Title: DNA
Characters: Donghae, OC
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 4.138
Summary:
A/N: I wrote something. A whole 4k of words. Without any RP background, just off the top of my head. I am so grateful that my writer's block seems to be fading a little, it's been forever since I wrote anything. And I even quite like this one, even if plenty of people will probably be wanting to strangle me for it. :D
- - - - -
Beneath the layers of individuality, we are all a little lost on our own. There's but few of us that successfully manage to build up something on their own but aside from them we're all sheep, horses, wolves. We're not necessarily vulnerable on our own, not all of us, but we need to have others around just to feel safer, regardless of whether that is a realistic feeling. It is in our blood, it is our instinct. But what most of us don't know is that it is also carved into our DNA, and only those with the most alike patterns will truly find a connection with each other. Yet some of us are doomed to screw up, others are just too stubborn to accept that their match is not who they want it to be and some are matched much deeper than just by their DNA.
Donghae opened his eyes with the umpteenth groan of that morning, reaching out and finally managing to completely turn off his alarm clock instead of simply pressing the snooze button. He couldn't even remember why the thing was on on a Saturday morning in the first few moments of stretching, until his appointment with his psychiatrist came back to mind. But he should really start calling her by her name now. This was an outing among friends, after all, no longer business related. He was classified to be completely sane in the head and as far as he was concerned, that wasn't going to change anymore. He'd had his fair share of psychologists, psychiatrists and all those other psy-ists. They were going to celebrate that with tea and breakfast, or well, he was having coffee, but he wasn't going to say no to breakfast.
Rolling out of bed, he picked his shirt from the ground in the process, pulling it over his head and stumbling on to his wardrobe to get a change of boxers and a pair of pants. He'd brush his teeth but he didn't want his food to have the side-taste of toothpaste and she'd seen him in worse conditions than that, really. So he just took a breath mint and promised himself to brush his teeth extra well that evening. Not even fifteen minutes after waking up, he closed the door of his one-person apartment behind him and set off to meet his new friend.
Twenty to eight had Kibum waking up with a start, feeling like he was forgetting something, like he had to be somewhere. But even after double-checking his agenda twice in his head and actually getting up to look at the calendar, there was nothing to remember. Since he was up already anyway, he went to get himself some breakfast, pouring cereal into a bowl and turning on the radio on his way to getting the milk. The song was interrupted right at that moment for a special notice about a big accident and he already knew he'd be getting a call from his boss soon enough to go check it out with Cleo and get a story on it asap. He sighed, leaving the milk for what it was and shuffling back to his room to get dressed. Not even the weekend got him free time. Perks of being a journalist, they called it.
The world seemed to come apart right in front of Kyujin when the first part of the fire escape went down. The asphalt split apart with the force of the collision and she was only right in time with turning the wheel and braking like a maniac to keep from crashing right into anything. But of course that was anything in front of her. In no time she flew right into her seatbelt, her breath being cut short for a moment as her body tried to recover from the shock. Seconds later the next car crashed into the one behind her and from there on the trembling seemed unlimited. She looked around frantically the moment she could lift her head again and noticed in relief that the present on the passenger seat was still in one piece. It was the last thought to go through her head before her mind slipped out of consciousness.
Nine am had long passed by the time Donghae decided to pick up his phone and give his psychiatrist a call. The number was still on his speed-dial so all he had to do was press the number three and call. He was sent to voicemail after the maximum amount of rings and for a moment his heart dropped to his stomach. She always picked up her phone, always. Yet before that seed of fear could bloom into an actual worry, his phone buzzed and the familiar name appeared on his screen. Picking up the call, he brought it to his ear with a quick 'hey.'
“Donghae, I'm SO sorry!” her voice instantly reached him. “There's been a huge car accident on the way and I totally forgot to call you in the ruckus.”
“What? Are you okay? Should I come fetch you?”
“No, I'm fine. I arrived at the scene shortly after it happened and I've been helping out since. I'm so sorry for not calling you. I won't make it today, sorry, I want to stick around until I'm sure everyone is... What?” Her voice distanced from the phone a little and he could hear a male voice talking in the background after. “No I don't know any details. Instead of fishing for a front page article you'd better help get these people out of their cars for god's sake. Donghae?” Her voice sounded closer to the phone again and he couldn't help smiling as he signalled he was still on the line. “Look I'm really sorry. I suggest you have breakfast and go home after, okay? We'll get a raincheck on this celebration.”
He smiled a little wider, nodded at his phone and only then seemed to realise that there had been a major accident. “Is it bad over there? Where is it exactly? Maybe I should come over to help?” he therefore suggested, causing a silence to settle on the other end of the line.
“I think it's better you don't come by, Donghae. It's pretty major, several cars crashed into each other unable to brake on time. So far everyone we got out was still alive but we're still making our way to the front car.” She sighed then. “Look, I have to go. It's probably all over the news already so ask them to turn on the TV, alright? I'll give you a call later today to settle a new date for breakfast. Take care!”
With that the line went dead and Donghae sighed lightly ahead of himself before asking the waitress if they could turn on the TV to see if there was any news on the car accident. It didn't take long for images of crashed cars and dazed people to fill up the screen, everyone's attention turning to the TV once the majority of the accident became obvious.
But what apparently only Donghae could see was that the woman being carried out of the first car's wreck opened her eyes shortly and stared straight at him through the camera.
“How is the subject?”
“He's responding as expected. The accident was not part of our setting but she managed to keep him out. We think we found his DNA match, though. She was unconscious but woke up for a moment just to stare into the camera and he saw her.”
“Her?”
“Yes I am just as surprised as you but it's a woman. Name Kyujin, aged 23, she works as an interior designer and was on her way to her sister's house to bring a present for her nephew's birthday.”
“She's in the hospital now?”
“Yes.”
“Have him called over for a check-up. We'll see if he finds her again.”
Breathing out another deep sigh, Donghae closed the taxi door behind him and looked up at the hospital entrance. A normal check-up, his doctor had called it. To make sure everything was healed as it should be. Free of charge because it was just out of doctor Choi's own concern that he'd requested for it. Donghae wasn't going to decline such a humane offer, especially not with the way the doctor's voice had trembled a little near the end of his explanation.
But regardless of his reasons for coming being totally innocent this time, Donghae still didn't like hospitals. There was a certain memory connected to them which he was sure he'd pushed far, far away to the back of his mind because he never did quite remember it. He just kept feeling like he should get the hell out every time he was in a hospital. Gathering all his self control, he pushed open the door and walked inside, going over to the reception to get himself announced to doctor Choi.
Kyujin opened her eyes slowly, letting her vision focus and breathing out a soft sigh, her hands trembling slightly as she lifted them to rub at her face. There were no bandages, no oxygen masks or anything. She was merely connected to a heart monitor - oh and apparently to an IV drip as well. Sighing lightly she let her eyes go through the room. To her left in the second bed, someone was apparently still sleeping. On the little table next to her bed stood a vase with flowers and behind it, she recognised after a moment, the present she had been on her way to deliver. With a start she shot up into a sitting position. Her world was spinning for a moment before everything settled back to normal and she instantly reached out to press the bell that would call a nurse over.
“Did they see each other?”
“No eye contact but he went well out of his normal route to Mister Choi and passed by her door. He even paused for a moment to look at the room number but then her nurse came out and asked him where he had to be so he left.”
“What about her?”
“Frantic, but aside from that completely stable. She might have caught a glimpse of him this time, not confirmed.”
“Alright, keep an eye on both of them; let's see what they do in the future without our help. This looks promising, though, we might get him out of there.”
“Everything seems to be in order, Mister Lee. You are even healthier than last time I saw you here. Have you been working out?”
Donghae grinned at the implication the doctor was making, allowing himself a short nod before pulling on his shirt again. “Didn't like the idea of a blubbering stomach as much as I thought I would. The mind's been better too so the body follows I guess?” He smiled lightly as he turned to look at the doctor, Siwon Choi, who was busy checking out the results on his computer screen.
“So it seems,” he did manage to reply, glancing up for a moment and showing Donghae a slight grin. “The results are all looking really good, Mister Lee. I suggest you keep this up.” Smiling a little wider, he clicked something away and got up from his chair. “I hopefully won't see you soon then.”
Donghae grinned back at that comment, taking the hand offered to him and giving it a quick shake. “Hopefully not, indeed. Thank you for this check-up, doctor.” he replied loosely, slipping on his jacket and nodding once before leaving the room. He really didn't like hospitals. The faster he got out of there the better.
One night in the hospital and they’d pronounced Kyujin healthy enough to leave. She wasn’t allowed to do anything like driving or working for the coming week but at least she was allowed to go home, or well, go live with her sister so there would be people around in case she didn’t feel too well after all. It’s not like she minded too much; her sister had a guest room, the kids were adorable and she still owed her nephew that present anyway. They all probably got a big scare because of her right on his birthday, the poor thing.
So there she was on her way to her sister’s house, looking outside of the taxi’s window and watching the people walking past. With the traffic light being a pain it wasn’t hard to follow them for a while and even catch up with them again after a while. But it was a young man that caught her eye, walking down the sidewalk with ease, not hurried by anything at all like most of the others appeared to be. He looked up for a moment and she caught his eye through the window, but the light got green again right then and he was out of sight soon enough.
Donghae’s apartment was a bit of a mess, he had to admit. Having been out most of the previous days to find a job – or maybe just something to keep busy with – he hadn’t spent much time cleaning up after himself. Not that it really mattered, clothes weren’t exactly things that attracted rats and his list of visitors had been as good as blank for the past few months, but still he was aware of the mess like an itch at the side of his mind that he just had to scratch. So that afternoon, after his doctor’s visit, he gathered all the clothes that lay sprawled on the ground and stuffed them into the washing machine. Only when they were all dried, folded and put back into his wardrobe nicely did the annoying sensation of having forgotten something subside a little and he could make himself some dinner in peace.
“He’s back.”
“What do you mean he’s back?”
“We found the subject awake at three fifty-five in the morning, talking to nothing in the kitchen. We cannot see him so the subject doesn’t believe it fully yet himself, but he’s coming back.”
“I thought we would have more time.”
“Well, time is gaining on us. We should get them introduced somehow. Link him to her as good as we can before we run out of it altogether.”
“Hey Donghae, it’s me. Look, that breakfast, why don’t we do it today? If you get up late make it a brunch or a late lunch, it all works for me today. Let me know when you’re up so we can see what time to meet where, alright?”
The first and only message on his answering machine since as long as he could remember. Probably since he bought the thing, it was fairly new after all – if one was allowed to call a year old new. He smiled lightly upon hearing the familiar voice of his psychiatrist – she would probably always remain that to him – and checked the time. Nine thirty, still early enough for breakfast if he got dressed now. Walking back to his room, he picked up his phone and started texting a reply to see if she was available. Ten minutes later he was out the door with a place and time to meet his psychiatrist.
Kyujin sighed deeply, pulling her jacket over her shoulders and grabbing her keys on the way outside. Three days since she got out of the hospital and here she was heading out to grab breakfast all by herself. She had promised to go by foot and take the big roads so there would always be people around. Her phone had her sister’s number on speed dial now and she was told to call at the slightest feeling of dizziness or weakness. But at least she was allowed to go out and she could get her usual Wednesday morning pancakes with syrup at the local Jerseys.
What she didn’t expect was for a strikingly handsome young man to take a seat at a table a bit ahead of her. He looked at her for a moment before a woman went to sit opposite of him and their eye contact was cut short. Huffing slightly to herself – of course all the handsome guys were either taken or gay – she picked up her cutlery and started on her pancakes. It was nice to have her usual food in the usual place. Well, the usual kind of place, since the Jerseys she usually went to was halfway across the city, a lot closer to her own home. But it felt good to do something normal after the whole accident, especially with all the crap her insurance had been giving her.
She got up when she finished, leaving the right amount of money and a tip for the waitress. In no time she had gathered her jacket and bag, moving over to the door. She passed by the young man and his girlfriend, surprisingly catching his eyes. They exchanged a smile and she almost lingered to say something, but then she remembered the woman across from him and all she did was turn her eyes back to the front, leaving the shop and letting them to their romantic breakfast.
Donghae got home at about five that evening, the breakfast having turned into a walk around the park, then a late lunch and eventually a run to the department store since he still needed a few groceries for the rest of the week. He hummed a catchy melody as he unlocked the door and walked inside, kicking his shoes out in the little hallway and leaving his keys on the hook. Once he walked into the living room, he smiled lightly and nodded as he carried the groceries to the kitchen. “Hey, you had a good day?”
