sometimes so normal when he thought about it, at other times it was too painful to imagine and he wouldn’t know how to deal with the idea.
Not many had the same opportunities in life like he had gotten. Not many knew the same chances, luck and success that he had known. He would often think about it in bed, right before sleeping. In those few seconds between his head touching the pillow and him falling asleep, he would realise that, even though it could be hard work, he had gotten very lucky being able to actually be an artist. He considered himself lucky to have been able to develop his talents and he would never be able to imagine his life differently.
He would sometimes, after long schedules, wonder if he had chosen the right thing, if he had made the right decision. Because sometimes he would regret the choices he had made and wonder if things might have been better if he had just remained the calm little boy that no one knew, who had some really good dance moves, but that was about it. Sometimes he wondered if the start of his trainee life had ended something that would have otherwise been so much better than the things he had now.
Yet he also knew that the things he had gained probably were so much more completing than the things he might possibly have gotten when life had turned out differently could ever be. He was one to take life with a grain of salt, not caring about what others thought and just going at his own pace. He didn’t just take what was given, but refused what he didn’t want and fought to gain more when needed. He made his own starts and chose to end things himself.
Underneath the outer layer of self-assurance and coldblooded fighting for his own goals, however, he often also had a more emotional side. He needed the feeling of camaraderie a lot and would do anything for his friends. He didn’t care about his fame, opportunities or money. When something was on with his friends, he would protect them until his last breath, making sure that they were alright before giving his own needs attention again. That was also the reason that he felt so emotionally tied to his fellow members.
Keeping them safe, keeping the fourteen of them close, was something that he would always try his best for. He had a never ending loyalty towards their group and he would gladly suffer if it meant keeping them together. Letting go of Kibum, Kangin and Hangeng had been hard, even though they still remained part of his group of friends, and he would do anything to keep them from harm, even though they were so far away. If anything, he wished he could bring them back and keep everyone happy. But he couldn’t. All he could do was hope that his fourteen friends, his second family, would never know an ending. So he fought for them with all he had.
[FIC] Turning back from walking away
Title: Turning back from walking away
Characters: Hyukjae, Donghae
Rating: G
Wordcount: 3.011
Summary: There's no point to living without the other, but is he really gone?
A/N: Written over today and yesterday (and possibly another day before that). Mostly today however. This shot is a creation of my mind that needed to be written. Sequel to Holding on to letting go but I guess readable as a stand alone as well. Pieces of my heart were torn out and put into this, so love it or I will be sad.
- - - - -
To him, life has become much alike to walking over broken glass barefooted. Every step he takes is even more painful than the previous, days blending together in a constant repetition of the same memories, his mind attuned to the stabs of pain they sent throughout his whole body. It’s like he almost welcomes the pain, knowing he deserves it, thinking it better than the emptiness that would otherwise consume him.
The windows of his apartment are small, tiny ruptures in the walls that feel like they’re closing in on him. Small openings for him to look through at the outside world, to see how life is so much brighter for those who are not him. For those who haven’t failed like him.
It’s little tiny monsters clawing at his heart, reminding him over and over again how stupid he’s been. He draws the name in his heart on a condensed window and watches it fade away again, but the feelings never change and when he looks up, the sky is still just as dreary and a single water drop splats apart on his arm, like a tear would if he still had any left to cry.
He’s gone numb over the years, no more tears to cry, no more pieces of his heart left big enough to break. There’s only a constant realisation that he’s alone and perhaps somewhere in the back of his mind he knows that it’s all of his own doing, making the feeling only harder to bear. Trying to live without Donghae is a little like trying to extinct a fire with his bare hands; it hurts big time and he realises that there’s a much better way to do it.
But Donghae is together with Kyuhyun. Or Siwon. Or maybe the other tall guy he saw him together with earlier that month, holding hands as they walked through the park. It’s as if all those people are laughing in his face for being stupid enough to have ever let go of that hand, to have ever let the younger walk away from him, stray too far. But they’re wrong, he tells them in his mind with bitter satisfaction. Donghae’s never walked away from him; he was the one leaving himself.
“What’s Neunggok like?” he remembers Donghae asking one day, the curiosity shining in his eyes. He had been tired that day, his students in dance class having been the most annoying they ever were and traffic on his way home sucking so badly he had almost wanted to leave the damn car somewhere along the way and walk the rest of the way home. It hadn’t been the best of days for him, so he had merely looked at the other in surprise for a moment before waving off the question.
“It’s like any other city.” he had replied then, and Donghae had pouted at him ever so sweetly, poking at his side to get him to say more than that. He remembers pushing away the soft hands and frowning at the insistence the other had nagged at him with. “It’s just a city, Donghae, what would it be like?” he had said then, annoyance seeping into his voice.
His answer had silenced Donghae, the younger looking up at him with something akin to hurt in his eyes before he had turned back to the television, continuing to watch the program that had been their evening entertainment. In reality it was merely something to fight off the silence that had settled between them once again, as talking would only lead them to yet another fight.
He realises now that those were the moments he should have acted differently, responded differently, if he had wanted to keep the other from pushing him away. He realises now that the reason he no longer has anyone to cuddle up to at night or to listen to his nagging had partly been Donghae, but mostly been himself and how he had always expected the other to be there no matter what.
“It’s alright.” a familiar voice whispers to him and he feels his heart settle as his muscles relax. It is alright, he realises, the other’s arms wrapped loosely around him, his face buried in the nape of the other’s neck, surrounded by the smell that used to always be present around him.
He’s not sure how they ended up like this; one moment he hadn’t spoken to the other in ages, the next he was at his doorstep, hoping to find him home. Which he was; all tired eyes and questioning expressions as he saw the other standing at his door at three in the morning.
“What are you doing here? Do you have any idea what time it is?” he had mumbled but Hyukjae had merely thrown himself in the other’s arms, the first tears already finding their way over his cheeks. They held onto each other for dear life, Donghae sobering up soon enough and holding him close as he himself just cried weeks and months of unshed tears. For love, loss and memories.
After several tries at getting him to explain what was wrong, Donghae had given in to his reluctance to answer, growing silent and merely being there. Even after so many years, after so many misunderstandings and things going wrong, Donghae had held him as if nothing had ever changed between them, and it was more than he could have hoped for.
So now here he is, clinging to the younger still, even though his tears have long stopped flowing. He can feel Donghae shifting next to him and a sudden wave of fear washes over him. What if they’ll go back to being strangers the moment he lets go? What if being close like this is merely because Donghae had not known what else to do being overwhelmed by him like that.
The mere thought of going back to the emptiness makes a second wave of tears find their way over his cheeks and he can feel the other’s grip tightening once again, the hand on his back taking up its comforting patting again as well. He can almost imagine the worried look on the younger’s face but is too afraid to look up and see that it’s only that; imagination.
“Hyukjae, tell me what’s wrong..” Donghae finally speaks after another good five minutes of continuous sobbing. “I’ve never seen you like this, what the hell happened? How did you get reduced to this?” He wants the worry he thinks he hears in the other’s voice to be real, but he doesn’t know how that could be possible when all he’s ever done is disappoint the other an endless amount of times, time and again.
When the tears don’t seem to stop, Donghae lets go of him and he barely keeps himself from squeaking in fear, not wanting to have to walk away once again. He fists his hands in the younger boy’s shirt, pressing his face against the fabric again, refusing to face the other in the state he’s currently in.
“Hyukjae, look at me.” Donghae says softly, cupping his face with the soft, warm hands he knows so well and lifting it up, away from the questionable safety of the T-shirt. Their eyes meet then, the first time that day - night? - and he finds worry and care in the other boy’s eyes, only making him want to cry even more. Donghae wipes over his cheeks with his thumbs, cleaning away the fresh tears, and sends him a small, encouraging smile.
“I’m here, Hyukjae.” the younger says then and all he can do is close his eyes with a nod, burying himself in the other’s embrace once more.
He wakes up in a completely dark room, rolling over to cuddle up against the other, but there’s no one there. No one has been there for years now. Long, agonizing years in which he was able to remind himself over and over again how stupid he had been. For the umpteenth time that month he finds himself wondering if that one night had been a dream and for the umpteenth time he grabs at his phone, checking to see if the familiar phone number is really back in his contact list.
“You’re killing yourself, Hyukjae.” Donghae had said to him when the tears had finally subsided, the two of them sitting next to each other on the living room couch. And damn the fact that that was still the same couch as when they lived in that apartment together. “You keep things pent up inside until you break, but you never actually break and it becomes so hard for you to bear that you grow gloomier every day. You have always been like this, even when we were still together.”
Donghae had given him one of those looks that said ‘I know what you’re made of, don’t try to deny it,’ and so he hadn’t. But now, lying in bed in the dark room that will only grow darker unless he turns on a light, he thinks that maybe he should’ve denied it. Because if he never really broke, then why the hell had he been crying like a baby in the other’s arms? What did Donghae really think he was doing there, forgetting any kind of pride as he cried his heart out?
With a snarl, he throws the phone away from him, hearing it drop on the floor mere moments later but refusing to feel bad about it. He’s close to going crazy, really, and for a moment he wonders if maybe Donghae is right after all. If maybe he is killing himself, tearing himself down piece by piece, thread by thread. But if he is, he’s doing it all because of the other and he doesn’t regret a single thing.
“You have to get out more.” Jungsoo tells him one day, throwing the discarded clothes in the laundry basket on his way to the kitchen. Hyukjae can’t even find it in himself anymore to tell the other to leave it, instead remaining curled up on the couch, a pillow squished in between his legs and body. Minutes later Jungsoo stuffs a plate of food in his face, but he merely turns away from it, the smell alone making him want to throw up.
“Starving yourself isn’t going to make him come to save you, Hyukjae.” the elder speaks after a moment, putting down the plate on the living room table and crossing his arms in front of his chest then. “You need to go out there and show him that you want him to come back, that you’re worth coming back to.” He can’t help huffing at those words, but the next moment his whole body starts shaking violently because of his own sobbing.
He curses this feeling, the way he shifts from good to bad to even worse in a matter of seconds. He hates the way Jungsoo has to catch him before he falls, pull him back up, put him back on his feet. He despises himself, despises what he has become, but has no energy left to change it. So he simply cries against Jungsoo’s shoulder for several moments before manning up again and going back to staring blankly ahead.
Zhou Mi is a ray of sunshine in an otherwise dark world. Introduced to him by Jungsoo he shouldn’t have expected anything less, but it still surprises him how the tall man manages to brighten even his days. The redhead drags him out of the house against his will if necessary, bringing him out to see the world and all the wondrous things it has to offer. He follows albeit reluctantly, but the more he goes out the more he enjoys it and soon he’s almost waiting for the other to show up at his door and take him out.
Zhou Mi is stupid jokes and awkward laughter, he’s occasional random hugs and the most awkward stick on legs Hyukjae’s ever seen. Zhou Mi makes him smile more than anyone else and he doesn’t even put an effort into it. Hyukjae finds himself blooming because of him, recreating his life as he goes, one step at a time, starting with a new job and new dreams. Zhou Mi is life and oxygen and Hyukjae breathes him in without restraints.
One day he thinks it’s a good idea to do something in return for all Zhou Mi’s kindness, so he pecks the other on the lips. A long awkward silence, several minutes of staring and a frown later he realises that maybe that wasn’t the brightest idea he’s ever had. Zhou Mi stares at him like he’s just landed on earth in a pink UFO and he feels extremely uncomfortable under that gaze, shifting in his seat and shyly looking away.
“What was that for?” the redhead asks after a while and he shrugs, not having a clue either. At least not anymore, the look on Zhou Mi’s face having erased every explanation he had for what he just did. They stare at each other a few moments longer in awkward silence before Zhou Mi continues the sentence Hyukjae’s action had interrupted. When he leaves later that afternoon, he smiles and waves like he always does, sunshine smile plastered on his face.
He doesn’t visit again.
Life goes back to the dull nothing it used to be. He lies in bed more often than not and doesn’t even open the door for Jungsoo anymore. After several persistent weeks of coming by every day and being left at the door, Jungsoo gives up on him too. He’s okay with that. It’s not as if there’s much of him left to care for anyway. The fact that he’s jobless doesn’t bother him as much, the few drops of water and the bits of electricity he uses are not a lot to pay for anyway. He lives off of his savings, but then again it’s not really to be called living. He decides he doesn’t care anymore.
It’s about seven months after his sister was diagnosed with aids, seven months after the night he spent crying in Donghae’s arms, when someone comes by again. He ignores the doorbell as he has been doing for five consecutive weeks now, but whoever’s at the door is persistent, ringing and ringing until he sees no other way to escape the shrill sound than to get up and walk over to the door, unlocking it and pulling it open with quite a bit of effort.
“What do you want?” he bites at the person standing behind it, freezing in his movements when his eyes lock with the other man. For a while he just stands there, staring like that, the other person looking back calmly, before he shakes his head and repeats his question. “What do you want? Why are you here?”
“I heard you the first time,” Kyuhyun replies coldly, glancing past him into his apartment. “I think the proper words to start a conversation with are ‘Would you like to come in?’ perhaps followed by ‘Excuse me for the mess.’ You don’t really have any manners, do you?”
“Why would I apologise for a non-existing mess?” he retorts, opening the door wider as he realises he isn’t going to get rid of the pest anyway. “Come in then, if you’re going to be a stuck up idiot you can at least do it inside.” Kyuhyun eyes him a moment longer and he swears he can see surprise in the younger one’s eyes, but then the kid walks past him, not even looking back as he speaks up again.
