[FIC] Soulmates: K'Ae

Title: Soulmates: K'Ae
Characters: Big Bang
Rating: PG
Chaptercount: 6/6
Summary: Kim Ae Cha wakes up in a room that is not her own, with no recollection of how she got there. Soon she starts discovering things that change her perception on the world forever.
A/N: The end.. Ottoke? It's the last part already.. I hope you enjoyed reading. ♥

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It was dark. She was in the same room as the last time she had visited him. She immediately snuck out of the room. When she was in the hallway, a hand was put on her shoulder. To her own surprise, she didn’t make a sound, but calmly turned around. A smile appeared on her face when she saw Kevin smiling at her. They hugged each other in a friendly way, walking downstairs after that. Well, Kevin walked, she floated. It took him a few minutes to realize that.

“You’re floating!” he exclaimed, trying not to be too loud still, because that might wake up someone in the house. She smiled and nodded.

“I figured out how a few months ago.” She sat down in the same couch as last time, crossing her legs. Kevin went to sit across from her in another couch, looking at her expectantly.

“I’m pleasantly surprised by your visit, but I think you came with a reason. What is it you need?” he said when she remained silent. Her smile disappeared.

“Answers.”

“I told you I cannot give you..” he started, but she interrupted him.

“Bullshit, Kevin. Who forbade you to tell me anything?”

“Well..”

“It is information about me, things that might determine my choices if I would know them. Things that might have kept recent events from happening.” she interrupted him again, giving him an ice-cold look.

“What happened?” Kevin asked worried.

“Oh, now you care, huh?” she replied sarcastically, but then she did go on explaining. “I almost cut all strings binding me to Top, luckily I noticed it in time. I want to know what you know. I want to know what has happened in my previous life that made me, or both Top and me, return. I have the right to know this and if you don’t tell me, I’ll find someone who will.”

“You cut all strings..?” Kevin stuttered, before regaining himself and giving her a thoughtful look. “Are things alright between you and Top?”

“More or less.”

“You say you almost cut all strings, do you know what strings you’re talking about?”

“I’m not sure, but I think these strings keep the two halves of a soul tied to each other. When the first few strings broke, I stopped glowing and it became even more easy for me to be away from him. What happens when all strings break?”

“This has only happened once before. I’ll tell you everything I know, because I think it doesn’t matter anymore if I do or don’t. To answer your question. The person who forbade me to tell you anything was another ghost and he had gotten the order from you.” Kevin replied. His surprise and worrying had left and he was now completely calm, knowing exactly what he was going to say and do now.

“Tell me.” she said, taking a deep breath to strengthen herself for what was coming.

“You are a very old soul. You have been in this world at least four or five times before, together with Top.” he started. She couldn’t help but making a shocked sound. Four or five times at least? What the hell did she do wrong? Kevin only smiled lightly as he went on. “The first time, you met each other while you were both still alive. Yet, during the course of your lives, Top, back then his name was James, fell in love with someone else and left you.

You were heartbroken, so you both parted in a big fight. That’s why when he died, he was unable to move on, because he broke all ties to you so you both couldn’t reunite. Your memory of the connection, however, was still very strong. You died only a day after he did. Because you were unable to reunite, you were reborn into a new life. The ties between your souls were restored and you had a new start.

In that life, he died before you both met. He became your ghost and you got along very well. Yet, subconsciously you did not forget his betrayal from your previous life. So this time, you sort of left him behind, thereby unknowingly taking revenge for what he had done to you. You married a wealthy man, allowing Top to be around you, but treating him as nothing more than a friend. Top’s soul slowly faltered and eventually he disappeared. Only days after that, you died as well.

You came back one or two more times in which very alike things happened. It was always the living one turning his back on the dead one, in revenge for what the other one had done in an earlier life. You both never did it on purpose, because you had no idea of what had happened in previous lives, but nevertheless it always happened exactly the same way. In the life before this one, however, something extraordinary happened.

