Title: That Gay Thing
Characters: Hyukjae, Donghae, Yesung, Sungmin, OC
Rating: PG-13
Chaptercount: 1/?
Summary: Playing the part of the struggling possibly-gay in their last year's school play, Hyukjae loses himself in the role and falls in love with another guy. He tells himself he's not gay, that he's just overdoing the getting-in-role thing, but for some reason it's not as convincing as he would like it to be.
A/N: An idea that came to me a while back. It's a plotline I want to write because it is a current day thing and I'd love to take on a more difficult topic for once. My updates may come very slow, but I'm determined to bring this story to a good end. I hope that with my view on these things and feelings I will not insult anyone. I have no idea how it feels for people who go through this (I'm also not a guy), but I'm trying to picture it the best I can~ ^-^
- - - - -
“Alright guys, listen up.” When Miss Park says those words, the rowdy bunch that are my classmates calms down and we all turn to the front of the classroom. It’s strange to be here again, sitting at these tables with all nine of my classmates, waiting for the teacher to tell us what this year’s going to be all about.
I assume it’s going to be different this year, however, since it’s my last year of university. At the end of this year I’ll hopefully graduate with a diploma in hand, successfully having gotten my major in acting. That’s probably what everyone else in this room wishes for as well. I for one know at least two other people who do. I turn to look at Donghae on my right, but before I can mutter anything to him, Miss Park continues talking.
“So… Welcome back everyone.” She smiles at us and lets her eyes wander over all the students present. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her smile but it’s still the same. “I’ll get straight to the point as to not waste this hour we have today. This year you guys will be doing all the work.” The words confuse me but I don’t have to wait for a decent explanation for too long because she soon continues talking.
“You have only one thing to do this school year. All of you are going to work together to write, direct and perform a play. There’s ten of you which will probably cover the main roles and the most important side roles. If you need more people, I’ll pick out some of the second years to help out and you can use the first years as stage fillers as well. You start now and will have to perform your play a week before graduation.” Once again Miss Park looks at all of us. “Any questions?”
I’m stunned into silence for a moment and I’m pretty sure everyone else is too, but then some hands rise and questions are starting to get asked. “What kind of play does it have to be? It’s not a musical, right,” someone asks, but I’m not quite sure who.
“Any kind you’d like. But you’re going to have to decorate the stage yourself, so I suggest you don’t make it too fictional.” It’s obvious that Miss Park is amused by the situation she has put us in, which shows from the way she’s eyeing us all with that happy smile. “I’ll be around to help you out as well, of course, but this has to come from all of you mainly. You’ll be graded on cooperation, dedication and your eventual acting. So I suggest you start with finding a plotline.”
She turns away after those words, busying herself with some papers on her desk and after a moment’s hesitation we’re all huddled together discussing possible plotlines and some of my classmates’ big ideas. There’s only so much inspiration we have in one hour of class, however, so the idea we settle for in the end is somewhat lame, or at least it is in my opinion: a love story, the famous guy in school with the unpopular, ugly girl.
We’ve voted for the main roles already. Donghae will take the lead because he’s amazing and Chaerim volunteered to play the main girl. It’s a role none of the other girls want to take because she’ll have to start out by changing pretty much everything about her appearance to be able to ‘become’ pretty throughout the play. The idea of wearing fake braces surprisingly doesn’t appeal to many people.
“Hyukkie!” Donghae punches my shoulder as we leave the classroom and I pretend to be hurt as I turn to look at him. “Why didn’t you volunteer for the main role?” Donghae asks as if I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life not doing so. I chuckle and roll my eyes.
“Because you would have won anyway.” My words immediately make Donghae open his mouth to protest but I stop him with a slight raise of my hand. “Don’t protest. Let’s just face it that you’re the better actor out of the two of us. You know, more life experience and all that jazz. We learned about that in our second year.” Throughout my words Donghae’s expression becomes more sour and I know I’ve won the discussion. “So anyway, you playing against Chaerim, huh? I guess you already look forward to the kiss?”
It takes only a second for my best friend to punch my shoulder yet again, giving me a glare for giving away his secret so easily. It’s not like I’m very impressed by this show of his prudence but I give him an apologetic look anyway because I know Donghae thinks no one knows yet. He’s wrong in thinking that, of course, his crush is as obvious as... well, probably as obvious as sunshine on a rainy day. I don’t even know what kind of comparison that’s supposed to be but it sounds alright.
