[FIC] Occasionally

Title: Occasionally
Characters: Undefined
Rating: G
Wordcount: 803
Summary: Occasionally I think of you and what we used to be.
A/N: Spur of the moment writing that flew out in one go, no additional comments to make~

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Occasionally, in between my footprints in the moist sand, I think of you and of how it was when times were better, when days were less lonely and nights less cold. I remember how we used to be when we curled up together in a bed, on the couch, arms wrapped around body and limbs, limbs wrapped around whatever they could fit around. It was effortless, it was void of all hurt and pain and anything that might make our days less bright. I remember the feeling of belonging I got sometimes when I looked into your eyes and pretended that nothing else existed outside of you and me, outside of us.

Occasionally I think back to those days and the way you smiled at me and told me we would never end. Oh how I believed you, how I listened to your words and believed that yes, we could really win over anything that might stand against us. It wasn’t entirely true, but that’s okay now. I’m no longer bitter, I no longer cry over things that are impossible to change. But the sun disappearing into the water still reminds me of your smile and how it lit up every single one of my days and I hope now that you found as much joy in those particular days as I did. Because it would be a waste if I was the only one to have felt that way. It would be silly to want you back, we are long gone, but the way the sand spills through my toes when I lift my feet reminds me of how we’d end up in the shower after long walks on the beach and all of a sudden the shower seems too big for just me, even though we could barely fit in with the two of us.

Sometimes when I go to bed, I still feel the urge to roll over to the other side so I can put my hand on your chest and cuddle up against your side, but there’s nothing there anymore and that’s okay, it just leaves my heart a little bit lonelier. But that’s alright too, because I have my memories and they are as precious to me as you once were, probably, since they are all I have left of you now. It makes me a little sad thinking about that time but I’m walking on an empty beach with my hand holding on to an umbrella instead of another hand so I think I am permitted to feel a little sad occasionally.

I’m not sure what I’m trying to say but maybe the words that spill out of my mind are things I’ve always wanted to tell you; that I miss you but that’s okay because it meant you were something precious that I would’ve kept if the opportunity had been there to do so. All in all I just hope that you’re doing fine now too and when maybe one day you think back of me, you’ll be smiling just like I am right now and maybe your eyes may feel a little moist but that’s okay, because we walked a long road together and occasionally that path can be remembered and treasured. There’s just no need for us to turn around and run back to it, because walking the same road a second time is always different and somehow disappointing. The first time is always more interesting than all of the others, just like our first kiss was such an adventure while all the ones after that just came naturally. It’s like that with all things in life, isn’t it? The trick is to just find those things that keep making you happy even though they’re no longer your first times.

I admit that it’s lonely to think of you when you’re no longer around, when no one is around to remind me of why it’s not bad now, why it’s at least just as good. I’m glad that I had you for the time I had you just like I’m glad that I now have this beach and the sun and my dog. He’s biting at the sea water trying to catch the foam, a little bit like how I’m grasping at the past trying to catch a glimpse of you in my mind. And perhaps my mind does not remember you as clearly anymore, but that’s okay too, because my heart has every detail graved into its core. That is why I will be able to go home, clean my feet of the sand and go on with life, because I know that whenever I feel like it, occasionally, my heart will willingly provide me with these memories again so that I can smile over our shared days and your silly face.