You were both born somewhere in Europe. During your life, you fell in love with Top’s best friend and married him. When you and Top met, there was a great attraction between you and him, but you stayed loyal to your husband. You died at an age of about forty years old, returning as a ghost at Top’s side. When another ghost told you about the ghost life and the story of torn souls and soul mates, you refused to believe in it.

Top convinced your husband of your ghostly life and when he was able to see you, you cut all strings that bound you to Top by being together with your husband again. Now you might think that’s what happened all times before, but it was the first time a ghost cut the ties with its other half. Normally, a ghost would vanish when that happens, but you cut the ties and immediately reconnected them to your husband.

Top completely understood your actions, yet of course they hurt him. It is very painful when the strings are cut, for both souls involved. Because the ties between your souls had already been broken lots of times before, however, it was easier for him to bear. He died about twenty years later. You had tied yourself to your husband’s soul, so you didn’t fade away like you had done before. Instead, you lived on until your husband died, a year later.

Yet, before you faded, you were able to see all your previous lives, see the tragedy that kept repeating itself over and over. In a slightly different way every time, but still causing the same thing to happen. You told everything you found out to another ghost before you died, telling him to watch out for you or your soul mate. If he met Top, he had to tell him all this and make him see the good in trying to stay together with you.

If he met you, however, so you instructed him, he was not to tell you a word of your history. You felt your soul longing to finally move on, and you thought that maybe you would work it out yourself. Knowing your own stubbornness, you also knew that when you were told to stay with Top only for the sake of moving on, you might just do the exact opposite to bug the system. That’s why you forbade him to tell you anything about it.

The ghost you told these things to was an old one already, so he spread your story and your instructions among other ghosts he met. One of them was me, only weeks after I had become one. At first I thought this all very strange and unbelievable, but thinking about things, I realized that this whole soul mates and ghost world stuff was quite unbelievable in total. Also, when I met you it suddenly proved to all be so very true.”

Kevin let a silence take over the room, thereby giving her the time to think his words through and realizing the huge proportions of everything. She immediately understood why ghost stuff was so easy for her; she had already done it numerous times before. It also explained the development of her feelings for Top during the past year, just as she now completely understood the sudden distance he showed towards her.

“What about my husband.. Did he move on?” she asked after a long silence. Kevin shrugged.

“I’m not sure..” he started. “But what I think is.. You were tied to him back then and because you couldn’t move on, he probably couldn’t either. To be honest, I think it might be, or possibly even really is G-Dr.. Ji Yong.”

She stared at the ground, realizing that what he said could be very true. That would explain why she felt so at ease around him and why she had felt the urge to kiss him. Luckily she had stopped herself in time, unable to break the last string tying her to Top. But maybe that was a bad thing, seeing that he still kept a great distance between them, making it obvious that he didn’t love her anymore. She sighed, shaking her head as she ran a hand through her hair.

“Can I ask you something?” Kevin’s question broke the silence. She looked up at him in surprise, slowly nodding. “What happened between you and Top? How did you break the strings?” He seemed very curious about it all. Seeing he had just told her a lot of things that had been very useful to her, she decided she could tell him the story.

“Remember when I came to visit you last time?” she asked, trying to figure out meanwhile how to bring all the news to him. He nodded. “I wasn’t a true ghost yet at first. My body had been alive still, but for my mother and such I had been in a coma. At a certain moment I was pulled back to the real life. For a few months I tried to pull myself through it, but living was the hardest thing I had ever done. Then one day when I woke up, I was a ghost again.

I talked to my aunt about it, who is the other half of my mother’s soul, and she told me to visit you because she didn’t know anything about it. So I did, but you only gave me more questions. I then went back to the boys, but after being gone for months, Top’s feelings for me had disappeared. He made this very clear to me back then. I was devastated, but tried not to show it too much. I spend lots of time together with Ji Yong.

