[FIC] Reunion

Title: Reunion
Characters: Super Junior
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 3.469
Summary: Seven years after the end, there is a reunion
A/N: This is my first masterpiece. My first shot longer than 2000 words. Also my first angst, my first writing about the end, my first pov from this person. Try finding out whose pov it's written in near the end of the story; it's a challenge. Wrote this when there was crap going on about Hangeng's case and one of my friends mentioned Hyukjae would be the one mending things, that came to this.

- - - - -

I let my eyes scan the people at the table. There are faces that I haven't seen for years and other faces that brighten my television screen every so often, yet all of them are familiar and I once saw them daily, sometimes way too up close for my liking. I smile a bitter smile as my eyes wander over all these familiar faces. It is silent as we sip from our drinks, the atmosphere awkward and tense.

'A reunion' they called it when they invited me to come. It sounded like a nice idea at the time, seeing each other again after so long.. How long has it been now, really? Five years? Six? Seven even, maybe? Yet as I take in the others and see how uncomfortable they look, I feel now more than ever that this might not have been such a good idea after all. Who came up with this anyway?

After a while of wandering around, my eyes lock with a pair of familiar ones at the other end of the table. I smile at my once very dear roommate, but he merely flashes me a grim smile back that doesn't even reach his eyes, and I wonder why I came here to begin with. It’s not like we were missing each other deeply; on the contrary, looking at the situation as it is right now, I think everyone was doing perfectly fine without the others.

I remember clearly the day when it all started going wrong. It probably was somewhere around the end of Bonamana promotions that the crap started, or more specifically, the moment Hangeng officially ended his contract with the company..

That day was the day Jungsoo finally exploded, after having spent years of keeping things for himself or only letting it out when he was sure he would hurt no one with the things he’d say. The day we got the news, it was like someone drove a stake through his heart, tore him into two, from head to toe and let everything just come bursting out. His shouting went from how annoying he thought some of our nagging could be to how much of a fucking selfish bastard he found Heechul to be.

To everyone’s surprise, Heechul didn’t talk back, but simply turned away and left for his room. We could all witness how a deadly pale Jungsoo slammed his fist against the wall, before sinking down on the couch and curling up into a ball. The ever-cool Jongwoon then walked up to him and wrapped his arms around our leader’s frail frame, comforting him like he would do at any other moment. The rest of us also went our own ways like any other day, but from that day on, things changed.

There were no more happy gatherings of the whole group, because Heechul and Jungsoo were still avoiding each other, and soon everyone began to find things about the others that they didn’t like. It didn’t take long for the dorm to become a place where every one of us had our own little island to live and the rest of the group was ignored unless one needed something from someone else. Only roommates kept talking occasionally and even that was reduced to a minimum.

“Where’s Kibum?” Jungsoo asks and I look around to notice that said member is indeed not here yet. I feel how my face forms a bitter smile when I realise I have gotten so used to not having him around that I don’t even notice his absence anymore. Even before we disbanded there was hardly a sign left of him in our dorms. “And I thought Hangeng would come too?” Jungsoo then continues.

I turn my head to look at him. From the Jungsoo I had known, Super Junior’s leader Leeteuk, one would expect worry and possibly a little hurt for having been ditched, but this Jungsoo just stares at the others, eyes dark pools of nothingness that I don’t even want to sink away in, afraid to get lost when I try to find my way back out.

“Kibum’s schedule probably just took more time than expected and Hangeng hyung said that he would be later because of no available earlier flights.” I tell those dark pools and I see Jungsoo blink in surprise when he hears my voice. There is a flicker of life in his eyes, a hint of a smile on his face when he looks at me, really sees me, but it disappears the moment the door opens and he turns his face towards it.

“Oh, finally decided to come after all?” Jungsoo sneers and I hold my breath. There it is. The proof that no matter how many years have passed, it’s still all accusations and problems and no one really knows anymore why the fights started in the first place. Kibum, however, remains calm and polite, one and all forced smiles that don’t show his teeth like his real smile does. I wonder, now that I see him, if it really matters that he wasn’t there, because even now I still want to get up and hug him to say hello.