He put the plastic bags down on the kitchen counter before walking back to the door and leaning against the doorpost so he could get a glimpse of his housemate hanging on the couch. Hyukjae smiled back at him lazily. “Was good, the kids learned well today, not even one complained. Junghyun even pulled off a move meant for the next lesson,” the reply came. “You enjoyed your breakfast? Seems a bit late to come back from that, right?” The grin that followed was playful and Donghae could only grin back.
“Ah, Hyukkie, I was just so hungry, it took me nearly ten hours to feel sated,” he replied lightly. “But I bought you some crackers for dinner, don’t worry.” Hyukjae laughed at that and he joined in lightly, turning around to go unpack and store away the groceries. Music soon started to sound up from the living room and for some reason he felt that if he’d go look, he’d find Hyukjae on his feet, trying out some new dance moves, trying to put together a choreography.
“Status update, Mister Kim.”
“The apartment has two bedrooms now. Subject is talking during the day as well. We still can’t see him but the resemblance is getting more obvious.”
“What about the DNA match?”
“Encountered, but no conversation happened between them. We’re losing the line, Mister Park. Maybe we should just let her tell the subject the truth.”
“I don’t know, it might be too risky. We can’t afford to lose him.”
“You’re the one making the decisions, Mister Park.”
Closing the door of her own apartment behind her, Kyujin felt the first real smile appear on her face since she’d left the hospital. She put her bags down and looked around, letting out a deep, content sigh before walking further into the house. Everything still looked exactly as she remembered it, even the half-filled bowl of cereal she’d left on the kitchen counter Saturday morning. Her smile turned a bit sour upon seeing that, realising that the milk would probably be quite the same by now; sour. She smiled lightly, stretching once and looking around the house before deciding she wanted to go out now that no one would want to keep a constant eye on her.
“Come on, Hyukjae, get your fat ass out of this apartment once in a while without having to go to work. You’re inside with your music and your sketchbook day after day. Let’s go out, let’s see the world, let’s see the flowers. It’s spring for a reason you know!?” Donghae exclaimed exasperatedly, punching Hyukjae in the shoulder. It took a few more nudges and the threat of not making dinner for him that night for the other to get up and set for his shoes, making Donghae grin in victory.
In no time they were out on the streets, looking at the other people hurrying past and chatting lightly about nothing in particular. Hyukjae was obviously glad to be outside and Donghae made use of that by teasing him about it for a while. They ended up laughing and messing about on their way. Donghae couldn't remember the last time he felt that light.
When they reached the park, he started pointing out all the beautiful flowers he'd said Hyukjae should look at and they ran over the grass like two rebellious ten year olds. It was fun, there was laughter and eventually they fell down onto a bench tiredly. That's when he spotted her; the girl from Jerseys, the one he'd been looking at whenever the conversation didn't require him to look at his psychiatrist. He turned to Hyukjae to tell him about her but as his head was turning, everything started going dark and the world slipped from between his fingers.
“Emergency. We're losing him. No heartbeat anymore. Get him back.”
“Two hundred thirty volts. Clear.”
“Again.”
“Clear.”
“Update, Mister Kim. How did we lose him?”
“Mister Park, ahh.. Subject went to the park, then the DNA match was spotted. Subject turned to his side and he appeared. He's fully back; we'll have to start over regardless.”
“Again... Well we can only try. How is Haejung taking it?”
“I think as long as we can get his heart to beat she'll be fine eventually. I don't know how many more times she can go in and convince the subject that he's not real, though.”
“Clear... We got him! Stay with us Donghae. We're not through with you yet. Goddamnit.”
Donghae opened his eyes a little before closing them again. He blinked a few times like that but then managed to open his eyes completely. As he looked around, he realised he was in a hospital, or at least that's what it looked like the most. Letting out a soft groan, he turned to look at the bedside table, only to find someone sitting on a chair next to the bed, smiling at him lightly.
“Where am I?” he instantly asked. “What happened, where is Hyukjae?” He paused a moment before adding: “Who are you?” The woman’s smile lessened and she shrugged a little to herself as if trying to get over something. But then the smile became brighter and she focused on him again.
“My name is Kim Haejung. I am your psychiatrist. You're in the Seoul city hospital. As to what happened... There is no Hyukjae, Donghae. He lives only in your mind. We got you completely patched up but yesterday you collapsed in the park, blanked out and it seems we're back at the start.” For a moment the world seemed to pause but then Donghae closed his eyes and sighed deeply.
Mister Park watched the events on the screen with a sad hint to his expression, following Haejung's explanation of what had so-called happened. Once the subject closed his eyes, Mister Park turned away and looked through the sound proof window instead. He watched the young man lying lifelessly in the bed with Haejung on the table next to him, both connected to the machine that turned their brainwaves into the images he'd just been looking at. With no one else around, the business-like attitude seemed to fall off of him like a drape pulled away and agony settled in the lines of his face easily.
“Donghae-ah...” he muttered at the lifeless form in the bed. “Why can't you just accept that he's no longer alive and that you have a DNA match perfectly capable of making you happy? Why do you want to stay with him so badly?” Breathing out a deep sigh, Mister Park turned away from the image, only to stop short upon seeing Mister Kim paused in the doorpost. He smiled sadly at the other for a moment before nodding.
“Kibum-ah.” he acknowledged the younger man by name for the first time. “Let's get back to work then, shall we?
They both settled in their chairs in front of the big screen, waiting for their 'subject' to drop back into his unconscious consciousness.
Saturday, 4 August 2012
Monday, 11 June 2012
[FIC] He doesn't know
Title: He doesn't know
Characters: Zhou Mi, Donghae
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 977
Summary: Zhou Mi just doesn’t know why it hurts this much.
A/N: A little roleplay-inspired piece of writing based on the current state of mind of my dearly beloved Mimi that I wrote because he needs to face what bad of a shape he's really in.
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He doesn’t know what went wrong, or when it started to go wrong. He doesn’t know how he could’ve foreseen this somehow, or how he could’ve maybe stopped it from happening. He doesn’t know why or how or when. All he knows is that one morning he woke up and he had known – somehow – that something was wrong. The empty closets proved him right. Emptiness where there used to be clothes, shoes, personal belongings. Donghae had disappeared from his life exactly the way he had appeared into it: suddenly. But he doesn’t really know anymore how to function properly without him now.
Before he had been alone; living by himself in an apartment in London, doing what he had to do to get through the day. He’d been fine with that. It wasn’t a perfect life but it was just fine for him. He didn’t need all the stuff in his life that other people loved to fill theirs with. He had a few friends to meet up with once in a while but not those you’d talk to about everything going on. Just friends, people to have fun with, shop with when he felt like it and just some faces to look at or voices to listen to when he felt a need for it.
And then Donghae appeared, randomly walking up to him, introducing himself and asking him if he wanted to go for a walk. Definitely the most open way he’d ever been spoken to and the least used ice breaker ever. But he said yes, smiled and laughed with the boy, talked about random things. They reached his apartment building after a while and for some reason he managed to convince Donghae to piggyback him up to the seventh floor.
It must have been quite the sight. Donghae was almost two heads smaller than him after all. He’d have done it the other way around but one had to be realistic; he hardly made it up those stairs alive with his shopping bags, let alone carrying another person. Donghae made it easily, however. They reached his apartment door, where Donghae had put him down and he had invited the other in. For a drink, he said. They ended up sitting on the couch talking with no drink whatsoever, about nothing much in particular. But Donghae smelled nice and he somehow couldn’t stop thinking about that even when they started kissing.
Donghae had gone home that night, but it had been the last time. He moved into Zhou Mi’s life and apartment all at once, settling himself between the dinner appointments into the couch. It was very easy to adapt to the other’s presence in his life. Even though they slept in one bed, they never had really gone past kissing, his insecurities being the main reason for that. But it had not been a problem. They strangely seemed to fit together even though their personalities were far from matching.
It was Donghae who was the first person to get him drunk – one glass sufficed for that – and Donghae who he had been feeling up in the middle of the bar. Donghae whom he had fallen against drunkenly in the taxi, and Donghae whom he’d given sloppy kisses all the way while being carried upstairs. It was Donghae he ended up undressing that night – and who undressed him – and Donghae who’d been his first on everything that happened after that. Even for the kissing, really, but he’d rather not confess to that.
It was Donghae he came home to every evening, Donghae he smelled on his blankets, Donghae he made dinner for, Donghae who promised him forever, loved him, indulged him.. It was Donghae who found him in a hospital back home in China even though no one had known to contact him after the car accident and Donghae who brought him back to their apartment safely afterwards. It was Donghae he bought a hyperactive puppy for which they called Bit and Donghae who breathed against his skin every night in the cosy warmth of his bed. It was a good life.
But things got busier and Donghae had to leave for several days here and there for work. Surprisingly it worked for Zhou Mi. He managed to cope just fine even though he’s actually a clingy person and very impossible with people leaving him. He went out with some of his friends, focused a little more on his work and Donghae always ended up returning before he could miss him. Even when the trips became longer and more often, he was fine with it. He was fine with his life, cherishing the weekends he could spend with Donghae and easily dealing with the time he couldn’t.
They were fine, they were used to that way of living and despite time passing, they still felt the same way. He was certain of that, is still certain of that, so he really doesn’t get why all of a sudden the closets are empty, Bit is gone and all the memories are left with him alone. It’s like Donghae has never existed and he’s the only one with the strange idea that once there really was a person living with him, sleeping with him, loving him.
But he’s convinced that there’s a good explanation for that, that Donghae just had to go somewhere and will come back soon with proper explanation. Or without, that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that Donghae will come back because he promised he would never leave and that’s a promise he won’t ever break. And Donghae loves him so it will all be fine. Zhou Mi just doesn’t know why it hurts this much then. He doesn’t know why he’s getting drunk daily, or why the memories of Donghae and him seem to be laughing him straight in the face.
Characters: Zhou Mi, Donghae
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 977
Summary: Zhou Mi just doesn’t know why it hurts this much.
A/N: A little roleplay-inspired piece of writing based on the current state of mind of my dearly beloved Mimi that I wrote because he needs to face what bad of a shape he's really in.
- - - - -
He doesn’t know what went wrong, or when it started to go wrong. He doesn’t know how he could’ve foreseen this somehow, or how he could’ve maybe stopped it from happening. He doesn’t know why or how or when. All he knows is that one morning he woke up and he had known – somehow – that something was wrong. The empty closets proved him right. Emptiness where there used to be clothes, shoes, personal belongings. Donghae had disappeared from his life exactly the way he had appeared into it: suddenly. But he doesn’t really know anymore how to function properly without him now.
Before he had been alone; living by himself in an apartment in London, doing what he had to do to get through the day. He’d been fine with that. It wasn’t a perfect life but it was just fine for him. He didn’t need all the stuff in his life that other people loved to fill theirs with. He had a few friends to meet up with once in a while but not those you’d talk to about everything going on. Just friends, people to have fun with, shop with when he felt like it and just some faces to look at or voices to listen to when he felt a need for it.
And then Donghae appeared, randomly walking up to him, introducing himself and asking him if he wanted to go for a walk. Definitely the most open way he’d ever been spoken to and the least used ice breaker ever. But he said yes, smiled and laughed with the boy, talked about random things. They reached his apartment building after a while and for some reason he managed to convince Donghae to piggyback him up to the seventh floor.
It must have been quite the sight. Donghae was almost two heads smaller than him after all. He’d have done it the other way around but one had to be realistic; he hardly made it up those stairs alive with his shopping bags, let alone carrying another person. Donghae made it easily, however. They reached his apartment door, where Donghae had put him down and he had invited the other in. For a drink, he said. They ended up sitting on the couch talking with no drink whatsoever, about nothing much in particular. But Donghae smelled nice and he somehow couldn’t stop thinking about that even when they started kissing.
Donghae had gone home that night, but it had been the last time. He moved into Zhou Mi’s life and apartment all at once, settling himself between the dinner appointments into the couch. It was very easy to adapt to the other’s presence in his life. Even though they slept in one bed, they never had really gone past kissing, his insecurities being the main reason for that. But it had not been a problem. They strangely seemed to fit together even though their personalities were far from matching.
It was Donghae who was the first person to get him drunk – one glass sufficed for that – and Donghae who he had been feeling up in the middle of the bar. Donghae whom he had fallen against drunkenly in the taxi, and Donghae whom he’d given sloppy kisses all the way while being carried upstairs. It was Donghae he ended up undressing that night – and who undressed him – and Donghae who’d been his first on everything that happened after that. Even for the kissing, really, but he’d rather not confess to that.
