Characters: Kibum, OC, SJ
Rating: PG
Chaptercount: 8/36
Summary: Soojin meets a guy who turns her world upside down but then there's a few dozen others as well.
A/N: This is one of my most beloved novels (not that I wrote THAT many, but still) and I think I will forever cherish the characters in this. This story also helped me shape my view on the different members and is the first of few stories in which I used first person.
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I was right in time to catch him before he entered the living room, greeting him with a polite ‘Hello Kibum’ and giving him a happy smile. He smiled back at me, showing off his cute side and turned around to focus his attention on me. I felt a little self conscious under his gaze and looked down at my own feet that were covered in my mother’s shoes. Well, that was a detail no one else had to know. Like the other detail that my earrings and blouse came from my mother as well. It’s not that I was embarrassed about it, but I wasn’t going to shout it out across the roofs either.
“Mom. We’ll be going.” I said, walking up to my mother anyway to give her a hug. Her response was immediate as she hugged me back, but I could notice her surprise about my action. It had been ages since I greeted her with a hug before going somewhere. Then again, up till a few weeks ago it had also been ages since I really went anywhere. “Thanks for helping me with the outfit.” I mumbled as I let go. She smiled at me and gave my hand a little squeeze.
“That’s okay, dear. I’ll take the key off the door so that you can get in when you come back.” she replied, slightly pushing me towards Kibum. “Have a good evening with your friends.” I rolled my eyes at Kibum over her words, but then couldn’t help smiling. It was so like my mother to still tell me all those things. With calm steps I made my way to the front door, Kibum following right behind me. When we stepped out of the house, he turned around once more to smile at my mother and say: “Goodbye, omma of Soo Jin. It was nice seeing you again. Maybe we’ll see each other again soon.”
I chuckled as I closed the door, catching a glimpse of my mother’s delighted expression. She had always loved it when my friends turned out to be polite and kind to her. It made me wonder what exactly she had thought of Heechul when meeting him. I decided to ask her about that some other time, maybe ask her out for a shopping trip soon to stock up my wardrobe again and then have random chats with her at the same time. It was an appealing idea.
“You look good.” Kibum broke through my thoughts as we walked to his car. I instantly felt my cheeks burn up and I looked away in embarrassment. What can I say? I had gotten used to Heechul complimenting me in his own insulting way, so Kibum’s straightforward compliment caught me completely off guard. He chuckled as he noticed my reaction and gave me a friendly pat on my shoulder. “I’m just saying, Jin, just saying.” he assured me, making the blush on my face even worse.
I let my eyes dart from the ground to our surroundings. I found my street to look exactly the same as it had done for the twenty-two years that I had lived there and sighed at the utter boring feeling it gave me. I remember wanting it to at least be a little more interesting. At least I would have had a valid reason not to look at him then. I was not good with compliments. Not that I am now, but back then it was even worse. Even his little friendly pat at the end didn’t make it easier for me to react to his words. How does one respond to a compliment, really? I had and still have no idea.
“Thanks, I guess..” I mumbled to him, looking up as we reached the car. Kibum looked at me, a little surprised. Then he suddenly started laughing. I was shocked by his reaction and frowned. What was he laughing for? Had I said something completely ridiculous? Was this not the appropriate reaction to a compliment? Okay, I had to admit that I might have been a little more enthusiastic, but apart from that, I hadn’t really said anything wrong. Had I?
“You’re so slow, Jin.” he flashed a happy grin at me over the roof of the car, before opening his door and getting in. I stood frozen for a while, until he made the window roll down. The sudden noise and movement scared me, waking me up from the sort of trance I had been in. “Are you going to get in?” he asked me, still with the happy grin on his face. I rolled my eyes and stuck out my tongue at him, opening the car door to get in as well. Once I was seated with a closed door and a fastened seatbelt, he started the car and drove off.
“So.. Where are we going actually?” I asked after a moment of silence, making Kibum glance to my side for a moment. I sighed when I realised he was having fun because of me again and crossed my arms in front of my chest. If I had known earlier that going out with him would have lead to embarrassing situations like this one, I would never have agreed to it. That’s when I realised that I would soon have Nerdy and Nerdier around as well. Slowly, I started regretting my decision to go along on this night out.
“We’re going to one of the local clubs. It’s a very calm one. Not too loud music. You can just randomly hang around, have a drink, dance a little.. The usual.” Kibum finally explained, making me look up at him again. Our eyes locked for a moment, until he averted his gaze back to the road. It was only then that I started to take in what exactly he had said. My eyes grew as I realised that dancing meant moving around on a floor to a certain song.
“D-dancing?” I asked, stunned. Kibum merely nodded, not taking his eyes off the road. He did open his mouth to say something, but I was faster. “You, Nerdy and Nerdier go out..dancing?” This time, my words did make him look up at me and I was shocked at the furious look in his eyes and his unexpected reaction.
“Look, I’m sure you think these nicknames very amusing and love to use them, but has it ever come to mind that maybe, just maybe, you are insulting someone with them?” he burst out. “You know nothing, really nothing, about them and I can’t believe you are really as shallow as this to give them such stupid and childish nicknames.” His words cut deep. Very deep. I could feel tears brimming in my eyes, but refused to cry.
