[FIC] Love in Silence

Title: Love in Silence
Characters: Donghae, OC
Rating: G
Wordcount: 1.680 + 1.768
Summary: Sometimes in life you know fighting is useless.
A/N: It entered my mind and I had to write it out. Over time this has become a very loved fic and I will always treasure it. Originally a two-shot, now posting it at once because I can.

- - - - -

She gently stroked through his hair, smiling as she looked at the television. He made a satisfied sound as he turned his head a little bit so that she could stroke the other side. He really liked it when she stroked through his hair like that. Once he had told her how much he loved the feeling of her touch. She had simply smiled and continued stroking through his hair. He always made silly comments like that, saying things that didn’t ever make sense. She never answered. In fact, they hardly ever spoke. He sometimes randomly made one of his silly comments, but she never responded to them. Most of their time was spent in silence as they simply sat together.

His name was Donghae. They had met a long, long time ago, back when they both still were in primary school. After one year, however, she had moved out of town and had never thought about him again. Until one day, when she was vainly struggling to unlock her front door after receiving the most awful news ever, he had suddenly stood beside her, asking if she needed any help. She had gratefully accepted his help, handing one of the heavy shopping bags to him, before opening the door without further difficulties. As he carried in the heavy bag after her, he had closed the door behind him. It hadn’t been opened anymore that day.

The day after that he had shown up again. So had he the following five and ten as well. He would ring the bell and she would open up for him, immediately going back to her couch in the living room. After taking off his shoes and making them both a cup of tea, he would come sit next to her and they would watch TV together. Their conversation had been non-existent since the very first day, as she didn’t want to get attached to anyone in her last month of life. It was bad enough already that one day, he would ring the bell and she wouldn’t be there to open the door anymore. As time passed, however, their silent being-together became more and more comfortable and she had grown used to his presence. When he didn’t come for a day, she would miss his warmth next to her. The house seemed all the more empty in the evenings if he wasn’t around. Because of that, she had decided to tell him the truth. In the end, he had the right to know.

“Donghae..” she had suddenly said. It was the first time she had directly addressed him since he had started visiting her. It had felt strange to speak, yet awkwardly normal as well. When she hadn’t said more, he had opened his eyes to look at her. A smile had pulled up the corners of his mouth as his eyes had scanned her face and she had felt herself returning the sign of happiness. Whatever she had wanted to say suddenly seemed inappropriate at that moment, so she had turned her gaze back to the television. The program had just finished, however, making it time for them to go to bed. He had to get up and leave early again and she wanted to get up before that to prepare his breakfast before he woke up.

That’s how she had ended up in bed twenty minutes later, feeling him slide into the bed next to her. They usually slept with their backs facing each other, but she had turned to look at him. In her head, she had tried figuring out how she was going to break the news to him, but after lying there for a few minutes, she had realized she didn’t have any clue what to say. To top it all, he had turned around as well and had looked at her. The same smile from before had pulled up the corners of his mouth again, making her mood tiptoe upwards. That feeling had disappeared again when she thought of what she had to say.

“Oppa.” she had whispered, reaching our her hand from under the blanket, only to lose courage and putting it down again next to her face. While looking in his big, brown eyes, with the calm smile still playing on his face, she had managed to say: “I’m dying.” His smile hadn’t faltered. It had even widened a little. She had eyed him with surprise, thinking it strange that he still smiled after the seriousness of her confession.

“Silly girl.” he had said, chuckling a little. The chuckle had made her realize that he really didn’t think she was being serious. Before she had been able to tell him she wasn’t kidding, however, he had caught her in an embrace, pulling her a little closer to him and planting a kiss on her forehead. “Of course you’re not. I’m not going to let you.” As he had pulled her against him, she had found herself smiling with a very satisfied feeling. The position they had fallen asleep in, had never changed anymore.

Day after day he had kept visiting her. Of course she knew about his fans and his daily life, she could see him on TV often, but she didn’t mind. They didn’t really have no relationship at all, but as long as he showed up at her door in the evening, she didn’t care about what he did during his day. They had developed that strange mutual understanding ever since the beginning. He had kept his word, turning the last month of life given to her by her doctor into fifteen months already by simply being there. He was the one thing she enjoyed in life and she didn’t ask any more of him than to exist, so that she could exist as well. Why he came day after day, she had no idea, but as long as he kept coming, she couldn’t care less either. Gradually, he had started leaving clothes behind at her place as well and every time borrowed some of hers to go back to his dorm. She had thought it strange at first, because he was wearing woman’s clothes, but he didn’t seem to mind. It wasn’t like you noticed it anyway. She didn’t really buy much feminine clothing. He always brought her clothes back the next day, nicely folded and still smelling like him. Sometimes, when he couldn’t make it for a day, she would get one of his sweaters and put it on. That way, she found herself surrounded by his smell, making her feel more relaxed and able to ignore the pain in her abdomen. Even if he knew of her actions, he had never said a word about it.