“You do indeed smell better than I had imagined, and I can still see the floor. That’s a nice surprise. Now if you could only show to the outside world that you haven’t died yet, that would be awesome.” he rambles in a flat tone. Hyukjae closes the door and walks over to his couch, not even bothering to see what Kyuhyun’s up to as he flops down on the soft cushions, closing his eyes the moment his head touches the armrest.
“What are you doing here, Kyuhyun-ssi?” he asks in a low voice, not up for the pleasantries and the evasive talk. In fact, he’s not up for anything coming from the younger. He still clearly remembers how it was Kyuhyun prancing around holding Donghae’s hands in the months after their break-up. And even after so many years passed, he still doesn’t want to forget about that.
“I’m here to fix Donghae.” is all the younger replies, but it’s enough to make Hyukjae look up, a frown edged into his forehead.
“Why are you here for that? Donghae’s not around here. You should go to his place.” he replies softly, even the other’s name making him feel weak inside. Or maybe it’s the lack of food and sleep. He’s not exactly sure why, but Kyuhyun smirks and crosses his arms in front of his chest. They eye each other for a while, until Kyuhyun sighs and shakes his head.
“Donghae’s heart is here.” he says then, completely shaking Hyukjae’s world, making every fibre in his body glow and resound at those words. “And you’re not really taking care of it.”
He’s pretty sure the world’s playing tricks on him, but if they amount to him finding himself locked in Donghae’s embrace he’s more than willing to play along. The heartbeat under his hand feels real, though, and he’s convinced he’s not imagining the way Donghae’s breath tickles his neck as the other exhales. He closes his eyes to savour the moment even more, before sighing deeply.
“I’m sorry.” he breathes then and Donghae nods against his shoulder. It’s nothing at all, but it’s everything as well and he feels like he could cry right then and there if Donghae wasn’t already doing that more than enough for the both of them.
Characters: Hyukjae, Donghae
Rating: G
Wordcount: 3.011
Summary: There's no point to living without the other, but is he really gone?
A/N: Written over today and yesterday (and possibly another day before that). Mostly today however. This shot is a creation of my mind that needed to be written. Sequel to Holding on to letting go but I guess readable as a stand alone as well. Pieces of my heart were torn out and put into this, so love it or I will be sad.
- - - - -
To him, life has become much alike to walking over broken glass barefooted. Every step he takes is even more painful than the previous, days blending together in a constant repetition of the same memories, his mind attuned to the stabs of pain they sent throughout his whole body. It’s like he almost welcomes the pain, knowing he deserves it, thinking it better than the emptiness that would otherwise consume him.
The windows of his apartment are small, tiny ruptures in the walls that feel like they’re closing in on him. Small openings for him to look through at the outside world, to see how life is so much brighter for those who are not him. For those who haven’t failed like him.
It’s little tiny monsters clawing at his heart, reminding him over and over again how stupid he’s been. He draws the name in his heart on a condensed window and watches it fade away again, but the feelings never change and when he looks up, the sky is still just as dreary and a single water drop splats apart on his arm, like a tear would if he still had any left to cry.
He’s gone numb over the years, no more tears to cry, no more pieces of his heart left big enough to break. There’s only a constant realisation that he’s alone and perhaps somewhere in the back of his mind he knows that it’s all of his own doing, making the feeling only harder to bear. Trying to live without Donghae is a little like trying to extinct a fire with his bare hands; it hurts big time and he realises that there’s a much better way to do it.
But Donghae is together with Kyuhyun. Or Siwon. Or maybe the other tall guy he saw him together with earlier that month, holding hands as they walked through the park. It’s as if all those people are laughing in his face for being stupid enough to have ever let go of that hand, to have ever let the younger walk away from him, stray too far. But they’re wrong, he tells them in his mind with bitter satisfaction. Donghae’s never walked away from him; he was the one leaving himself.
“What’s Neunggok like?” he remembers Donghae asking one day, the curiosity shining in his eyes. He had been tired that day, his students in dance class having been the most annoying they ever were and traffic on his way home sucking so badly he had almost wanted to leave the damn car somewhere along the way and walk the rest of the way home. It hadn’t been the best of days for him, so he had merely looked at the other in surprise for a moment before waving off the question.
“It’s like any other city.” he had replied then, and Donghae had pouted at him ever so sweetly, poking at his side to get him to say more than that. He remembers pushing away the soft hands and frowning at the insistence the other had nagged at him with. “It’s just a city, Donghae, what would it be like?” he had said then, annoyance seeping into his voice.
His answer had silenced Donghae, the younger looking up at him with something akin to hurt in his eyes before he had turned back to the television, continuing to watch the program that had been their evening entertainment. In reality it was merely something to fight off the silence that had settled between them once again, as talking would only lead them to yet another fight.
He realises now that those were the moments he should have acted differently, responded differently, if he had wanted to keep the other from pushing him away. He realises now that the reason he no longer has anyone to cuddle up to at night or to listen to his nagging had partly been Donghae, but mostly been himself and how he had always expected the other to be there no matter what.
“It’s alright.” a familiar voice whispers to him and he feels his heart settle as his muscles relax. It is alright, he realises, the other’s arms wrapped loosely around him, his face buried in the nape of the other’s neck, surrounded by the smell that used to always be present around him.
He’s not sure how they ended up like this; one moment he hadn’t spoken to the other in ages, the next he was at his doorstep, hoping to find him home. Which he was; all tired eyes and questioning expressions as he saw the other standing at his door at three in the morning.
“What are you doing here? Do you have any idea what time it is?” he had mumbled but Hyukjae had merely thrown himself in the other’s arms, the first tears already finding their way over his cheeks. They held onto each other for dear life, Donghae sobering up soon enough and holding him close as he himself just cried weeks and months of unshed tears. For love, loss and memories.
After several tries at getting him to explain what was wrong, Donghae had given in to his reluctance to answer, growing silent and merely being there. Even after so many years, after so many misunderstandings and things going wrong, Donghae had held him as if nothing had ever changed between them, and it was more than he could have hoped for.
So now here he is, clinging to the younger still, even though his tears have long stopped flowing. He can feel Donghae shifting next to him and a sudden wave of fear washes over him. What if they’ll go back to being strangers the moment he lets go? What if being close like this is merely because Donghae had not known what else to do being overwhelmed by him like that.
The mere thought of going back to the emptiness makes a second wave of tears find their way over his cheeks and he can feel the other’s grip tightening once again, the hand on his back taking up its comforting patting again as well. He can almost imagine the worried look on the younger’s face but is too afraid to look up and see that it’s only that; imagination.
“Hyukjae, tell me what’s wrong..” Donghae finally speaks after another good five minutes of continuous sobbing. “I’ve never seen you like this, what the hell happened? How did you get reduced to this?” He wants the worry he thinks he hears in the other’s voice to be real, but he doesn’t know how that could be possible when all he’s ever done is disappoint the other an endless amount of times, time and again.
When the tears don’t seem to stop, Donghae lets go of him and he barely keeps himself from squeaking in fear, not wanting to have to walk away once again. He fists his hands in the younger boy’s shirt, pressing his face against the fabric again, refusing to face the other in the state he’s currently in.
“Hyukjae, look at me.” Donghae says softly, cupping his face with the soft, warm hands he knows so well and lifting it up, away from the questionable safety of the T-shirt. Their eyes meet then, the first time that day - night? - and he finds worry and care in the other boy’s eyes, only making him want to cry even more. Donghae wipes over his cheeks with his thumbs, cleaning away the fresh tears, and sends him a small, encouraging smile.
“I’m here, Hyukjae.” the younger says then and all he can do is close his eyes with a nod, burying himself in the other’s embrace once more.
He wakes up in a completely dark room, rolling over to cuddle up against the other, but there’s no one there. No one has been there for years now. Long, agonizing years in which he was able to remind himself over and over again how stupid he had been. For the umpteenth time that month he finds himself wondering if that one night had been a dream and for the umpteenth time he grabs at his phone, checking to see if the familiar phone number is really back in his contact list.
“You’re killing yourself, Hyukjae.” Donghae had said to him when the tears had finally subsided, the two of them sitting next to each other on the living room couch. And damn the fact that that was still the same couch as when they lived in that apartment together. “You keep things pent up inside until you break, but you never actually break and it becomes so hard for you to bear that you grow gloomier every day. You have always been like this, even when we were still together.”
Donghae had given him one of those looks that said ‘I know what you’re made of, don’t try to deny it,’ and so he hadn’t. But now, lying in bed in the dark room that will only grow darker unless he turns on a light, he thinks that maybe he should’ve denied it. Because if he never really broke, then why the hell had he been crying like a baby in the other’s arms? What did Donghae really think he was doing there, forgetting any kind of pride as he cried his heart out?
With a snarl, he throws the phone away from him, hearing it drop on the floor mere moments later but refusing to feel bad about it. He’s close to going crazy, really, and for a moment he wonders if maybe Donghae is right after all. If maybe he is killing himself, tearing himself down piece by piece, thread by thread. But if he is, he’s doing it all because of the other and he doesn’t regret a single thing.
“You have to get out more.” Jungsoo tells him one day, throwing the discarded clothes in the laundry basket on his way to the kitchen. Hyukjae can’t even find it in himself anymore to tell the other to leave it, instead remaining curled up on the couch, a pillow squished in between his legs and body. Minutes later Jungsoo stuffs a plate of food in his face, but he merely turns away from it, the smell alone making him want to throw up.
“Starving yourself isn’t going to make him come to save you, Hyukjae.” the elder speaks after a moment, putting down the plate on the living room table and crossing his arms in front of his chest then. “You need to go out there and show him that you want him to come back, that you’re worth coming back to.” He can’t help huffing at those words, but the next moment his whole body starts shaking violently because of his own sobbing.
He curses this feeling, the way he shifts from good to bad to even worse in a matter of seconds. He hates the way Jungsoo has to catch him before he falls, pull him back up, put him back on his feet. He despises himself, despises what he has become, but has no energy left to change it. So he simply cries against Jungsoo’s shoulder for several moments before manning up again and going back to staring blankly ahead.
Zhou Mi is a ray of sunshine in an otherwise dark world. Introduced to him by Jungsoo he shouldn’t have expected anything less, but it still surprises him how the tall man manages to brighten even his days. The redhead drags him out of the house against his will if necessary, bringing him out to see the world and all the wondrous things it has to offer. He follows albeit reluctantly, but the more he goes out the more he enjoys it and soon he’s almost waiting for the other to show up at his door and take him out.
Zhou Mi is stupid jokes and awkward laughter, he’s occasional random hugs and the most awkward stick on legs Hyukjae’s ever seen. Zhou Mi makes him smile more than anyone else and he doesn’t even put an effort into it. Hyukjae finds himself blooming because of him, recreating his life as he goes, one step at a time, starting with a new job and new dreams. Zhou Mi is life and oxygen and Hyukjae breathes him in without restraints.
One day he thinks it’s a good idea to do something in return for all Zhou Mi’s kindness, so he pecks the other on the lips. A long awkward silence, several minutes of staring and a frown later he realises that maybe that wasn’t the brightest idea he’s ever had. Zhou Mi stares at him like he’s just landed on earth in a pink UFO and he feels extremely uncomfortable under that gaze, shifting in his seat and shyly looking away.
“What was that for?” the redhead asks after a while and he shrugs, not having a clue either. At least not anymore, the look on Zhou Mi’s face having erased every explanation he had for what he just did. They stare at each other a few moments longer in awkward silence before Zhou Mi continues the sentence Hyukjae’s action had interrupted. When he leaves later that afternoon, he smiles and waves like he always does, sunshine smile plastered on his face.
He doesn’t visit again.
Life goes back to the dull nothing it used to be. He lies in bed more often than not and doesn’t even open the door for Jungsoo anymore. After several persistent weeks of coming by every day and being left at the door, Jungsoo gives up on him too. He’s okay with that. It’s not as if there’s much of him left to care for anyway. The fact that he’s jobless doesn’t bother him as much, the few drops of water and the bits of electricity he uses are not a lot to pay for anyway. He lives off of his savings, but then again it’s not really to be called living. He decides he doesn’t care anymore.
It’s about seven months after his sister was diagnosed with aids, seven months after the night he spent crying in Donghae’s arms, when someone comes by again. He ignores the doorbell as he has been doing for five consecutive weeks now, but whoever’s at the door is persistent, ringing and ringing until he sees no other way to escape the shrill sound than to get up and walk over to the door, unlocking it and pulling it open with quite a bit of effort.
“What do you want?” he bites at the person standing behind it, freezing in his movements when his eyes lock with the other man. For a while he just stands there, staring like that, the other person looking back calmly, before he shakes his head and repeats his question. “What do you want? Why are you here?”
“I heard you the first time,” Kyuhyun replies coldly, glancing past him into his apartment. “I think the proper words to start a conversation with are ‘Would you like to come in?’ perhaps followed by ‘Excuse me for the mess.’ You don’t really have any manners, do you?”
“Why would I apologise for a non-existing mess?” he retorts, opening the door wider as he realises he isn’t going to get rid of the pest anyway. “Come in then, if you’re going to be a stuck up idiot you can at least do it inside.” Kyuhyun eyes him a moment longer and he swears he can see surprise in the younger one’s eyes, but then the kid walks past him, not even looking back as he speaks up again.
“You do indeed smell better than I had imagined, and I can still see the floor. That’s a nice surprise. Now if you could only show to the outside world that you haven’t died yet, that would be awesome.” he rambles in a flat tone. Hyukjae closes the door and walks over to his couch, not even bothering to see what Kyuhyun’s up to as he flops down on the soft cushions, closing his eyes the moment his head touches the armrest.