That first night, the first string already broke because I spent that night in Ji Yong’s room instead of Top’s. The more time I spent with Ji Yong, the less I spent with Top. Every time I did something that brought me closer to Ji Yong, another string was cut. This went on until my birthday in August. The two of them gave me their presents together. I could ask one of them to grant me a wish and the other one would go somewhere with me.

I didn’t immediately use those gifts, so to speak. Instead I let time pass as I thought about that wish. My relation with Top got a little better and we spent some time together again, but I was still around Ji Yong the most. Then earlier today, I finally decided to ask Ji Yong to kiss me. So he did, but I pulled away right before, feeling the last string was about to break. It seemed like he had known that would happen and he told me to go ask you about it all. So that’s why I’m here.”

It was Kevin’s turn to incorporate everything he had just heard. Meanwhile, she was sorting her own thoughts, wondering what was the next thing to do. Top still was like a stranger and maybe she now knew he was everything to her, that wasn’t just going to change his feelings. She would have to be happy with the little amount of time she would be able to spend with him and with every little touch they would share.

“So are you going to tell all this to Top?” Kevin suddenly asked, his voice pulling her out of her deep thoughts. She sighed again, slowly shaking her head.

“I don’t think so. What would it change anyway? Top doesn’t love me anymore, so I’ll just be for him whatever he needs me to be. If that is just a friend or even a stranger.” she smiled a sad smile and shrugged.

“What do you mean, Top doesn’t love you anymore?” Kevin’s surprise, shock even, sounded through in the tone of his voice. When she looked up at him, the fierce, almost accusing look in his eyes made her want to shrink to the size of a mouse or even completely disappear.

“He made that clear to me. He said he hadn’t missed me and after that, he was very distant in the next months. He hardly ever speaks to me and hardly looks at me.” As she said it, she felt how much those things had actually hurt her and she had to hold back her sobs. Kevin was staring at her in disbelief, shaking his head before getting up and walking towards her.

“Did you ever consider he might have been too busy to miss you?” he then said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “And that, after knowing you spent the night with Ji Yong and became closer to him, he might think you didn’t want him anymore. Did it ever occur to you that maybe he is trying to let you be free and not feel too dependent on him?” She was dumbfounded.

“But.. How.. What.. Then why didn’t he just say something?” she stuttered.

“Well.. Why didn’t you say something?” Kevin simply replied. She sat there, staring at him without actually seeing anything. Could it really be that..? “For crying out loud, girl, he even wrote you a song!” Her head jerked up hearing those words and her eyes found Kevin’s immediately.

“A song? For me? When?” she demanded.

“Did you not watch the Stand Up tour? Did you not spend all your time with them? It’s on their newest album. Don’t tell me you never heard it before!?” Kevin was talking louder and louder, obviously very upset or shocked by her ignorance.

“I have not listened to the songs of the album yet and I wasn’t present at the concerts.” she softly said, hoping that she didn’t upset him more with those words.

“Unbelievable.” Kevin exclaimed, before walking away. She watched him leave the room, not knowing if she should follow him or not. A little later he came back with an opened laptop, putting it on his lap as he sat down. He typed a few things, clicked here and there and finally got up again to put the thing on her lap. “Listen to this.” She saw he was on a page with lyrics to one of the Big Bang songs. There was also a video that had started playing.

She listened to the song, meanwhile reading the lyrics. The music pierced straight through her soul. That feeling was even worse when Top started singing. His voice seemed to want to pull her into the computer just to be able to be with him. The lyrics were representing a feeling that she knew oh so very well. A feeling of loving someone without being able to express that. A feeling of wanting to be with someone more than anything without being able to do that.

When the song ended, the silence seemed heavy. In the end, it was interrupted by the sound of her painful sobbing. Before Kevin could do anything, she let the video play again, listening to it a second time, just to be able to verify what she had heard. Her heart ached and sadness filled her. She cried for the pain she knew Top had been going through the last months, without her ever knowing a thing of it. The lyrics cut in her like knives.