“The acting schedule took longer than expected.” he answers our hyung calmly, before taking a seat in between Heechul and Donghae, whom he both greets with a short clasping of hands. I sigh as I recall my own greeting. It had been Jungsoo, Jongwoon and Donghae only back then, and they all shook my hand and patted my upper arm affectionately. It seems that the more people arrive, the less friendly and comfortable the atmosphere gets. I have a strange hunch that, when Hangeng enters, things will get even worse.

Yet I sit and sip from my lemonade and I silently wonder once again why we are here. There is hardly any talking, just faint whispering here and there between two people who aren’t (yet) set on killing each other. On my left, Siwon is talking to Heechul, on my right there is the empty space where Hangeng is supposed to sit later on. A small sigh escapes me, but it doesn’t take long for me to feel like being watched. When I look up, my eyes meet my ex-roommate’s a second time and the smile he sends me is much more warm and genuine than before. I smile back right when the door opens again.

Hangeng walks in. All smiles and hugs and happiness. He looks good, healthy, and he nearly chokes me in his hug, but I feel warm inside because he, at least, does not glare at anybody. He’s like a fresh, foreign breath of air in this room full of tensed up people whom, I have to admit, I hardly don’t know anymore. Everyone gets up when he passes to hug them and I see Kibum smiling his beautiful teeth-smile, Youngwoon grinning mischievously and Hyukjae finally showing off his gums again.

There’s a spark of life in me as the thought comes to mind that maybe, just maybe, there’s a chance that things might work out, but then Hangeng reaches Jungsoo’s chair and he doesn’t even bother to wait for the other to get up, for he seems to know the eldest won’t. Yet as he passes, he still brushes a hand over Jungsoo’s shoulder as a form of saying hi. I find it sad how Jungsoo doesn’t even do as much as shake it off, he simply ignores Hangeng as if he were no more than air.

“Jungsoo.” Heechul speaks up into the silence that is already bringing the room to a freezing point again. “You could at least say hi.” Jungsoo’s gaze jumps from his glass to Heechul and I can almost see the lightning bolts being shot at the other.

“Don’t give me that crap, Heechul. I say hi when I want to.” The dark pools that I called his eyes are even more black now, if that was ever humanly possible, and his voice is practically lethal as it cuts through the distance between him and the second oldest. “I’ve been taking your crap far long enough in the past anyway.” he then continues and the room seems to grow darker when Heechul scowls. I casually check my phone to see what time it is.

It is Sunday the fifteenth of January in the year 2018, thirteen minutes to midnight, when the bubble bursts and the wannabe happy scenery changes to a battle field.

Heechul jumps up, oblivious to Donghae’s hands trying to calm him down. Insults are shouted in every direction; from Heechul to Jungsoo, from Jungsoo to Hangeng, from Hangeng back to Jungsoo and from Jungsoo to Heechul. Then Kibum steps up against Jungsoo, siding with Hangeng and Heechul, but Youngwoon takes the eldest’s side and moments later Jongwoon does the same as well, because Jungsoo looks near breaking point.

I sit and drink my lemonade and wonder again why we are here and whose idea it was anyway. I casually throw a glance at them, but instead of angry men shouting insults and blaming each other, I only see the broken pieces of what once was our warm and loving family. I faintly wish I could pick them up and glue them back together, yet somehow there is a certain resentment in me towards this as well, because I gave up on them already, some seven years ago.

I still remember clearly the day we decided to disband. It wasn’t really a momentary inspiration, yet we also hadn’t talked it over for weeks and weeks. In fact, the atmosphere in the dorm had already been going down day by day in the near six months previous to our decision, so it was rather easy to leave. The choice was made by Hyukjae, Donghae and me when we were sitting in the kitchen together, listening to yet another argument going on between Heechul and Jungsoo.