“What are you doing here, Kyuhyun-ssi?” he asks in a low voice, not up for the pleasantries and the evasive talk. In fact, he’s not up for anything coming from the younger. He still clearly remembers how it was Kyuhyun prancing around holding Donghae’s hands in the months after their break-up. And even after so many years passed, he still doesn’t want to forget about that.
“I’m here to fix Donghae.” is all the younger replies, but it’s enough to make Hyukjae look up, a frown edged into his forehead.
“Why are you here for that? Donghae’s not around here. You should go to his place.” he replies softly, even the other’s name making him feel weak inside. Or maybe it’s the lack of food and sleep. He’s not exactly sure why, but Kyuhyun smirks and crosses his arms in front of his chest. They eye each other for a while, until Kyuhyun sighs and shakes his head.
“Donghae’s heart is here.” he says then, completely shaking Hyukjae’s world, making every fibre in his body glow and resound at those words. “And you’re not really taking care of it.”
He’s pretty sure the world’s playing tricks on him, but if they amount to him finding himself locked in Donghae’s embrace he’s more than willing to play along. The heartbeat under his hand feels real, though, and he’s convinced he’s not imagining the way Donghae’s breath tickles his neck as the other exhales. He closes his eyes to savour the moment even more, before sighing deeply.
“I’m sorry.” he breathes then and Donghae nods against his shoulder. It’s nothing at all, but it’s everything as well and he feels like he could cry right then and there if Donghae wasn’t already doing that more than enough for the both of them.
[FIC] Holding on to letting go
Title: Holding on to letting go
Characters: Donghae, Hyukjae
Rating: G
Wordcount: 2.135
Summary: Losing something dear is the wors feeling there is.
A/N: I wrote this because I made a new friend and she seems to bring something to life in me that consists of Eunhae, angst and so many things I just can't explain. I told her I felt like writing broken Eunhae and then I just did. So this is broken Eunhae. It's all angst, all of it, and so far it made two people cry already. Yay. Hope you enjoy. If not... Hope you don't notice me sneaking away at the side to escape your wrath.
- - - - -
There’s something about being sad that is hard to let go of.
Something about crying that makes you want to crawl into a heap of a mess and cry forever.
Something about getting hurt that gets you to take the bloody knife and stab yourself a few times more just because.
Losing something dear is the worst feeling there is. Especially when you’re so utterly convinced you’ll never lose it that you’re too blind to notice it slipping away until it’s gone. There’s a kind of finality in losing what you love the most, a feeling of everything ending, even when you still have so many possibilities to go on. The world seems like a dark place, reality gets turned into a twisted kind of hell and sleep is a sanctuary of peace and happy dreams you never actually want to wake up from.
He’s tired. Tired of trying. Tired of holding on to things he’s being forced to let go of. He’s trying to figure out ways to ease himself out of this thing they have become but it’s not working. It will never work. And somehow, he doesn’t really want it to work. He wants to keep holding on.
They’ve both been screaming at each other for a while now, sore throats, dry mouths, hoarse voices. He doesn’t even remember what started the fight, he just knows that at some point it started and now they’re yelling things the other’s not even listening to anyway.
“I’m sorry.” he whispers, but the other is too busy yelling over the sound of his own disappointment to notice. He feels the tears seeping into his eyes, ready to make their way over his cheeks, but he turns away before they can. He doesn’t want to show how much he still cares, so he takes the other’s angry shouts at his back as he retreats to their room, closing the door behind him and crawling into bed.
He allows himself to cry there, under the compact privacy of the blanket, until he feels like he’s going to pass out because of a lack of oxygen. When he sticks his head out from underneath the blanket, the air in the room is cold on his wet cheeks and he feels stupid for crying over stupid things. He feels stupid for loving a stupid person too, but then again; two stupid people together should match perfectly, no?
He lets his eyes slid closed and tries to sleep, tries to lose himself in the vastness of his imagination, even though he knows he won’t be able to for at least another hour. It’s right when he feels himself float off into oblivion a select few hours later that the sound of the door opening and closing wakes him up completely again. The bed dents a little under the other’s weight and soon there’s fingers gently stroking his cheek, brushing over the skin that’s still sensitive from all the tears.
“You should undress a little.” a soft whisper reaches his ear. “You’re going to be cold tomorrow morning.” He murmurs something of a disagreement, adds some sounds that mean he’s tired and wants to sleep and lets out an annoyed grunt when the fingers don’t go away. The gentleness doesn’t change either, however, and a kiss is pressed on his cheek. “I don’t want to argue over this too, Hae. I’m sorry. Please just take off your jeans at least.”
He doesn’t move at first, but right before he passes out again, he does reach down, unbuttons his pants and kicks them out. It doesn’t take long for cold feet to get pressed against his warm legs and slender arms to be wrapped around his body, making him smile in contentment.
It’s much easier to lean into the touch than he feared it would be and as he hides his face in the crook of the other’s neck, sneaking his arms around the almost non-existing middle, he realises just how much he loves the other and how much he hates arguing with him. It’s moments like these, huddled closely together on the bed, that make him realise why they’re still together.
“I love you.” he whispers to the silence of the other’s heartbeat, stroking gentle fingers through soft hair. He smiles slightly at the insecurity on the other’s lips and kisses away the tears in his eyes. But Hyukjae moves, creating distance and regrets, forcing heartbreaks. He follows, not allowing the other to tear them apart. It has always been like that and will always be like that. And in the end Hyukjae always replies to him with an “I love you too,” satisfying both their hearts.
That’s how it goes. That’s how they’ve made it so far. Hyukjae trying to pull away and him not allowing that. That’s how the world turns for them. He doesn’t count in days anymore, he counts in times he’s gone after the other and brought him back.
Sometimes he thinks that maybe he should just not follow after the other this time around, should just let him walk away and see how far he’ll go before coming back. But he’s afraid to find that the other will never come back at all, so he chases after him every time again.
And no matter how much he’d like to rub it in the other’s face one day; what an incredible moron he’s being and how many times he’s had to save the both of them, he figures it’s no use crying over spilled milk. After all, he likes to keep the past what it is; passed.
“I hate you.” he shouts at one point. “You’re selfish, you don’t ever think about what I feel and you just keep running from this, from us. We’re supposed to be in this together. You and me, TOGETHER.” He’s so hurt that he almost chokes on his words trying to get them out but he doesn’t care. Hyukjae has taken it one step too far this time, hurt him that tad bit too much.
“All you care about is yourself and how your parents would disagree. Well they don’t even know about us, so why are they standing in our way? Because YOU stand in our way, Hyukjae, and I keep pushing you ahead against your will it seems. So fine, I won’t push anymore. I’ll let you be. I’ll let you walk out of this life you don’t really want to be a part of. So go, if you want. Just go.”
He slams the door closed extra loudly as he leaves the apartment, forgetting his jacket and his scarf, but it’s alright, because he doesn’t feel the freezing wind nor the soft snowflakes. His vision is blurred by tears and he walks at random, trying to get himself to calm down.
When he goes back to the apartment several hours later, Hyukjae is gone. The wardrobe is three times as empty as it used to be, the cupboard lacks five pairs of shoes and the kitchen misses a coffee machine. He goes straight to the bathroom, where there’s only one toothbrush left and drowns himself in the steamy heat of the shower’s water.
Life becomes dead.
They say he sleeps too much, he finds he’s got nothing better to do with his days. He got fired from his job exactly two days after the huge fight and now he’s living in the apartment all by himself. There’s no reason to clean or cook when he’s the only one around; he can live with some mess and it’s not like he’s hungry anyway. So he spends his days altering between the couch and his bed, choosing either to watch TV or to sleep.
What he really does is ponder over the same question over and over again. Forgive Hyukjae or forgive himself? And…did either of them really do something wrong? Wasn’t it the heat of the moment putting the both of them on edge? Wasn’t it normal for them to react like they had, shouting the first things that came to mind without really thinking about them.
Sure, he never intended to have it lead to this, but sometimes life is a little different than what you expect, and at such times, what can you really do about it, right?
He doesn’t want to let the past be passed anymore, he wants to take it and haul it to the present so that everything will turn right again. He’s useless without the other, just a bag of meat and bones trying to get from one day to the next. It’s been months yet there’s still no change. He found a new job because he had to, but now he’s just filling his days staring at a computer answering phone calls of people who don’t understand the simplest of things about their piece of technology. He answers those questions, solves their problems, while his lay buried under months of separation.
He walks through the park one day, Kyuhyun by his side. They’re entertaining a conversation without actually saying a lot. Kyuhyun’s eyeing the people walking around them, while he focuses on the first signs of the living nature that sprout at his feet. The way the wind blows the smell of blooming flowers into his face makes him fall in love with spring all over again and he’s glad he can share the moment with Kyuhyun - the only one who has cared about him after the breakup.
He closes his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath and letting the warm feeling seep into his body. It’s almost magical to be able to walk through a park holding a boy’s hand, with no worries of who might see them and what they might think. Kyuhyun taught him not to care about that. Kyuhyun says they can just as well be good friends to anyone who sees them - which actually is all they are. When he opens his eyes again, he looks into a pair of dark brown ones that he didn’t expect in the city park.
“Hey.” Hyukjae says and he freezes at that familiar voice. Kyuhyun replies with a polite hello, the question in his eyes not reaching him as he stares at Hyukjae. There’s so many memories gushing right back in upon seeing the other’s familiar features, but none of those are real anymore. When he finally regains his composure, he politely nods, before walking past Hyukjae and tugging Kyuhyun along.
He pretends not to see the hurt in Hyukjae’s eyes. He pretends not to see the glances thrown at his hand clinging to Kyuhyun’s. He pretends not to feel the pain in his chest with every step that takes him further away from Hyukjae. He pretends to be happy, just like any other day.
He doesn’t know how they got to this point, after so many months of silence. They’re on the phone, but neither is talking and it feels like his heart is on fire inside his chest. It hurts so much he wants to kick at something, yell at something, but he doesn’t. Instead he listens to the distant breathing of a friend he once had. Hyukjae called him up that evening, out of nowhere, saying he wanted to hear his voice. They sustained some kind of conversation for an awkward fifteen minutes at first but now have been silent for twice that amount of time.
“I think I should sleep.” he speaks through layers of static, waiting for the words to arrive on the other side and the reply to come back to him. In the end it takes another minute before there’s an intake of breath.
“Can you keep the line open? Please?” Hyukjae asks and he feels his eyes go teary again, cursing his own weakness.
“Of course.” he replies even though he wants to refuse. “Of course I can.” There’s another bout of silence, before he sighs. “Goodnight, Hyukjae.”
“Goodnight, Hae.”
With that, he puts down the phone next to his face, finds himself a more comfortable position and tries to sleep. All he can concentrate on is the distant rustle from the telephone line and what he imagines to be the others breathing; hesitant and shaky. He knows Hyukjae’s silently crying, but as much as it tears his heart apart, there’s nothing he can do about that anymore. Hyukjae gave him up months ago and it is better they both know there’s no going back.
“I love you.” he hears Hyukjae whisper when the sobs die down, but he pretends to have fallen asleep already. He has no idea what he should reply to that, because all he knows is being left behind.
Characters: Donghae, Hyukjae
Rating: G
Wordcount: 2.135
Summary: Losing something dear is the wors feeling there is.
A/N: I wrote this because I made a new friend and she seems to bring something to life in me that consists of Eunhae, angst and so many things I just can't explain. I told her I felt like writing broken Eunhae and then I just did. So this is broken Eunhae. It's all angst, all of it, and so far it made two people cry already. Yay. Hope you enjoy. If not... Hope you don't notice me sneaking away at the side to escape your wrath.
- - - - -
There’s something about being sad that is hard to let go of.
Something about crying that makes you want to crawl into a heap of a mess and cry forever.
Something about getting hurt that gets you to take the bloody knife and stab yourself a few times more just because.
Losing something dear is the worst feeling there is. Especially when you’re so utterly convinced you’ll never lose it that you’re too blind to notice it slipping away until it’s gone. There’s a kind of finality in losing what you love the most, a feeling of everything ending, even when you still have so many possibilities to go on. The world seems like a dark place, reality gets turned into a twisted kind of hell and sleep is a sanctuary of peace and happy dreams you never actually want to wake up from.
He’s tired. Tired of trying. Tired of holding on to things he’s being forced to let go of. He’s trying to figure out ways to ease himself out of this thing they have become but it’s not working. It will never work. And somehow, he doesn’t really want it to work. He wants to keep holding on.
They’ve both been screaming at each other for a while now, sore throats, dry mouths, hoarse voices. He doesn’t even remember what started the fight, he just knows that at some point it started and now they’re yelling things the other’s not even listening to anyway.
“I’m sorry.” he whispers, but the other is too busy yelling over the sound of his own disappointment to notice. He feels the tears seeping into his eyes, ready to make their way over his cheeks, but he turns away before they can. He doesn’t want to show how much he still cares, so he takes the other’s angry shouts at his back as he retreats to their room, closing the door behind him and crawling into bed.
He allows himself to cry there, under the compact privacy of the blanket, until he feels like he’s going to pass out because of a lack of oxygen. When he sticks his head out from underneath the blanket, the air in the room is cold on his wet cheeks and he feels stupid for crying over stupid things. He feels stupid for loving a stupid person too, but then again; two stupid people together should match perfectly, no?
He lets his eyes slid closed and tries to sleep, tries to lose himself in the vastness of his imagination, even though he knows he won’t be able to for at least another hour. It’s right when he feels himself float off into oblivion a select few hours later that the sound of the door opening and closing wakes him up completely again. The bed dents a little under the other’s weight and soon there’s fingers gently stroking his cheek, brushing over the skin that’s still sensitive from all the tears.