It was Donghae he came home to every evening, Donghae he smelled on his blankets, Donghae he made dinner for, Donghae who promised him forever, loved him, indulged him.. It was Donghae who found him in a hospital back home in China even though no one had known to contact him after the car accident and Donghae who brought him back to their apartment safely afterwards. It was Donghae he bought a hyperactive puppy for which they called Bit and Donghae who breathed against his skin every night in the cosy warmth of his bed. It was a good life.
But things got busier and Donghae had to leave for several days here and there for work. Surprisingly it worked for Zhou Mi. He managed to cope just fine even though he’s actually a clingy person and very impossible with people leaving him. He went out with some of his friends, focused a little more on his work and Donghae always ended up returning before he could miss him. Even when the trips became longer and more often, he was fine with it. He was fine with his life, cherishing the weekends he could spend with Donghae and easily dealing with the time he couldn’t.
They were fine, they were used to that way of living and despite time passing, they still felt the same way. He was certain of that, is still certain of that, so he really doesn’t get why all of a sudden the closets are empty, Bit is gone and all the memories are left with him alone. It’s like Donghae has never existed and he’s the only one with the strange idea that once there really was a person living with him, sleeping with him, loving him.
But he’s convinced that there’s a good explanation for that, that Donghae just had to go somewhere and will come back soon with proper explanation. Or without, that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that Donghae will come back because he promised he would never leave and that’s a promise he won’t ever break. And Donghae loves him so it will all be fine. Zhou Mi just doesn’t know why it hurts this much then. He doesn’t know why he’s getting drunk daily, or why the memories of Donghae and him seem to be laughing him straight in the face.
Tuesday, 24 April 2012
[FIC] Occasionally
Title: Occasionally
Characters: Undefined
Rating: G
Wordcount: 803
Summary: Occasionally I think of you and what we used to be.
A/N: Spur of the moment writing that flew out in one go, no additional comments to make~
- - - - -
Occasionally, in between my footprints in the moist sand, I think of you and of how it was when times were better, when days were less lonely and nights less cold. I remember how we used to be when we curled up together in a bed, on the couch, arms wrapped around body and limbs, limbs wrapped around whatever they could fit around. It was effortless, it was void of all hurt and pain and anything that might make our days less bright. I remember the feeling of belonging I got sometimes when I looked into your eyes and pretended that nothing else existed outside of you and me, outside of us.
Occasionally I think back to those days and the way you smiled at me and told me we would never end. Oh how I believed you, how I listened to your words and believed that yes, we could really win over anything that might stand against us. It wasn’t entirely true, but that’s okay now. I’m no longer bitter, I no longer cry over things that are impossible to change. But the sun disappearing into the water still reminds me of your smile and how it lit up every single one of my days and I hope now that you found as much joy in those particular days as I did. Because it would be a waste if I was the only one to have felt that way. It would be silly to want you back, we are long gone, but the way the sand spills through my toes when I lift my feet reminds me of how we’d end up in the shower after long walks on the beach and all of a sudden the shower seems too big for just me, even though we could barely fit in with the two of us.
Sometimes when I go to bed, I still feel the urge to roll over to the other side so I can put my hand on your chest and cuddle up against your side, but there’s nothing there anymore and that’s okay, it just leaves my heart a little bit lonelier. But that’s alright too, because I have my memories and they are as precious to me as you once were, probably, since they are all I have left of you now. It makes me a little sad thinking about that time but I’m walking on an empty beach with my hand holding on to an umbrella instead of another hand so I think I am permitted to feel a little sad occasionally.
I’m not sure what I’m trying to say but maybe the words that spill out of my mind are things I’ve always wanted to tell you; that I miss you but that’s okay because it meant you were something precious that I would’ve kept if the opportunity had been there to do so. All in all I just hope that you’re doing fine now too and when maybe one day you think back of me, you’ll be smiling just like I am right now and maybe your eyes may feel a little moist but that’s okay, because we walked a long road together and occasionally that path can be remembered and treasured. There’s just no need for us to turn around and run back to it, because walking the same road a second time is always different and somehow disappointing. The first time is always more interesting than all of the others, just like our first kiss was such an adventure while all the ones after that just came naturally. It’s like that with all things in life, isn’t it? The trick is to just find those things that keep making you happy even though they’re no longer your first times.
I admit that it’s lonely to think of you when you’re no longer around, when no one is around to remind me of why it’s not bad now, why it’s at least just as good. I’m glad that I had you for the time I had you just like I’m glad that I now have this beach and the sun and my dog. He’s biting at the sea water trying to catch the foam, a little bit like how I’m grasping at the past trying to catch a glimpse of you in my mind. And perhaps my mind does not remember you as clearly anymore, but that’s okay too, because my heart has every detail graved into its core. That is why I will be able to go home, clean my feet of the sand and go on with life, because I know that whenever I feel like it, occasionally, my heart will willingly provide me with these memories again so that I can smile over our shared days and your silly face.
Characters: Undefined
Rating: G
Wordcount: 803
Summary: Occasionally I think of you and what we used to be.
A/N: Spur of the moment writing that flew out in one go, no additional comments to make~
- - - - -
Occasionally, in between my footprints in the moist sand, I think of you and of how it was when times were better, when days were less lonely and nights less cold. I remember how we used to be when we curled up together in a bed, on the couch, arms wrapped around body and limbs, limbs wrapped around whatever they could fit around. It was effortless, it was void of all hurt and pain and anything that might make our days less bright. I remember the feeling of belonging I got sometimes when I looked into your eyes and pretended that nothing else existed outside of you and me, outside of us.
Occasionally I think back to those days and the way you smiled at me and told me we would never end. Oh how I believed you, how I listened to your words and believed that yes, we could really win over anything that might stand against us. It wasn’t entirely true, but that’s okay now. I’m no longer bitter, I no longer cry over things that are impossible to change. But the sun disappearing into the water still reminds me of your smile and how it lit up every single one of my days and I hope now that you found as much joy in those particular days as I did. Because it would be a waste if I was the only one to have felt that way. It would be silly to want you back, we are long gone, but the way the sand spills through my toes when I lift my feet reminds me of how we’d end up in the shower after long walks on the beach and all of a sudden the shower seems too big for just me, even though we could barely fit in with the two of us.
Sometimes when I go to bed, I still feel the urge to roll over to the other side so I can put my hand on your chest and cuddle up against your side, but there’s nothing there anymore and that’s okay, it just leaves my heart a little bit lonelier. But that’s alright too, because I have my memories and they are as precious to me as you once were, probably, since they are all I have left of you now. It makes me a little sad thinking about that time but I’m walking on an empty beach with my hand holding on to an umbrella instead of another hand so I think I am permitted to feel a little sad occasionally.
I’m not sure what I’m trying to say but maybe the words that spill out of my mind are things I’ve always wanted to tell you; that I miss you but that’s okay because it meant you were something precious that I would’ve kept if the opportunity had been there to do so. All in all I just hope that you’re doing fine now too and when maybe one day you think back of me, you’ll be smiling just like I am right now and maybe your eyes may feel a little moist but that’s okay, because we walked a long road together and occasionally that path can be remembered and treasured. There’s just no need for us to turn around and run back to it, because walking the same road a second time is always different and somehow disappointing. The first time is always more interesting than all of the others, just like our first kiss was such an adventure while all the ones after that just came naturally. It’s like that with all things in life, isn’t it? The trick is to just find those things that keep making you happy even though they’re no longer your first times.
I admit that it’s lonely to think of you when you’re no longer around, when no one is around to remind me of why it’s not bad now, why it’s at least just as good. I’m glad that I had you for the time I had you just like I’m glad that I now have this beach and the sun and my dog. He’s biting at the sea water trying to catch the foam, a little bit like how I’m grasping at the past trying to catch a glimpse of you in my mind. And perhaps my mind does not remember you as clearly anymore, but that’s okay too, because my heart has every detail graved into its core. That is why I will be able to go home, clean my feet of the sand and go on with life, because I know that whenever I feel like it, occasionally, my heart will willingly provide me with these memories again so that I can smile over our shared days and your silly face.
Thursday, 29 March 2012
Fic Challenge - 061; Disguises [24/100]
Title: Disguises
Characters: Yesung
Rating: G
Wordcount: 603
Summary: He's become a professional at hiding.
A/N: First thing I've written and finished in ages. I also don't know what this is supposed to mean or be but it is and that's all I can really say about it.
- - - - -
A joke, a weird face, a silly dance. Things to mask what lies beneath the surface. Things to hide what truly is inside. He uses them on a daily basis. Glasses, foundation, a longer fringe. He can’t remember the last time he went out without wondering whether others would see what he wanted them to see or if they would still be able to look past these disguises.
He doesn’t even know when it started; the insecurity. He remembers days when he was way surer of himself, when he didn’t give a damn about what others thought of him, when he was solely focused on his goal and not on everything that he might come across on his way towards that goal. Or maybe he just wishes that’s what he could remember and back then he was just as messed up as he is now. He doesn’t know. Maybe he’ll never know.
Everything is confusing and conflicting, his thoughts toppling over each other and stumbling into his memories as if at random. Sometimes he doesn’t even get himself anymore, feels so contradicted that he’s certain he’s in a dilemma where exactly half of him wants to do one thing and the other half wants to do another. What way do you go then? What do you do when the world looks like it’s going to fall down on your face if you don’t get your feet in the right direction?
Breathing out a sigh, he opens his eyes and looks at the picture in front of him again. Dark eyes almost hide beneath even darker strands of hair, a mouth pulled into a slight smile that would look genuine to him if he didn’t know better. The hands are in the picture too; small in comparison to the head. There’s a bunch of hands at the bottom of the picture, all stretched out to the singing person, to him, but he doesn’t care about them.
Maybe it started with the comments. Maybe it started when the cameras never filmed him for a good month straight before finally showing one single shot where he was in too. Maybe it’s just a thing that happens when you grow up and you start to realise that the world isn’t as nice of a place as you had always thought it was. When innocence fades and reality finally gets a chance to kick in all your doors and drag the monsters from under your bed to stick them right next to you underneath the blanket.
The reflection in the computer screen shows him his own bitter smile and he almost growls at it, until he remembers where he is and that there’s people trying to sleep in his near vicinity. Letting out a soft sigh instead, he reaches out and presses a finger against the screen, pushing up one corner of his mouth in his reflection and moving it up for real too. He does the same to the other corner until his smile is back to the perfectly rehearsed cuteness he had learned it should be.
It’s the best way to make everyone believe he is fine, to make them look past the little details that show otherwise. Smiling has always kept people from asking those questions he does not want to answer and in return they all smile back at him, making their own day brighter as well. Smiling is easy; it takes fewer muscles than getting out of bed or speaking. Smiling enables him to say nothing at all yet convince everyone that the world is a great place.
Smiling is the perfect disguise.
Characters: Yesung
Rating: G
Wordcount: 603
Summary: He's become a professional at hiding.
A/N: First thing I've written and finished in ages. I also don't know what this is supposed to mean or be but it is and that's all I can really say about it.
- - - - -
A joke, a weird face, a silly dance. Things to mask what lies beneath the surface. Things to hide what truly is inside. He uses them on a daily basis. Glasses, foundation, a longer fringe. He can’t remember the last time he went out without wondering whether others would see what he wanted them to see or if they would still be able to look past these disguises.
He doesn’t even know when it started; the insecurity. He remembers days when he was way surer of himself, when he didn’t give a damn about what others thought of him, when he was solely focused on his goal and not on everything that he might come across on his way towards that goal. Or maybe he just wishes that’s what he could remember and back then he was just as messed up as he is now. He doesn’t know. Maybe he’ll never know.
Everything is confusing and conflicting, his thoughts toppling over each other and stumbling into his memories as if at random. Sometimes he doesn’t even get himself anymore, feels so contradicted that he’s certain he’s in a dilemma where exactly half of him wants to do one thing and the other half wants to do another. What way do you go then? What do you do when the world looks like it’s going to fall down on your face if you don’t get your feet in the right direction?
Breathing out a sigh, he opens his eyes and looks at the picture in front of him again. Dark eyes almost hide beneath even darker strands of hair, a mouth pulled into a slight smile that would look genuine to him if he didn’t know better. The hands are in the picture too; small in comparison to the head. There’s a bunch of hands at the bottom of the picture, all stretched out to the singing person, to him, but he doesn’t care about them.