“I do, though,” Donghae admits after a while and I grin. It’s true and we both know it, he just likes to make a big deal out of denying and hiding it before admitting the truth. “I guess I look forward to it, just hoping she doesn’t look like a nerd anymore by then, that’s going to be somewhat awkward I guess?”
“Hey, don’t judge a book by its cover, Donghae!” I turn to see who has joined our conversation and smile upon spotting Eunyoung catching up with us. She’s one of our other close friends in class, someone we’ve known since the very first year in this university. I’m not quite sure but I think she might have a crush on Donghae, although that’s never been proven. Yet the way she constantly gravitates towards him makes it all the more plausible.
Donghae laughs as she throws her arm around his neck and ruffles her fist through his hair. They’re soon wrestling their way towards the exit of the building as I just follow along, smiling over their bickering. It’s the two of them that I assume will probably end up together one day, not Donghae and Chaerim, as much as he wishes for that to happen. Eunyoung matches with my friend in ways that go beyond love so I hope he’ll choose her and certainly doesn’t hurt her.
There’s not much we can do for the play at home so when Donghae offers to go out that evening I agree wholeheartedly, amused at the way he immediately calls up a few other friends. There’s some from the same course as them and then a few from high school who are now studying plenty of different things. He always calls up everyone but usually only three or four of them have time to make it over.
It’s the same this evening and we end up going out with Ryeowook, Siwon - who brings his girlfriend Minah - and Sungmin. Eunyoung goes along as well but as always she’ll have to leave by ten. Her parents don’t want her out that late for reasons unknown and she always complains about it. So far I’ve refrained from telling her that it’s for the best because after ten Donghae usually starts dancing with everything that has boobs and moves along with him.
The evening is nice, despite the fact that I don’t really know Sungmin nor Ryeowook that well while they’re the two who stay behind at the table with me when the others go to dance. We exchange some random small talk but it’s nothing interesting and I end up moving over to the dance floor as well in order to avoid more awkwardness. Since we have class still the next day, we all go home by midnight and I drop down on my bed with a content sigh.
It takes a while to fall asleep but once I do, my alarm clock wakes me after what seems like mere seconds. I’m surprisingly awake and it takes less long than usual for me to put on some clothes and set for class. When I enter, everyone’s already there aside from Miss Park. I settle on my usual seat next to Donghae and after a short good morning settle for watching him bicker with Eunyoung.
It doesn’t take long for our teacher to enter the classroom but we know she usually takes another minute or two before being ready so the buzzing of conversations doesn’t cease. I let my eyes wander over these people that I got to know so well over the past few years, smiling lightly at recalling some of the memories I share with them. It’s nice to be back in school, I conclude after a while, nice to be working together with them again.
“Miss Park, I would like to suggest something...” Everyone falls silent when Hwayoung suddenly speaks up. It’s not often that she raises her voice but when she does it’s usually interesting. I have a certain feeling of apprehension towards it today because suggestions usually also mean change and I’m fine with things being the way they are now.
“What would you like to suggest, Hwayoung? Anything you’d like to change?” Miss Park replies with a smile and a sigh escapes me. Here we go already.. Donghae nudges my side lightly, giving me a look that politely tells me to shut the heck up about it even though I’m not saying a word. I roll my eyes at him but try to keep my annoyance at bay.
“Actually I have a different plot to suggest. Perhaps we could write a play about a guy or a girl who falls in love with someone of the same gender. We could try to portray the inner struggle and how society’s going to bring those feelings down. I think it might open some people’s eyes towards this subject and perhaps some of the youngsters dealing with the same problems can feel inspired or find courage.”
I have to agree that the idea is noble if anything. The way she talks about it gives off the impression like she has been there herself but I find it better not to ask anything. Miss Park doesn’t seem to have the same reserve though. “That’s an interesting idea, Hwayoung, how did you come up with that,” she asks and I find myself wondering about the same thing.
“My brother moved to America two years ago together with his boyfriend because they weren’t accepted into the society here.” Hwayoung seems slightly hesitant to admit that fact but still continues anyway and a quick glance around the classroom tells me everyone’s paying attention to her now. “I’ve seen the things he’s been through and I wouldn’t want anyone to have to suffer like that. Not because of something as good as love.”