“You should undress a little.” a soft whisper reaches his ear. “You’re going to be cold tomorrow morning.” He murmurs something of a disagreement, adds some sounds that mean he’s tired and wants to sleep and lets out an annoyed grunt when the fingers don’t go away. The gentleness doesn’t change either, however, and a kiss is pressed on his cheek. “I don’t want to argue over this too, Hae. I’m sorry. Please just take off your jeans at least.”
He doesn’t move at first, but right before he passes out again, he does reach down, unbuttons his pants and kicks them out. It doesn’t take long for cold feet to get pressed against his warm legs and slender arms to be wrapped around his body, making him smile in contentment.
It’s much easier to lean into the touch than he feared it would be and as he hides his face in the crook of the other’s neck, sneaking his arms around the almost non-existing middle, he realises just how much he loves the other and how much he hates arguing with him. It’s moments like these, huddled closely together on the bed, that make him realise why they’re still together.
“I love you.” he whispers to the silence of the other’s heartbeat, stroking gentle fingers through soft hair. He smiles slightly at the insecurity on the other’s lips and kisses away the tears in his eyes. But Hyukjae moves, creating distance and regrets, forcing heartbreaks. He follows, not allowing the other to tear them apart. It has always been like that and will always be like that. And in the end Hyukjae always replies to him with an “I love you too,” satisfying both their hearts.
That’s how it goes. That’s how they’ve made it so far. Hyukjae trying to pull away and him not allowing that. That’s how the world turns for them. He doesn’t count in days anymore, he counts in times he’s gone after the other and brought him back.
Sometimes he thinks that maybe he should just not follow after the other this time around, should just let him walk away and see how far he’ll go before coming back. But he’s afraid to find that the other will never come back at all, so he chases after him every time again.
And no matter how much he’d like to rub it in the other’s face one day; what an incredible moron he’s being and how many times he’s had to save the both of them, he figures it’s no use crying over spilled milk. After all, he likes to keep the past what it is; passed.
“I hate you.” he shouts at one point. “You’re selfish, you don’t ever think about what I feel and you just keep running from this, from us. We’re supposed to be in this together. You and me, TOGETHER.” He’s so hurt that he almost chokes on his words trying to get them out but he doesn’t care. Hyukjae has taken it one step too far this time, hurt him that tad bit too much.
“All you care about is yourself and how your parents would disagree. Well they don’t even know about us, so why are they standing in our way? Because YOU stand in our way, Hyukjae, and I keep pushing you ahead against your will it seems. So fine, I won’t push anymore. I’ll let you be. I’ll let you walk out of this life you don’t really want to be a part of. So go, if you want. Just go.”
He slams the door closed extra loudly as he leaves the apartment, forgetting his jacket and his scarf, but it’s alright, because he doesn’t feel the freezing wind nor the soft snowflakes. His vision is blurred by tears and he walks at random, trying to get himself to calm down.
When he goes back to the apartment several hours later, Hyukjae is gone. The wardrobe is three times as empty as it used to be, the cupboard lacks five pairs of shoes and the kitchen misses a coffee machine. He goes straight to the bathroom, where there’s only one toothbrush left and drowns himself in the steamy heat of the shower’s water.
Life becomes dead.
They say he sleeps too much, he finds he’s got nothing better to do with his days. He got fired from his job exactly two days after the huge fight and now he’s living in the apartment all by himself. There’s no reason to clean or cook when he’s the only one around; he can live with some mess and it’s not like he’s hungry anyway. So he spends his days altering between the couch and his bed, choosing either to watch TV or to sleep.
What he really does is ponder over the same question over and over again. Forgive Hyukjae or forgive himself? And…did either of them really do something wrong? Wasn’t it the heat of the moment putting the both of them on edge? Wasn’t it normal for them to react like they had, shouting the first things that came to mind without really thinking about them.
Sure, he never intended to have it lead to this, but sometimes life is a little different than what you expect, and at such times, what can you really do about it, right?
He doesn’t want to let the past be passed anymore, he wants to take it and haul it to the present so that everything will turn right again. He’s useless without the other, just a bag of meat and bones trying to get from one day to the next. It’s been months yet there’s still no change. He found a new job because he had to, but now he’s just filling his days staring at a computer answering phone calls of people who don’t understand the simplest of things about their piece of technology. He answers those questions, solves their problems, while his lay buried under months of separation.
He walks through the park one day, Kyuhyun by his side. They’re entertaining a conversation without actually saying a lot. Kyuhyun’s eyeing the people walking around them, while he focuses on the first signs of the living nature that sprout at his feet. The way the wind blows the smell of blooming flowers into his face makes him fall in love with spring all over again and he’s glad he can share the moment with Kyuhyun - the only one who has cared about him after the breakup.
He closes his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath and letting the warm feeling seep into his body. It’s almost magical to be able to walk through a park holding a boy’s hand, with no worries of who might see them and what they might think. Kyuhyun taught him not to care about that. Kyuhyun says they can just as well be good friends to anyone who sees them - which actually is all they are. When he opens his eyes again, he looks into a pair of dark brown ones that he didn’t expect in the city park.
“Hey.” Hyukjae says and he freezes at that familiar voice. Kyuhyun replies with a polite hello, the question in his eyes not reaching him as he stares at Hyukjae. There’s so many memories gushing right back in upon seeing the other’s familiar features, but none of those are real anymore. When he finally regains his composure, he politely nods, before walking past Hyukjae and tugging Kyuhyun along.
He pretends not to see the hurt in Hyukjae’s eyes. He pretends not to see the glances thrown at his hand clinging to Kyuhyun’s. He pretends not to feel the pain in his chest with every step that takes him further away from Hyukjae. He pretends to be happy, just like any other day.
He doesn’t know how they got to this point, after so many months of silence. They’re on the phone, but neither is talking and it feels like his heart is on fire inside his chest. It hurts so much he wants to kick at something, yell at something, but he doesn’t. Instead he listens to the distant breathing of a friend he once had. Hyukjae called him up that evening, out of nowhere, saying he wanted to hear his voice. They sustained some kind of conversation for an awkward fifteen minutes at first but now have been silent for twice that amount of time.
“I think I should sleep.” he speaks through layers of static, waiting for the words to arrive on the other side and the reply to come back to him. In the end it takes another minute before there’s an intake of breath.
“Can you keep the line open? Please?” Hyukjae asks and he feels his eyes go teary again, cursing his own weakness.
“Of course.” he replies even though he wants to refuse. “Of course I can.” There’s another bout of silence, before he sighs. “Goodnight, Hyukjae.”
“Goodnight, Hae.”
With that, he puts down the phone next to his face, finds himself a more comfortable position and tries to sleep. All he can concentrate on is the distant rustle from the telephone line and what he imagines to be the others breathing; hesitant and shaky. He knows Hyukjae’s silently crying, but as much as it tears his heart apart, there’s nothing he can do about that anymore. Hyukjae gave him up months ago and it is better they both know there’s no going back.
“I love you.” he hears Hyukjae whisper when the sobs die down, but he pretends to have fallen asleep already. He has no idea what he should reply to that, because all he knows is being left behind.
Monday, 29 August 2011
[FIC] I dare you to move
Title: I dare you to move
Characters: Hyukjae, Zhou Mi, Donghae, Heechul, Kibum, Siwon
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 3.314
Summary: They're trying to find the lesser one of all evils
A/N: So this is a story I started writing after reading one of my friend's newest fics. It inspired me to write abstract, vague stuff and this is what came out of that. The title comes from the song I've been listening to non-stop to write this; Dare you to move by Switchfoot. Aside from that I have nothing to say about this. I strangely love the story, especially the ending, which came out after reading one of Tablo's stories. ^^ I wish to warn my readers for character death. Nothing explicitly gross or anything, but people die. That is life.
- - - - -
The world is a dark place.
Literally.
To some it’s normal, they don’t know any better. To others it’s a sign of how much the world has changed since they were born.
He’s one of those that don’t have a clue.
But Heechul, Heechul speaks of wondrous scenes and abstract things like rainbows, or a shiny yellow orb called the sun.
It’s a dark world, but there’s still dreams and if you really want, you can make it big. Or at least that’s what they tell themselves when they lie awake in bed until late at night, trying to act like it’s not all bad and gruesome.
He usually fails at that.
It’s a dark Friday morning when they gather at the corner of the school building, Siwon bringing a few cigarettes, Donghae holding up the lighter he stole from his parents, Hyukjae taking the first drag. Zhou Mi just stands next to Hyukjae and looks at them. His expression is slightly judging, but he doesn’t say a word about it. They all know they’re doing something bad anyway.
“So what are the plans for the long weekend?” Donghae asks and he blows the cigarette smoke back out as he talks. It crinkles up into the air, becoming invisible to their eyes not long after.
They all shrug in reply to the question. There obviously are no plans.
“We could go somewhere together?” Hyukjae suggests. They pretend to think about it, but the answer is clear already. It’s always yes. What else would they do with their time?
“Hang out at the Monster?” Siwon adds like an afterthought and the other two nod in unison.
“Yo, Siwon, Hae, what have you two been up to? Haven’t seen you around lately!” It’s Youngwoon who walks up to them, wraps them in manly hugs and pats their backs rather harshly. Hyukjae is ignored, but he’s used to that. In this world of back alley clubs and spotlights his friends are more famous than he is. It’s not always clear if he cares about it or not.
“Been here and there, nothing much,” Siwon replies to their friend, tough grin on his face. These are their images, the parts they need to play in the theatre that is their lives. Siwon is the tough one, the one who beats up anyone that even dares to touch them. He’s growing more and more into that image lately. “What about you, hyung? Beat up some more people lately?” He laughs, Youngwoon laughs, Donghae does too. Hyukjae stays a little in the background. Zhou Mi didn’t even bother coming.
Zhou Mi is worth even less than Hyukjae in this scenery. He does not fight people, nor does he look angry or scary. Zhou Mi is the lamb of the underground world. You can’t find anyone more innocent than him in the world they live in.
But Siwon is not the only tough one. Donghae is Siwon’s right hand, in some way of speaking. Donghae doesn’t hit people, nor does he have that tough smile, but when he stares at someone long enough, they’ll leave anyway. No one wants to get Donghae angry.
It’s not exactly the fact that Donghae looks scary when he’s angry, or that he has killed someone in the past. What scares them is that he has never been angry before in a world where being angry is the new breathing. There’s nothing to win with kindness. One has to be hard and tough to survive, is what they say.
Donghae is not at all, but only Hyukjae knows this. Not even Siwon does.
“Yah you bastard, try saying that again with my fist in your face!” the tall, well-built man yells at him. Hyukjae merely looks back, eyes ever so cold. Usually he’s not the one to impress people, but there’s a certain absence of fear about him at that moment that makes his opponent hesitate. And hesitation is all it takes in the world they live in.
“I shall repeat myself; you’re a dickhead and you should stay the fuck away from my friends.” Hyukjae speaks then, voice icy, eyes still piercing into the other’s. They stand like that for a moment, before the guy who’s probably twice Hyukjae’s size relaxes and leaves.
Hyukjae calmly turns to the person he just saved then, reaching out a hand and helping the other up. “You alright?” he asks, getting a short nod in reply. The guy he saved is about half a head taller than him, doesn’t look like he’s familiar with the underground life, and smiles with so much innocence still it’s hard to think he’s lived in the same world as them for his whole life.
“You didn’t have to do that.” he speaks once he’s standing steady, voice a kind of caramel smooth with a rough edge to it. “I could’ve taken him on my own.” Hyukjae eyes the other in a scrutinising way, eyes wandering over the smooth face and unharmed skin, before he nods shortly and pulls his hand out of the gentle grip.
“Don’t get yourself in trouble again, okay? The streets are no place for people like you. You’d better stay inside the city walls.” he replies uninterestedly, turning away and walking off. But the stranger calls after him and he stops to look back.
“When I said I could’ve taken him on my own, I meant it. But thanks anyway, Hyukjae-ssi. When you need help one day, I’ll be the one to rescue you instead.” the boy speaks, pulling something out of his back pocket and throwing it at Hyukjae. It’s a pocket knife, the name ‘Kibum’ engraved in it. “Show this to someone important when you need help. People know where to find me.”
There’s a nod, a glimpse of a smirk and then Kibum turns around and walks away, disappearing into some back alley as he goes. Hyukjae is left staring after him, wondering how the hell that guy knows his real name.
“Remember the days when the world was brighter?” Heechul asks one day, something lighting up his eyes, but he shakes his head to that. The elder snorts, before sighing. “Yeah.. No one does.” he speaks then, smiling and lifting a hand to ruffle his hair. “No one does..” he repeats, but the light has left his eyes again.
He watches his hyung often, sitting in the chair close to Heechul’s bed, looking at how the light flashes on his pale skin. There’s so many emotions that Heechul hides. They’re all hiding something, so it’s nothing very surprising, but to him it feels like Heechul doesn’t specifically try to hide anything, his emotions just happen to not be visible to others.
One day Donghae takes a punch for Hyukjae. The fist is supposed to hit Hyukjae unconscious, but instead Donghae jumps in the way, taking it with his back and slamming into the ground. There’s a moment in which everyone stares at the boy on the ground, but then the attacker realises what he’s done and everyone runs as fast as they can.
Hyukjae crouches down in the blink of an eye, rolls his friend over and looks straight at Donghae’s bleeding nose and scraped forehead. The angle of the street light creates shadows under Donghae’s eyes that reflect how little sleep he's had over the past weeks.
Siwon rages at everyone who remains in a too close proximity with them and deals a few punches to people he knows relate to the guy who hit Donghae. Hyukjae watches it with empty eyes as he helps Donghae sit up and wipes the little pieces of gravel off of his friend’s face. He vaguely wonders if Siwon would have reacted like that too if he were the one to take the punch, but drops the idea before it can bring him pain.
