Title: Occasionally
Characters: Undefined
Rating: G
Wordcount: 803
Summary: Occasionally I think of you and what we used to be.
A/N: Spur of the moment writing that flew out in one go, no additional comments to make~
- - - - -
Occasionally, in between my footprints in the moist sand, I think of you and of how it was when times were better, when days were less lonely and nights less cold. I remember how we used to be when we curled up together in a bed, on the couch, arms wrapped around body and limbs, limbs wrapped around whatever they could fit around. It was effortless, it was void of all hurt and pain and anything that might make our days less bright. I remember the feeling of belonging I got sometimes when I looked into your eyes and pretended that nothing else existed outside of you and me, outside of us.
Occasionally I think back to those days and the way you smiled at me and told me we would never end. Oh how I believed you, how I listened to your words and believed that yes, we could really win over anything that might stand against us. It wasn’t entirely true, but that’s okay now. I’m no longer bitter, I no longer cry over things that are impossible to change. But the sun disappearing into the water still reminds me of your smile and how it lit up every single one of my days and I hope now that you found as much joy in those particular days as I did. Because it would be a waste if I was the only one to have felt that way. It would be silly to want you back, we are long gone, but the way the sand spills through my toes when I lift my feet reminds me of how we’d end up in the shower after long walks on the beach and all of a sudden the shower seems too big for just me, even though we could barely fit in with the two of us.
Sometimes when I go to bed, I still feel the urge to roll over to the other side so I can put my hand on your chest and cuddle up against your side, but there’s nothing there anymore and that’s okay, it just leaves my heart a little bit lonelier. But that’s alright too, because I have my memories and they are as precious to me as you once were, probably, since they are all I have left of you now. It makes me a little sad thinking about that time but I’m walking on an empty beach with my hand holding on to an umbrella instead of another hand so I think I am permitted to feel a little sad occasionally.
I’m not sure what I’m trying to say but maybe the words that spill out of my mind are things I’ve always wanted to tell you; that I miss you but that’s okay because it meant you were something precious that I would’ve kept if the opportunity had been there to do so. All in all I just hope that you’re doing fine now too and when maybe one day you think back of me, you’ll be smiling just like I am right now and maybe your eyes may feel a little moist but that’s okay, because we walked a long road together and occasionally that path can be remembered and treasured. There’s just no need for us to turn around and run back to it, because walking the same road a second time is always different and somehow disappointing. The first time is always more interesting than all of the others, just like our first kiss was such an adventure while all the ones after that just came naturally. It’s like that with all things in life, isn’t it? The trick is to just find those things that keep making you happy even though they’re no longer your first times.
I admit that it’s lonely to think of you when you’re no longer around, when no one is around to remind me of why it’s not bad now, why it’s at least just as good. I’m glad that I had you for the time I had you just like I’m glad that I now have this beach and the sun and my dog. He’s biting at the sea water trying to catch the foam, a little bit like how I’m grasping at the past trying to catch a glimpse of you in my mind. And perhaps my mind does not remember you as clearly anymore, but that’s okay too, because my heart has every detail graved into its core. That is why I will be able to go home, clean my feet of the sand and go on with life, because I know that whenever I feel like it, occasionally, my heart will willingly provide me with these memories again so that I can smile over our shared days and your silly face.
Tuesday, 24 April 2012
Thursday, 29 March 2012
Fic Challenge - 061; Disguises [24/100]
Title: Disguises
Characters: Yesung
Rating: G
Wordcount: 603
Summary: He's become a professional at hiding.
A/N: First thing I've written and finished in ages. I also don't know what this is supposed to mean or be but it is and that's all I can really say about it.
- - - - -
A joke, a weird face, a silly dance. Things to mask what lies beneath the surface. Things to hide what truly is inside. He uses them on a daily basis. Glasses, foundation, a longer fringe. He can’t remember the last time he went out without wondering whether others would see what he wanted them to see or if they would still be able to look past these disguises.
He doesn’t even know when it started; the insecurity. He remembers days when he was way surer of himself, when he didn’t give a damn about what others thought of him, when he was solely focused on his goal and not on everything that he might come across on his way towards that goal. Or maybe he just wishes that’s what he could remember and back then he was just as messed up as he is now. He doesn’t know. Maybe he’ll never know.
Everything is confusing and conflicting, his thoughts toppling over each other and stumbling into his memories as if at random. Sometimes he doesn’t even get himself anymore, feels so contradicted that he’s certain he’s in a dilemma where exactly half of him wants to do one thing and the other half wants to do another. What way do you go then? What do you do when the world looks like it’s going to fall down on your face if you don’t get your feet in the right direction?
Breathing out a sigh, he opens his eyes and looks at the picture in front of him again. Dark eyes almost hide beneath even darker strands of hair, a mouth pulled into a slight smile that would look genuine to him if he didn’t know better. The hands are in the picture too; small in comparison to the head. There’s a bunch of hands at the bottom of the picture, all stretched out to the singing person, to him, but he doesn’t care about them.
Maybe it started with the comments. Maybe it started when the cameras never filmed him for a good month straight before finally showing one single shot where he was in too. Maybe it’s just a thing that happens when you grow up and you start to realise that the world isn’t as nice of a place as you had always thought it was. When innocence fades and reality finally gets a chance to kick in all your doors and drag the monsters from under your bed to stick them right next to you underneath the blanket.
The reflection in the computer screen shows him his own bitter smile and he almost growls at it, until he remembers where he is and that there’s people trying to sleep in his near vicinity. Letting out a soft sigh instead, he reaches out and presses a finger against the screen, pushing up one corner of his mouth in his reflection and moving it up for real too. He does the same to the other corner until his smile is back to the perfectly rehearsed cuteness he had learned it should be.
It’s the best way to make everyone believe he is fine, to make them look past the little details that show otherwise. Smiling has always kept people from asking those questions he does not want to answer and in return they all smile back at him, making their own day brighter as well. Smiling is easy; it takes fewer muscles than getting out of bed or speaking. Smiling enables him to say nothing at all yet convince everyone that the world is a great place.
Smiling is the perfect disguise.
Characters: Yesung
Rating: G
Wordcount: 603
Summary: He's become a professional at hiding.
A/N: First thing I've written and finished in ages. I also don't know what this is supposed to mean or be but it is and that's all I can really say about it.
- - - - -
A joke, a weird face, a silly dance. Things to mask what lies beneath the surface. Things to hide what truly is inside. He uses them on a daily basis. Glasses, foundation, a longer fringe. He can’t remember the last time he went out without wondering whether others would see what he wanted them to see or if they would still be able to look past these disguises.
He doesn’t even know when it started; the insecurity. He remembers days when he was way surer of himself, when he didn’t give a damn about what others thought of him, when he was solely focused on his goal and not on everything that he might come across on his way towards that goal. Or maybe he just wishes that’s what he could remember and back then he was just as messed up as he is now. He doesn’t know. Maybe he’ll never know.