She smiles lightly but there’s a lot more in her eyes than that. I’m surprised exactly how much more there is and all of a sudden I find myself wanting to use this new plotline, just so I can get that girl to feel better and to help her spread this story to the other people.
“Well, it’s definitely a story I’d support,” Miss Park breaks through my reveries, smiling at Hwayoung still. “You want to take the main role?” As they probably all expect by then, Hwayoung quickly shakes her head. Our teacher’s eyes then move over to Donghae, going to Chaerim after that. “Either of you feel up for this role?”
Chaerim immediately shakes her head. “I’m sorry, miss, but I’d feel too awkward trying to pretend to be in love with one of my friends. Faking a crush is my weak spot,” she explains herself. I feel my eyes going to Donghae automatically after those words. He’s frowning, seemingly thinking it over, but I see the start of rejection forming in his mind.
“Donghae?” Miss Park asks next and now I’m no longer the only one looking at him. “You have to find someone to act opposite of you as well, though.” That seems to stump him even more because even though he doesn’t wordily reject the part, Miss Park already turns to Hwayoung with a regretful expression.
“I’ll do it.”
It takes a moment for everyone to realise who spoke, but then they’re all looking at me. “If Donghae plays the second main. And I refuse to kiss a guy. If you really want a kiss in it, you’ll have to hide our faces behind something or darken the stage before anything happened, otherwise it’s going to be one big, awkward mess.” I try not to mind too much that everyone’s staring, hiding my face slightly and especially NOT looking at Donghae nor Hwayoung.
“Donghae?” Miss Park asks again and I wait with bathed breath for his reaction. It’s silent for but a moment yet that short amount of time feels like a whole year to me.
“Alright,” Donghae agrees then and I can hear the smile in his words. “Hyuk and I will take the main roles.”
Two weeks later we have a pretty solid idea and a script that solely needs to have dialogues made and details added. Gongjae turned out to be one of a kind at coming up with plots and Hwayoung – being the one to come up with the main idea – has helped him out. The idea is simple, they say, but Donghae and I are the ones who have to fill in the dialogue as we go.
“Get into character,” Miss Park told us when we asked her about it. “When you two get into character you make up your own lines all the time anyway.”
It’s true, we often had times when we were acting and got into it so much that we just let our characters have their say. I am always convinced that Donghae is the one starting the adlibs, but he always says he just follows along with me. Miss Park concluded that we are both good at getting into character and becoming the person we’re acting out.
I still remember the one time that happened when Donghae was acting as a female character due to a lack of girls and he was PMS-ing for a good week afterwards.
What comes next is the creation of our decor. The story will mainly happen inside the main person’s school, but we also need a café where he’ll be meeting his soon-to-be-crush for the first time, the house where he’ll tell his parents and the dark alley he’ll get beat up in.
There’s many things we need to create for this play but Donghae and I have to practice the most so we got the other’s approval to work on the other things a little less. We need to create the dialogues after all, which is not as easy of a job as they all make it to be. So while everyone else is discussing the main school decor, we’re sitting at the back with my laptop in between us in order to come up with our first meeting.
“Alright. Let’s see. So we meet in a café where I am because..?” I start, opening the document with the script to scroll through to the right moment. “Main guy is invited by friends to an evening out where he meets other main. He is immediately intrigued by the other boy and as they develop a friendship, his feelings evolve..”
I look up at Donghae after that, raising my eyebrows a little and licking my lips suggestively as I scoot over towards him. “Hello there, gorgeous. What be your name?” I ask him in what’s supposedly a seductive way. For a moment he’s staring at me weirdly while I’m trying to keep a straight face, but then we’re both laughing and he shoves my arms away from him.
“This is going to be a long road,” he says with a small smile. “You do realise that at the end they’re going to be having actually mushy scenes, right?” I need a moment to grasp those words, but then I’m scrolling through the document towards the ending. “They end up together?” I squeak somewhat panicked, coming to the scene where the main character has the other main confessing to him. He doesn’t have any reply yet, though, but my hopeful glance at Donghae brings no solace. He looks pensive yet somehow certain of himself.