It was when we heard a loud crash followed by very loud cursing, that we had enough. With a sigh, we pushed our glasses away from us and get up. Each of us went to our perspective room and started packing. Of course this went unnoticed, because we had all lived on our own island for months past and no one really cared anymore what the others did, as long as they showed up for schedules.

When we finished packing, we walked out with our tiny bags filled with the meagre amount of personal belongings we thought we really needed. We shared a hug, flashed each other a sad but knowing smile and then each set off to our own car, leaving towards home. The next day a phone call came from our manager and I told him the truth; there was no Super Junior anymore, unless Super Junior had come to stand for a bunch of strangers who couldn’t spend a day together without yelling.

The following months were filled with phone calls, e-mails and company conversations, but when the managers and the company’s directors saw the real situation between the bunch of us, they had no other choice but to agree with what I had told them, and soon it was publicly announced that Super Junior was no more. Fans wailed and cried, but I just sat at home and enjoyed my first peaceful days in months. The members were all put on different activities from acting to variety shows to solo singing projects, but more than half of us quit when our contracts ended. And that was the end of what was once so dear to me.

“Oh don’t even start your pathetic nonsense.” Heechul hisses and his voice makes the room grow even colder if that was even possible. My eyes wander over my surroundings. They are huddled together now, standing across from each other, glaring and huffing, their eyes trying to bore holes in their opponents. There are seemingly two groups; those who side with Jungsoo and those who side with Heechul, but I know those groups can just as easily break for no one really cares about no one anymore.

It’s then that Hyukjae decides to step up, all shyness and nervousness and soothing movements. “Hyungs.. Let’s calm down, shall we?” he asks, stepping in between them and softly trying to push Jungsoo away from Heechul a little. His eyes nervously dart from his one hyung to the other and I find so much of the old Hyukjae in him that my lips almost curl up in a smile. Almost.

“Keep out of this, Hyukjae. It’s none of your business.” Heechul says as he shoves the younger one completely out of his way. Jungsoo immediately takes the opportunity to point out how arrogant and egocentric he is. That’s when Donghae comes in the picture, walking up to Hyukjae and putting his arms around his friend to comfort him. Jungsoo notices him however, and immediately pulls him into the discussion with a quick ‘What do you think of this, Donghae?’

The next moment the discussion goes on, but only this time Donghae is a part of it. A very unwilling and helpless part. Both sides ask for his opinion at all times, but I know he loves both Jungsoo and Heechul too much to take sides, so he just stands there as questions get hurled at him and people demand him to take sides. I smile yet another one of my bitter smiles as I avert my eyes from the discussion, only to find my ex-roommate sitting in a corner of the room, shooting glares as sharp as daggers at the arguing people.

After another ten minutes of shouting, finger-pointing and cursing, Siwon finally gets up and walks towards them, hands raised, ready to try and calm down the group with his Bible quotes. I roll my eyes at his stupidity -because if Heechul doesn’t kill him over his Christianity in under ten minutes, now THAT would be a miracle- but I don’t have the will or feeling to get up and stop him. With a sigh I drink the last bit of my lemonade and put the glass back on the table, eyeing it a moment longer before averting my eyes to the ceiling.

A movement on my right makes me look up, only to see Hyukjae grabbing my hand and tugging it to get me to stand up. I frown, but do as he asks anyway, after which I get pulled out of the room. No one notices as we leaves, for they are all either arguing or watching those who argue. It’s silly, really, how a bunch of grown up men can make so much noise over nothing. I cast one last look at Donghae, who looks at me with a haunted expression on his face, but I know that I can’t help him.

Once outside of the gathering room that was booked for us to have our reunion in, I turn to Hyukjae again, only to find him with tears streaming over his cheeks. I feel the strange urge to smile, seeing how he really hasn’t changed much at all in seven years, but the other part of my brain works faster and in no time, I have taken two steps towards him and my arms slip around his waist effortlessly, as if I had been doing it all my life. In some way, I realise, that is kind of true.