Everything is confusing and conflicting, his thoughts toppling over each other and stumbling into his memories as if at random. Sometimes he doesn’t even get himself anymore, feels so contradicted that he’s certain he’s in a dilemma where exactly half of him wants to do one thing and the other half wants to do another. What way do you go then? What do you do when the world looks like it’s going to fall down on your face if you don’t get your feet in the right direction?
Breathing out a sigh, he opens his eyes and looks at the picture in front of him again. Dark eyes almost hide beneath even darker strands of hair, a mouth pulled into a slight smile that would look genuine to him if he didn’t know better. The hands are in the picture too; small in comparison to the head. There’s a bunch of hands at the bottom of the picture, all stretched out to the singing person, to him, but he doesn’t care about them.
Maybe it started with the comments. Maybe it started when the cameras never filmed him for a good month straight before finally showing one single shot where he was in too. Maybe it’s just a thing that happens when you grow up and you start to realise that the world isn’t as nice of a place as you had always thought it was. When innocence fades and reality finally gets a chance to kick in all your doors and drag the monsters from under your bed to stick them right next to you underneath the blanket.
The reflection in the computer screen shows him his own bitter smile and he almost growls at it, until he remembers where he is and that there’s people trying to sleep in his near vicinity. Letting out a soft sigh instead, he reaches out and presses a finger against the screen, pushing up one corner of his mouth in his reflection and moving it up for real too. He does the same to the other corner until his smile is back to the perfectly rehearsed cuteness he had learned it should be.
It’s the best way to make everyone believe he is fine, to make them look past the little details that show otherwise. Smiling has always kept people from asking those questions he does not want to answer and in return they all smile back at him, making their own day brighter as well. Smiling is easy; it takes fewer muscles than getting out of bed or speaking. Smiling enables him to say nothing at all yet convince everyone that the world is a great place.
Smiling is the perfect disguise.
Wednesday, 1 February 2012
[FIC] 365 Days
Title: 365 Days
Characters: Undefined
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 998
Summary: There's 365 days in a year but it takes only one to make a difference.
A/N: I don't know what to explain for this one. Started this a long time ago, probably with an idea, but that idea never made it to paper (document). This is the bleak end result of a shadow of that idea. Still, this lies very close to my heart. I don't know why.
- - - - -
“I don’t know why you’re hurting yourself so much over this, Sheila,” my mother tells me. The words sound harsh to my ears, the implied meaning obvious to me. I’m doing something that she doesn’t approve of and she wants me to tell her why. She wants me to give her explanations that will make sense to her but I don’t have any of those. I only have explanations that make sense to me and I’ve learned over the years that those are not sufficient for others.
Everyone always needs reasons they can fit into their view on the world. If something goes against their idea of how things turn then it’s not right. If my reasons don’t cooperate with how they think the human mind works then it’s not a proper reason. No one ever seems to consider that maybe someone else’s mind doesn’t work the same way theirs does.
“It’s not that hard to live, you know. It starts with getting up from that chair, walking out of that door and doing something other than sitting here.” I shake my head, not because I disagree that that’s the start, but because I don’t want to do that. Because I can’t just do that. Because it’s not that easy. “I don’t get it, Sheila, I really don’t. What are you afraid of,” she asks with an exasperated sigh and for a short moment it feels like she does get it.
~*~
“What are you afraid of?” He asked once, trying to get to know me better, trying to figure out what went on in my mind. Back then I said I was afraid of the dark. Now.. Now everything changed.
Now I am afraid of being alone. Not really alone in person, but being lonely. Yet I always am. I crave for someone to hold me. It’s been too long since I’ve been hugged by someone and felt completely safe. There is no one who can make me feel safe. I’ve lost trust in the promises of good and better from others, and I myself stopped making such futile promises long ago. I think too much, doubt too much. I ponder over useless things, yet in the end they all seem so important to me.
I don't know why I care so much. I shut people out because I don't feel like they care. I shut people out because I know they can't help me and I would only be a burden to them. It's better not to let them know. It's better not to give them the burden of my pain.
That’s how I work, how I feel. I make things harder for myself, make things worse than they are because I don’t know anymore what it feels like to be fine, what it feels like to be happy. I let the positive things pass by and turn into memories before I really notice they were positive.
Maybe not everything changed. Maybe I’m still afraid of the dark. Only the dark is now inside of me.
~*~
“It’s been years.” It’s what Matthew usually tells me. He reaches out a hand to me this time as if to help me up when I’m actually already standing. I take the hand, send him a smile, let him know it’s appreciated but never actually respond to those words. We both know it doesn’t matter how many years have passed, nor does it matter how many more will pass, it’ll probably always hurt this much when people touch the subject.
Ever since he died, life doesn’t seem enough anymore to hold my feelings. This world is so small, so insignificant. We are all but little dots on a blank paper. We are all great in our own minds, but we are not great for real. What do we have left when life takes away those things we love most? I feel like I only now understand the real significance of what I’ve lost.
“There’s going to be a lot more years after this,” Matthew adds and I nod at him, a certain understanding settling between us as we start walking home, silence having settled between us for the umpteenth time.
~*~
Only I myself have witnessed the countless tears I cried over losing him. The countless tears I cried over everything. Maybe other people don’t need others to be strong, but I do. I have never been alone. None of us can be truly alone. We all need to have something or someone to keep us going. Something or someone to keep us sane. Some find that strength in themselves. Some don’t. People all have a different way of feeling well. My way is to know someone is there for me.
I need him to keep me sane. I feel like I’m losing myself. Losing myself to the dark in my mind.
~*~
Usually on Sundays I take a bus to the cemetery and sit down on a bench near his grave. I take out my iPod, plug in my earphones and lose myself in the world. I pick Sundays because it’s the only day where no one else seems to go there. It surprises me since Sunday is the only free day I really have in my week. Or maybe people do come but I’m just so lost in thoughts of him that I don’t even notice them.
Exactly one hour after arriving, I always start crying. Exactly ten minutes later, Lisa sits down next to me and wraps me in a hug. It’s a yearlong habit and we’re both already used to it. For some reason she is the only person who manages to make my tears stop and for those few minutes that she holds me on the bench in the cemetery I am convinced that I’m not alone. The feeling disappears again the moment we walk out of the gates again.
~*~
I don’t want to live because it hurts to do so without him.
Characters: Undefined
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 998
Summary: There's 365 days in a year but it takes only one to make a difference.
A/N: I don't know what to explain for this one. Started this a long time ago, probably with an idea, but that idea never made it to paper (document). This is the bleak end result of a shadow of that idea. Still, this lies very close to my heart. I don't know why.