“They don’t have a set ending yet, Hyuk. Have you even read through the script at all last night? But well, it’s going to depend on how we make our characters come to life. Our dialogues are going to make or break their relationship, I guess.” He smiles at me amusedly for a moment and I know I won’t like what will come next. “You know how much I love happy endings, so pucker up big boy!” I make a disgusted sound at his kissy face and quickly push it away from me.
“Gross, Hae, very gross. If I’m ever going to kiss a man, it’s definitely not going to be you.” I make a face at him before turning back to the computer. “Alright, back to business. First scene, we’re in a bar, who starts the conversation.” Looking up at Donghae, I find him looking at me and it’s obvious that we both already know the answer.
“I would,” he says. “You’d be too much of an awkward stick.” I’d contradict that but our own first meeting proves otherwise. We met in a DVD store, he struck the conversation and I awkwardly answered him as best as possible. But then again, he thought I was a store worker because of the colour of my shirt while I was actually only finding some movies for my own. I like to think it was my good taste in movies that became the base for our friendship.
“You would,” I agree with him for that, and from there on we start to make our dialogues It’s a few hours well spent, while the others sketch and create the first ideas for the decor. Eunyoung is the one to come between us when our time’s up. She has to wave a hand in front of the computer screen to catch our attention and when we look up, everyone else is gone already.
“Class is over for today. We have to find the things we need as cheap as possible,” she explains to us and I nod in understanding while typing up the last part of the sentence we’re working on. Only then do I save the document and look up again.
Donghae is checking his phone to see whether he can get a ride home from his brother. Meanwhile Eunyoung is eyeing him longingly. I can’t help but chuckle and give her a subtle wink as she turns to look at me. She rolls her eyes but doesn’t comment – and how can she with Donghae sitting but inches away. I turn to him once more and hum something as I nudge his arm in hopes of getting his attention. He only looks up when he finishes his texting.
“Mind if I stay at yours tonight, Hyuk? We can work on the dialogues some more if you want?” The question isn’t rare, but it is unexpected as he doesn’t look very troubled today. It happens more often that Donghae stays over at my place for a night. The excuse is that he has to travel a long way to get home, reality is that his mother had another fight with her boyfriend of the week or that she had another nervous breakdown.
I don’t ask for the actual reason anymore. We long have gotten him an extra bed and my parents treat him like he is their actual son. “Sure, Hae,” is therefore what I reply easily. The smile on his face is immediate as he beams his happiness and relief at us.
“Thanks, dude. I did agree to meet with Donghwa first though, so I’ll meet you in an hour or two? Or do you want to come along?” He looks at Eunyoung for a moment and I look up at her as well at that. She’s trying not to look too obvious while shooting me hopeful glances. I smile apologetically as I focus on Donghae again.
“Sorry, promised to take Eunyoung out for pizza. It’s been ages since we had any. I’m sure you have enough to discuss with your brother.” The excuse is waterproof. Eunyoung and I never agreed on eating pizza but whenever she wants to talk to me, that’s exactly what we do and her relieved expression shows I understood her distress well.
“Ah, yes, alright. I’ll see you tonight then?” Donghae seems to be oblivious to our silent exchange, making it all the easier for me to keep up the pretences.
“Yeah, If I’m not back yet when you arrive you can just wait for me inside. I’m sure umma will provide you with anything you need.” He hums in understanding as he gets up. With a small nod at Eunyoung and me and a short wish of “I hope the pizza is good” he then leaves the classroom. Eunyoung and I look at the empty doorway a moment longer before eyeing each other.
“Poor him,” Eunyoung hums, making me smile with some regret. “I hope his mother will realise soon that she doesn’t need those other guys to be able to live. Donghae’s studies are all paid for by now and with the money Donghwa’s making they’re able to live just fine.”
I shrug slightly in reply. “She’s too proud to agree to take her son’s money to live on. But what are you admiring Donghwa so much for lately? Have you changed your allegiance to him instead of poor, unknowing Hae?” She throws her scarf at my head and I laugh as I pick it up from the table. “Thanks dear, it’s getting colder indeed and I needed one of those,” I tell her as I pack it away in my bag before looking up. “So what kind of pizza do you want?”
She manages her angry glare only a moment longer before she’s grinning at me and I don’t need long to grin back.