He turned off the television, waking her from her thoughts. As she looked down at him, he was already getting up. The moment he was on his feet, he started clearing the little table. She sighed and got up as well, moving to the bathroom to wash and change. After doing that, she went to the bed. About five minutes later, he joined her. His cold feet touched her leg, making goose bumps appear all over her arms and legs. Instead of hugging her like he normally did, however, he rolled closer to her and let his head rest against her shoulder. A little surprised, she put her arms around him and rested her head on his, closing her eyes with a slight smile.

When she woke up the next day, she immediately knew he was gone. There was too much space around her. As she opened her eyes, the first thing she noticed was the piece of folded paper on his side of the bed. Still a little drunk with sleep, she stretched first, before reaching out to the white thing and pulling it towards her. Slowly she unfolded it, noticing the Hangul that was carelessly written over the entire front of the paper. She blinked once, before starting to read. She frowned a little as she saw her name, wondering how he had known it. Then again, she knew his name as well, didn’t she?

Good morning, Kya Din.
I hope you had a good night of sleep and that you are happy, yet I am sorry in advance for ruining that good mood.
I am also sorry for not telling you this before. I guess it’s because I suck at goodbyes and I didn’t want to have to face you while bringing the news. Call me a coward if you want, you’d be right.
One year ago, you told me you were dying. I had already known you were sick, no other girl your age would spend every day at home if she were to be completely healthy, but hearing the words from you seemed to make it all the more real.
I refused to let that happen, spending every evening I possibly could with you in order to make you regain your health. For fifteen months we have fought together now, and I believe your disease was overpowered more than half a year ago at the least. Still I kept coming, hoping that you might become more active, but in time, I came to realize you would not do anything apart from the usual as long as I was there every evening.
That’s why I’ve decided to leave without warning you beforehand. My schedule is filled with activities in China for the next month, making me unable to visit you during that time. Even though I’m still not sure if my theory about your disease is true, I hope it is, and if it’s not, I hope that you will keep fighting against it. In a month I will be at your doorstep again, hoping that you will still be there to open it. If you won’t be, I don’t know what it will do to me, for I have come to love you.
Let’s not be silent anymore when I return. I hope to see you here.
Donghae

- - - - -

He calmly walked up to the building, smiling as he approached the door. The familiar shape and outline made him feel a little nostalgic, yet at the same time the guilty feeling because of leaving her filled him and there also was the fear of being too late. He had been gone for exactly one month, just like he had written to her, but he had no idea how she had been doing meanwhile. What if he had been wrong and she hadn’t healed yet? Would she have been strong enough to fight her disease without him? He hadn’t been able to contact her because he did not know her phone number. Actually, he didn’t know much about her at all. With a worried feeling, he raised his hand and rang the bell. Immediately he noticed someone had fixed it. Why would she fix it? She had loved the sound of the broken bell. Did she die and did the new owners fix the bell? His worry deepened.

Her name was Kya Din. He had met her about sixteen months ago. She had been struggling to open her door while carrying two heavy bags full of food and drinks. When he had asked if she needed any help, she had simply stuffed one of those bags in his hands, not even looking up at him. Intrigued by her seemingly total lack of interest in the world around her, he had followed her inside her house, closing the door behind him. She hadn’t even commented on it, as she had put down her bag in the kitchen and then had walked towards the living room. He had followed her example, putting the second bag down in the kitchen as well and following her to the couch. After a few futile attempts to start a conversation, he had given up and had simply watched TV with her. When she had gone to bed, he had followed her with his eyes, before making himself comfortable in the couch and sleeping there. Large had been his surprise when he had woken up to the smell of a nice breakfast that she had made for him.

Because of her strange behaviour, he had found himself thinking about her the whole day during his scheduled activities. For that reason he had visited her again the next evening, the evening after that and eventually every free evening he had. Unlike what he had expected, she didn’t start talking to him even after they had been together every single evening for two weeks. Yet even without talking they had somehow managed to become close with each other and soon slept in the same bed, even though they still kept their distance. Then one night she had confessed what he had suspected ever since the beginning. He had been startled still, to hear it from her, but he had made sure not to show it, telling her he was not going to let her die. That night, he had touched her for the first time, pulling her into his embrace. It had never been different anymore in the following nights.