When Hyukjae arrives at school the next morning, Zhou Mi’s applying disinfectant on Donghae’s forehead, while Donghae stares at the tall boy in faked annoyance, pretending to be tough. Zhou Mi makes sure he’s done before Siwon arrives.
“Where were you this weekend?” Siwon demands to know and Hyukjae frowns but remains silent, because they never ask questions about the others’ whereabouts. It’s an unwritten rule. “I asked you a question.” Siwon states then, expression darkening. Hyukjae just keeps staring, until the fist comes at him seemingly out of nowhere. He darts out of reach before it can hit him, taking his hands out of his pockets to defend himself if necessary and looking at Siwon in genuine surprise.
“Since when is it any of your business what I do with my weekends?” he asks, voice cold, some of that life in his eyes that surprises Siwon. They are not used to fire and fighting spirit. People are dull, people are tired, people are just trying to end up in the lesser one of all the evils. Hyukjae is starting to look more and more like he’s willing to live and it unsettles Siwon. Donghae merely stays out of it.
Zhou Mi just stands a little aside and looks at them judgingly. He always does.
“Forests were very pretty places. When I was younger my parents would take me on long walks through the forests and I’d play in the mud or chase after wild animals.”
It sounds like a fairytale to him, but Heechul is obviously lost in memories, smiling for once without that hint of regret. It makes him smile too as he runs his fingers through his hair and settles into the chair a little better. He wants to ask something more about those forests and what they looked like, but Heechul’s fallen asleep again, his breathing even.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing!?” Siwon hisses, and Donghae tightens his grip on the taller man’s wrist. Siwon doesn’t even try to struggle, he just glares. Hyukjae ignores the hatred seeping out of every part of Siwon’s body. Zhou Mi stands next to them with hurt in his eyes and pleading looks that for some reason keep going to Hyukjae and not to Siwon, as if he’s more scared of what the first will do than of Siwon’s anger.
“Like I said.” Hyukjae states calmly. “I’m talking to one of my acquaintances.” He turns around again then, completely disregarding anything that might be said to him from then on as he walks back to Hangeng - probably one of Siwon’s biggest enemies in the underground scene.
The next thing they know, Siwon throws himself forward and it takes both Donghae, Zhou Mi and two of Hangeng’s friends to stop the fight that ensues. Hyukjae comes out with several bleeding wounds and a look in his eyes that speaks of nothing but disappointment. Siwon realises that whatever he has been seeing in Hyukjae’s eyes for the past weeks, has finally made it further than just his eyes. Hyukjae is no longer the gullible kid they got to know him as.
Sitting in the back of a truck, they look out over a never-ending road that seems to fly by. An endless stream of asphalt and building ruins on the side. Hyukjae’s silent, arms wrapped around his knees that he pulled up against his chest. Zhou Mi’s sitting next to him, head having slouched to the side in his sleep. There’s no one else with them, no Donghae or Siwon, just the two of them.
It doesn’t take long for Zhou Mi to wake up, a bump in the road making him open his eyes in a flash. He looks around drowsily and tries to remember what he’s doing in the car. When he finally does, he stares at the passing road with empty eyes.
“Why are we here?” he asks after a moment of silence, and Hyukjae turns to look at him.
“I don’t know. I wanted to get out of there. Don’t you ever want to get out of that place? It’s all lifeless and dark.” he speaks, making Zhou Mi smile mirthlessly.
“The whole world is dark.” he says, but they both knew that already anyway. “Why did you take me along?” he adds then.
“Because you’re not.” Hyukjae smiles, something in his eyes that reminds Zhou Mi of life.
“I’m not what?” he inquires, trying to understand what his friend is talking about.
“You’re not dark, Mi, not lifeless.” Hyukjae replies then, turning to look at him and smiling still. “You’re alive and you’re hoping to make your life better than what it is now. None of us tries to do that. We just go with how things are. Smoking, drinking, fighting. You do none of that. You smile so genuinely and people call you a moron for it, but you don’t care. You just keep smiling. I don’t want you to have to live in that dark place.”
Zhou Mi hears things between the sentences that Hyukjae can’t bear to say out loud and he easily wraps an arm around the other’s shoulders, allowing Hyukjae to lean into the touch.
Sometimes he asks himself if he could draw a circle on the wall and walk through it. Heechul says anything is possible as long as you believe in it. Reality says it’s a solid stone wall, you can’t walk through that, and if you do try anyway you’ll have a headache. He likes Heechul’s way of thinking more, but still abides by reality’s words, because that is what he lives in.
“Not everything comes flying into your arms.” Heechul tells him, voice having grown hoarser throughout the years they’ve known each other. “But some things do even when you don’t want them to. You can try to outrun something like that, but in the end it’ll catch up with you and you’ll be stuck with it. Life is not a playground. It has become a battlefield.”
He smiles without happiness, runs his fingertips over the armrest of his chair and tries to imagine possible scenarios for every single crack in it. Heechul says something more, but it is in that language he doesn’t understand so he doesn’t listen to it. When he looks up several moments later, Heechul is looking at him with a distant expression on his face. He understands what is being said to him without hearing any words.
“Why didn’t you ask Donghae to come instead of me?” Zhou Mi asks him one day as they sit at the kitchen table eating their instant noodles. The Chinese man’s dark hair is tied into a small ponytail on the back of his head, his dark eyes peering at Hyukjae with a wisdom in them that is beyond his age. He clicks his chopsticks together in front of the other’s face when there’s no immediate response and smiles teasingly. “How often do I have to tell you no to sleep with your eyes open? Eat your food before it’s cold.”
Hyukjae blinks at that, consciously looks at his friend then, and tries to smile back. He fails awkwardly at it. “Donghae...” he speaks in a soft voice when Zhou Mi does not look away. “He cares about Siwon too much. He wouldn’t leave his hyung to go with me.” There’s a sad touch to Hyukjae’s smile, but Zhou Mi knows it’s not because Donghae doesn’t want to come along with him, but because he chooses to live in an environment he’s not made for just so he can be with the one he admires. Hyukjae regrets that Donghae can’t live like they’re doing.
They start to fall into a lifestyle that feels foreign to them, yet is normal for everyone else around them. Finishing up their studies, going to school every day and coming home to either cook dinner or eat what the other has prepared. The one home first makes the food is the golden rule, except for during the weekends, when they mostly just order in. It’s a comfortable existence they have and it works out even after university when they both get a job.
It all changes halfway into their first year of work, when a dark letter is sent by mail. The name on the back is not familiar to Zhou Mi, a certain man with the surname Kim, but Hyukjae pales a little upon seeing it and refuses to even look at it. Zhou Mi is not allowed to touch it either and he doesn’t because it’s addressed to Hyukjae not him. The next day the letter disappears and Hyukjae doesn’t talk about it anymore. That weekend, Zhou Mi wakes up in the middle of the night to a crying Hyukjae on the kitchen floor.
He wraps an arm around the other, pulls the lifeless body against his and hugs it. Hyukjae’s body trembles with soundless sobs, his tears seeming unending. He cries until well past five in the morning and Zhou Mi sits with him, holds him, comforts him. When Hyukjae stops crying, he holds him a little more, until trembling fingers bring a crumbled paper into view. When it unfolds, Zhou Mi read one thing only but needs no more.
‘Lee Donghae’ it says in dark, mysterious font that speaks of endings and silence. Hyukjae doesn’t talk for a whole week and when he finally says something during dinner the next Monday, he pretends nothing happened. Zhou Mi doesn’t try to force reality onto him.
They sit on the balcony one day, looking out over the streets where cars pass by occasionally. Hyukjae hums a song that sounds distantly familiar. It fills them with melancholy.
“How did you get us here?” Zhou Mi asks at some point. “Where did the truck come from that took us?”
“I got help from a friend.” Hyukjae states, staring into the distance. He’s clutching something in his hands that looks like a pocket knife with slight writing on it.
“Do you think I will ever see the sun, hyung?” he asks and Heechul smiles.
“Maybe.. But you shouldn’t hope for too much.” the elder replies, always honest, never giving hope when there is nothing to hope for. He smiles as well then, nodding slightly.
“I guess so.” he replies. Heechul nods too, then closes his eyes. He’ll probably fall asleep again soon.
He looks outside the window at the sky covered in clouds and the streets filled with kids trying to pick the lesser one out of all the evils. He tells himself he tried his best for them, that there’s nothing he can do about it. Even his mind doesn’t believe him when he remembers the grave of an innocent young man who was full of life but chose to die for someone he didn’t even know.
When he looks up at Heechul, the elder is not breathing anymore. He smiles a bitter smile and gets up, pulling the blanket over Heechul’s face. He mumbles something that might or might not be a prayer and walks out of the hospital room to tell a nurse.
One day the news speaks of possibilities that the sky might clear enough above their city to catch a glimpse of the sun. The next day they say the assumption was wrong. No hopes are crushed because no one bothers to hope for these things anymore.
The next week the sky does clear above their city and everyone stays inside because they’re afraid to get burned. Hyukjae goes to the park and stares at the sun all day. Zhou Mi sits next to him with an umbrella shielding him from the sunlight, watching the trees’ shadows wave on the ground. When they go home in the evening, Hyukjae sees black spots everywhere and they laugh when he walks into a street light for the third time.
It sounds foreign even to their own ears, but they do it again the fourth time as well.
Characters: Hyukjae, Zhou Mi, Donghae, Heechul, Kibum, Siwon
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 3.314
Summary: They're trying to find the lesser one of all evils
A/N: So this is a story I started writing after reading one of my friend's newest fics. It inspired me to write abstract, vague stuff and this is what came out of that. The title comes from the song I've been listening to non-stop to write this; Dare you to move by Switchfoot. Aside from that I have nothing to say about this. I strangely love the story, especially the ending, which came out after reading one of Tablo's stories. ^^ I wish to warn my readers for character death. Nothing explicitly gross or anything, but people die. That is life.
- - - - -
The world is a dark place.
Literally.
To some it’s normal, they don’t know any better. To others it’s a sign of how much the world has changed since they were born.
He’s one of those that don’t have a clue.
But Heechul, Heechul speaks of wondrous scenes and abstract things like rainbows, or a shiny yellow orb called the sun.
It’s a dark world, but there’s still dreams and if you really want, you can make it big. Or at least that’s what they tell themselves when they lie awake in bed until late at night, trying to act like it’s not all bad and gruesome.
He usually fails at that.
\/\/\/\/\/
It’s a dark Friday morning when they gather at the corner of the school building, Siwon bringing a few cigarettes, Donghae holding up the lighter he stole from his parents, Hyukjae taking the first drag. Zhou Mi just stands next to Hyukjae and looks at them. His expression is slightly judging, but he doesn’t say a word about it. They all know they’re doing something bad anyway.
“So what are the plans for the long weekend?” Donghae asks and he blows the cigarette smoke back out as he talks. It crinkles up into the air, becoming invisible to their eyes not long after.
They all shrug in reply to the question. There obviously are no plans.
“We could go somewhere together?” Hyukjae suggests. They pretend to think about it, but the answer is clear already. It’s always yes. What else would they do with their time?
“Hang out at the Monster?” Siwon adds like an afterthought and the other two nod in unison.
/\/\/\/\/\
“Yo, Siwon, Hae, what have you two been up to? Haven’t seen you around lately!” It’s Youngwoon who walks up to them, wraps them in manly hugs and pats their backs rather harshly. Hyukjae is ignored, but he’s used to that. In this world of back alley clubs and spotlights his friends are more famous than he is. It’s not always clear if he cares about it or not.
“Been here and there, nothing much,” Siwon replies to their friend, tough grin on his face. These are their images, the parts they need to play in the theatre that is their lives. Siwon is the tough one, the one who beats up anyone that even dares to touch them. He’s growing more and more into that image lately. “What about you, hyung? Beat up some more people lately?” He laughs, Youngwoon laughs, Donghae does too. Hyukjae stays a little in the background. Zhou Mi didn’t even bother coming.
Zhou Mi is worth even less than Hyukjae in this scenery. He does not fight people, nor does he look angry or scary. Zhou Mi is the lamb of the underground world. You can’t find anyone more innocent than him in the world they live in.
But Siwon is not the only tough one. Donghae is Siwon’s right hand, in some way of speaking. Donghae doesn’t hit people, nor does he have that tough smile, but when he stares at someone long enough, they’ll leave anyway. No one wants to get Donghae angry.
It’s not exactly the fact that Donghae looks scary when he’s angry, or that he has killed someone in the past. What scares them is that he has never been angry before in a world where being angry is the new breathing. There’s nothing to win with kindness. One has to be hard and tough to survive, is what they say.
Donghae is not at all, but only Hyukjae knows this. Not even Siwon does.
\/\/\/\/\/
“Yah you bastard, try saying that again with my fist in your face!” the tall, well-built man yells at him. Hyukjae merely looks back, eyes ever so cold. Usually he’s not the one to impress people, but there’s a certain absence of fear about him at that moment that makes his opponent hesitate. And hesitation is all it takes in the world they live in.
“I shall repeat myself; you’re a dickhead and you should stay the fuck away from my friends.” Hyukjae speaks then, voice icy, eyes still piercing into the other’s. They stand like that for a moment, before the guy who’s probably twice Hyukjae’s size relaxes and leaves.
Hyukjae calmly turns to the person he just saved then, reaching out a hand and helping the other up. “You alright?” he asks, getting a short nod in reply. The guy he saved is about half a head taller than him, doesn’t look like he’s familiar with the underground life, and smiles with so much innocence still it’s hard to think he’s lived in the same world as them for his whole life.