Maybe it started with the comments. Maybe it started when the cameras never filmed him for a good month straight before finally showing one single shot where he was in too. Maybe it’s just a thing that happens when you grow up and you start to realise that the world isn’t as nice of a place as you had always thought it was. When innocence fades and reality finally gets a chance to kick in all your doors and drag the monsters from under your bed to stick them right next to you underneath the blanket.
The reflection in the computer screen shows him his own bitter smile and he almost growls at it, until he remembers where he is and that there’s people trying to sleep in his near vicinity. Letting out a soft sigh instead, he reaches out and presses a finger against the screen, pushing up one corner of his mouth in his reflection and moving it up for real too. He does the same to the other corner until his smile is back to the perfectly rehearsed cuteness he had learned it should be.
It’s the best way to make everyone believe he is fine, to make them look past the little details that show otherwise. Smiling has always kept people from asking those questions he does not want to answer and in return they all smile back at him, making their own day brighter as well. Smiling is easy; it takes fewer muscles than getting out of bed or speaking. Smiling enables him to say nothing at all yet convince everyone that the world is a great place.
Smiling is the perfect disguise.
Wednesday, 1 February 2012
[FIC] 365 Days
Title: 365 Days
Characters: Undefined
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 998
Summary: There's 365 days in a year but it takes only one to make a difference.
A/N: I don't know what to explain for this one. Started this a long time ago, probably with an idea, but that idea never made it to paper (document). This is the bleak end result of a shadow of that idea. Still, this lies very close to my heart. I don't know why.
- - - - -
“I don’t know why you’re hurting yourself so much over this, Sheila,” my mother tells me. The words sound harsh to my ears, the implied meaning obvious to me. I’m doing something that she doesn’t approve of and she wants me to tell her why. She wants me to give her explanations that will make sense to her but I don’t have any of those. I only have explanations that make sense to me and I’ve learned over the years that those are not sufficient for others.
Everyone always needs reasons they can fit into their view on the world. If something goes against their idea of how things turn then it’s not right. If my reasons don’t cooperate with how they think the human mind works then it’s not a proper reason. No one ever seems to consider that maybe someone else’s mind doesn’t work the same way theirs does.
“It’s not that hard to live, you know. It starts with getting up from that chair, walking out of that door and doing something other than sitting here.” I shake my head, not because I disagree that that’s the start, but because I don’t want to do that. Because I can’t just do that. Because it’s not that easy. “I don’t get it, Sheila, I really don’t. What are you afraid of,” she asks with an exasperated sigh and for a short moment it feels like she does get it.
~*~
“What are you afraid of?” He asked once, trying to get to know me better, trying to figure out what went on in my mind. Back then I said I was afraid of the dark. Now.. Now everything changed.
Now I am afraid of being alone. Not really alone in person, but being lonely. Yet I always am. I crave for someone to hold me. It’s been too long since I’ve been hugged by someone and felt completely safe. There is no one who can make me feel safe. I’ve lost trust in the promises of good and better from others, and I myself stopped making such futile promises long ago. I think too much, doubt too much. I ponder over useless things, yet in the end they all seem so important to me.
I don't know why I care so much. I shut people out because I don't feel like they care. I shut people out because I know they can't help me and I would only be a burden to them. It's better not to let them know. It's better not to give them the burden of my pain.
That’s how I work, how I feel. I make things harder for myself, make things worse than they are because I don’t know anymore what it feels like to be fine, what it feels like to be happy. I let the positive things pass by and turn into memories before I really notice they were positive.
Maybe not everything changed. Maybe I’m still afraid of the dark. Only the dark is now inside of me.
~*~
“It’s been years.” It’s what Matthew usually tells me. He reaches out a hand to me this time as if to help me up when I’m actually already standing. I take the hand, send him a smile, let him know it’s appreciated but never actually respond to those words. We both know it doesn’t matter how many years have passed, nor does it matter how many more will pass, it’ll probably always hurt this much when people touch the subject.
Ever since he died, life doesn’t seem enough anymore to hold my feelings. This world is so small, so insignificant. We are all but little dots on a blank paper. We are all great in our own minds, but we are not great for real. What do we have left when life takes away those things we love most? I feel like I only now understand the real significance of what I’ve lost.
“There’s going to be a lot more years after this,” Matthew adds and I nod at him, a certain understanding settling between us as we start walking home, silence having settled between us for the umpteenth time.
~*~
Only I myself have witnessed the countless tears I cried over losing him. The countless tears I cried over everything. Maybe other people don’t need others to be strong, but I do. I have never been alone. None of us can be truly alone. We all need to have something or someone to keep us going. Something or someone to keep us sane. Some find that strength in themselves. Some don’t. People all have a different way of feeling well. My way is to know someone is there for me.
I need him to keep me sane. I feel like I’m losing myself. Losing myself to the dark in my mind.
~*~
Usually on Sundays I take a bus to the cemetery and sit down on a bench near his grave. I take out my iPod, plug in my earphones and lose myself in the world. I pick Sundays because it’s the only day where no one else seems to go there. It surprises me since Sunday is the only free day I really have in my week. Or maybe people do come but I’m just so lost in thoughts of him that I don’t even notice them.
Exactly one hour after arriving, I always start crying. Exactly ten minutes later, Lisa sits down next to me and wraps me in a hug. It’s a yearlong habit and we’re both already used to it. For some reason she is the only person who manages to make my tears stop and for those few minutes that she holds me on the bench in the cemetery I am convinced that I’m not alone. The feeling disappears again the moment we walk out of the gates again.
~*~
I don’t want to live because it hurts to do so without him.
Characters: Undefined
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 998
Summary: There's 365 days in a year but it takes only one to make a difference.
A/N: I don't know what to explain for this one. Started this a long time ago, probably with an idea, but that idea never made it to paper (document). This is the bleak end result of a shadow of that idea. Still, this lies very close to my heart. I don't know why.
- - - - -
“I don’t know why you’re hurting yourself so much over this, Sheila,” my mother tells me. The words sound harsh to my ears, the implied meaning obvious to me. I’m doing something that she doesn’t approve of and she wants me to tell her why. She wants me to give her explanations that will make sense to her but I don’t have any of those. I only have explanations that make sense to me and I’ve learned over the years that those are not sufficient for others.
Everyone always needs reasons they can fit into their view on the world. If something goes against their idea of how things turn then it’s not right. If my reasons don’t cooperate with how they think the human mind works then it’s not a proper reason. No one ever seems to consider that maybe someone else’s mind doesn’t work the same way theirs does.
“It’s not that hard to live, you know. It starts with getting up from that chair, walking out of that door and doing something other than sitting here.” I shake my head, not because I disagree that that’s the start, but because I don’t want to do that. Because I can’t just do that. Because it’s not that easy. “I don’t get it, Sheila, I really don’t. What are you afraid of,” she asks with an exasperated sigh and for a short moment it feels like she does get it.
~*~
“What are you afraid of?” He asked once, trying to get to know me better, trying to figure out what went on in my mind. Back then I said I was afraid of the dark. Now.. Now everything changed.
Now I am afraid of being alone. Not really alone in person, but being lonely. Yet I always am. I crave for someone to hold me. It’s been too long since I’ve been hugged by someone and felt completely safe. There is no one who can make me feel safe. I’ve lost trust in the promises of good and better from others, and I myself stopped making such futile promises long ago. I think too much, doubt too much. I ponder over useless things, yet in the end they all seem so important to me.
I don't know why I care so much. I shut people out because I don't feel like they care. I shut people out because I know they can't help me and I would only be a burden to them. It's better not to let them know. It's better not to give them the burden of my pain.
That’s how I work, how I feel. I make things harder for myself, make things worse than they are because I don’t know anymore what it feels like to be fine, what it feels like to be happy. I let the positive things pass by and turn into memories before I really notice they were positive.
Maybe not everything changed. Maybe I’m still afraid of the dark. Only the dark is now inside of me.
~*~
“It’s been years.” It’s what Matthew usually tells me. He reaches out a hand to me this time as if to help me up when I’m actually already standing. I take the hand, send him a smile, let him know it’s appreciated but never actually respond to those words. We both know it doesn’t matter how many years have passed, nor does it matter how many more will pass, it’ll probably always hurt this much when people touch the subject.
Ever since he died, life doesn’t seem enough anymore to hold my feelings. This world is so small, so insignificant. We are all but little dots on a blank paper. We are all great in our own minds, but we are not great for real. What do we have left when life takes away those things we love most? I feel like I only now understand the real significance of what I’ve lost.
“There’s going to be a lot more years after this,” Matthew adds and I nod at him, a certain understanding settling between us as we start walking home, silence having settled between us for the umpteenth time.
~*~
Only I myself have witnessed the countless tears I cried over losing him. The countless tears I cried over everything. Maybe other people don’t need others to be strong, but I do. I have never been alone. None of us can be truly alone. We all need to have something or someone to keep us going. Something or someone to keep us sane. Some find that strength in themselves. Some don’t. People all have a different way of feeling well. My way is to know someone is there for me.
I need him to keep me sane. I feel like I’m losing myself. Losing myself to the dark in my mind.
~*~
Usually on Sundays I take a bus to the cemetery and sit down on a bench near his grave. I take out my iPod, plug in my earphones and lose myself in the world. I pick Sundays because it’s the only day where no one else seems to go there. It surprises me since Sunday is the only free day I really have in my week. Or maybe people do come but I’m just so lost in thoughts of him that I don’t even notice them.
Exactly one hour after arriving, I always start crying. Exactly ten minutes later, Lisa sits down next to me and wraps me in a hug. It’s a yearlong habit and we’re both already used to it. For some reason she is the only person who manages to make my tears stop and for those few minutes that she holds me on the bench in the cemetery I am convinced that I’m not alone. The feeling disappears again the moment we walk out of the gates again.
~*~
I don’t want to live because it hurts to do so without him.
Tuesday, 10 January 2012
[FIC] That Gay Thing
Title: That Gay Thing
Characters: Hyukjae, Donghae, Yesung, Sungmin, OC
Rating: PG-13
Chaptercount: 1/?
Summary: Playing the part of the struggling possibly-gay in their last year's school play, Hyukjae loses himself in the role and falls in love with another guy. He tells himself he's not gay, that he's just overdoing the getting-in-role thing, but for some reason it's not as convincing as he would like it to be.
A/N: An idea that came to me a while back. It's a plotline I want to write because it is a current day thing and I'd love to take on a more difficult topic for once. My updates may come very slow, but I'm determined to bring this story to a good end. I hope that with my view on these things and feelings I will not insult anyone. I have no idea how it feels for people who go through this (I'm also not a guy), but I'm trying to picture it the best I can~ ^-^
- - - - -
“Alright guys, listen up.” When Miss Park says those words, the rowdy bunch that are my classmates calms down and we all turn to the front of the classroom. It’s strange to be here again, sitting at these tables with all nine of my classmates, waiting for the teacher to tell us what this year’s going to be all about.
I assume it’s going to be different this year, however, since it’s my last year of university. At the end of this year I’ll hopefully graduate with a diploma in hand, successfully having gotten my major in acting. That’s probably what everyone else in this room wishes for as well. I for one know at least two other people who do. I turn to look at Donghae on my right, but before I can mutter anything to him, Miss Park continues talking.
“So… Welcome back everyone.” She smiles at us and lets her eyes wander over all the students present. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her smile but it’s still the same. “I’ll get straight to the point as to not waste this hour we have today. This year you guys will be doing all the work.” The words confuse me but I don’t have to wait for a decent explanation for too long because she soon continues talking.
“You have only one thing to do this school year. All of you are going to work together to write, direct and perform a play. There’s ten of you which will probably cover the main roles and the most important side roles. If you need more people, I’ll pick out some of the second years to help out and you can use the first years as stage fillers as well. You start now and will have to perform your play a week before graduation.” Once again Miss Park looks at all of us. “Any questions?”
I’m stunned into silence for a moment and I’m pretty sure everyone else is too, but then some hands rise and questions are starting to get asked. “What kind of play does it have to be? It’s not a musical, right,” someone asks, but I’m not quite sure who.
“Any kind you’d like. But you’re going to have to decorate the stage yourself, so I suggest you don’t make it too fictional.” It’s obvious that Miss Park is amused by the situation she has put us in, which shows from the way she’s eyeing us all with that happy smile. “I’ll be around to help you out as well, of course, but this has to come from all of you mainly. You’ll be graded on cooperation, dedication and your eventual acting. So I suggest you start with finding a plotline.”
She turns away after those words, busying herself with some papers on her desk and after a moment’s hesitation we’re all huddled together discussing possible plotlines and some of my classmates’ big ideas. There’s only so much inspiration we have in one hour of class, however, so the idea we settle for in the end is somewhat lame, or at least it is in my opinion: a love story, the famous guy in school with the unpopular, ugly girl.