At first, the members had of course questioned his sudden absence in the evenings, but he had never felt the need to explain it to them. If he remembered correctly, Hyukjae was the only one knowing he visited a girl every evening. All the others just knew he went somewhere. It had not been questioned. As long as he showed up in time for his schedule and stayed until that was done, the management didn’t complain about anything else. Sometimes, however, he would find them trying to make his schedule very busy until late in the evening so that he wouldn’t leave anymore. After finding out their trick, he had simply worked even harder to finish his schedule as soon as possible and had left anyway. If it was too late to visit her house, he would book a place in a hotel or something like that. Soon they had left him alone again and he had been free every evening.

What had surprised him most was that she would always open the door when he came. There was never a time when she didn’t let him in. Even when having a less good day, she would get up and let him in, though he could sometimes see her suffer because of walking around. On such days, he would be all the more careful with her, or say something nice to her to cheer her up. She never responded to his words, but he had seen her smiling because of them before. That was all he needed. Even though he didn’t know her reasons for having always let him in -nor had she ever asked for his reasons to keep visiting- it was somehow fine that way. As long as she kept letting him in, he didn’t mind her reasons. The fact that she was with him without asking or expecting anything from him was a relief in his busy idol life where one could never be sure what reasons someone could have to give you attention.

The month he had spend in China had been one of the most dragging months ever. Where time would normally fly by during concerts, he had now found himself staring at fans' faces and taking in every detail, only to notice that he hadn’t even sung two more words when he averted his eyes again. In the evenings, when he had lain in his bed, staring at the ceiling, he had missed the warmth of her body next to him. The single bed also felt too small for him and he had often woken up in the middle of the night with the feeling that he was going to fall out of it. More and more he had come to realize the astounding truth of the words he had written to her. For her being herself, her opening the door every time again, her not demanding anything from him, her silence, for all those things, he had come to love her. In his heart, the worry had gown that he wasn’t going to find her upon returning to Korea, yet he had hoped with all his heart that he would be given a chance to talk to her once more and see the careful smile break through on her face.

His eyes wandered from the doorbell to the door that still hadn’t moved an inch. He felt his hope slowly slip away as the door coldly stayed closed. He knew pressing the bell a second time wouldn’t matter, because if she had been there, she would have already opened the door for him. In a wave of hurt, regret and guilt, he had to accept that she was gone, that he had been wrong, just like he had feared the whole time already. Even thinking about accepting something like that, however, made him want to deny it all against all better knowing. He put his hand back into his pocket, clenching his fist without noticing. As he turned away from the closed door, his head sank down a little, as if it, too, could not bear the aching truth. He hesitated a moment before walking away, showing the spark of hope in him that the door might still open up after all. It didn’t. With a sigh, he took his first step away from what had been his second home for over a year.

His feet moved as in an automatism, leading him away from the door, even if he wanted nothing more than to stay there until she came to open it, no matter how long he would have to wait. There were no tears in his eyes, but the hurt wasn’t less because of that. Inside he burned. It felt like he had trouble breathing, as if the knowledge that she had died was choking him. He didn’t want to accept it. He wanted to run back, but his feet didn’t obey his will and just kept going at the same, steady walking pace. He wanted to turn his head to look at her house once more, but found himself unable to do as much as lift up his head. He didn’t want to believe that she was really gone forever, but everything he wanted to do, he became unable to as his body refused to listen to him. With a trembling sigh, he felt how the last bit of hope left him. It had all been volatile.

“Donghae-ssi.” someone suddenly said, as a hand slid in between his arm and body, softly taking hold of his lower arm. In a matter of moments, the person was walking alongside of him, their bodies slightly touching with the movement of their steps. He turned his head, eyeing the intruder of his private space in wonder. One of the most beautiful faces greeted him, so lively that it undeniably proved the person’s healthy appearance. The two dark eyes sparkled as they looked up at him and shoulder long black hair with some dark red highlights were blown all around by the wind. The girl smiled as their eyes met. “Shall we go bowling today?” she asked.

His heart jumped as he recognized her voice. It was her, and yet, it was not. He recognized her features, the line of her cheek bones, the colour of her eyes, the form of her smile, but her smile had never been so wide and genuine before and her eyes had never sparkled this lively. Even though she looked so real, he had troubles grasping the fact that she was really standing next to him. He even wondered if he was hallucinating already. She chuckled and gave his arm a soft pull, making him realize he had stopped walking. Still in a daze, he started moving again, not one moment averting his eyes from hers. She smiled again, this time less bright and much more like how she used to smile. As he carefully returned the smile she showed him, her smile widened again and he immediately decided that he liked her new smile much more.

“Bowling sounds like a great plan.” he heard himself say, as he turned his head back to the front. She chuckled again while giving his arm a soft squeeze and rested her head against his shoulder. As they walked on, he took a deep breath, letting the air rush through his lungs and fill them with new life, just like she had just filled him with new hope.