“You didn’t have to do that.” he speaks once he’s standing steady, voice a kind of caramel smooth with a rough edge to it. “I could’ve taken him on my own.” Hyukjae eyes the other in a scrutinising way, eyes wandering over the smooth face and unharmed skin, before he nods shortly and pulls his hand out of the gentle grip.
“Don’t get yourself in trouble again, okay? The streets are no place for people like you. You’d better stay inside the city walls.” he replies uninterestedly, turning away and walking off. But the stranger calls after him and he stops to look back.
“When I said I could’ve taken him on my own, I meant it. But thanks anyway, Hyukjae-ssi. When you need help one day, I’ll be the one to rescue you instead.” the boy speaks, pulling something out of his back pocket and throwing it at Hyukjae. It’s a pocket knife, the name ‘Kibum’ engraved in it. “Show this to someone important when you need help. People know where to find me.”
There’s a nod, a glimpse of a smirk and then Kibum turns around and walks away, disappearing into some back alley as he goes. Hyukjae is left staring after him, wondering how the hell that guy knows his real name.
/\/\/\/\/\
“Remember the days when the world was brighter?” Heechul asks one day, something lighting up his eyes, but he shakes his head to that. The elder snorts, before sighing. “Yeah.. No one does.” he speaks then, smiling and lifting a hand to ruffle his hair. “No one does..” he repeats, but the light has left his eyes again.
He watches his hyung often, sitting in the chair close to Heechul’s bed, looking at how the light flashes on his pale skin. There’s so many emotions that Heechul hides. They’re all hiding something, so it’s nothing very surprising, but to him it feels like Heechul doesn’t specifically try to hide anything, his emotions just happen to not be visible to others.
\/\/\/\/\/
One day Donghae takes a punch for Hyukjae. The fist is supposed to hit Hyukjae unconscious, but instead Donghae jumps in the way, taking it with his back and slamming into the ground. There’s a moment in which everyone stares at the boy on the ground, but then the attacker realises what he’s done and everyone runs as fast as they can.
Hyukjae crouches down in the blink of an eye, rolls his friend over and looks straight at Donghae’s bleeding nose and scraped forehead. The angle of the street light creates shadows under Donghae’s eyes that reflect how little sleep he's had over the past weeks.
Siwon rages at everyone who remains in a too close proximity with them and deals a few punches to people he knows relate to the guy who hit Donghae. Hyukjae watches it with empty eyes as he helps Donghae sit up and wipes the little pieces of gravel off of his friend’s face. He vaguely wonders if Siwon would have reacted like that too if he were the one to take the punch, but drops the idea before it can bring him pain.
When Hyukjae arrives at school the next morning, Zhou Mi’s applying disinfectant on Donghae’s forehead, while Donghae stares at the tall boy in faked annoyance, pretending to be tough. Zhou Mi makes sure he’s done before Siwon arrives.
/\/\/\/\/\
“Where were you this weekend?” Siwon demands to know and Hyukjae frowns but remains silent, because they never ask questions about the others’ whereabouts. It’s an unwritten rule. “I asked you a question.” Siwon states then, expression darkening. Hyukjae just keeps staring, until the fist comes at him seemingly out of nowhere. He darts out of reach before it can hit him, taking his hands out of his pockets to defend himself if necessary and looking at Siwon in genuine surprise.
“Since when is it any of your business what I do with my weekends?” he asks, voice cold, some of that life in his eyes that surprises Siwon. They are not used to fire and fighting spirit. People are dull, people are tired, people are just trying to end up in the lesser one of all the evils. Hyukjae is starting to look more and more like he’s willing to live and it unsettles Siwon. Donghae merely stays out of it.
Zhou Mi just stands a little aside and looks at them judgingly. He always does.
\/\/\/\/\/
“Forests were very pretty places. When I was younger my parents would take me on long walks through the forests and I’d play in the mud or chase after wild animals.”
It sounds like a fairytale to him, but Heechul is obviously lost in memories, smiling for once without that hint of regret. It makes him smile too as he runs his fingers through his hair and settles into the chair a little better. He wants to ask something more about those forests and what they looked like, but Heechul’s fallen asleep again, his breathing even.
/\/\/\/\/\
“What the hell do you think you’re doing!?” Siwon hisses, and Donghae tightens his grip on the taller man’s wrist. Siwon doesn’t even try to struggle, he just glares. Hyukjae ignores the hatred seeping out of every part of Siwon’s body. Zhou Mi stands next to them with hurt in his eyes and pleading looks that for some reason keep going to Hyukjae and not to Siwon, as if he’s more scared of what the first will do than of Siwon’s anger.
“Like I said.” Hyukjae states calmly. “I’m talking to one of my acquaintances.” He turns around again then, completely disregarding anything that might be said to him from then on as he walks back to Hangeng - probably one of Siwon’s biggest enemies in the underground scene.
The next thing they know, Siwon throws himself forward and it takes both Donghae, Zhou Mi and two of Hangeng’s friends to stop the fight that ensues. Hyukjae comes out with several bleeding wounds and a look in his eyes that speaks of nothing but disappointment. Siwon realises that whatever he has been seeing in Hyukjae’s eyes for the past weeks, has finally made it further than just his eyes. Hyukjae is no longer the gullible kid they got to know him as.
\/\/\/\/\/
Sitting in the back of a truck, they look out over a never-ending road that seems to fly by. An endless stream of asphalt and building ruins on the side. Hyukjae’s silent, arms wrapped around his knees that he pulled up against his chest. Zhou Mi’s sitting next to him, head having slouched to the side in his sleep. There’s no one else with them, no Donghae or Siwon, just the two of them.
It doesn’t take long for Zhou Mi to wake up, a bump in the road making him open his eyes in a flash. He looks around drowsily and tries to remember what he’s doing in the car. When he finally does, he stares at the passing road with empty eyes.
“Why are we here?” he asks after a moment of silence, and Hyukjae turns to look at him.
“I don’t know. I wanted to get out of there. Don’t you ever want to get out of that place? It’s all lifeless and dark.” he speaks, making Zhou Mi smile mirthlessly.
“The whole world is dark.” he says, but they both knew that already anyway. “Why did you take me along?” he adds then.
“Because you’re not.” Hyukjae smiles, something in his eyes that reminds Zhou Mi of life.
“I’m not what?” he inquires, trying to understand what his friend is talking about.
“You’re not dark, Mi, not lifeless.” Hyukjae replies then, turning to look at him and smiling still. “You’re alive and you’re hoping to make your life better than what it is now. None of us tries to do that. We just go with how things are. Smoking, drinking, fighting. You do none of that. You smile so genuinely and people call you a moron for it, but you don’t care. You just keep smiling. I don’t want you to have to live in that dark place.”
Zhou Mi hears things between the sentences that Hyukjae can’t bear to say out loud and he easily wraps an arm around the other’s shoulders, allowing Hyukjae to lean into the touch.
/\/\/\/\/\
Sometimes he asks himself if he could draw a circle on the wall and walk through it. Heechul says anything is possible as long as you believe in it. Reality says it’s a solid stone wall, you can’t walk through that, and if you do try anyway you’ll have a headache. He likes Heechul’s way of thinking more, but still abides by reality’s words, because that is what he lives in.
“Not everything comes flying into your arms.” Heechul tells him, voice having grown hoarser throughout the years they’ve known each other. “But some things do even when you don’t want them to. You can try to outrun something like that, but in the end it’ll catch up with you and you’ll be stuck with it. Life is not a playground. It has become a battlefield.”
He smiles without happiness, runs his fingertips over the armrest of his chair and tries to imagine possible scenarios for every single crack in it. Heechul says something more, but it is in that language he doesn’t understand so he doesn’t listen to it. When he looks up several moments later, Heechul is looking at him with a distant expression on his face. He understands what is being said to him without hearing any words.
\/\/\/\/\/
“Why didn’t you ask Donghae to come instead of me?” Zhou Mi asks him one day as they sit at the kitchen table eating their instant noodles. The Chinese man’s dark hair is tied into a small ponytail on the back of his head, his dark eyes peering at Hyukjae with a wisdom in them that is beyond his age. He clicks his chopsticks together in front of the other’s face when there’s no immediate response and smiles teasingly. “How often do I have to tell you no to sleep with your eyes open? Eat your food before it’s cold.”
Hyukjae blinks at that, consciously looks at his friend then, and tries to smile back. He fails awkwardly at it. “Donghae...” he speaks in a soft voice when Zhou Mi does not look away. “He cares about Siwon too much. He wouldn’t leave his hyung to go with me.” There’s a sad touch to Hyukjae’s smile, but Zhou Mi knows it’s not because Donghae doesn’t want to come along with him, but because he chooses to live in an environment he’s not made for just so he can be with the one he admires. Hyukjae regrets that Donghae can’t live like they’re doing.
/\/\/\/\/\
They start to fall into a lifestyle that feels foreign to them, yet is normal for everyone else around them. Finishing up their studies, going to school every day and coming home to either cook dinner or eat what the other has prepared. The one home first makes the food is the golden rule, except for during the weekends, when they mostly just order in. It’s a comfortable existence they have and it works out even after university when they both get a job.
It all changes halfway into their first year of work, when a dark letter is sent by mail. The name on the back is not familiar to Zhou Mi, a certain man with the surname Kim, but Hyukjae pales a little upon seeing it and refuses to even look at it. Zhou Mi is not allowed to touch it either and he doesn’t because it’s addressed to Hyukjae not him. The next day the letter disappears and Hyukjae doesn’t talk about it anymore. That weekend, Zhou Mi wakes up in the middle of the night to a crying Hyukjae on the kitchen floor.
He wraps an arm around the other, pulls the lifeless body against his and hugs it. Hyukjae’s body trembles with soundless sobs, his tears seeming unending. He cries until well past five in the morning and Zhou Mi sits with him, holds him, comforts him. When Hyukjae stops crying, he holds him a little more, until trembling fingers bring a crumbled paper into view. When it unfolds, Zhou Mi read one thing only but needs no more.
‘Lee Donghae’ it says in dark, mysterious font that speaks of endings and silence. Hyukjae doesn’t talk for a whole week and when he finally says something during dinner the next Monday, he pretends nothing happened. Zhou Mi doesn’t try to force reality onto him.
\/\/\/\/\/
They sit on the balcony one day, looking out over the streets where cars pass by occasionally. Hyukjae hums a song that sounds distantly familiar. It fills them with melancholy.
“How did you get us here?” Zhou Mi asks at some point. “Where did the truck come from that took us?”
“I got help from a friend.” Hyukjae states, staring into the distance. He’s clutching something in his hands that looks like a pocket knife with slight writing on it.
/\/\/\/\/\
“Do you think I will ever see the sun, hyung?” he asks and Heechul smiles.
“Maybe.. But you shouldn’t hope for too much.” the elder replies, always honest, never giving hope when there is nothing to hope for. He smiles as well then, nodding slightly.
“I guess so.” he replies. Heechul nods too, then closes his eyes. He’ll probably fall asleep again soon.
He looks outside the window at the sky covered in clouds and the streets filled with kids trying to pick the lesser one out of all the evils. He tells himself he tried his best for them, that there’s nothing he can do about it. Even his mind doesn’t believe him when he remembers the grave of an innocent young man who was full of life but chose to die for someone he didn’t even know.
When he looks up at Heechul, the elder is not breathing anymore. He smiles a bitter smile and gets up, pulling the blanket over Heechul’s face. He mumbles something that might or might not be a prayer and walks out of the hospital room to tell a nurse.
\/\/\/\/\/
One day the news speaks of possibilities that the sky might clear enough above their city to catch a glimpse of the sun. The next day they say the assumption was wrong. No hopes are crushed because no one bothers to hope for these things anymore.
The next week the sky does clear above their city and everyone stays inside because they’re afraid to get burned. Hyukjae goes to the park and stares at the sun all day. Zhou Mi sits next to him with an umbrella shielding him from the sunlight, watching the trees’ shadows wave on the ground. When they go home in the evening, Hyukjae sees black spots everywhere and they laugh when he walks into a street light for the third time.
It sounds foreign even to their own ears, but they do it again the fourth time as well.
[FIC] Opposites
Title: Opposites
Characters: Kyuhyun, Sungmin, Eunhyuk
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 2.882
Summary: Two enemies set out to save a common friend
A/N: I go straight against the Kyuminism because so many people are for it, but since my Twinnie asked for Kyuminhyuk, they're of course in this. I just made it easy for myself to write them and I really enjoyed this all. So I hope you all do too.
- - - - -
Cho Kyuhyun and Lee Sungmin were like fire and water, heaven and earth, up and down, left and right,.. To put it short, they were complete opposites. Yet for the sole purpose of finding their lost friend, Hyukjae, they teamed up to go look for him in the mountains of Australia. They set off with a tent, a sleeping bag each and two heavy backpacks filled with food, drinks and the needed clothing.
~*~
Sungmin sighed as he looked at the other, already vast asleep despite the hard ground, the creeping cold and the raging storm. After a few moments of doubt, he finally lifted his hand and softly pushed his companion. There came no reaction. He shook his head in disbelief, before lifting his foot and basically kicking the other from underneath the sleeping bag. The assaulted person cursed as he woke up and quickly scrambled back to his warm spot.
“Bloody hell, Ming!” he hissed when his eyes found the culprit. “I’m sleeping! Can’t you see that?”
“I was able to hear it, that’s a given. But dang, you idiot, I’m cold.” the other replied, lifting an arm to prove his words by showing the goose bumps on it. A sigh escaped the lips of the one who had so forcefully been woken up.