We’ve voted for the main roles already. Donghae will take the lead because he’s amazing and Chaerim volunteered to play the main girl. It’s a role none of the other girls want to take because she’ll have to start out by changing pretty much everything about her appearance to be able to ‘become’ pretty throughout the play. The idea of wearing fake braces surprisingly doesn’t appeal to many people.
“Hyukkie!” Donghae punches my shoulder as we leave the classroom and I pretend to be hurt as I turn to look at him. “Why didn’t you volunteer for the main role?” Donghae asks as if I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life not doing so. I chuckle and roll my eyes.
“Because you would have won anyway.” My words immediately make Donghae open his mouth to protest but I stop him with a slight raise of my hand. “Don’t protest. Let’s just face it that you’re the better actor out of the two of us. You know, more life experience and all that jazz. We learned about that in our second year.” Throughout my words Donghae’s expression becomes more sour and I know I’ve won the discussion. “So anyway, you playing against Chaerim, huh? I guess you already look forward to the kiss?”
It takes only a second for my best friend to punch my shoulder yet again, giving me a glare for giving away his secret so easily. It’s not like I’m very impressed by this show of his prudence but I give him an apologetic look anyway because I know Donghae thinks no one knows yet. He’s wrong in thinking that, of course, his crush is as obvious as... well, probably as obvious as sunshine on a rainy day. I don’t even know what kind of comparison that’s supposed to be but it sounds alright.
“I do, though,” Donghae admits after a while and I grin. It’s true and we both know it, he just likes to make a big deal out of denying and hiding it before admitting the truth. “I guess I look forward to it, just hoping she doesn’t look like a nerd anymore by then, that’s going to be somewhat awkward I guess?”
“Hey, don’t judge a book by its cover, Donghae!” I turn to see who has joined our conversation and smile upon spotting Eunyoung catching up with us. She’s one of our other close friends in class, someone we’ve known since the very first year in this university. I’m not quite sure but I think she might have a crush on Donghae, although that’s never been proven. Yet the way she constantly gravitates towards him makes it all the more plausible.
Donghae laughs as she throws her arm around his neck and ruffles her fist through his hair. They’re soon wrestling their way towards the exit of the building as I just follow along, smiling over their bickering. It’s the two of them that I assume will probably end up together one day, not Donghae and Chaerim, as much as he wishes for that to happen. Eunyoung matches with my friend in ways that go beyond love so I hope he’ll choose her and certainly doesn’t hurt her.
There’s not much we can do for the play at home so when Donghae offers to go out that evening I agree wholeheartedly, amused at the way he immediately calls up a few other friends. There’s some from the same course as them and then a few from high school who are now studying plenty of different things. He always calls up everyone but usually only three or four of them have time to make it over.
It’s the same this evening and we end up going out with Ryeowook, Siwon - who brings his girlfriend Minah - and Sungmin. Eunyoung goes along as well but as always she’ll have to leave by ten. Her parents don’t want her out that late for reasons unknown and she always complains about it. So far I’ve refrained from telling her that it’s for the best because after ten Donghae usually starts dancing with everything that has boobs and moves along with him.
The evening is nice, despite the fact that I don’t really know Sungmin nor Ryeowook that well while they’re the two who stay behind at the table with me when the others go to dance. We exchange some random small talk but it’s nothing interesting and I end up moving over to the dance floor as well in order to avoid more awkwardness. Since we have class still the next day, we all go home by midnight and I drop down on my bed with a content sigh.
It takes a while to fall asleep but once I do, my alarm clock wakes me after what seems like mere seconds. I’m surprisingly awake and it takes less long than usual for me to put on some clothes and set for class. When I enter, everyone’s already there aside from Miss Park. I settle on my usual seat next to Donghae and after a short good morning settle for watching him bicker with Eunyoung.
It doesn’t take long for our teacher to enter the classroom but we know she usually takes another minute or two before being ready so the buzzing of conversations doesn’t cease. I let my eyes wander over these people that I got to know so well over the past few years, smiling lightly at recalling some of the memories I share with them. It’s nice to be back in school, I conclude after a while, nice to be working together with them again.
“Miss Park, I would like to suggest something...” Everyone falls silent when Hwayoung suddenly speaks up. It’s not often that she raises her voice but when she does it’s usually interesting. I have a certain feeling of apprehension towards it today because suggestions usually also mean change and I’m fine with things being the way they are now.
“What would you like to suggest, Hwayoung? Anything you’d like to change?” Miss Park replies with a smile and a sigh escapes me. Here we go already.. Donghae nudges my side lightly, giving me a look that politely tells me to shut the heck up about it even though I’m not saying a word. I roll my eyes at him but try to keep my annoyance at bay.
“Actually I have a different plot to suggest. Perhaps we could write a play about a guy or a girl who falls in love with someone of the same gender. We could try to portray the inner struggle and how society’s going to bring those feelings down. I think it might open some people’s eyes towards this subject and perhaps some of the youngsters dealing with the same problems can feel inspired or find courage.”
I have to agree that the idea is noble if anything. The way she talks about it gives off the impression like she has been there herself but I find it better not to ask anything. Miss Park doesn’t seem to have the same reserve though. “That’s an interesting idea, Hwayoung, how did you come up with that,” she asks and I find myself wondering about the same thing.
“My brother moved to America two years ago together with his boyfriend because they weren’t accepted into the society here.” Hwayoung seems slightly hesitant to admit that fact but still continues anyway and a quick glance around the classroom tells me everyone’s paying attention to her now. “I’ve seen the things he’s been through and I wouldn’t want anyone to have to suffer like that. Not because of something as good as love.”
She smiles lightly but there’s a lot more in her eyes than that. I’m surprised exactly how much more there is and all of a sudden I find myself wanting to use this new plotline, just so I can get that girl to feel better and to help her spread this story to the other people.
“Well, it’s definitely a story I’d support,” Miss Park breaks through my reveries, smiling at Hwayoung still. “You want to take the main role?” As they probably all expect by then, Hwayoung quickly shakes her head. Our teacher’s eyes then move over to Donghae, going to Chaerim after that. “Either of you feel up for this role?”
Chaerim immediately shakes her head. “I’m sorry, miss, but I’d feel too awkward trying to pretend to be in love with one of my friends. Faking a crush is my weak spot,” she explains herself. I feel my eyes going to Donghae automatically after those words. He’s frowning, seemingly thinking it over, but I see the start of rejection forming in his mind.
“Donghae?” Miss Park asks next and now I’m no longer the only one looking at him. “You have to find someone to act opposite of you as well, though.” That seems to stump him even more because even though he doesn’t wordily reject the part, Miss Park already turns to Hwayoung with a regretful expression.
“I’ll do it.”
It takes a moment for everyone to realise who spoke, but then they’re all looking at me. “If Donghae plays the second main. And I refuse to kiss a guy. If you really want a kiss in it, you’ll have to hide our faces behind something or darken the stage before anything happened, otherwise it’s going to be one big, awkward mess.” I try not to mind too much that everyone’s staring, hiding my face slightly and especially NOT looking at Donghae nor Hwayoung.
“Donghae?” Miss Park asks again and I wait with bathed breath for his reaction. It’s silent for but a moment yet that short amount of time feels like a whole year to me.
“Alright,” Donghae agrees then and I can hear the smile in his words. “Hyuk and I will take the main roles.”
Two weeks later we have a pretty solid idea and a script that solely needs to have dialogues made and details added. Gongjae turned out to be one of a kind at coming up with plots and Hwayoung – being the one to come up with the main idea – has helped him out. The idea is simple, they say, but Donghae and I are the ones who have to fill in the dialogue as we go.
“Get into character,” Miss Park told us when we asked her about it. “When you two get into character you make up your own lines all the time anyway.”
It’s true, we often had times when we were acting and got into it so much that we just let our characters have their say. I am always convinced that Donghae is the one starting the adlibs, but he always says he just follows along with me. Miss Park concluded that we are both good at getting into character and becoming the person we’re acting out.
I still remember the one time that happened when Donghae was acting as a female character due to a lack of girls and he was PMS-ing for a good week afterwards.
What comes next is the creation of our decor. The story will mainly happen inside the main person’s school, but we also need a café where he’ll be meeting his soon-to-be-crush for the first time, the house where he’ll tell his parents and the dark alley he’ll get beat up in.
There’s many things we need to create for this play but Donghae and I have to practice the most so we got the other’s approval to work on the other things a little less. We need to create the dialogues after all, which is not as easy of a job as they all make it to be. So while everyone else is discussing the main school decor, we’re sitting at the back with my laptop in between us in order to come up with our first meeting.
“Alright. Let’s see. So we meet in a café where I am because..?” I start, opening the document with the script to scroll through to the right moment. “Main guy is invited by friends to an evening out where he meets other main. He is immediately intrigued by the other boy and as they develop a friendship, his feelings evolve..”
I look up at Donghae after that, raising my eyebrows a little and licking my lips suggestively as I scoot over towards him. “Hello there, gorgeous. What be your name?” I ask him in what’s supposedly a seductive way. For a moment he’s staring at me weirdly while I’m trying to keep a straight face, but then we’re both laughing and he shoves my arms away from him.
“This is going to be a long road,” he says with a small smile. “You do realise that at the end they’re going to be having actually mushy scenes, right?” I need a moment to grasp those words, but then I’m scrolling through the document towards the ending. “They end up together?” I squeak somewhat panicked, coming to the scene where the main character has the other main confessing to him. He doesn’t have any reply yet, though, but my hopeful glance at Donghae brings no solace. He looks pensive yet somehow certain of himself.
“They don’t have a set ending yet, Hyuk. Have you even read through the script at all last night? But well, it’s going to depend on how we make our characters come to life. Our dialogues are going to make or break their relationship, I guess.” He smiles at me amusedly for a moment and I know I won’t like what will come next. “You know how much I love happy endings, so pucker up big boy!” I make a disgusted sound at his kissy face and quickly push it away from me.
“Gross, Hae, very gross. If I’m ever going to kiss a man, it’s definitely not going to be you.” I make a face at him before turning back to the computer. “Alright, back to business. First scene, we’re in a bar, who starts the conversation.” Looking up at Donghae, I find him looking at me and it’s obvious that we both already know the answer.
“I would,” he says. “You’d be too much of an awkward stick.” I’d contradict that but our own first meeting proves otherwise. We met in a DVD store, he struck the conversation and I awkwardly answered him as best as possible. But then again, he thought I was a store worker because of the colour of my shirt while I was actually only finding some movies for my own. I like to think it was my good taste in movies that became the base for our friendship.
“You would,” I agree with him for that, and from there on we start to make our dialogues It’s a few hours well spent, while the others sketch and create the first ideas for the decor. Eunyoung is the one to come between us when our time’s up. She has to wave a hand in front of the computer screen to catch our attention and when we look up, everyone else is gone already.
“Class is over for today. We have to find the things we need as cheap as possible,” she explains to us and I nod in understanding while typing up the last part of the sentence we’re working on. Only then do I save the document and look up again.
Donghae is checking his phone to see whether he can get a ride home from his brother. Meanwhile Eunyoung is eyeing him longingly. I can’t help but chuckle and give her a subtle wink as she turns to look at me. She rolls her eyes but doesn’t comment – and how can she with Donghae sitting but inches away. I turn to him once more and hum something as I nudge his arm in hopes of getting his attention. He only looks up when he finishes his texting.
“Mind if I stay at yours tonight, Hyuk? We can work on the dialogues some more if you want?” The question isn’t rare, but it is unexpected as he doesn’t look very troubled today. It happens more often that Donghae stays over at my place for a night. The excuse is that he has to travel a long way to get home, reality is that his mother had another fight with her boyfriend of the week or that she had another nervous breakdown.
I don’t ask for the actual reason anymore. We long have gotten him an extra bed and my parents treat him like he is their actual son. “Sure, Hae,” is therefore what I reply easily. The smile on his face is immediate as he beams his happiness and relief at us.
“Thanks, dude. I did agree to meet with Donghwa first though, so I’ll meet you in an hour or two? Or do you want to come along?” He looks at Eunyoung for a moment and I look up at her as well at that. She’s trying not to look too obvious while shooting me hopeful glances. I smile apologetically as I focus on Donghae again.
“Sorry, promised to take Eunyoung out for pizza. It’s been ages since we had any. I’m sure you have enough to discuss with your brother.” The excuse is waterproof. Eunyoung and I never agreed on eating pizza but whenever she wants to talk to me, that’s exactly what we do and her relieved expression shows I understood her distress well.