- - - - -
“I don’t know why you’re hurting yourself so much over this, Sheila,” my mother tells me. The words sound harsh to my ears, the implied meaning obvious to me. I’m doing something that she doesn’t approve of and she wants me to tell her why. She wants me to give her explanations that will make sense to her but I don’t have any of those. I only have explanations that make sense to me and I’ve learned over the years that those are not sufficient for others.
Everyone always needs reasons they can fit into their view on the world. If something goes against their idea of how things turn then it’s not right. If my reasons don’t cooperate with how they think the human mind works then it’s not a proper reason. No one ever seems to consider that maybe someone else’s mind doesn’t work the same way theirs does.
“It’s not that hard to live, you know. It starts with getting up from that chair, walking out of that door and doing something other than sitting here.” I shake my head, not because I disagree that that’s the start, but because I don’t want to do that. Because I can’t just do that. Because it’s not that easy. “I don’t get it, Sheila, I really don’t. What are you afraid of,” she asks with an exasperated sigh and for a short moment it feels like she does get it.
~*~
“What are you afraid of?” He asked once, trying to get to know me better, trying to figure out what went on in my mind. Back then I said I was afraid of the dark. Now.. Now everything changed.
Now I am afraid of being alone. Not really alone in person, but being lonely. Yet I always am. I crave for someone to hold me. It’s been too long since I’ve been hugged by someone and felt completely safe. There is no one who can make me feel safe. I’ve lost trust in the promises of good and better from others, and I myself stopped making such futile promises long ago. I think too much, doubt too much. I ponder over useless things, yet in the end they all seem so important to me.
I don't know why I care so much. I shut people out because I don't feel like they care. I shut people out because I know they can't help me and I would only be a burden to them. It's better not to let them know. It's better not to give them the burden of my pain.
That’s how I work, how I feel. I make things harder for myself, make things worse than they are because I don’t know anymore what it feels like to be fine, what it feels like to be happy. I let the positive things pass by and turn into memories before I really notice they were positive.
Maybe not everything changed. Maybe I’m still afraid of the dark. Only the dark is now inside of me.
~*~
“It’s been years.” It’s what Matthew usually tells me. He reaches out a hand to me this time as if to help me up when I’m actually already standing. I take the hand, send him a smile, let him know it’s appreciated but never actually respond to those words. We both know it doesn’t matter how many years have passed, nor does it matter how many more will pass, it’ll probably always hurt this much when people touch the subject.
Ever since he died, life doesn’t seem enough anymore to hold my feelings. This world is so small, so insignificant. We are all but little dots on a blank paper. We are all great in our own minds, but we are not great for real. What do we have left when life takes away those things we love most? I feel like I only now understand the real significance of what I’ve lost.
“There’s going to be a lot more years after this,” Matthew adds and I nod at him, a certain understanding settling between us as we start walking home, silence having settled between us for the umpteenth time.
~*~
Only I myself have witnessed the countless tears I cried over losing him. The countless tears I cried over everything. Maybe other people don’t need others to be strong, but I do. I have never been alone. None of us can be truly alone. We all need to have something or someone to keep us going. Something or someone to keep us sane. Some find that strength in themselves. Some don’t. People all have a different way of feeling well. My way is to know someone is there for me.
I need him to keep me sane. I feel like I’m losing myself. Losing myself to the dark in my mind.
~*~
Usually on Sundays I take a bus to the cemetery and sit down on a bench near his grave. I take out my iPod, plug in my earphones and lose myself in the world. I pick Sundays because it’s the only day where no one else seems to go there. It surprises me since Sunday is the only free day I really have in my week. Or maybe people do come but I’m just so lost in thoughts of him that I don’t even notice them.
Exactly one hour after arriving, I always start crying. Exactly ten minutes later, Lisa sits down next to me and wraps me in a hug. It’s a yearlong habit and we’re both already used to it. For some reason she is the only person who manages to make my tears stop and for those few minutes that she holds me on the bench in the cemetery I am convinced that I’m not alone. The feeling disappears again the moment we walk out of the gates again.
~*~
I don’t want to live because it hurts to do so without him.
Tuesday, 10 January 2012
[FIC] That Gay Thing
Title: That Gay Thing
Characters: Hyukjae, Donghae, Yesung, Sungmin, OC
Rating: PG-13
Chaptercount: 1/?
Summary: Playing the part of the struggling possibly-gay in their last year's school play, Hyukjae loses himself in the role and falls in love with another guy. He tells himself he's not gay, that he's just overdoing the getting-in-role thing, but for some reason it's not as convincing as he would like it to be.
A/N: An idea that came to me a while back. It's a plotline I want to write because it is a current day thing and I'd love to take on a more difficult topic for once. My updates may come very slow, but I'm determined to bring this story to a good end. I hope that with my view on these things and feelings I will not insult anyone. I have no idea how it feels for people who go through this (I'm also not a guy), but I'm trying to picture it the best I can~ ^-^
- - - - -
“Alright guys, listen up.” When Miss Park says those words, the rowdy bunch that are my classmates calms down and we all turn to the front of the classroom. It’s strange to be here again, sitting at these tables with all nine of my classmates, waiting for the teacher to tell us what this year’s going to be all about.
I assume it’s going to be different this year, however, since it’s my last year of university. At the end of this year I’ll hopefully graduate with a diploma in hand, successfully having gotten my major in acting. That’s probably what everyone else in this room wishes for as well. I for one know at least two other people who do. I turn to look at Donghae on my right, but before I can mutter anything to him, Miss Park continues talking.
“So… Welcome back everyone.” She smiles at us and lets her eyes wander over all the students present. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her smile but it’s still the same. “I’ll get straight to the point as to not waste this hour we have today. This year you guys will be doing all the work.” The words confuse me but I don’t have to wait for a decent explanation for too long because she soon continues talking.
“You have only one thing to do this school year. All of you are going to work together to write, direct and perform a play. There’s ten of you which will probably cover the main roles and the most important side roles. If you need more people, I’ll pick out some of the second years to help out and you can use the first years as stage fillers as well. You start now and will have to perform your play a week before graduation.” Once again Miss Park looks at all of us. “Any questions?”
I’m stunned into silence for a moment and I’m pretty sure everyone else is too, but then some hands rise and questions are starting to get asked. “What kind of play does it have to be? It’s not a musical, right,” someone asks, but I’m not quite sure who.
“Any kind you’d like. But you’re going to have to decorate the stage yourself, so I suggest you don’t make it too fictional.” It’s obvious that Miss Park is amused by the situation she has put us in, which shows from the way she’s eyeing us all with that happy smile. “I’ll be around to help you out as well, of course, but this has to come from all of you mainly. You’ll be graded on cooperation, dedication and your eventual acting. So I suggest you start with finding a plotline.”
