Title: Bathroom Tiles
Characters: Siwon, Hankyung
Rating: G
Wordcount: 1.099
Summary: Siwon's life is filled with regrets and Hangeng listens to them.
A/N: This is a spinoff to the Go!Stop series that I started with Life would be perfect if we had these just a while ago. Because the idea of the Go!Stop was so intriguing and I really wanted to write something from other people's point of view than Donghae's, I started on this one. In the end it didn't quite turn out to be what I expected and it gives a whole new look on the events in Lwbpiwht but I feel it does have quite a nice vibe. Part of the fic challenge because I can make it so and the bathroom tiles title inspired me~
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It’s two in the morning when he wakes up, drenched in sweat and images still haunting him. He wonders how they’ve managed to find him time and again, even after moving. Somewhere early September, he agreed to take over the control of the machine room, causing him to have to move halfway across the country. Hyukjae said it was fine, they’d call to keep up. Donghae…distanced himself from them after a while. He thinks it’s growing up, Hyukjae thinks it’s staying a kid, they both never had a clue.
Ever since he works in the machine room, he knows so much more, so many hidden truths. One of them is how smart Donghae really is and how blind they have been. It was not just coincidence that mere months after Hyukjae asked for it, a time travelling device was created; it was Donghae who created it. He didn’t want to tell Hyukjae at first, but then did so anyway in the end. It didn’t change how much they needed the device. It did change the way they looked at it.
He rolls over and grabs his phone, a lifeline whenever he needs the comfort over night. “Gege...” he speaks into it once the dial tone is disrupted. I can’t sleep. It remains unsaid, but they both know it’s the reason he calls. There’s not even a two second silence before the other person answers. “Siwon-ah..” He swallows, then gets up from the bed and walks to the bathroom. It’s almost a relief to be able to hold his wrists under the cold water and feel his whole body relax a little.
The phone is clasped between his ear and shoulder as he stands in the bathroom, leaning his head against the wall. He’s pretty sure he’s breathing rather heavily into the mouthpiece, but he doesn’t care and he knows his hyung doesn’t either. He turns off the tap and steps backwards until his back rests against the wall. It’s rather dark in the bathroom, the light above the sink the only thing illuminating the little room. There’s silence as he closes his eyes, silence as he sinks down onto the floor and it stays silent as he lets his thoughts get the best of him.
“Siwon-ah..” the voice repeats after some time, gently prying him out of his misery. He breathes in deeply, takes the phone in his hand again and uses the other hand to slide his fingers over the ground. There’s a sense of familiarity to it all, the tiles shaped just the way he remembers them from distant memories, the colour so soothing it almost hurts. But then the image wavers and he’s looking at the plain white bathroom tiles again. They’re far from the ones he knows so well. Far from the memories that warm yet hurt his heart every time he tries to touch upon them.
“It hurts, gege.” he finds himself telling the elder out of nowhere. “Knowing we left him behind like that. Knowing he’s all alone in that world.” He gets up, walks a circle in the bathroom and sits back down. There’s something infinitely cold eating at his insides, making him feel so guilty and lost. But Hangeng is there, and he tells himself that over and over until the panic dies away again.
They’re silent then, breathing in and out, each lost in their own memories. They do this more often, calling in the middle of the night, living in normal time and just listening to each other wonder about the things in life. He treasures those moments most, because they are what make him remember what living really is about. Life, he finds when he looks back at the past year, has become very lifeless.
“Hyukjae called today. He said he saw Donghae. He said Donghae looks happy.” he speaks again after a long time, back pressed against the cold wall. “He said Donghae still lives in normal time.” And he can understand why, really. Sitting and thinking like this, having had 30 minutes pass at most when it felt like several days. Hangeng hums something and Siwon knows he’s tired. Heck, they’re all tired. One year passed like it’s only a week, tons of work still left to do for them.
“How’s Hyukjae doing?” Hangeng asks then with genuine interest. Hangeng is always genuine. There’s no fake smiles to him, no hidden annoyance or plastic honesty. “I heard he got a job?”
“Yeah, for the time that rests him.” Siwon agrees, a bitter smile on his face.
“Do you really think it will work?” is the question that immediately follows, Hangeng questioning exactly that what he’s been wondering about as well.
“I don’t know, gege, I don’t know.” He sighs and feels so many things at once. It’s strange to really feel anything at all, but somehow it’s also very reassuring. It makes him realise he’s alive, not a robot – which is how he feels in everyday life lately.
“Kibum hates doing this.” Hangeng speaks again and this time Siwon is less happy about his friend’s honesty.
“I know. But he offered. He loves spending time with Donghae. I can’t help it either that his great example, the creator of Go!Stop, is also the one who hates it the most.” he retorts. “In less than a year, this will all be over for him. He’ll move back into Go!Stop life and leave Donghae behind. With some luck, this world will seize to exist or Donghae will disappear to a better place. Who knows?”
“Yes… Who knows?” Hangeng agrees, but there’s resentment in his voice, a feeling that Siwon can understand well. They are, after all, forcing their friend into even worse times in a vain hope of making him turn them better for himself.
They fall silent again and Siwon imagines Hangeng staring at the ceiling like he’s staring at the ground. He counts lines and crossroads between the tiles, remembers playing with soap and drawing moustaches with it as little kids. He remembers playing hide and seek and being found in the bath rub every single time. He remembers friends he now hardly sees anymore.
He falls asleep against the bathroom wall that night, phone stuck to his ear, Hangeng’s soft, even breathing on the other side. When he wakes up the next morning, the form of the bathroom tiles are pressed into his cheek. He sighs as he gets up and dusts himself off. He then wishes his friend a good morning, presses the fast-forward button and goes back to work.
Back to the void.
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