“Ah, yes, alright. I’ll see you tonight then?” Donghae seems to be oblivious to our silent exchange, making it all the easier for me to keep up the pretences.
“Yeah, If I’m not back yet when you arrive you can just wait for me inside. I’m sure umma will provide you with anything you need.” He hums in understanding as he gets up. With a small nod at Eunyoung and me and a short wish of “I hope the pizza is good” he then leaves the classroom. Eunyoung and I look at the empty doorway a moment longer before eyeing each other.
“Poor him,” Eunyoung hums, making me smile with some regret. “I hope his mother will realise soon that she doesn’t need those other guys to be able to live. Donghae’s studies are all paid for by now and with the money Donghwa’s making they’re able to live just fine.”
I shrug slightly in reply. “She’s too proud to agree to take her son’s money to live on. But what are you admiring Donghwa so much for lately? Have you changed your allegiance to him instead of poor, unknowing Hae?” She throws her scarf at my head and I laugh as I pick it up from the table. “Thanks dear, it’s getting colder indeed and I needed one of those,” I tell her as I pack it away in my bag before looking up. “So what kind of pizza do you want?”
She manages her angry glare only a moment longer before she’s grinning at me and I don’t need long to grin back.
Characters: Hyukjae, Donghae, Yesung, Sungmin, OC
Rating: PG-13
Chaptercount: 1/?
Summary: Playing the part of the struggling possibly-gay in their last year's school play, Hyukjae loses himself in the role and falls in love with another guy. He tells himself he's not gay, that he's just overdoing the getting-in-role thing, but for some reason it's not as convincing as he would like it to be.
A/N: An idea that came to me a while back. It's a plotline I want to write because it is a current day thing and I'd love to take on a more difficult topic for once. My updates may come very slow, but I'm determined to bring this story to a good end. I hope that with my view on these things and feelings I will not insult anyone. I have no idea how it feels for people who go through this (I'm also not a guy), but I'm trying to picture it the best I can~ ^-^
- - - - -
“Alright guys, listen up.” When Miss Park says those words, the rowdy bunch that are my classmates calms down and we all turn to the front of the classroom. It’s strange to be here again, sitting at these tables with all nine of my classmates, waiting for the teacher to tell us what this year’s going to be all about.
I assume it’s going to be different this year, however, since it’s my last year of university. At the end of this year I’ll hopefully graduate with a diploma in hand, successfully having gotten my major in acting. That’s probably what everyone else in this room wishes for as well. I for one know at least two other people who do. I turn to look at Donghae on my right, but before I can mutter anything to him, Miss Park continues talking.
“So… Welcome back everyone.” She smiles at us and lets her eyes wander over all the students present. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her smile but it’s still the same. “I’ll get straight to the point as to not waste this hour we have today. This year you guys will be doing all the work.” The words confuse me but I don’t have to wait for a decent explanation for too long because she soon continues talking.
“You have only one thing to do this school year. All of you are going to work together to write, direct and perform a play. There’s ten of you which will probably cover the main roles and the most important side roles. If you need more people, I’ll pick out some of the second years to help out and you can use the first years as stage fillers as well. You start now and will have to perform your play a week before graduation.” Once again Miss Park looks at all of us. “Any questions?”
I’m stunned into silence for a moment and I’m pretty sure everyone else is too, but then some hands rise and questions are starting to get asked. “What kind of play does it have to be? It’s not a musical, right,” someone asks, but I’m not quite sure who.
“Any kind you’d like. But you’re going to have to decorate the stage yourself, so I suggest you don’t make it too fictional.” It’s obvious that Miss Park is amused by the situation she has put us in, which shows from the way she’s eyeing us all with that happy smile. “I’ll be around to help you out as well, of course, but this has to come from all of you mainly. You’ll be graded on cooperation, dedication and your eventual acting. So I suggest you start with finding a plotline.”
She turns away after those words, busying herself with some papers on her desk and after a moment’s hesitation we’re all huddled together discussing possible plotlines and some of my classmates’ big ideas. There’s only so much inspiration we have in one hour of class, however, so the idea we settle for in the end is somewhat lame, or at least it is in my opinion: a love story, the famous guy in school with the unpopular, ugly girl.
We’ve voted for the main roles already. Donghae will take the lead because he’s amazing and Chaerim volunteered to play the main girl. It’s a role none of the other girls want to take because she’ll have to start out by changing pretty much everything about her appearance to be able to ‘become’ pretty throughout the play. The idea of wearing fake braces surprisingly doesn’t appeal to many people.
“Hyukkie!” Donghae punches my shoulder as we leave the classroom and I pretend to be hurt as I turn to look at him. “Why didn’t you volunteer for the main role?” Donghae asks as if I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life not doing so. I chuckle and roll my eyes.
“Because you would have won anyway.” My words immediately make Donghae open his mouth to protest but I stop him with a slight raise of my hand. “Don’t protest. Let’s just face it that you’re the better actor out of the two of us. You know, more life experience and all that jazz. We learned about that in our second year.” Throughout my words Donghae’s expression becomes more sour and I know I’ve won the discussion. “So anyway, you playing against Chaerim, huh? I guess you already look forward to the kiss?”
It takes only a second for my best friend to punch my shoulder yet again, giving me a glare for giving away his secret so easily. It’s not like I’m very impressed by this show of his prudence but I give him an apologetic look anyway because I know Donghae thinks no one knows yet. He’s wrong in thinking that, of course, his crush is as obvious as... well, probably as obvious as sunshine on a rainy day. I don’t even know what kind of comparison that’s supposed to be but it sounds alright.
“I do, though,” Donghae admits after a while and I grin. It’s true and we both know it, he just likes to make a big deal out of denying and hiding it before admitting the truth. “I guess I look forward to it, just hoping she doesn’t look like a nerd anymore by then, that’s going to be somewhat awkward I guess?”
“Hey, don’t judge a book by its cover, Donghae!” I turn to see who has joined our conversation and smile upon spotting Eunyoung catching up with us. She’s one of our other close friends in class, someone we’ve known since the very first year in this university. I’m not quite sure but I think she might have a crush on Donghae, although that’s never been proven. Yet the way she constantly gravitates towards him makes it all the more plausible.
Donghae laughs as she throws her arm around his neck and ruffles her fist through his hair. They’re soon wrestling their way towards the exit of the building as I just follow along, smiling over their bickering. It’s the two of them that I assume will probably end up together one day, not Donghae and Chaerim, as much as he wishes for that to happen. Eunyoung matches with my friend in ways that go beyond love so I hope he’ll choose her and certainly doesn’t hurt her.
There’s not much we can do for the play at home so when Donghae offers to go out that evening I agree wholeheartedly, amused at the way he immediately calls up a few other friends. There’s some from the same course as them and then a few from high school who are now studying plenty of different things. He always calls up everyone but usually only three or four of them have time to make it over.
It’s the same this evening and we end up going out with Ryeowook, Siwon - who brings his girlfriend Minah - and Sungmin. Eunyoung goes along as well but as always she’ll have to leave by ten. Her parents don’t want her out that late for reasons unknown and she always complains about it. So far I’ve refrained from telling her that it’s for the best because after ten Donghae usually starts dancing with everything that has boobs and moves along with him.
The evening is nice, despite the fact that I don’t really know Sungmin nor Ryeowook that well while they’re the two who stay behind at the table with me when the others go to dance. We exchange some random small talk but it’s nothing interesting and I end up moving over to the dance floor as well in order to avoid more awkwardness. Since we have class still the next day, we all go home by midnight and I drop down on my bed with a content sigh.
It takes a while to fall asleep but once I do, my alarm clock wakes me after what seems like mere seconds. I’m surprisingly awake and it takes less long than usual for me to put on some clothes and set for class. When I enter, everyone’s already there aside from Miss Park. I settle on my usual seat next to Donghae and after a short good morning settle for watching him bicker with Eunyoung.
It doesn’t take long for our teacher to enter the classroom but we know she usually takes another minute or two before being ready so the buzzing of conversations doesn’t cease. I let my eyes wander over these people that I got to know so well over the past few years, smiling lightly at recalling some of the memories I share with them. It’s nice to be back in school, I conclude after a while, nice to be working together with them again.
“Miss Park, I would like to suggest something...” Everyone falls silent when Hwayoung suddenly speaks up. It’s not often that she raises her voice but when she does it’s usually interesting. I have a certain feeling of apprehension towards it today because suggestions usually also mean change and I’m fine with things being the way they are now.
“What would you like to suggest, Hwayoung? Anything you’d like to change?” Miss Park replies with a smile and a sigh escapes me. Here we go already.. Donghae nudges my side lightly, giving me a look that politely tells me to shut the heck up about it even though I’m not saying a word. I roll my eyes at him but try to keep my annoyance at bay.
“Actually I have a different plot to suggest. Perhaps we could write a play about a guy or a girl who falls in love with someone of the same gender. We could try to portray the inner struggle and how society’s going to bring those feelings down. I think it might open some people’s eyes towards this subject and perhaps some of the youngsters dealing with the same problems can feel inspired or find courage.”
I have to agree that the idea is noble if anything. The way she talks about it gives off the impression like she has been there herself but I find it better not to ask anything. Miss Park doesn’t seem to have the same reserve though. “That’s an interesting idea, Hwayoung, how did you come up with that,” she asks and I find myself wondering about the same thing.
“My brother moved to America two years ago together with his boyfriend because they weren’t accepted into the society here.” Hwayoung seems slightly hesitant to admit that fact but still continues anyway and a quick glance around the classroom tells me everyone’s paying attention to her now. “I’ve seen the things he’s been through and I wouldn’t want anyone to have to suffer like that. Not because of something as good as love.”
She smiles lightly but there’s a lot more in her eyes than that. I’m surprised exactly how much more there is and all of a sudden I find myself wanting to use this new plotline, just so I can get that girl to feel better and to help her spread this story to the other people.
“Well, it’s definitely a story I’d support,” Miss Park breaks through my reveries, smiling at Hwayoung still. “You want to take the main role?” As they probably all expect by then, Hwayoung quickly shakes her head. Our teacher’s eyes then move over to Donghae, going to Chaerim after that. “Either of you feel up for this role?”
Chaerim immediately shakes her head. “I’m sorry, miss, but I’d feel too awkward trying to pretend to be in love with one of my friends. Faking a crush is my weak spot,” she explains herself. I feel my eyes going to Donghae automatically after those words. He’s frowning, seemingly thinking it over, but I see the start of rejection forming in his mind.
“Donghae?” Miss Park asks next and now I’m no longer the only one looking at him. “You have to find someone to act opposite of you as well, though.” That seems to stump him even more because even though he doesn’t wordily reject the part, Miss Park already turns to Hwayoung with a regretful expression.
“I’ll do it.”
It takes a moment for everyone to realise who spoke, but then they’re all looking at me. “If Donghae plays the second main. And I refuse to kiss a guy. If you really want a kiss in it, you’ll have to hide our faces behind something or darken the stage before anything happened, otherwise it’s going to be one big, awkward mess.” I try not to mind too much that everyone’s staring, hiding my face slightly and especially NOT looking at Donghae nor Hwayoung.
“Donghae?” Miss Park asks again and I wait with bathed breath for his reaction. It’s silent for but a moment yet that short amount of time feels like a whole year to me.
“Alright,” Donghae agrees then and I can hear the smile in his words. “Hyuk and I will take the main roles.”
Two weeks later we have a pretty solid idea and a script that solely needs to have dialogues made and details added. Gongjae turned out to be one of a kind at coming up with plots and Hwayoung – being the one to come up with the main idea – has helped him out. The idea is simple, they say, but Donghae and I are the ones who have to fill in the dialogue as we go.
“Get into character,” Miss Park told us when we asked her about it. “When you two get into character you make up your own lines all the time anyway.”
It’s true, we often had times when we were acting and got into it so much that we just let our characters have their say. I am always convinced that Donghae is the one starting the adlibs, but he always says he just follows along with me. Miss Park concluded that we are both good at getting into character and becoming the person we’re acting out.
I still remember the one time that happened when Donghae was acting as a female character due to a lack of girls and he was PMS-ing for a good week afterwards.
What comes next is the creation of our decor. The story will mainly happen inside the main person’s school, but we also need a café where he’ll be meeting his soon-to-be-crush for the first time, the house where he’ll tell his parents and the dark alley he’ll get beat up in.
