Title: Disguises
Characters: Yesung
Rating: G
Wordcount: 603
Summary: He's become a professional at hiding.
A/N: First thing I've written and finished in ages. I also don't know what this is supposed to mean or be but it is and that's all I can really say about it.
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A joke, a weird face, a silly dance. Things to mask what lies beneath the surface. Things to hide what truly is inside. He uses them on a daily basis. Glasses, foundation, a longer fringe. He can’t remember the last time he went out without wondering whether others would see what he wanted them to see or if they would still be able to look past these disguises.
He doesn’t even know when it started; the insecurity. He remembers days when he was way surer of himself, when he didn’t give a damn about what others thought of him, when he was solely focused on his goal and not on everything that he might come across on his way towards that goal. Or maybe he just wishes that’s what he could remember and back then he was just as messed up as he is now. He doesn’t know. Maybe he’ll never know.
Everything is confusing and conflicting, his thoughts toppling over each other and stumbling into his memories as if at random. Sometimes he doesn’t even get himself anymore, feels so contradicted that he’s certain he’s in a dilemma where exactly half of him wants to do one thing and the other half wants to do another. What way do you go then? What do you do when the world looks like it’s going to fall down on your face if you don’t get your feet in the right direction?
Breathing out a sigh, he opens his eyes and looks at the picture in front of him again. Dark eyes almost hide beneath even darker strands of hair, a mouth pulled into a slight smile that would look genuine to him if he didn’t know better. The hands are in the picture too; small in comparison to the head. There’s a bunch of hands at the bottom of the picture, all stretched out to the singing person, to him, but he doesn’t care about them.
Maybe it started with the comments. Maybe it started when the cameras never filmed him for a good month straight before finally showing one single shot where he was in too. Maybe it’s just a thing that happens when you grow up and you start to realise that the world isn’t as nice of a place as you had always thought it was. When innocence fades and reality finally gets a chance to kick in all your doors and drag the monsters from under your bed to stick them right next to you underneath the blanket.
The reflection in the computer screen shows him his own bitter smile and he almost growls at it, until he remembers where he is and that there’s people trying to sleep in his near vicinity. Letting out a soft sigh instead, he reaches out and presses a finger against the screen, pushing up one corner of his mouth in his reflection and moving it up for real too. He does the same to the other corner until his smile is back to the perfectly rehearsed cuteness he had learned it should be.
It’s the best way to make everyone believe he is fine, to make them look past the little details that show otherwise. Smiling has always kept people from asking those questions he does not want to answer and in return they all smile back at him, making their own day brighter as well. Smiling is easy; it takes fewer muscles than getting out of bed or speaking. Smiling enables him to say nothing at all yet convince everyone that the world is a great place.
Smiling is the perfect disguise.