She turns away after those words, busying herself with some papers on her desk and after a moment’s hesitation we’re all huddled together discussing possible plotlines and some of my classmates’ big ideas. There’s only so much inspiration we have in one hour of class, however, so the idea we settle for in the end is somewhat lame, or at least it is in my opinion: a love story, the famous guy in school with the unpopular, ugly girl.
We’ve voted for the main roles already. Donghae will take the lead because he’s amazing and Chaerim volunteered to play the main girl. It’s a role none of the other girls want to take because she’ll have to start out by changing pretty much everything about her appearance to be able to ‘become’ pretty throughout the play. The idea of wearing fake braces surprisingly doesn’t appeal to many people.
“Hyukkie!” Donghae punches my shoulder as we leave the classroom and I pretend to be hurt as I turn to look at him. “Why didn’t you volunteer for the main role?” Donghae asks as if I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life not doing so. I chuckle and roll my eyes.
“Because you would have won anyway.” My words immediately make Donghae open his mouth to protest but I stop him with a slight raise of my hand. “Don’t protest. Let’s just face it that you’re the better actor out of the two of us. You know, more life experience and all that jazz. We learned about that in our second year.” Throughout my words Donghae’s expression becomes more sour and I know I’ve won the discussion. “So anyway, you playing against Chaerim, huh? I guess you already look forward to the kiss?”
It takes only a second for my best friend to punch my shoulder yet again, giving me a glare for giving away his secret so easily. It’s not like I’m very impressed by this show of his prudence but I give him an apologetic look anyway because I know Donghae thinks no one knows yet. He’s wrong in thinking that, of course, his crush is as obvious as... well, probably as obvious as sunshine on a rainy day. I don’t even know what kind of comparison that’s supposed to be but it sounds alright.
“I do, though,” Donghae admits after a while and I grin. It’s true and we both know it, he just likes to make a big deal out of denying and hiding it before admitting the truth. “I guess I look forward to it, just hoping she doesn’t look like a nerd anymore by then, that’s going to be somewhat awkward I guess?”
“Hey, don’t judge a book by its cover, Donghae!” I turn to see who has joined our conversation and smile upon spotting Eunyoung catching up with us. She’s one of our other close friends in class, someone we’ve known since the very first year in this university. I’m not quite sure but I think she might have a crush on Donghae, although that’s never been proven. Yet the way she constantly gravitates towards him makes it all the more plausible.
Donghae laughs as she throws her arm around his neck and ruffles her fist through his hair. They’re soon wrestling their way towards the exit of the building as I just follow along, smiling over their bickering. It’s the two of them that I assume will probably end up together one day, not Donghae and Chaerim, as much as he wishes for that to happen. Eunyoung matches with my friend in ways that go beyond love so I hope he’ll choose her and certainly doesn’t hurt her.
There’s not much we can do for the play at home so when Donghae offers to go out that evening I agree wholeheartedly, amused at the way he immediately calls up a few other friends. There’s some from the same course as them and then a few from high school who are now studying plenty of different things. He always calls up everyone but usually only three or four of them have time to make it over.
It’s the same this evening and we end up going out with Ryeowook, Siwon - who brings his girlfriend Minah - and Sungmin. Eunyoung goes along as well but as always she’ll have to leave by ten. Her parents don’t want her out that late for reasons unknown and she always complains about it. So far I’ve refrained from telling her that it’s for the best because after ten Donghae usually starts dancing with everything that has boobs and moves along with him.
The evening is nice, despite the fact that I don’t really know Sungmin nor Ryeowook that well while they’re the two who stay behind at the table with me when the others go to dance. We exchange some random small talk but it’s nothing interesting and I end up moving over to the dance floor as well in order to avoid more awkwardness. Since we have class still the next day, we all go home by midnight and I drop down on my bed with a content sigh.
It takes a while to fall asleep but once I do, my alarm clock wakes me after what seems like mere seconds. I’m surprisingly awake and it takes less long than usual for me to put on some clothes and set for class. When I enter, everyone’s already there aside from Miss Park. I settle on my usual seat next to Donghae and after a short good morning settle for watching him bicker with Eunyoung.
It doesn’t take long for our teacher to enter the classroom but we know she usually takes another minute or two before being ready so the buzzing of conversations doesn’t cease. I let my eyes wander over these people that I got to know so well over the past few years, smiling lightly at recalling some of the memories I share with them. It’s nice to be back in school, I conclude after a while, nice to be working together with them again.
“Miss Park, I would like to suggest something...” Everyone falls silent when Hwayoung suddenly speaks up. It’s not often that she raises her voice but when she does it’s usually interesting. I have a certain feeling of apprehension towards it today because suggestions usually also mean change and I’m fine with things being the way they are now.
“What would you like to suggest, Hwayoung? Anything you’d like to change?” Miss Park replies with a smile and a sigh escapes me. Here we go already.. Donghae nudges my side lightly, giving me a look that politely tells me to shut the heck up about it even though I’m not saying a word. I roll my eyes at him but try to keep my annoyance at bay.
“Actually I have a different plot to suggest. Perhaps we could write a play about a guy or a girl who falls in love with someone of the same gender. We could try to portray the inner struggle and how society’s going to bring those feelings down. I think it might open some people’s eyes towards this subject and perhaps some of the youngsters dealing with the same problems can feel inspired or find courage.”
I have to agree that the idea is noble if anything. The way she talks about it gives off the impression like she has been there herself but I find it better not to ask anything. Miss Park doesn’t seem to have the same reserve though. “That’s an interesting idea, Hwayoung, how did you come up with that,” she asks and I find myself wondering about the same thing.
“My brother moved to America two years ago together with his boyfriend because they weren’t accepted into the society here.” Hwayoung seems slightly hesitant to admit that fact but still continues anyway and a quick glance around the classroom tells me everyone’s paying attention to her now. “I’ve seen the things he’s been through and I wouldn’t want anyone to have to suffer like that. Not because of something as good as love.”
She smiles lightly but there’s a lot more in her eyes than that. I’m surprised exactly how much more there is and all of a sudden I find myself wanting to use this new plotline, just so I can get that girl to feel better and to help her spread this story to the other people.
“Well, it’s definitely a story I’d support,” Miss Park breaks through my reveries, smiling at Hwayoung still. “You want to take the main role?” As they probably all expect by then, Hwayoung quickly shakes her head. Our teacher’s eyes then move over to Donghae, going to Chaerim after that. “Either of you feel up for this role?”
Chaerim immediately shakes her head. “I’m sorry, miss, but I’d feel too awkward trying to pretend to be in love with one of my friends. Faking a crush is my weak spot,” she explains herself. I feel my eyes going to Donghae automatically after those words. He’s frowning, seemingly thinking it over, but I see the start of rejection forming in his mind.