There’s many things we need to create for this play but Donghae and I have to practice the most so we got the other’s approval to work on the other things a little less. We need to create the dialogues after all, which is not as easy of a job as they all make it to be. So while everyone else is discussing the main school decor, we’re sitting at the back with my laptop in between us in order to come up with our first meeting.
“Alright. Let’s see. So we meet in a café where I am because..?” I start, opening the document with the script to scroll through to the right moment. “Main guy is invited by friends to an evening out where he meets other main. He is immediately intrigued by the other boy and as they develop a friendship, his feelings evolve..”
I look up at Donghae after that, raising my eyebrows a little and licking my lips suggestively as I scoot over towards him. “Hello there, gorgeous. What be your name?” I ask him in what’s supposedly a seductive way. For a moment he’s staring at me weirdly while I’m trying to keep a straight face, but then we’re both laughing and he shoves my arms away from him.
“This is going to be a long road,” he says with a small smile. “You do realise that at the end they’re going to be having actually mushy scenes, right?” I need a moment to grasp those words, but then I’m scrolling through the document towards the ending. “They end up together?” I squeak somewhat panicked, coming to the scene where the main character has the other main confessing to him. He doesn’t have any reply yet, though, but my hopeful glance at Donghae brings no solace. He looks pensive yet somehow certain of himself.
“They don’t have a set ending yet, Hyuk. Have you even read through the script at all last night? But well, it’s going to depend on how we make our characters come to life. Our dialogues are going to make or break their relationship, I guess.” He smiles at me amusedly for a moment and I know I won’t like what will come next. “You know how much I love happy endings, so pucker up big boy!” I make a disgusted sound at his kissy face and quickly push it away from me.
“Gross, Hae, very gross. If I’m ever going to kiss a man, it’s definitely not going to be you.” I make a face at him before turning back to the computer. “Alright, back to business. First scene, we’re in a bar, who starts the conversation.” Looking up at Donghae, I find him looking at me and it’s obvious that we both already know the answer.
“I would,” he says. “You’d be too much of an awkward stick.” I’d contradict that but our own first meeting proves otherwise. We met in a DVD store, he struck the conversation and I awkwardly answered him as best as possible. But then again, he thought I was a store worker because of the colour of my shirt while I was actually only finding some movies for my own. I like to think it was my good taste in movies that became the base for our friendship.
“You would,” I agree with him for that, and from there on we start to make our dialogues It’s a few hours well spent, while the others sketch and create the first ideas for the decor. Eunyoung is the one to come between us when our time’s up. She has to wave a hand in front of the computer screen to catch our attention and when we look up, everyone else is gone already.
“Class is over for today. We have to find the things we need as cheap as possible,” she explains to us and I nod in understanding while typing up the last part of the sentence we’re working on. Only then do I save the document and look up again.
Donghae is checking his phone to see whether he can get a ride home from his brother. Meanwhile Eunyoung is eyeing him longingly. I can’t help but chuckle and give her a subtle wink as she turns to look at me. She rolls her eyes but doesn’t comment – and how can she with Donghae sitting but inches away. I turn to him once more and hum something as I nudge his arm in hopes of getting his attention. He only looks up when he finishes his texting.
“Mind if I stay at yours tonight, Hyuk? We can work on the dialogues some more if you want?” The question isn’t rare, but it is unexpected as he doesn’t look very troubled today. It happens more often that Donghae stays over at my place for a night. The excuse is that he has to travel a long way to get home, reality is that his mother had another fight with her boyfriend of the week or that she had another nervous breakdown.
I don’t ask for the actual reason anymore. We long have gotten him an extra bed and my parents treat him like he is their actual son. “Sure, Hae,” is therefore what I reply easily. The smile on his face is immediate as he beams his happiness and relief at us.
“Thanks, dude. I did agree to meet with Donghwa first though, so I’ll meet you in an hour or two? Or do you want to come along?” He looks at Eunyoung for a moment and I look up at her as well at that. She’s trying not to look too obvious while shooting me hopeful glances. I smile apologetically as I focus on Donghae again.
“Sorry, promised to take Eunyoung out for pizza. It’s been ages since we had any. I’m sure you have enough to discuss with your brother.” The excuse is waterproof. Eunyoung and I never agreed on eating pizza but whenever she wants to talk to me, that’s exactly what we do and her relieved expression shows I understood her distress well.
“Ah, yes, alright. I’ll see you tonight then?” Donghae seems to be oblivious to our silent exchange, making it all the easier for me to keep up the pretences.
“Yeah, If I’m not back yet when you arrive you can just wait for me inside. I’m sure umma will provide you with anything you need.” He hums in understanding as he gets up. With a small nod at Eunyoung and me and a short wish of “I hope the pizza is good” he then leaves the classroom. Eunyoung and I look at the empty doorway a moment longer before eyeing each other.
“Poor him,” Eunyoung hums, making me smile with some regret. “I hope his mother will realise soon that she doesn’t need those other guys to be able to live. Donghae’s studies are all paid for by now and with the money Donghwa’s making they’re able to live just fine.”
I shrug slightly in reply. “She’s too proud to agree to take her son’s money to live on. But what are you admiring Donghwa so much for lately? Have you changed your allegiance to him instead of poor, unknowing Hae?” She throws her scarf at my head and I laugh as I pick it up from the table. “Thanks dear, it’s getting colder indeed and I needed one of those,” I tell her as I pack it away in my bag before looking up. “So what kind of pizza do you want?”
She manages her angry glare only a moment longer before she’s grinning at me and I don’t need long to grin back.
Monday, 19 December 2011
[FIC] That Gay Thing
Title: That Gay Thing
Characters: Hyukjae, Donghae, Yesung, Sungmin, OC
Rating: PG-13
Chaptercount: Prologue
Summary: Playing the part of the struggling possibly-gay in their last year's school play, Hyukjae loses himself in the role and falls in love with another guy. He tells himself he's not gay, that he's just overdoing the getting-in-role thing, but for some reason it's not as convincing as he would like it to be.
A/N: An idea that came to me a while back. It's a plotline I want to write because it is a current day thing and I'd love to take on a more difficult topic for once. My updates may come very slow, but I'm determined to bring this story to a good end. I hope that with my view on these things and feelings I will not insult anyone. I have no idea how it feels for people who go through this (I'm also not a guy), but I'm trying to picture it the best I can~ ^-^
- - - - -
"But you LOVE me," Donghae shouts and for a moment the other boy looks so scared his expression of total disbelief fades a bit.
"No I don't," he then regains himself as he speaks with a grim edge to his voice, almost back in control over himself. "I don't know why you'd think that." He puts his hands on his hips and eyes the young man opposite of him who looks like he's going to burst into tears any moment now. Where it was Donghae who looked sure of himself at first, it is now the other young man who seems to be in control of the situation.
"What do you mean, Kibum? You said so yourself!" Donghae seems somewhat desperate by now but it is obvious the other is not affected by those words. "You kissed me!"
The silence is deafening for a few moments and then the other says the one thing he probably knows will break his friend. "No I did not. I'm straight and it is high time for you to accept that."
Characters: Hyukjae, Donghae, Yesung, Sungmin, OC
Rating: PG-13
Chaptercount: Prologue
Summary: Playing the part of the struggling possibly-gay in their last year's school play, Hyukjae loses himself in the role and falls in love with another guy. He tells himself he's not gay, that he's just overdoing the getting-in-role thing, but for some reason it's not as convincing as he would like it to be.
A/N: An idea that came to me a while back. It's a plotline I want to write because it is a current day thing and I'd love to take on a more difficult topic for once. My updates may come very slow, but I'm determined to bring this story to a good end. I hope that with my view on these things and feelings I will not insult anyone. I have no idea how it feels for people who go through this (I'm also not a guy), but I'm trying to picture it the best I can~ ^-^
- - - - -
"But you LOVE me," Donghae shouts and for a moment the other boy looks so scared his expression of total disbelief fades a bit.
"No I don't," he then regains himself as he speaks with a grim edge to his voice, almost back in control over himself. "I don't know why you'd think that." He puts his hands on his hips and eyes the young man opposite of him who looks like he's going to burst into tears any moment now. Where it was Donghae who looked sure of himself at first, it is now the other young man who seems to be in control of the situation.
"What do you mean, Kibum? You said so yourself!" Donghae seems somewhat desperate by now but it is obvious the other is not affected by those words. "You kissed me!"
The silence is deafening for a few moments and then the other says the one thing he probably knows will break his friend. "No I did not. I'm straight and it is high time for you to accept that."
Sunday, 27 November 2011
[MISC] Fic Bits
Inspiration taken from the random post of fic prompts I recently made. I went through the plenty papers filled with writing that I have at home and found a few bits and pieces of writing that I've never typed out or continued anymore. These are the few things I know I don't have inspiration and time to do anything with, so I'm leaving them here because they mostly stand on their own. If anyone feels like doing anything with them, feel free. Once again, link me to the end result. There's only one that's claimed by someone and cannot be used and that's the fourth one. ^-^
- - - - -
1.
“Yah!”
The boy turned around when his hyung called out to him like that. He was surprised to see the other at a distance less than two meters away, but didn’t show it.
“You.” his hyung continued, taking his hand and pulling him into a sudden hug. “Take care of yourself. Don’t let them think you’re weak.”
The boy smiled, hearing the sincere worry in the other one’s voice. It was one of the few times that his hyung showed any sign of love, so the hug was all the more precious. Yet the boy did not hug back, because he knew that if he’d try to catch him, his hyung would only break free again. As long as he felt free, he would stay.
The boy smiled when his hyung finally let go. He looked up in those familiar eyes for a moment, before turning around and walking away.
His hyung was like a cat. Proud, independent and unwilling to let anyone else decide for him.
He himself was more like a dog. Playful, loyal and in need of a safe shelter so to not get lost in the big world.
A smile brightened the boy’s face as he walked away from everything he knew.
He would return like a cat, to be as strong like his hyung.
- - - - -
2.
He didn’t really know where it came from, but when it arrived it felt like burning your tongue on way too hot soup but not really caring because the soup tasted so bad that it numbed your senses. It was surprising to feel that way again after many years of trying his best to forget it, yet the familiarity of it all made it feel quite alright and he didn’t really care anymore if it hurt or not.
The aftermath of the experience was much worse, however. Days of breathless gasping for air were followed by nights of crying his heart out and it didn’t take long for him to forget all about his fear for heights and climb up to the rooftop of the apartment complex he lived in. No one was there to look over him so he soon found himself staring down at the busy street below wondering how long the fall would take and how much it would hurt. Before he could start thinking of testing it out, though, two arms were wrapped around his middle and he was pulled away from the edge of the roof.
The following days were spent trying to pretend that everything was alright, while at night he clutched his friend’s T-shirt and soaked both the clothing and the sheets with his tears. It was much like having your toe crushed under a horse’s hoove for so long that you start feeling the pain in the rest of your body as well, but he didn’t really care because hurting was better than the numbness that he knew would follow later.
When the tears dried out and the lump in his throat became a sharp, pointy rock he knew that the suffering had just begun.
- - - - -
3.
“Just look at me!” he exclaimed, almost pleading the other to just, even for a second, turn around and look at him. But when he got what he asked for, he wasn’t so sure anymore if that was the right thing to have asked for. Yesung’s eyes were filled with a defeat that went so deep Siwon wasn’t sure if there was anything else left in the man.
- - - - -
4.
The first time they met, he had spent countless hours trying to find out her name. It hadn’t been until she left that he had found out. She had simply asked for his phone and added in her number under her name. Now he usually wasn’t one to look at the details, but her name had been beautiful. Especially the foreign feel to it. When he tried to read it, she had laughed it away and told him the right way of pronouncing the letters. Now Kangin wasn’t one to be easily affected by the dull nothingness of words but she made it sound all the better.
- - - - -
5.
Snow. There’s snow. He must be outside for that to happen, he realises, so he opens his eyes and takes a big breath of fresh air. The feeling of his lungs being filled with the much needed oxygen is almost intoxicating, but he figures there’s no time to marvel over the freedom of not being in danger. Slowly, he takes a step forward, and then another one, letting his too-long-left-unused legs get used to carrying him again. He’s lost. Not sure where he has to go. After all, he has been locked up in the dark for way too long. Who knows what the world looks like right now.
He doesn’t know for how long he has been walking when he suddenly finds himself surrounded by houses. There’s no one outside, however, and the snow is still covering him in a layer of soft white. He figures he should find cover before it gets too much and it might storm. That’s when a huge monster cuts off his path an huge lights blind his eyes. Moments later the lights go out and something is pulled open. A young man comes into sight and he figures he should say something, so he tries his best to remember how to but before he can, the other utters the first sophisticated few words of their conversation.
