Characters: Heechul
Rating: G
Wordcount: 520
Summary: When things truly go wrong, you always come out more damaged.
A/N: I started writing this one day when I was on holiday still. It developed into something small that I don't really know what or how, but that I do like. A friend of mine read it for me and she got so many things out of it that I really did try to put in this.
He remembers the early days. The careless laughter, the youthfulness. He remembers silly actions and thoughtless brawling. He’s sure there were complications too back then, but none of them big enough to still remember up to this point. Even the biggest car accident in his life didn’t seem like much, joking about the scar he had gotten from the operations as if he couldn’t be bothered at all.
There was Full House at one point. Joking around with the two foreign girls in the dorm, with the crew, with each other, stuffing ice cubes down each other’s shirts, having fun without caring about anything else. They did so many pranks back in the day that it was a surprise they didn’t go through the days looking for hidden cameras every minute.
But it had been them - Super Junior - rascals through and through. Super Junior Show, Animal Farm, Mystery 6, Explorations of the Human Body, … All shows that passed in hilarity, crack and unity. He often finds himself reminiscing those days, but no one follows along in it with him.
There are many moments in life that knock one down, but humans have an instinct that makes them crawl up and get at it again. So did he. Car accidents, anti-fans, quarrels, anything that happened he had left behind him. Sometimes after a few hours, sometimes after a few days, but it had never taken this long.
They say time heals everything, but he doesn’t completely agree with that. For one, he had experienced firsthand that some things never heal. Sure the pain can lessen and one can go on with life, but never the same again. You always come out more damaged.
He wonders if it’s too late for him, if he’s damaged beyond repair, because the smiles on his faces always feel faker than they’re supposed to be, the things he does seem to have lost their meaning and the snarky comments simply don’t feel the way they did anymore. He’s changed, there’s no way to deny it, but he really hates the way it affected his life too. He hates the way he grew dull.
It started with Kibum leaving, probably something taken away that he never thought he would miss - that he never thought he would HAVE TO miss. And then they all went, first Kangin, then Hangeng. He surrounded himself with others, with people he thought might help him get over the ache in his heart, but no one really ever did.
And even though Jay was there in between his dramas and other schedules, something was missing in his life. He tried to substitute it with alcohol at first, with distractions later on, but neither really worked.
And as he stares at the world passing by outside his car window, he figures that maybe nothing ever will. Not even his army service coming closer, nor the years that might possibly come after that. He smiles at his reflection and silently points out the changes compared to a few years ago. He soon has pressed his finger against half of his face.
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