Hyukjae cries, his face hidden against my chest. His bitter tears wet my T-shirt, but I can’t quite care about it as I rest my head against his and close my eyes. I can feel his arms slip around my middle, his hands gripping my T-shirt in an attempt to stop the tears, and I suddenly realise how it is years ago since I have last hugged a boy. When hugging this exact same person the day we parted, actually. I sigh softly at the memory and run my hand over his back once, twice, before pulling away a little.

“Hyukjae..” I try, but he just pulls me towards him again and I can only stand and hold him, letting his tears soak my T-shirt and his soft wails break my heart.

“This was such a stupid idea.” he murmurs, voice muffled by the fabric of my T-shirt pressed against his face. “Such a stupid idea.” He shakes his head a little and I can feel his hands slowly releasing their grip. “I shouldn’t have invited them. I knew how we parted, why would it have been any different after seven years? That’s too short of a time for grudges to leave, isn’t it? Seven years is like the blink of an eye, right? I shouldn’t have been such an idiot, wanting to get together one last time..”

I do put a distance in between us now as I push him back a little and try to lock eyes with him. “You organised this?” I ask and he nods. I feel how my mouth finally does curl up into a genuine smile and I slightly pat his shoulder. “It was a good initiative, hyung.” I tell him, the title tasting strange on my tongue. “They’re just a bunch of idiots for still continuing the argument after all these years. Then again.. I can’t really blame Jungsoo either, you know?”

I don’t need to look at him to know that he knows. He doesn’t have to nod to make it clear to me, because we all know. After years of holding back, Jungsoo’s patience ended, his restraint broke and two months after our disbanding he himself broke as well when both his parents died in a train crash, on their way to visit him to find out what exactly had gone wrong. He underwent two years of therapy to get his overworked nerves back to normal and to process their dead, but the kind, always smiling Jungsoo that we had once known never returned.

“How’s Jin Hee?” I ask, trying my best to change the subject. It obviously works, as his face brightens a little and he smiles lightly. “Is she doing fine? Are you two still happily married?” He nods and I can do nothing but smile.

“She’s doing well.” he replies, before his eyes dart up to my face. He cleans his face with the sleeve of his sweater and sighs. “Our child is to be born in two months.” he then adds. “I got a great offer as a dance teacher in Europe, we’re going to move to England next week. That’s why I wanted to gather one last time. I don’t think I’ll be coming back.” I realise that this is the exact reason why we had a reunion and somehow having come here doesn’t seem all that silly anymore.

With a sigh I walk towards the door that leads outside, pulling Hyukjae with me. We end up standing on the pavement, enjoying the night breeze that caresses our heated faces and watching one lonely car drive by. The street is filled with cars, all ours, parked at random spots. There is nothing else there, though, and I feel that it’s better that way. At least there’s no one around to see this miserable gathering of people who were supposed to be old friends.

From inside I can still hear the faint bickering, accusations that are thrown around the room, voices that are raised in anger. I can imagine Ryeowook, the eternal magnae, crying bitter tears even though he's angry and Donghae looking helpless as he's pushed around by all those that he cares about. I can imagine Shindong trying to calm down everyone by cracking a joke no one listens to and Sungmin sitting in a corner, not wordily participating in the fight, but shooting looks as poisonous and deadly as a snake's bite at those who are shouting so much and making Ryeowook cry.

I lift my head up at the night sky and stare at it for a while. There are no stars to be seen, even though the sky is clear, because the lights of the city are too bright. I sigh as I gaze up at that pool of black that looks comforting and calm behind all those street lights and it feels a lot like looking at what we once were. A group of brightly shining stars behind the spotlights of the heavy stage, strongly bound together by our fate and our friendship.

When I hear Hyukjae sigh, I turn to look at him, right as he looks at me and the moment our eyes lock, I can read in them so clearly what has been playing through my mind as well.

It's never going to be the same again.