“I wouldn’t be like this if I were a good man
But I’m not a bad man, right?
Please don’t say it was a misunderstanding
With this wrinkled, sentimental heart,
the last of my pride is thrown away
After a long, long wait I met you
This must be heaven’s play
Rain comes down, but I need to hide when lightning strikes

In a dream I wander around without you every day, 24 hours
I am anxious to know if you are doing well
and if you fell asleep already
Oh please one more time dance with me tonight
I’ll once again have a sweet time with you in my dreams
Stories we shared as we easily matched our steps

The toxic reality, time is flowing through a maze to find the key
Are the tears of my outstanding love a misunderstanding
A bouquet that I put my last hope in
My wounded heart is haunting me
Okay, I’m sorry girl, I’ll think in a different way

I wouldn’t be like this if I were a good man
But I’m not a bad man, right?
Please don’t say it was a misunderstanding
With this wrinkled, sentimental heart,
the last of my pride is thrown away

With a lost appetite, I take a picture out of my wallet again
Like an idiot, I’m checking an empty inbox for texts
Because of my longing for you, I will erase everything without evidence

The romantic pureness of one man is a shout from deep inside his heart
But it will be fixed in time by a stinging pain called ‘separation’
- Please don’t have too much caffeine and alcohol
Even my reflection in the mirror ignores me

I wouldn’t be like this if I were a good man
But I’m not a bad man, right?
Please don’t say it was a misunderstanding
With this wrinkled, sentimental heart,
the last of my pride is thrown away

My persisting rage and pride become tears in my unmoving eyes
Rain drops lightly and she can’t forget me
My persisting rage and pride become tears in my unmoving eyes
The fine rain comes and she can’t forget me yet..”

As the chorus was repeated one more time, she felt her hands lose their strength and the laptop started its way to the ground. Luckily it was caught in time by Kevin, who put the thing aside, to be able to give her a hug. She didn’t even feel his touch, didn’t notice his worry. There was nothing but her and the sudden awareness of the one string still binding her to the person she had neglected for so long.

“He still loves you, K’Ae.” The whispered words echoed in her head, making her feel even worse, yet better at the same time. She felt like something was trying to keep her from talking, but she still managed to choke out a few words.

“I have to go.. Go to him.. I have to.. Pain.. Crying.. I will..” There was nothing coming from her that made any sense whatsoever, but Kevin completely understood. He nodded and softly squeezed her shoulder.

“Go talk to him, K’Ae. Please make things right again.” he said.

She didn’t even respond anymore, nor did she give any sign of sanity. All she could think of was Top and that she wanted to be with him, or see him at least. She moved without really consciously deciding to. She ended up sitting on the edge of his bed. When she realized that, she immediately turned to look at him. He was soundly asleep, a little frown on his face. There was no sign of him being aware of her presence.

She softly touched his face with her fingertips, immediately feeling the familiar jolt of energy rush through her. A little smile appeared on her face as she stroked his cheek with her fingers. From his cheek, she moved her fingers to his forehead, finishing the movement by stroking through his hair. He didn’t wake up like he used to do whenever she touched him and she painfully realized it was yet another effect of the broken ties.

Unable to hold herself back, she let herself lean towards him and rested her forehead on his chest. She could hear the soft thumps of his beating heart and felt the warmth from his body. Somewhere far away she remembered not being able to feel other people’s body warmth, while she had always been able to feel Top’s. A sigh escaped her lips and she closed her eyes. It felt almost like heaven to be so close to him.

She didn’t know how much time passed, but suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder. She sat up straight in shock, only to look right into Top’s fierce eyes. His worried look made her feel even worse than she had done before, so she was unable to stop herself from sobbing again. Without saying a word, he sat up as well and pulled her closer to him, stroking her hair in a comforting way while mumbling some calming words.