“Donghae?” Miss Park asks next and now I’m no longer the only one looking at him. “You have to find someone to act opposite of you as well, though.” That seems to stump him even more because even though he doesn’t wordily reject the part, Miss Park already turns to Hwayoung with a regretful expression.
“I’ll do it.”
It takes a moment for everyone to realise who spoke, but then they’re all looking at me. “If Donghae plays the second main. And I refuse to kiss a guy. If you really want a kiss in it, you’ll have to hide our faces behind something or darken the stage before anything happened, otherwise it’s going to be one big, awkward mess.” I try not to mind too much that everyone’s staring, hiding my face slightly and especially NOT looking at Donghae nor Hwayoung.
“Donghae?” Miss Park asks again and I wait with bathed breath for his reaction. It’s silent for but a moment yet that short amount of time feels like a whole year to me.
“Alright,” Donghae agrees then and I can hear the smile in his words. “Hyuk and I will take the main roles.”
Two weeks later we have a pretty solid idea and a script that solely needs to have dialogues made and details added. Gongjae turned out to be one of a kind at coming up with plots and Hwayoung – being the one to come up with the main idea – has helped him out. The idea is simple, they say, but Donghae and I are the ones who have to fill in the dialogue as we go.
“Get into character,” Miss Park told us when we asked her about it. “When you two get into character you make up your own lines all the time anyway.”
It’s true, we often had times when we were acting and got into it so much that we just let our characters have their say. I am always convinced that Donghae is the one starting the adlibs, but he always says he just follows along with me. Miss Park concluded that we are both good at getting into character and becoming the person we’re acting out.
I still remember the one time that happened when Donghae was acting as a female character due to a lack of girls and he was PMS-ing for a good week afterwards.
What comes next is the creation of our decor. The story will mainly happen inside the main person’s school, but we also need a café where he’ll be meeting his soon-to-be-crush for the first time, the house where he’ll tell his parents and the dark alley he’ll get beat up in.
There’s many things we need to create for this play but Donghae and I have to practice the most so we got the other’s approval to work on the other things a little less. We need to create the dialogues after all, which is not as easy of a job as they all make it to be. So while everyone else is discussing the main school decor, we’re sitting at the back with my laptop in between us in order to come up with our first meeting.
“Alright. Let’s see. So we meet in a café where I am because..?” I start, opening the document with the script to scroll through to the right moment. “Main guy is invited by friends to an evening out where he meets other main. He is immediately intrigued by the other boy and as they develop a friendship, his feelings evolve..”
I look up at Donghae after that, raising my eyebrows a little and licking my lips suggestively as I scoot over towards him. “Hello there, gorgeous. What be your name?” I ask him in what’s supposedly a seductive way. For a moment he’s staring at me weirdly while I’m trying to keep a straight face, but then we’re both laughing and he shoves my arms away from him.
“This is going to be a long road,” he says with a small smile. “You do realise that at the end they’re going to be having actually mushy scenes, right?” I need a moment to grasp those words, but then I’m scrolling through the document towards the ending. “They end up together?” I squeak somewhat panicked, coming to the scene where the main character has the other main confessing to him. He doesn’t have any reply yet, though, but my hopeful glance at Donghae brings no solace. He looks pensive yet somehow certain of himself.
“They don’t have a set ending yet, Hyuk. Have you even read through the script at all last night? But well, it’s going to depend on how we make our characters come to life. Our dialogues are going to make or break their relationship, I guess.” He smiles at me amusedly for a moment and I know I won’t like what will come next. “You know how much I love happy endings, so pucker up big boy!” I make a disgusted sound at his kissy face and quickly push it away from me.
“Gross, Hae, very gross. If I’m ever going to kiss a man, it’s definitely not going to be you.” I make a face at him before turning back to the computer. “Alright, back to business. First scene, we’re in a bar, who starts the conversation.” Looking up at Donghae, I find him looking at me and it’s obvious that we both already know the answer.
“I would,” he says. “You’d be too much of an awkward stick.” I’d contradict that but our own first meeting proves otherwise. We met in a DVD store, he struck the conversation and I awkwardly answered him as best as possible. But then again, he thought I was a store worker because of the colour of my shirt while I was actually only finding some movies for my own. I like to think it was my good taste in movies that became the base for our friendship.
“You would,” I agree with him for that, and from there on we start to make our dialogues It’s a few hours well spent, while the others sketch and create the first ideas for the decor. Eunyoung is the one to come between us when our time’s up. She has to wave a hand in front of the computer screen to catch our attention and when we look up, everyone else is gone already.
“Class is over for today. We have to find the things we need as cheap as possible,” she explains to us and I nod in understanding while typing up the last part of the sentence we’re working on. Only then do I save the document and look up again.
Donghae is checking his phone to see whether he can get a ride home from his brother. Meanwhile Eunyoung is eyeing him longingly. I can’t help but chuckle and give her a subtle wink as she turns to look at me. She rolls her eyes but doesn’t comment – and how can she with Donghae sitting but inches away. I turn to him once more and hum something as I nudge his arm in hopes of getting his attention. He only looks up when he finishes his texting.
“Mind if I stay at yours tonight, Hyuk? We can work on the dialogues some more if you want?” The question isn’t rare, but it is unexpected as he doesn’t look very troubled today. It happens more often that Donghae stays over at my place for a night. The excuse is that he has to travel a long way to get home, reality is that his mother had another fight with her boyfriend of the week or that she had another nervous breakdown.
I don’t ask for the actual reason anymore. We long have gotten him an extra bed and my parents treat him like he is their actual son. “Sure, Hae,” is therefore what I reply easily. The smile on his face is immediate as he beams his happiness and relief at us.
“Thanks, dude. I did agree to meet with Donghwa first though, so I’ll meet you in an hour or two? Or do you want to come along?” He looks at Eunyoung for a moment and I look up at her as well at that. She’s trying not to look too obvious while shooting me hopeful glances. I smile apologetically as I focus on Donghae again.
“Sorry, promised to take Eunyoung out for pizza. It’s been ages since we had any. I’m sure you have enough to discuss with your brother.” The excuse is waterproof. Eunyoung and I never agreed on eating pizza but whenever she wants to talk to me, that’s exactly what we do and her relieved expression shows I understood her distress well.
“Ah, yes, alright. I’ll see you tonight then?” Donghae seems to be oblivious to our silent exchange, making it all the easier for me to keep up the pretences.
“Yeah, If I’m not back yet when you arrive you can just wait for me inside. I’m sure umma will provide you with anything you need.” He hums in understanding as he gets up. With a small nod at Eunyoung and me and a short wish of “I hope the pizza is good” he then leaves the classroom. Eunyoung and I look at the empty doorway a moment longer before eyeing each other.
“Poor him,” Eunyoung hums, making me smile with some regret. “I hope his mother will realise soon that she doesn’t need those other guys to be able to live. Donghae’s studies are all paid for by now and with the money Donghwa’s making they’re able to live just fine.”
