[FIC] Yours Truly

Title: Yours Truly
Characters: Undefined
Rating: G
Wordcount: 1.568
Summary: A letter written but never sent
A/N: A shot that may have started out with defined characters and a vague idea but ended up being so many people mashed together that I just never mentioned any names and left it at that.

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Hey you..

I find that I have something to tell you, but I cannot tell you in person, so I’m just writing it down, because I need to get it off my mind somehow. Even if you’ll probably never read this, I will at least have written it down and will not keep living with all these thoughts and memories. To this paper I will give my deepest feelings, because I have nowhere else to put them.

It started so many years ago, five or maybe six already by now.. When we sat next to each other on that bench, staring at our new classmates, wondering what exactly they found so interesting about soccer, but not talking to each other.

Our teacher came to sit with us that day, smiling as she saw how we kept the polite distance strangers always keep, even though we were both doing exactly the same; watching in silence.

She looked at us for a moment and then asked us if we knew each other. I shook my head, you mumbled a short ‘no.’ We didn’t even turn to look at each other as we replied. Our teacher smiled again, shaking her head with a soft laugh. “Who knows.” she then told us. “Maybe you’ll become best friends later on.” I turned to look at you, right as you looked at me and we both laughed at the statement, not believing a word of it.

Yet our teacher had been right. I spent exactly four months sitting rather lonely in my seat at the door of the classroom, before you decided one day that since I sat alone and you sat alone, we could just as well sit together and give other friends the chance to sit next to each other as well instead of having to split up because we both always occupied the second seat of the two free tables.

We spent another month sitting next to each other in silence, before you decided that having some small talk probably wouldn’t hurt us. It was at that moment when you nudged my shoulder and wrote the very interesting and informative message of ‘Don’t you agree that his face looks like a Halloween pumpkin?’ on my geography papers that our friendship started.

We have been taking the same classes every year since we’re doing the same study, both claiming to only study Economics because all the other options suck even more. We even doubled the same year because we both happily failed for 7 out of 15 of our classes, which coincidentally weren’t the same classes, so no one connected the lack of good grades on my report card that year to the overdose of time I had started spending with you.

You yourself had always told me, and everyone else willing or unwilling to listen, that you never intended on being the manager of a company, because your real passion was dance. Sadly enough your family didn’t have the money to let you attend one of the better dance schools in the big city, so that’s why you ended up in the same class as me, spending your days pretending to care about Economics, but using all your spare time to dance.

Every day I see you give the best of yourself in that practice room. You always dance with a passion and a talent that went way beyond my understanding. I didn’t know how you could be so caught up in something, completely losing your attention for anything else the moment the music starts playing and you start moving your limbs to the right beat.

Yet here we are; nearing the end of our last year in high school, almost seven years after the start of our friendship, and I do understand now how one can be so caught up in something that nothing else seems important anymore. I do understand how you can lose attention for everything else the moment this something comes in view. Only with me it is not something, but someone.

It started the first time I saw you dance, in the third grade. I had heard you talk about dancing nonstop from the start, but you never asked me to join you for your practice..until that day. I needed only one second to see your passion; your love for the dance, your feel for the moves, the way everything just seemed to work out as you danced.. There were no boundaries, no questions, it was just you and the music, flowing together as if you were made to do so..and that’s when I started seeing your beauty.

You are not the kind of beauty that shows in prince-like features and a rock-hard body full of muscles. Your beauty lies not in your dazzling smile or your enchanting eyes. Sure, your outside, your look, is not ugly, but your inside, your personality, is so much more than just nice. How a single unexpected event can brighten up your whole day, or how you always seem to shine the moment you enjoy something, or how you can walk up to someone you don’t know at all and give them a compliment, just because you know they deserve it.

I discovered that for the first time when you danced and from then on I saw it in everything you did. Your kindness, your forgiveness, the way you treated me as if I was the most important person on this planet. Whenever we did things together, you would open doors for me, carry my heavy bag, listen to my nagging,.. It was always all about me, never about you. I felt special being treated in such a way, and I guess that’s why I sneakily ignored the fact that you did the same to everyone else.

Sometimes my heart questioned me what I was doing to it and at such times, I found myself at a loss for explanations. Because what was I doing? What did I intend to reach by pretending you loved me? Why did I live in this imaginary world where you loved me and I loved you and we were happy together through thick and thin? Where did I find enough proof to keep believing it myself?

I admit that it was probably easy for me to think like that, because we were such very good friends. Even though we both made other friends over the years, you’d still come to me for everything and I’d still help you with everything. When you participated in your first real dance competition, I was the first one you asked to come watch and I accepted gladly, pretending not to see how you then moved on to your other friends to ask them as well, just so I could feel special. When you had your first crush, I was the one you talked to about it and I listened willingly, pretending the words of love were said to me instead.

No one is perfect, of course, and neither are you. There were times when I felt like stuffing you in the toilet and flushing a few times, like the day you admitted on having lost your part of our friendship bangles, but then you’d come up to me the next day, all smiles and laughs, and you’d apologise with those puppy eyes of yours and tell me that you would make it up to me and I would always believe you, because you always did. I could never stay angry long, for whatever it was you did, you’d have a perfect apology ready after two days at most.

I nurtured my love for you with your friendly gestures and gazes that I pretended were your shows of love, and I spun myself into the imaginary world I had created over the years where you were deeply in love with me as well.. But now, now that it’s the end of our high school years after which you will leave for a completely different city to attend one of the biggest dance schools in our country and I will go on to continue my studies to become a lawyer, now I’ve come to a point where I can walk out of this fantasy world of mine and get in touch with reality again.

So here I am, writing this all out to put an end to this chapter in the book of my life. I am happy to have known you for all these years and I hope that we will keep in contact, even though we will almost be at opposite sides of the country after this school year. I have sincerely loved you and still do; and even though it was only my imagination that made you love me back, you have made me very happy throughout these years. I hope you’ll find someone you can love for real and I know for sure that that person will be one of the happiest people in the world.

This is the end of my thoughts, my feelings. Here I put down my pen and fold this letter to hide it away, so that one day I may pick it up again, read this and think about you whom I loved more than my poor heart could take at times, with a smile on my face and the hope that you found happiness in life.

Yours truly,
Me