It was always the same. I was a very quick talker and would not let much get to me, but the moment I felt that people were genuinely angry at me, tears would always appear out of nowhere and would make me unable to speak. It sucked, for I could not speak anymore because of the tears and even if I would angrily try to continue the discussion, my sincere anger would be ruined by the tears on my face. That’s why, when it happens, I would always turn my head away so that no one could see the tears and I would hold back the sobs that tried to get out. I am never able to stop the tears from falling, though.
And that was exactly what happened in the car. I turned my head away from him to look at the outside buildings passing by. Even though I didn’t let out a single sound, nor did my body tremble because of my efforts to hold back any sound or sob, the tears streamed over my cheeks nonetheless. Every now and then I opened my mouth to breathe, after which I held back more sobs and sniffs. My chest was starting to hurt from holding back, but I ignored it. I refused to make a sound. Yet, when the tears became too much, I had no choice but to wipe some away and that didn’t go unnoticed.
“Jin?” Kibum asked, glancing up at me. I wanted to tell him to just focus on the road, but my tears made me unable to talk. “Are you crying?” I quickly shook my head, even though the opposite was completely true, but the movement seemed to have made him notice it all the more, for he muttered a soft ‘Shit’ under his breath. I closed my eyes and swallowed with some difficulty, shutting out the bad thoughts. When I opened my eyes again, I realised we had stopped at the side of the road.
“Jin-ah..” Kibum mumbled, putting a hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off, feeling more like being alone than like having to face him now, but that was quite impossible. If only I wouldn’t always cry like an overemotional wreck every time someone raised his voice to me.. I wanted to tell him I was sorry and that he was right, but all I could to was bawl like a baby. Wonderful. The truth of those words and my feeling of impotence made the first sob finally break through my strong hold over them and once it did, the rest followed as well.
It didn’t take long before Kibum’s arms were softly wrapped around me. He had taken off his seatbelt and leaned over to hug me. I wanted to tell him to let go, that I was fine and didn’t need any comforting, but my body didn’t respond to what my mind told it to do. Inside, all I could think of was how ridiculous I must have been looking and how much I wanted to be able to just be normal about stuff like this and take his comment like any normal grown up person would do.
“Kibum..” I finally managed to say with a cracking voice, making him look up at me. I kept my face turned away from him so that he wouldn’t see the mess it probably was at that moment. It took me a few more sniffs before I was able to continue my sentence. “Do you..have a tissue? Please?” He immediately let go of me with one arm to open the little glove compartment and took out a package of tissues which he handed to me. I took it with trembling hands and somehow managed to pick one out. Throughout all my actions, Kibum’s one arm remained wrapped around my shoulders and his other hand rested on my upper leg.
When I had cleaned my face, blown my nose and dried my tears, I sighed deeply. I would have to explain my odd behaviour to him, probably, but how exactly was I going to do that? How did one explain that terrified feeling when I didn’t even know where it came from myself? I kept my gaze on the houses outside, glad that there were no people walking by our car who could’ve seen my wet and teary-eyed face. I was still in the middle of debating with myself about how I would start the conversation when Kibum spoke again.
“So you never got rid of that habit, did you?” he said softly, slowly letting go of me and sitting back up in his own seat. I felt a strange loss of warmth when he took his arm from around my shoulders. I took another tissue from the package that meanwhile was half empty already and did some more face cleaning. It was only a few moments later that his words registered in my mind, making me look up at him to maybe see what he was talking about. It wasn’t written on his face, of course, so I had no choice but to ask.
“What habit?” I therefore wondered out loud. My dull and cracked voice surprises even myself, although it was very silent, but I decide to ignore it and just keep my eyes on Kibum. He cast me a worried glance as he heard the frailness of my voice, but answered my question when he realised I was only waiting to hear something from him.
“Crying when someone gets angry at you.” He mumbled, taking the tissue out of my hand and drying the last few tears that I had apparently missed. I studied his expression as he cared for me, but couldn’t keep myself from blurting out my surprise.
“How did you..?” I didn’t even finish the question, as he looked me in the eyes and smiled that cute smile of his again. My gaze wandered from his lips back to his eyes as I tried to keep my thoughts in focus. Once again I realised that the words I had said on our very first day of really speaking to each other had been oh so true. ‘You smiled that smile of yours in my general directions a few times too often and now I can’t stop thinking how cute it is.’ I had said to him and in the weeks after, I had found myself more often than not thinking back to that cute smile. I always had a weak point for smiles and Kibum’s was just plain love.
“I’ve been in your class ever since kindergarten, Soo Jin.” he broke through my thoughts. I noticed he used my full name, something he hadn’t done for a while anymore, ever since he had decided that Jin or Jinnie would be a nice short nickname for me. “I’ve built sandcastles with you, witnessed you drawing miserably failed bunnies, seen you throw another angry fit when things didn’t go your way.. I even noticed you picking your nose back when we were five! You think I wouldn’t know about this?”
I stared at him in surprise, remembering how he had indeed been in the same class as me for all those years. I realised that, if I thought about it, I knew a lot about him as well when I focused on it.
“We’re running late.” he said as he started the car again and manoeuvred it back onto the road.
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