“What’s wrong, K’Ae?” he asked, when she had seemingly calmed down a bit.

“Is it true.. Have you.. Did you really write that song about me?” she managed to get out, choking on the words as she tried to get them all out at the same time. There was a long silence following her words. She lifted her head a bit to be able to look at him. He was staring at her in a way that made her feel slightly uncomfortable, yet because it was Top, she didn’t mind. Finally, he seemed to have decided what to answer her.

“Yes, I did. Unless you aren’t talking about A good man, then I didn’t.” A little smile appeared on his face, but it was crystal clear that he didn’t feel very comfortable either. That’s why he started to jabber away. “I’m sorry, I should not have done that. You have your own feelings and I respect that. I just want you to be happy and if you can accomplish that with Ji Yong, then I will let you be and be happy for you. Don’t feel guilty because of that song, I just..”

She cut off the rest of his explanation by kissing him, leaving no questions anymore about her feelings. Immediately after the kiss, she let her arms slip around his neck and cuddled up against him as close as she could.

“Saranghae.” she whispered, closing her eyes as she inhaled his scent. “I should have told you so much sooner, mianheyo.” She took a deep breath as she relaxed in his arms. “Saranghae.” she then repeated, her voice sounding much clearer than before. “Really, really much. I don’t want to be happy with Ji Yong, I want to be happy with you and have you write songs about imaginary girlfriends that brighten your days. Not those that make you depressive.”

She heard Top chuckle, giggling softly herself because of the sound. His arms pulled her closer to him if that was even possible and he gave her a kiss on her temple. There was a short silence that immediately made her feel insecure. Was this really a good thing to do? Did he really feel that way about her as well? Was it right to suddenly surprise him with such words? Hadn’t she gone a little overboard with all her assumptions?

“Saranghae, K’Ae.” his answer cut off all her worries, lighting a fire in her that made her glow. Literally made her glow, since she saw his arms become more visible because of the light. The heat inside her started to rush through her at high speed, before suddenly bursting outwards, towards Top. The light that had surrounded her, now also surrounded the renewed strings tying her to him, glowing brighter than it had ever done.

She eyed the strings in awe, feeling a smile appear on her face. There was no doubt in her mind about what she was seeing. Obviously, they had just restored their ties, something that felt so much better than destroying them. She couldn't help but laugh softly, because it felt so good to be close to Top again. She put her head to rest against his chest again, closing her eyes as she listened to his heart.

It was beating at a calm pace and she soon found herself making her imagined breathing follow the steady rhythm. His arms were surrounding her, giving her a feeling of safety and security. When she opened her eyes again, she saw the glowing lessen, soon disappearing again and thereby making the strings become invisible once more. Even though she herself did no longer glow either, she knew it wasn’t negative.

When she looked up, Top was watching her with an almost unbelieving look in his eyes. She touched his cheek with her fingers, to which he let his head rest in her hand. When he closed his eyes, she leaned closer to him and kissed him again, immediately turning her stomach into a pool of fluttering butterflies. The feeling was annoying, yet nice at the same time and she smiled against his lips, letting herself be carried away by the feeling.

Their kiss became more intense, which after a while made Top stop to breathe. She chuckled, realizing that not having to breathe was a great advantage. Her chuckle made Top smile and his smile made her stare at it in awe. In the end, she ended up stroking his lips with her fingertips, feeling his breath on her fingers as she did so. It was a rather intimate feeling that made her replace her fingertips with her own lips again.

As they kissed, she softly pushed Top down on the bed, making sure his head didn’t hit the wooden frame. Once they were lying down, she ended the kiss and nestled herself in his arms, her back resting against his chest. He tightened his grip, but not too much so that it didn’t get uncomfortable for her. Without any more exchanging of words, they both closed their eyes and let their thoughts drift away. They had a whole life left to talk. With a smile on her face, she let herself sink away into an imaginary sleep.