I shrug slightly in reply. “She’s too proud to agree to take her son’s money to live on. But what are you admiring Donghwa so much for lately? Have you changed your allegiance to him instead of poor, unknowing Hae?” She throws her scarf at my head and I laugh as I pick it up from the table. “Thanks dear, it’s getting colder indeed and I needed one of those,” I tell her as I pack it away in my bag before looking up. “So what kind of pizza do you want?”
She manages her angry glare only a moment longer before she’s grinning at me and I don’t need long to grin back.
Characters: Hyukjae, Donghae, Yesung, Sungmin, OC
Rating: PG-13
Chaptercount: 1/?
Summary: Playing the part of the struggling possibly-gay in their last year's school play, Hyukjae loses himself in the role and falls in love with another guy. He tells himself he's not gay, that he's just overdoing the getting-in-role thing, but for some reason it's not as convincing as he would like it to be.
A/N: An idea that came to me a while back. It's a plotline I want to write because it is a current day thing and I'd love to take on a more difficult topic for once. My updates may come very slow, but I'm determined to bring this story to a good end. I hope that with my view on these things and feelings I will not insult anyone. I have no idea how it feels for people who go through this (I'm also not a guy), but I'm trying to picture it the best I can~ ^-^
- - - - -
“Alright guys, listen up.” When Miss Park says those words, the rowdy bunch that are my classmates calms down and we all turn to the front of the classroom. It’s strange to be here again, sitting at these tables with all nine of my classmates, waiting for the teacher to tell us what this year’s going to be all about.
I assume it’s going to be different this year, however, since it’s my last year of university. At the end of this year I’ll hopefully graduate with a diploma in hand, successfully having gotten my major in acting. That’s probably what everyone else in this room wishes for as well. I for one know at least two other people who do. I turn to look at Donghae on my right, but before I can mutter anything to him, Miss Park continues talking.
“So… Welcome back everyone.” She smiles at us and lets her eyes wander over all the students present. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her smile but it’s still the same. “I’ll get straight to the point as to not waste this hour we have today. This year you guys will be doing all the work.” The words confuse me but I don’t have to wait for a decent explanation for too long because she soon continues talking.
“You have only one thing to do this school year. All of you are going to work together to write, direct and perform a play. There’s ten of you which will probably cover the main roles and the most important side roles. If you need more people, I’ll pick out some of the second years to help out and you can use the first years as stage fillers as well. You start now and will have to perform your play a week before graduation.” Once again Miss Park looks at all of us. “Any questions?”
I’m stunned into silence for a moment and I’m pretty sure everyone else is too, but then some hands rise and questions are starting to get asked. “What kind of play does it have to be? It’s not a musical, right,” someone asks, but I’m not quite sure who.
“Any kind you’d like. But you’re going to have to decorate the stage yourself, so I suggest you don’t make it too fictional.” It’s obvious that Miss Park is amused by the situation she has put us in, which shows from the way she’s eyeing us all with that happy smile. “I’ll be around to help you out as well, of course, but this has to come from all of you mainly. You’ll be graded on cooperation, dedication and your eventual acting. So I suggest you start with finding a plotline.”
She turns away after those words, busying herself with some papers on her desk and after a moment’s hesitation we’re all huddled together discussing possible plotlines and some of my classmates’ big ideas. There’s only so much inspiration we have in one hour of class, however, so the idea we settle for in the end is somewhat lame, or at least it is in my opinion: a love story, the famous guy in school with the unpopular, ugly girl.
We’ve voted for the main roles already. Donghae will take the lead because he’s amazing and Chaerim volunteered to play the main girl. It’s a role none of the other girls want to take because she’ll have to start out by changing pretty much everything about her appearance to be able to ‘become’ pretty throughout the play. The idea of wearing fake braces surprisingly doesn’t appeal to many people.
“Hyukkie!” Donghae punches my shoulder as we leave the classroom and I pretend to be hurt as I turn to look at him. “Why didn’t you volunteer for the main role?” Donghae asks as if I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life not doing so. I chuckle and roll my eyes.
“Because you would have won anyway.” My words immediately make Donghae open his mouth to protest but I stop him with a slight raise of my hand. “Don’t protest. Let’s just face it that you’re the better actor out of the two of us. You know, more life experience and all that jazz. We learned about that in our second year.” Throughout my words Donghae’s expression becomes more sour and I know I’ve won the discussion. “So anyway, you playing against Chaerim, huh? I guess you already look forward to the kiss?”
It takes only a second for my best friend to punch my shoulder yet again, giving me a glare for giving away his secret so easily. It’s not like I’m very impressed by this show of his prudence but I give him an apologetic look anyway because I know Donghae thinks no one knows yet. He’s wrong in thinking that, of course, his crush is as obvious as... well, probably as obvious as sunshine on a rainy day. I don’t even know what kind of comparison that’s supposed to be but it sounds alright.
“I do, though,” Donghae admits after a while and I grin. It’s true and we both know it, he just likes to make a big deal out of denying and hiding it before admitting the truth. “I guess I look forward to it, just hoping she doesn’t look like a nerd anymore by then, that’s going to be somewhat awkward I guess?”
“Hey, don’t judge a book by its cover, Donghae!” I turn to see who has joined our conversation and smile upon spotting Eunyoung catching up with us. She’s one of our other close friends in class, someone we’ve known since the very first year in this university. I’m not quite sure but I think she might have a crush on Donghae, although that’s never been proven. Yet the way she constantly gravitates towards him makes it all the more plausible.
Donghae laughs as she throws her arm around his neck and ruffles her fist through his hair. They’re soon wrestling their way towards the exit of the building as I just follow along, smiling over their bickering. It’s the two of them that I assume will probably end up together one day, not Donghae and Chaerim, as much as he wishes for that to happen. Eunyoung matches with my friend in ways that go beyond love so I hope he’ll choose her and certainly doesn’t hurt her.
There’s not much we can do for the play at home so when Donghae offers to go out that evening I agree wholeheartedly, amused at the way he immediately calls up a few other friends. There’s some from the same course as them and then a few from high school who are now studying plenty of different things. He always calls up everyone but usually only three or four of them have time to make it over.
It’s the same this evening and we end up going out with Ryeowook, Siwon - who brings his girlfriend Minah - and Sungmin. Eunyoung goes along as well but as always she’ll have to leave by ten. Her parents don’t want her out that late for reasons unknown and she always complains about it. So far I’ve refrained from telling her that it’s for the best because after ten Donghae usually starts dancing with everything that has boobs and moves along with him.
The evening is nice, despite the fact that I don’t really know Sungmin nor Ryeowook that well while they’re the two who stay behind at the table with me when the others go to dance. We exchange some random small talk but it’s nothing interesting and I end up moving over to the dance floor as well in order to avoid more awkwardness. Since we have class still the next day, we all go home by midnight and I drop down on my bed with a content sigh.