“Alright, alright. Get over here.” he then said as he rolled his eyes and lifted up a corner of his sleeping bag. Sungmin immediately took hold of the opportunity and scooted closer to the other, pulling his own sleeping bag over them as well to give them even more warmth. The moment his cold fingers touched the other, however, Kyuhyun quickly pulled away from him, cursing under his breath. “Shit, dude, you’re freezing.”
“No really? I told you I’m cold, you idiot.” Sungmin snapped back, before cuddling up against Kyuhyun’s warm body. The latter sighed, but wrapped his arms around the other nonetheless, just to make him warm up. He wasn’t about to let his companion freeze to death when they were trying to save Hyukjae. It didn’t really help that he couldn’t stand Sungmin at all, but at least the pink-loving King of Gays had stopped talking now. “And don’t even think about throwing me out from under the sleeping bags over night, you smelly piece of cow shit.” Or maybe not.
“I love you too, Ming.” he replied sarcastically. “Just sleep. We have to get up early, remember?” He closed his eyes shut and wished in vain that his ears could be closed as well. Luckily the other didn’t speak anymore and he soon found himself drifting off into the much needed sleep.
~*~
He woke up to find a strange vivid light around him. When he turned his head, he noticed Sungmin still sleeping beside him. A small smirk formed on his face and he got up from under the sleeping bag, only to pull both of them off of his companion. He then turned to the entrance of the tent and opened it to look outside. Everything was white. Not just white, but WHITE. No matter where he looked there was white staring back.
“What the hell?” he cursed disbelievingly. “We’re in frigging AUSTRALIA, what’s the fucking SNOW doing here?” The last words were yelled, waking up an already shivering Sungmin.
“W-what are you t-talking about, c-chickenshit?” he mumbled through chattering teeth, using yet another insult, although he was still groggy from sleep and trembling with cold. “There is no s-snow in Aus-stralia.”
“Tell that to the surroundings, smartass.” Kyuhyun snapped, grabbing a hand of the ice cold substance and throwing it at the other. Sungmin didn’t even flinch when the icy snow fell on his leg and Kyuhyun realised with a shock that his companion had for some reason taken off his pants and pullover while asleep, so he was now basically freezing in the hardly liveable temperature of the tent.
“What the hell did you do, you moron?” he immediately yelled, taking both the sleeping bags and tucking them tightly around Sungmin. “Do you WANT to die or something? Did you forget that we are trying to find a lost person here. I don’t need you to go all suicidal on me as well, you know!” While shouting those words, he plopped down next to the other boy and wrapped his arms around the heap of boy and sleeping bags.
“I’m s-sorry Kyu, it was j-just so w-warm last n-night in your emb-brace.” The chattering of Sungmin’s teeth slowly began to lessen. Pretty soon after the both of them had fallen asleep again, oblivious to the still raging snowstorm outside.
~*~
The next time Kyuhyun woke up, it was because he was the one being cold. He felt his teeth chatter and his body tremble because of the lack of sleeping bags to cover him. He muttered something silently under his breath, before taking the sleeping bag and scooting under it as well. When his cold fingers touched the other boy’s skin however, Sungmin woke up too.
“Kyuhyun? What are you doing?” he asked, still halfway asleep.
“It’s cold you moron, I’m trying to warm up.” he hissed back.
“Yah! Did you sleep outside of the blankets? Are you stupid?” Sungmin scolded, getting up as he said those words. “It’s snowing outside and.. Wait. Is it really snowing?”
“Yes, you fucking idiot! I told you before!” Kyuhyun retorted, savouring the nice warmth of the sleeping bags. “We’re in frigging Australia and it’s frigging snowing!” Sungmin quickly scooted out from under the sleeping bags and zipped open the tent to look outside, but was met with a huge wall of snow nearly crashing on him. He managed to zip the tent close again right on time.
“It looks like we’re stuck in here.” he then said, turning around to face Kyuhyun. The youngest of the two opened an eye and looked at his companion for a moment.
“What do you mean?” he asked, not really interested.
“Oh you heard me. Wake up and get a grip, Cho Kyuhyun.” Sungmin snapped, finally losing his patience. For the sake of finding their mutual friend, they had cooperated on their road through the vastness of Australia’s deserted mountains, but now that they were already on the road for a full three days, they had seen enough of each other and were ready and willing to grab a gun and kill either themselves or the other. Preferably the latter. “There’s snow covering our whole tent.”
“So push it away, it’s no big deal.” Kyuhyun mumbled, closing his eyes again.
“Don’t get smart with me, you dumbass.” Sungmin hissed back.
“If I got smart with you, how would you know?” Kyuhyun said to that, pulling the sleeping bag over his head to drown out the other one’s nagging. All it earned him, however, was a heavy kick in the stomach, making him slid to the other side of the tent as he grabbed his middle in pain, immediately wide awake again. “What was that for!?” he shouted in shock.
“With your IQ, I don’t think you would understand.” Sungmin told him coldly, without looking up from rummaging through his backpack. Kyuhyun stared at him for a while, mouth opening and closing as he tried to say something, but when nothing came out, he finally scrambled towards the entrance and pushed against the fabric of the tent. The huge heap of snow seemed to bulge, so he did it a few more times, before zipping open the tent again. When he saw they were still caved in, he started to understand the seriousness of their situation.
“Hey, you moron, we’re stuck in here.” he said slightly shocked, as he turned to look at the other.
“Oh really, genius? I told you that FIVE FUCKING MINUTES AGO!” Sungmin shouted, pushing Kyuhyun out into the snow as he threw a spoon and a pair of gloves at him. “Have fun digging your way out.” he snapped, before zipping the tent shut again.
“Yah! What do you think you’re doing!?” Kyuhyun shouted from outside, banging on the tent that could not be opened from outside unless one destroyed it. “Yah! You pink-obsessed drag queen! Let me in! Yah” When no visible or other reply came, he cursed loudly and turned to the heap of snow surrounding him to start digging a way through.
~*~
Five hours later they found themselves both back inside of the tent. The snow around them had turned out to be too frozen to dig through. Sungmin, not being a murderer, had let Kyuhyun back in after half an hour. They had been sitting each at the other side, shivering and trembling like there was no tomorrow. At first they had sent each other deadly glares, but as time passed and the cold increased, they found that there was no point in trying to kill the other with glares when they were almost dying from cold themselves. It was only after two more hours that Sungmin finally gave in to the cold and got over his stubbornness.
“Fine, you idiot, I’ll say it. I’m sorry, okay? Can we now sit closer again? I don’t really feel like freezing here.” he mumbled, looking straight at the other again for the first time in hours.
“You sound so sorry it almost makes the snow outside melt.” Kyuhyun replied sarcastically, but he moved a little anyway so that Sungmin could sit next to him. Once they sat side to side, they draped the sleeping bags over both their bodies. Without really thinking about it, Kyuhyun put his arms around Sungmin and pulled him closer. The latter didn’t have anything to object to that, but merely rested his head on Kyuhyun’s shoulder.
Another three hours later they found themselves dozing off at times because it started to become warmer in the tent. Yet Sungmin knew the sole reason for that and he wasn’t really feeling all too well about it. Outside, the storm rumbled on, making them hear all kinds of strange noises. There was screeching, the relentless sound of distant thunder at times even and for some strange reason also a never ending ticking that seemed to come closer together with the storm.
“Kyuhyun..” Sungmin finally said, when the noise became louder and louder. “We might run out of oxygen.” The moment he said the words, however, he realised the truth in them and suddenly his fear that had been building ever since he found out they were snowed in rose to the surface and he felt his body starting to shake. “We might die here.” he continued his rambling. “Then Hyukjae will forever be lost in the mountains and I’ll die without ever having heard my name said properly by you and..”
“Yah, you moron, we’re not going to die.” Kyuhyun interrupted him, patting his arm in an awkward way of trying to calm him down. “Don’t go all dramatic on me just so that I would stop calling you moron. It’s not going to work, you smartass.” Sungmin huffed at those words, but there was a slight smile on his face anyway and Kyuhyun’s confidence seemed to work on him.
“At least I’m the smartass. You’re the dumbass of us two.” he retorted, punching his companion playfully in the side at the remark.
“Well my ass is not supposed to be smart, it’s supposed to be sat on.” Those words coming from Kyuhyun made Sungmin chuckle softly and he closed his eyes. “Catch a bit of sleep, we’ll get back to digging a path through the snow when we wake up. I think I know a way to get us out.” Kyuhyun then proceeded to say, before resting his head against the tent and snow behind him and closing his eyes as well. It didn’t take them too long to drift off into sleep again.
~*~
Sungmin woke up with the strange feeling that someone was eyeing him. He sleepily opened his eyes and stared ahead for a while. When he realised that he was looking at someone’s crotch, his cheeks immediately turned slightly red and he quickly averted his eyes. The first thing he saw was Kyuhyun, still vast asleep. Realising that it must be something else making him feel uncomfortable, he slowly untangled his arms from Kyuhyun’s and turned his head to search for his backpack. What he saw the moment his eyes scanned the tent made him freeze in his movements and then suddenly lunch forward.
“Hyukjae-ah!” he called out in excitement as he practically assaulted his best friend. The unsuspecting boy toppled over and they ended up falling on the ground, laughing and hugging. “You’re alive!” Sungmin managed to get out at a certain point in between laughter and chuckling. He hugged the other tightly and hid his face against Hyukjae’s chest. “I thought you were somewhere lost in the mountains and then we went to save you and then we got snowed in and.. How did you get in? We were snowed in.” Hyukjae merely laughed, patting Sungmin’s back.
“It’s alright, Min, it’s alright. I managed to get back only hours after you two had set off to find me. They told me you two had left, so I went to get help to find you in the mountains, as they had predicted a snowstorm to happen. We set off a day after you did, but then it took us two days to find you and you were all covered in snow. We needed the whole of this day to dig you out, but finally we managed. Luckily we had brought enough material to do so. I’m glad we dug you out on time, before you two ran out of oxygen.” he then explained, rubbing his friend’s back and smiling all the way through.
“I spent three days in the presence of that damned Cho Kyuhyun. I can’t even believe you’re really here, am I not dreaming?” Sungmin exclaimed again, looking up from Hyukjae’s chest and waiting for some kind of affirmation. Hyukjae only shook his head and smiled, to which Sungmin started grinning brightly. “Ah, Hyukkie, I really thought you were dead! I’m so glad you aren’t!” he cheered, subconsciously leaning in and pecking his friend on the lips. When he realised that after another few moments of happily beaming, he turned a shade of tomato-red and shied away from his friend a little.
“Get a room you two.” another voice suddenly broke the slightly awkward moment and both Sungmin and Hyukjae turned to look at the third person in the tent. Kyuhyun was eyeing them with a mixture of amusement and disgust. “So we go out to save your behind and you end up saving ours, huh?” he then added to his earlier words, obviously addressing Hyukjae. The latter grinned and nodded.
“Super Hyukjae saves the day.” he said, grinning widely. He then looked back at Sungmin, who was staring at the ground again shyly, and patted his friend’s head. “It’s alright, Min, you were just a little overactive.” he said amused. It only made Sungmin hide his face against Hyukjae’s chest again.
“Ah, Hyukkie, I feel so embarrassed now.” he muttered, silent enough for Kyuhyun not to hear. The latter was calmly wrapping up their sleeping bags again and putting them away, not even sparing the two hugging friends another glance. “You see how much I care for you? I went out into the snow with him with only one tent and I really can’t stand him. He always insults me.” Sungmin went on complaining. Hyukjae only laughed and pulled his friend closer to him for another moment, before letting go.
“So we can go home now?” Kyuhyun asked right at that moment, very uninterestedly. “I’m getting kind of sick of having to be in this pink-lover’s presence.” He glanced up at his older friend, only to get an amused smile from him. “What are you smirking at, silly?” he snapped, but he was smiling nonetheless, showing that he wasn’t actually as annoyed as he sounded like.
“You two still didn’t become friends?” Hyukjae wondered out loud, looking from Sungmin to Kyuhyun. “One would think you were best mates or even boyfriends seeing as how you were nicely sleeping just before.” He chuckled at the memory and got up to help Kyuhyun with packing the bags. Sungmin sighed as he watched the two work for a moment.
“Well.. Apart from the snarky comments, the constant annoyingness, the star gazing arrogance and the complete lack of IQ, Kyuhyun is quite alright.” he then said walking towards the backpacks as well and quickly organising his stuff the way it was supposed to be. There came a short laugh from Hyukjae in response to his words and Kyuhyun huffed in amusement.
“If you weren’t such a pink-obsessed King of Gays, you wouldn’t be so bad either.” the youngest then said, grabbing his backpack and throwing it over his shoulder as he walked out of the tent. Sungmin stuck out his tongue at Kyuhyun’s back and then rolled his eyes at Hyukjae, who merely laughed at it all. After making sure they had gotten everything in the tent with them, they followed Kyuhyun out and Sungmin happily locked arms with his best friend.
Characters: Kyuhyun, Sungmin, Eunhyuk
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 2.882
Summary: Two enemies set out to save a common friend
A/N: I go straight against the Kyuminism because so many people are for it, but since my Twinnie asked for Kyuminhyuk, they're of course in this. I just made it easy for myself to write them and I really enjoyed this all. So I hope you all do too.
- - - - -
Cho Kyuhyun and Lee Sungmin were like fire and water, heaven and earth, up and down, left and right,.. To put it short, they were complete opposites. Yet for the sole purpose of finding their lost friend, Hyukjae, they teamed up to go look for him in the mountains of Australia. They set off with a tent, a sleeping bag each and two heavy backpacks filled with food, drinks and the needed clothing.