It takes a while to fall asleep but once I do, my alarm clock wakes me after what seems like mere seconds. I’m surprisingly awake and it takes less long than usual for me to put on some clothes and set for class. When I enter, everyone’s already there aside from Miss Park. I settle on my usual seat next to Donghae and after a short good morning settle for watching him bicker with Eunyoung.
It doesn’t take long for our teacher to enter the classroom but we know she usually takes another minute or two before being ready so the buzzing of conversations doesn’t cease. I let my eyes wander over these people that I got to know so well over the past few years, smiling lightly at recalling some of the memories I share with them. It’s nice to be back in school, I conclude after a while, nice to be working together with them again.
“Miss Park, I would like to suggest something...” Everyone falls silent when Hwayoung suddenly speaks up. It’s not often that she raises her voice but when she does it’s usually interesting. I have a certain feeling of apprehension towards it today because suggestions usually also mean change and I’m fine with things being the way they are now.
“What would you like to suggest, Hwayoung? Anything you’d like to change?” Miss Park replies with a smile and a sigh escapes me. Here we go already.. Donghae nudges my side lightly, giving me a look that politely tells me to shut the heck up about it even though I’m not saying a word. I roll my eyes at him but try to keep my annoyance at bay.
“Actually I have a different plot to suggest. Perhaps we could write a play about a guy or a girl who falls in love with someone of the same gender. We could try to portray the inner struggle and how society’s going to bring those feelings down. I think it might open some people’s eyes towards this subject and perhaps some of the youngsters dealing with the same problems can feel inspired or find courage.”
I have to agree that the idea is noble if anything. The way she talks about it gives off the impression like she has been there herself but I find it better not to ask anything. Miss Park doesn’t seem to have the same reserve though. “That’s an interesting idea, Hwayoung, how did you come up with that,” she asks and I find myself wondering about the same thing.
“My brother moved to America two years ago together with his boyfriend because they weren’t accepted into the society here.” Hwayoung seems slightly hesitant to admit that fact but still continues anyway and a quick glance around the classroom tells me everyone’s paying attention to her now. “I’ve seen the things he’s been through and I wouldn’t want anyone to have to suffer like that. Not because of something as good as love.”
She smiles lightly but there’s a lot more in her eyes than that. I’m surprised exactly how much more there is and all of a sudden I find myself wanting to use this new plotline, just so I can get that girl to feel better and to help her spread this story to the other people.
“Well, it’s definitely a story I’d support,” Miss Park breaks through my reveries, smiling at Hwayoung still. “You want to take the main role?” As they probably all expect by then, Hwayoung quickly shakes her head. Our teacher’s eyes then move over to Donghae, going to Chaerim after that. “Either of you feel up for this role?”
Chaerim immediately shakes her head. “I’m sorry, miss, but I’d feel too awkward trying to pretend to be in love with one of my friends. Faking a crush is my weak spot,” she explains herself. I feel my eyes going to Donghae automatically after those words. He’s frowning, seemingly thinking it over, but I see the start of rejection forming in his mind.
“Donghae?” Miss Park asks next and now I’m no longer the only one looking at him. “You have to find someone to act opposite of you as well, though.” That seems to stump him even more because even though he doesn’t wordily reject the part, Miss Park already turns to Hwayoung with a regretful expression.
“I’ll do it.”
It takes a moment for everyone to realise who spoke, but then they’re all looking at me. “If Donghae plays the second main. And I refuse to kiss a guy. If you really want a kiss in it, you’ll have to hide our faces behind something or darken the stage before anything happened, otherwise it’s going to be one big, awkward mess.” I try not to mind too much that everyone’s staring, hiding my face slightly and especially NOT looking at Donghae nor Hwayoung.
“Donghae?” Miss Park asks again and I wait with bathed breath for his reaction. It’s silent for but a moment yet that short amount of time feels like a whole year to me.
“Alright,” Donghae agrees then and I can hear the smile in his words. “Hyuk and I will take the main roles.”
Two weeks later we have a pretty solid idea and a script that solely needs to have dialogues made and details added. Gongjae turned out to be one of a kind at coming up with plots and Hwayoung – being the one to come up with the main idea – has helped him out. The idea is simple, they say, but Donghae and I are the ones who have to fill in the dialogue as we go.
“Get into character,” Miss Park told us when we asked her about it. “When you two get into character you make up your own lines all the time anyway.”
It’s true, we often had times when we were acting and got into it so much that we just let our characters have their say. I am always convinced that Donghae is the one starting the adlibs, but he always says he just follows along with me. Miss Park concluded that we are both good at getting into character and becoming the person we’re acting out.
I still remember the one time that happened when Donghae was acting as a female character due to a lack of girls and he was PMS-ing for a good week afterwards.
What comes next is the creation of our decor. The story will mainly happen inside the main person’s school, but we also need a café where he’ll be meeting his soon-to-be-crush for the first time, the house where he’ll tell his parents and the dark alley he’ll get beat up in.
There’s many things we need to create for this play but Donghae and I have to practice the most so we got the other’s approval to work on the other things a little less. We need to create the dialogues after all, which is not as easy of a job as they all make it to be. So while everyone else is discussing the main school decor, we’re sitting at the back with my laptop in between us in order to come up with our first meeting.
“Alright. Let’s see. So we meet in a café where I am because..?” I start, opening the document with the script to scroll through to the right moment. “Main guy is invited by friends to an evening out where he meets other main. He is immediately intrigued by the other boy and as they develop a friendship, his feelings evolve..”
I look up at Donghae after that, raising my eyebrows a little and licking my lips suggestively as I scoot over towards him. “Hello there, gorgeous. What be your name?” I ask him in what’s supposedly a seductive way. For a moment he’s staring at me weirdly while I’m trying to keep a straight face, but then we’re both laughing and he shoves my arms away from him.
“This is going to be a long road,” he says with a small smile. “You do realise that at the end they’re going to be having actually mushy scenes, right?” I need a moment to grasp those words, but then I’m scrolling through the document towards the ending. “They end up together?” I squeak somewhat panicked, coming to the scene where the main character has the other main confessing to him. He doesn’t have any reply yet, though, but my hopeful glance at Donghae brings no solace. He looks pensive yet somehow certain of himself.
“They don’t have a set ending yet, Hyuk. Have you even read through the script at all last night? But well, it’s going to depend on how we make our characters come to life. Our dialogues are going to make or break their relationship, I guess.” He smiles at me amusedly for a moment and I know I won’t like what will come next. “You know how much I love happy endings, so pucker up big boy!” I make a disgusted sound at his kissy face and quickly push it away from me.
“Gross, Hae, very gross. If I’m ever going to kiss a man, it’s definitely not going to be you.” I make a face at him before turning back to the computer. “Alright, back to business. First scene, we’re in a bar, who starts the conversation.” Looking up at Donghae, I find him looking at me and it’s obvious that we both already know the answer.
“I would,” he says. “You’d be too much of an awkward stick.” I’d contradict that but our own first meeting proves otherwise. We met in a DVD store, he struck the conversation and I awkwardly answered him as best as possible. But then again, he thought I was a store worker because of the colour of my shirt while I was actually only finding some movies for my own. I like to think it was my good taste in movies that became the base for our friendship.
“You would,” I agree with him for that, and from there on we start to make our dialogues It’s a few hours well spent, while the others sketch and create the first ideas for the decor. Eunyoung is the one to come between us when our time’s up. She has to wave a hand in front of the computer screen to catch our attention and when we look up, everyone else is gone already.
“Class is over for today. We have to find the things we need as cheap as possible,” she explains to us and I nod in understanding while typing up the last part of the sentence we’re working on. Only then do I save the document and look up again.
Donghae is checking his phone to see whether he can get a ride home from his brother. Meanwhile Eunyoung is eyeing him longingly. I can’t help but chuckle and give her a subtle wink as she turns to look at me. She rolls her eyes but doesn’t comment – and how can she with Donghae sitting but inches away. I turn to him once more and hum something as I nudge his arm in hopes of getting his attention. He only looks up when he finishes his texting.
“Mind if I stay at yours tonight, Hyuk? We can work on the dialogues some more if you want?” The question isn’t rare, but it is unexpected as he doesn’t look very troubled today. It happens more often that Donghae stays over at my place for a night. The excuse is that he has to travel a long way to get home, reality is that his mother had another fight with her boyfriend of the week or that she had another nervous breakdown.
I don’t ask for the actual reason anymore. We long have gotten him an extra bed and my parents treat him like he is their actual son. “Sure, Hae,” is therefore what I reply easily. The smile on his face is immediate as he beams his happiness and relief at us.
“Thanks, dude. I did agree to meet with Donghwa first though, so I’ll meet you in an hour or two? Or do you want to come along?” He looks at Eunyoung for a moment and I look up at her as well at that. She’s trying not to look too obvious while shooting me hopeful glances. I smile apologetically as I focus on Donghae again.
“Sorry, promised to take Eunyoung out for pizza. It’s been ages since we had any. I’m sure you have enough to discuss with your brother.” The excuse is waterproof. Eunyoung and I never agreed on eating pizza but whenever she wants to talk to me, that’s exactly what we do and her relieved expression shows I understood her distress well.
“Ah, yes, alright. I’ll see you tonight then?” Donghae seems to be oblivious to our silent exchange, making it all the easier for me to keep up the pretences.
“Yeah, If I’m not back yet when you arrive you can just wait for me inside. I’m sure umma will provide you with anything you need.” He hums in understanding as he gets up. With a small nod at Eunyoung and me and a short wish of “I hope the pizza is good” he then leaves the classroom. Eunyoung and I look at the empty doorway a moment longer before eyeing each other.
“Poor him,” Eunyoung hums, making me smile with some regret. “I hope his mother will realise soon that she doesn’t need those other guys to be able to live. Donghae’s studies are all paid for by now and with the money Donghwa’s making they’re able to live just fine.”
I shrug slightly in reply. “She’s too proud to agree to take her son’s money to live on. But what are you admiring Donghwa so much for lately? Have you changed your allegiance to him instead of poor, unknowing Hae?” She throws her scarf at my head and I laugh as I pick it up from the table. “Thanks dear, it’s getting colder indeed and I needed one of those,” I tell her as I pack it away in my bag before looking up. “So what kind of pizza do you want?”
She manages her angry glare only a moment longer before she’s grinning at me and I don’t need long to grin back.
Monday, 19 December 2011
[FIC] That Gay Thing
Title: That Gay Thing
Characters: Hyukjae, Donghae, Yesung, Sungmin, OC
Rating: PG-13
Chaptercount: Prologue
Summary: Playing the part of the struggling possibly-gay in their last year's school play, Hyukjae loses himself in the role and falls in love with another guy. He tells himself he's not gay, that he's just overdoing the getting-in-role thing, but for some reason it's not as convincing as he would like it to be.
A/N: An idea that came to me a while back. It's a plotline I want to write because it is a current day thing and I'd love to take on a more difficult topic for once. My updates may come very slow, but I'm determined to bring this story to a good end. I hope that with my view on these things and feelings I will not insult anyone. I have no idea how it feels for people who go through this (I'm also not a guy), but I'm trying to picture it the best I can~ ^-^
- - - - -
"But you LOVE me," Donghae shouts and for a moment the other boy looks so scared his expression of total disbelief fades a bit.
"No I don't," he then regains himself as he speaks with a grim edge to his voice, almost back in control over himself. "I don't know why you'd think that." He puts his hands on his hips and eyes the young man opposite of him who looks like he's going to burst into tears any moment now. Where it was Donghae who looked sure of himself at first, it is now the other young man who seems to be in control of the situation.
"What do you mean, Kibum? You said so yourself!" Donghae seems somewhat desperate by now but it is obvious the other is not affected by those words. "You kissed me!"
The silence is deafening for a few moments and then the other says the one thing he probably knows will break his friend. "No I did not. I'm straight and it is high time for you to accept that."
Characters: Hyukjae, Donghae, Yesung, Sungmin, OC
Rating: PG-13
Chaptercount: Prologue
Summary: Playing the part of the struggling possibly-gay in their last year's school play, Hyukjae loses himself in the role and falls in love with another guy. He tells himself he's not gay, that he's just overdoing the getting-in-role thing, but for some reason it's not as convincing as he would like it to be.
A/N: An idea that came to me a while back. It's a plotline I want to write because it is a current day thing and I'd love to take on a more difficult topic for once. My updates may come very slow, but I'm determined to bring this story to a good end. I hope that with my view on these things and feelings I will not insult anyone. I have no idea how it feels for people who go through this (I'm also not a guy), but I'm trying to picture it the best I can~ ^-^
- - - - -
"But you LOVE me," Donghae shouts and for a moment the other boy looks so scared his expression of total disbelief fades a bit.
"No I don't," he then regains himself as he speaks with a grim edge to his voice, almost back in control over himself. "I don't know why you'd think that." He puts his hands on his hips and eyes the young man opposite of him who looks like he's going to burst into tears any moment now. Where it was Donghae who looked sure of himself at first, it is now the other young man who seems to be in control of the situation.
"What do you mean, Kibum? You said so yourself!" Donghae seems somewhat desperate by now but it is obvious the other is not affected by those words. "You kissed me!"
The silence is deafening for a few moments and then the other says the one thing he probably knows will break his friend. "No I did not. I'm straight and it is high time for you to accept that."
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