~*~
Sungmin sighed as he looked at the other, already vast asleep despite the hard ground, the creeping cold and the raging storm. After a few moments of doubt, he finally lifted his hand and softly pushed his companion. There came no reaction. He shook his head in disbelief, before lifting his foot and basically kicking the other from underneath the sleeping bag. The assaulted person cursed as he woke up and quickly scrambled back to his warm spot.
“Bloody hell, Ming!” he hissed when his eyes found the culprit. “I’m sleeping! Can’t you see that?”
“I was able to hear it, that’s a given. But dang, you idiot, I’m cold.” the other replied, lifting an arm to prove his words by showing the goose bumps on it. A sigh escaped the lips of the one who had so forcefully been woken up.
“Alright, alright. Get over here.” he then said as he rolled his eyes and lifted up a corner of his sleeping bag. Sungmin immediately took hold of the opportunity and scooted closer to the other, pulling his own sleeping bag over them as well to give them even more warmth. The moment his cold fingers touched the other, however, Kyuhyun quickly pulled away from him, cursing under his breath. “Shit, dude, you’re freezing.”
“No really? I told you I’m cold, you idiot.” Sungmin snapped back, before cuddling up against Kyuhyun’s warm body. The latter sighed, but wrapped his arms around the other nonetheless, just to make him warm up. He wasn’t about to let his companion freeze to death when they were trying to save Hyukjae. It didn’t really help that he couldn’t stand Sungmin at all, but at least the pink-loving King of Gays had stopped talking now. “And don’t even think about throwing me out from under the sleeping bags over night, you smelly piece of cow shit.” Or maybe not.
“I love you too, Ming.” he replied sarcastically. “Just sleep. We have to get up early, remember?” He closed his eyes shut and wished in vain that his ears could be closed as well. Luckily the other didn’t speak anymore and he soon found himself drifting off into the much needed sleep.
~*~
He woke up to find a strange vivid light around him. When he turned his head, he noticed Sungmin still sleeping beside him. A small smirk formed on his face and he got up from under the sleeping bag, only to pull both of them off of his companion. He then turned to the entrance of the tent and opened it to look outside. Everything was white. Not just white, but WHITE. No matter where he looked there was white staring back.
“What the hell?” he cursed disbelievingly. “We’re in frigging AUSTRALIA, what’s the fucking SNOW doing here?” The last words were yelled, waking up an already shivering Sungmin.
“W-what are you t-talking about, c-chickenshit?” he mumbled through chattering teeth, using yet another insult, although he was still groggy from sleep and trembling with cold. “There is no s-snow in Aus-stralia.”
“Tell that to the surroundings, smartass.” Kyuhyun snapped, grabbing a hand of the ice cold substance and throwing it at the other. Sungmin didn’t even flinch when the icy snow fell on his leg and Kyuhyun realised with a shock that his companion had for some reason taken off his pants and pullover while asleep, so he was now basically freezing in the hardly liveable temperature of the tent.
“What the hell did you do, you moron?” he immediately yelled, taking both the sleeping bags and tucking them tightly around Sungmin. “Do you WANT to die or something? Did you forget that we are trying to find a lost person here. I don’t need you to go all suicidal on me as well, you know!” While shouting those words, he plopped down next to the other boy and wrapped his arms around the heap of boy and sleeping bags.
“I’m s-sorry Kyu, it was j-just so w-warm last n-night in your emb-brace.” The chattering of Sungmin’s teeth slowly began to lessen. Pretty soon after the both of them had fallen asleep again, oblivious to the still raging snowstorm outside.
~*~
The next time Kyuhyun woke up, it was because he was the one being cold. He felt his teeth chatter and his body tremble because of the lack of sleeping bags to cover him. He muttered something silently under his breath, before taking the sleeping bag and scooting under it as well. When his cold fingers touched the other boy’s skin however, Sungmin woke up too.
“Kyuhyun? What are you doing?” he asked, still halfway asleep.
“It’s cold you moron, I’m trying to warm up.” he hissed back.
“Yah! Did you sleep outside of the blankets? Are you stupid?” Sungmin scolded, getting up as he said those words. “It’s snowing outside and.. Wait. Is it really snowing?”
“Yes, you fucking idiot! I told you before!” Kyuhyun retorted, savouring the nice warmth of the sleeping bags. “We’re in frigging Australia and it’s frigging snowing!” Sungmin quickly scooted out from under the sleeping bags and zipped open the tent to look outside, but was met with a huge wall of snow nearly crashing on him. He managed to zip the tent close again right on time.
“It looks like we’re stuck in here.” he then said, turning around to face Kyuhyun. The youngest of the two opened an eye and looked at his companion for a moment.
“What do you mean?” he asked, not really interested.
“Oh you heard me. Wake up and get a grip, Cho Kyuhyun.” Sungmin snapped, finally losing his patience. For the sake of finding their mutual friend, they had cooperated on their road through the vastness of Australia’s deserted mountains, but now that they were already on the road for a full three days, they had seen enough of each other and were ready and willing to grab a gun and kill either themselves or the other. Preferably the latter. “There’s snow covering our whole tent.”
“So push it away, it’s no big deal.” Kyuhyun mumbled, closing his eyes again.
“Don’t get smart with me, you dumbass.” Sungmin hissed back.
“If I got smart with you, how would you know?” Kyuhyun said to that, pulling the sleeping bag over his head to drown out the other one’s nagging. All it earned him, however, was a heavy kick in the stomach, making him slid to the other side of the tent as he grabbed his middle in pain, immediately wide awake again. “What was that for!?” he shouted in shock.
“With your IQ, I don’t think you would understand.” Sungmin told him coldly, without looking up from rummaging through his backpack. Kyuhyun stared at him for a while, mouth opening and closing as he tried to say something, but when nothing came out, he finally scrambled towards the entrance and pushed against the fabric of the tent. The huge heap of snow seemed to bulge, so he did it a few more times, before zipping open the tent again. When he saw they were still caved in, he started to understand the seriousness of their situation.
“Hey, you moron, we’re stuck in here.” he said slightly shocked, as he turned to look at the other.
“Oh really, genius? I told you that FIVE FUCKING MINUTES AGO!” Sungmin shouted, pushing Kyuhyun out into the snow as he threw a spoon and a pair of gloves at him. “Have fun digging your way out.” he snapped, before zipping the tent shut again.
“Yah! What do you think you’re doing!?” Kyuhyun shouted from outside, banging on the tent that could not be opened from outside unless one destroyed it. “Yah! You pink-obsessed drag queen! Let me in! Yah” When no visible or other reply came, he cursed loudly and turned to the heap of snow surrounding him to start digging a way through.
~*~
Five hours later they found themselves both back inside of the tent. The snow around them had turned out to be too frozen to dig through. Sungmin, not being a murderer, had let Kyuhyun back in after half an hour. They had been sitting each at the other side, shivering and trembling like there was no tomorrow. At first they had sent each other deadly glares, but as time passed and the cold increased, they found that there was no point in trying to kill the other with glares when they were almost dying from cold themselves. It was only after two more hours that Sungmin finally gave in to the cold and got over his stubbornness.
“Fine, you idiot, I’ll say it. I’m sorry, okay? Can we now sit closer again? I don’t really feel like freezing here.” he mumbled, looking straight at the other again for the first time in hours.
“You sound so sorry it almost makes the snow outside melt.” Kyuhyun replied sarcastically, but he moved a little anyway so that Sungmin could sit next to him. Once they sat side to side, they draped the sleeping bags over both their bodies. Without really thinking about it, Kyuhyun put his arms around Sungmin and pulled him closer. The latter didn’t have anything to object to that, but merely rested his head on Kyuhyun’s shoulder.
Another three hours later they found themselves dozing off at times because it started to become warmer in the tent. Yet Sungmin knew the sole reason for that and he wasn’t really feeling all too well about it. Outside, the storm rumbled on, making them hear all kinds of strange noises. There was screeching, the relentless sound of distant thunder at times even and for some strange reason also a never ending ticking that seemed to come closer together with the storm.
“Kyuhyun..” Sungmin finally said, when the noise became louder and louder. “We might run out of oxygen.” The moment he said the words, however, he realised the truth in them and suddenly his fear that had been building ever since he found out they were snowed in rose to the surface and he felt his body starting to shake. “We might die here.” he continued his rambling. “Then Hyukjae will forever be lost in the mountains and I’ll die without ever having heard my name said properly by you and..”
“Yah, you moron, we’re not going to die.” Kyuhyun interrupted him, patting his arm in an awkward way of trying to calm him down. “Don’t go all dramatic on me just so that I would stop calling you moron. It’s not going to work, you smartass.” Sungmin huffed at those words, but there was a slight smile on his face anyway and Kyuhyun’s confidence seemed to work on him.
“At least I’m the smartass. You’re the dumbass of us two.” he retorted, punching his companion playfully in the side at the remark.
“Well my ass is not supposed to be smart, it’s supposed to be sat on.” Those words coming from Kyuhyun made Sungmin chuckle softly and he closed his eyes. “Catch a bit of sleep, we’ll get back to digging a path through the snow when we wake up. I think I know a way to get us out.” Kyuhyun then proceeded to say, before resting his head against the tent and snow behind him and closing his eyes as well. It didn’t take them too long to drift off into sleep again.
~*~
Sungmin woke up with the strange feeling that someone was eyeing him. He sleepily opened his eyes and stared ahead for a while. When he realised that he was looking at someone’s crotch, his cheeks immediately turned slightly red and he quickly averted his eyes. The first thing he saw was Kyuhyun, still vast asleep. Realising that it must be something else making him feel uncomfortable, he slowly untangled his arms from Kyuhyun’s and turned his head to search for his backpack. What he saw the moment his eyes scanned the tent made him freeze in his movements and then suddenly lunch forward.
“Hyukjae-ah!” he called out in excitement as he practically assaulted his best friend. The unsuspecting boy toppled over and they ended up falling on the ground, laughing and hugging. “You’re alive!” Sungmin managed to get out at a certain point in between laughter and chuckling. He hugged the other tightly and hid his face against Hyukjae’s chest. “I thought you were somewhere lost in the mountains and then we went to save you and then we got snowed in and.. How did you get in? We were snowed in.” Hyukjae merely laughed, patting Sungmin’s back.
“It’s alright, Min, it’s alright. I managed to get back only hours after you two had set off to find me. They told me you two had left, so I went to get help to find you in the mountains, as they had predicted a snowstorm to happen. We set off a day after you did, but then it took us two days to find you and you were all covered in snow. We needed the whole of this day to dig you out, but finally we managed. Luckily we had brought enough material to do so. I’m glad we dug you out on time, before you two ran out of oxygen.” he then explained, rubbing his friend’s back and smiling all the way through.
“I spent three days in the presence of that damned Cho Kyuhyun. I can’t even believe you’re really here, am I not dreaming?” Sungmin exclaimed again, looking up from Hyukjae’s chest and waiting for some kind of affirmation. Hyukjae only shook his head and smiled, to which Sungmin started grinning brightly. “Ah, Hyukkie, I really thought you were dead! I’m so glad you aren’t!” he cheered, subconsciously leaning in and pecking his friend on the lips. When he realised that after another few moments of happily beaming, he turned a shade of tomato-red and shied away from his friend a little.
“Get a room you two.” another voice suddenly broke the slightly awkward moment and both Sungmin and Hyukjae turned to look at the third person in the tent. Kyuhyun was eyeing them with a mixture of amusement and disgust. “So we go out to save your behind and you end up saving ours, huh?” he then added to his earlier words, obviously addressing Hyukjae. The latter grinned and nodded.
“Super Hyukjae saves the day.” he said, grinning widely. He then looked back at Sungmin, who was staring at the ground again shyly, and patted his friend’s head. “It’s alright, Min, you were just a little overactive.” he said amused. It only made Sungmin hide his face against Hyukjae’s chest again.
“Ah, Hyukkie, I feel so embarrassed now.” he muttered, silent enough for Kyuhyun not to hear. The latter was calmly wrapping up their sleeping bags again and putting them away, not even sparing the two hugging friends another glance. “You see how much I care for you? I went out into the snow with him with only one tent and I really can’t stand him. He always insults me.” Sungmin went on complaining. Hyukjae only laughed and pulled his friend closer to him for another moment, before letting go.
“So we can go home now?” Kyuhyun asked right at that moment, very uninterestedly. “I’m getting kind of sick of having to be in this pink-lover’s presence.” He glanced up at his older friend, only to get an amused smile from him. “What are you smirking at, silly?” he snapped, but he was smiling nonetheless, showing that he wasn’t actually as annoyed as he sounded like.
“You two still didn’t become friends?” Hyukjae wondered out loud, looking from Sungmin to Kyuhyun. “One would think you were best mates or even boyfriends seeing as how you were nicely sleeping just before.” He chuckled at the memory and got up to help Kyuhyun with packing the bags. Sungmin sighed as he watched the two work for a moment.
“Well.. Apart from the snarky comments, the constant annoyingness, the star gazing arrogance and the complete lack of IQ, Kyuhyun is quite alright.” he then said walking towards the backpacks as well and quickly organising his stuff the way it was supposed to be. There came a short laugh from Hyukjae in response to his words and Kyuhyun huffed in amusement.
“If you weren’t such a pink-obsessed King of Gays, you wouldn’t be so bad either.” the youngest then said, grabbing his backpack and throwing it over his shoulder as he walked out of the tent. Sungmin stuck out his tongue at Kyuhyun’s back and then rolled his eyes at Hyukjae, who merely laughed at it all. After making sure they had gotten everything in the tent with them, they followed Kyuhyun out and Sungmin happily locked arms with his best friend.
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