“Dude, you’re naked.” He looks down at himself and realises that’s a very true fact. Slightly flustered he tries to cover up the private parts as the other continues. “Isn’t it freaking cold like this? are you sporting a death wish?” He frowns, over-thinks his best options and finally answers.
“I’m lost.” he croaks, his voice hoarse from disuse. “Do you happen to know where I am right now?” The other stares at him eyes wide, wondering obviously whether he’s sane or not It’s not clear what the other eventually decides but at least he’s not running away screaming. Instead, he does something with the silver stick in his hand and the monster comes back to life for a moment, lights blinking twice before it dies out again.
“You’re in Inyeong, dear sir.” the young man then says, dropping the silver stick in his pocket. “You’re honestly not freezing to death right now?” He considers that question for a while, looking at his slightly blue-ish hands. For a moment he thinks about coming up with something that makes sense, but his brains don’t seem to work properly yet, so in the end he just goes for the truth. Not that it involves a lot of planning.
“Dead? Yes, I was dead.” he starts, rubbing one hand over the toher. Both hands are cold, ha no real feeling whatsoever and it basically was like rubbing two ice cubes against each other. The young man seems to notice his cold because he sighs.
“Dead, huh?”
- - - - -
1.
“Yah!”
The boy turned around when his hyung called out to him like that. He was surprised to see the other at a distance less than two meters away, but didn’t show it.
“You.” his hyung continued, taking his hand and pulling him into a sudden hug. “Take care of yourself. Don’t let them think you’re weak.”
The boy smiled, hearing the sincere worry in the other one’s voice. It was one of the few times that his hyung showed any sign of love, so the hug was all the more precious. Yet the boy did not hug back, because he knew that if he’d try to catch him, his hyung would only break free again. As long as he felt free, he would stay.
The boy smiled when his hyung finally let go. He looked up in those familiar eyes for a moment, before turning around and walking away.
His hyung was like a cat. Proud, independent and unwilling to let anyone else decide for him.
He himself was more like a dog. Playful, loyal and in need of a safe shelter so to not get lost in the big world.
A smile brightened the boy’s face as he walked away from everything he knew.
He would return like a cat, to be as strong like his hyung.
- - - - -
2.
He didn’t really know where it came from, but when it arrived it felt like burning your tongue on way too hot soup but not really caring because the soup tasted so bad that it numbed your senses. It was surprising to feel that way again after many years of trying his best to forget it, yet the familiarity of it all made it feel quite alright and he didn’t really care anymore if it hurt or not.
The aftermath of the experience was much worse, however. Days of breathless gasping for air were followed by nights of crying his heart out and it didn’t take long for him to forget all about his fear for heights and climb up to the rooftop of the apartment complex he lived in. No one was there to look over him so he soon found himself staring down at the busy street below wondering how long the fall would take and how much it would hurt. Before he could start thinking of testing it out, though, two arms were wrapped around his middle and he was pulled away from the edge of the roof.
The following days were spent trying to pretend that everything was alright, while at night he clutched his friend’s T-shirt and soaked both the clothing and the sheets with his tears. It was much like having your toe crushed under a horse’s hoove for so long that you start feeling the pain in the rest of your body as well, but he didn’t really care because hurting was better than the numbness that he knew would follow later.
When the tears dried out and the lump in his throat became a sharp, pointy rock he knew that the suffering had just begun.
- - - - -
3.
“Just look at me!” he exclaimed, almost pleading the other to just, even for a second, turn around and look at him. But when he got what he asked for, he wasn’t so sure anymore if that was the right thing to have asked for. Yesung’s eyes were filled with a defeat that went so deep Siwon wasn’t sure if there was anything else left in the man.
- - - - -
4.
The first time they met, he had spent countless hours trying to find out her name. It hadn’t been until she left that he had found out. She had simply asked for his phone and added in her number under her name. Now he usually wasn’t one to look at the details, but her name had been beautiful. Especially the foreign feel to it. When he tried to read it, she had laughed it away and told him the right way of pronouncing the letters. Now Kangin wasn’t one to be easily affected by the dull nothingness of words but she made it sound all the better.
- - - - -
5.
Snow. There’s snow. He must be outside for that to happen, he realises, so he opens his eyes and takes a big breath of fresh air. The feeling of his lungs being filled with the much needed oxygen is almost intoxicating, but he figures there’s no time to marvel over the freedom of not being in danger. Slowly, he takes a step forward, and then another one, letting his too-long-left-unused legs get used to carrying him again. He’s lost. Not sure where he has to go. After all, he has been locked up in the dark for way too long. Who knows what the world looks like right now.
He doesn’t know for how long he has been walking when he suddenly finds himself surrounded by houses. There’s no one outside, however, and the snow is still covering him in a layer of soft white. He figures he should find cover before it gets too much and it might storm. That’s when a huge monster cuts off his path an huge lights blind his eyes. Moments later the lights go out and something is pulled open. A young man comes into sight and he figures he should say something, so he tries his best to remember how to but before he can, the other utters the first sophisticated few words of their conversation.
“Dude, you’re naked.” He looks down at himself and realises that’s a very true fact. Slightly flustered he tries to cover up the private parts as the other continues. “Isn’t it freaking cold like this? are you sporting a death wish?” He frowns, over-thinks his best options and finally answers.
“I’m lost.” he croaks, his voice hoarse from disuse. “Do you happen to know where I am right now?” The other stares at him eyes wide, wondering obviously whether he’s sane or not It’s not clear what the other eventually decides but at least he’s not running away screaming. Instead, he does something with the silver stick in his hand and the monster comes back to life for a moment, lights blinking twice before it dies out again.
“You’re in Inyeong, dear sir.” the young man then says, dropping the silver stick in his pocket. “You’re honestly not freezing to death right now?” He considers that question for a while, looking at his slightly blue-ish hands. For a moment he thinks about coming up with something that makes sense, but his brains don’t seem to work properly yet, so in the end he just goes for the truth. Not that it involves a lot of planning.
“Dead? Yes, I was dead.” he starts, rubbing one hand over the toher. Both hands are cold, ha no real feeling whatsoever and it basically was like rubbing two ice cubes against each other. The young man seems to notice his cold because he sighs.
“Dead, huh?”
Sunday, 13 November 2011
[FIC] Airbag
Title: Airbag
Characters: Undefined
Rating: G
Wordcount: 980
Summary: Driving a taxi on his way to something, he wonders.
A/N: I wrote this for a Tablo fanproject in which I filmed myself typing this out. It's a story based on the lyrics of Tablo's song Airbag obviously and I'm posting it here because I can. ^____^
- - - - -
Seven am, on his way to this or that, he can’t really remember what exactly he has gotten up so early for. In fact, he can’t really be bothered to remember either. Dragging himself out of bed had been the hardest part, but from there on everything happened as if on its own. He just went with the flow, getting himself a bowl of cereal and then leaving the house. He barely managed to remember to change into a set of decent clothes before he could walk out onto the street in his pyjamas.
The first taxi that came by was stopped in order to have a means of transport. Stating the street name he knew by heart because he went there every day, he settled into the back seat, buckling his seatbelt and closing his eyes with a sigh. That’s where he still is now, listening to the sounds of life in the early morning. Opening his eyes after some peaceful moments, he stares out of his window, watching the other cars make their way through the morning traffic.
There isn’t much interesting going on in the mornings, really, yet at the same time that’s when you see the most things happen. The loud honking of a car startles him as if proving his point, the driver trying to warn a biker that crossed without looking. They barely avoid each other, back wheel slipping past front bumper with but a hair’s width. What the driver didn’t see was the cat crossing the road, but no one stops to look at that. It is but a stray animal less in the world.
Soon voices fill the taxi, the radio broadcasts some few guests currently in the studio with the DJ that apparently have a lot to say. He hears but doesn’t listen, the conversation going past him as he stares out of the car window without seeing. At one point the taxi driver starts to laugh and he figures they must have said something funny. He didn’t hear what it was. It doesn’t matter, he wouldn’t have laughed anyway. The voices fade away not long after and music starts to play. Perhaps the radio knows his feelings, because they play a song he used to know all the lyrics to. Not that he cares much anymore now, about anything really.
Going over his plans for the week in his mind, he finds there’s still a lot he needs to do before the weekend will come and save him from the dull, boring working days. He’d plan out his work throughout the week if only he would actually keep to such a planning. But even though there isn’t really time to go out, he still accepts the invites from friends to do so, ignoring the amounts of work he still has. He pretends to have fun, but at some point it all becomes void and useless anyway. It doesn’t matter. It’s something to keep the loneliness at bay with. Or perhaps he just hopes that they all see how lonely he really is when he shows up all by himself.
The taxi driver’s gruff voice pulls him out of his reveries and he looks up only to see the man ending his conversation and putting the phone away with a frown. Perhaps the evening drinking plans got cancelled. His eyes wander on to a picture of what he assumes to be the man’s wife and children and he wonders if maybe this man doesn’t go drinking as he can go home to something like that. He thinks back to his own family; his mother and father who had always loved him unconditionally, being the sole people to do so.
He can’t help but wonder whether life would be better if going back to his house actually meant anything. He wonders if maybe he needs a decent place, something to call home. Or would it be better if there were people waiting for him, smiling up at him as they saw him enter and greeting him with love and warmth? He wonders, but doesn’t know the answer to that and when he turns to look out of the window again, the seemingly sudden downpour surprises him.
They come to a halt in front of a street light and he looks at one of the huge billboards through the puddles rippling and growing on the ground. It has something to do with traffic accidents, one person dying. He remembers the cat that died earlier that morning because of an ignorant driver and feels a sigh leave him before he can stop it. Would he end up like that cat, thrown aside by someone who couldn’t care less about his existence?
Another sigh and he remembers the things he thought he put behind him; the warm touch of a loving hand, the happy smile on a frail face, blazing life in sparkling eyes. The pain clutches at his chest and he turns his face away from the street outside to stare at the back of the driver’s chair but it’s useless anyway. His mind pieces the separate memories together easily and he remembers what used to be the light of his life. He draws the face in the air with his eyes and stares at it until the abrupt halt of the taxi tells him he has arrived at his destination.
Slipping the driver the right amount of bills, he mindlessly thanks the man for the service before getting out. As he steps out of the car, feet dipping into some of the puddles he had been staring at just before, he leaves behind the mental drawing he made in the taxi’s interior, with it also forgetting the rest of the memories that go along with it.
Or at least that’s what he tells himself every single day.
It hasn’t worked yet so far.
Characters: Undefined
Rating: G
Wordcount: 980
Summary: Driving a taxi on his way to something, he wonders.
A/N: I wrote this for a Tablo fanproject in which I filmed myself typing this out. It's a story based on the lyrics of Tablo's song Airbag obviously and I'm posting it here because I can. ^____^
- - - - -
Seven am, on his way to this or that, he can’t really remember what exactly he has gotten up so early for. In fact, he can’t really be bothered to remember either. Dragging himself out of bed had been the hardest part, but from there on everything happened as if on its own. He just went with the flow, getting himself a bowl of cereal and then leaving the house. He barely managed to remember to change into a set of decent clothes before he could walk out onto the street in his pyjamas.
The first taxi that came by was stopped in order to have a means of transport. Stating the street name he knew by heart because he went there every day, he settled into the back seat, buckling his seatbelt and closing his eyes with a sigh. That’s where he still is now, listening to the sounds of life in the early morning. Opening his eyes after some peaceful moments, he stares out of his window, watching the other cars make their way through the morning traffic.
There isn’t much interesting going on in the mornings, really, yet at the same time that’s when you see the most things happen. The loud honking of a car startles him as if proving his point, the driver trying to warn a biker that crossed without looking. They barely avoid each other, back wheel slipping past front bumper with but a hair’s width. What the driver didn’t see was the cat crossing the road, but no one stops to look at that. It is but a stray animal less in the world.
Soon voices fill the taxi, the radio broadcasts some few guests currently in the studio with the DJ that apparently have a lot to say. He hears but doesn’t listen, the conversation going past him as he stares out of the car window without seeing. At one point the taxi driver starts to laugh and he figures they must have said something funny. He didn’t hear what it was. It doesn’t matter, he wouldn’t have laughed anyway. The voices fade away not long after and music starts to play. Perhaps the radio knows his feelings, because they play a song he used to know all the lyrics to. Not that he cares much anymore now, about anything really.
Going over his plans for the week in his mind, he finds there’s still a lot he needs to do before the weekend will come and save him from the dull, boring working days. He’d plan out his work throughout the week if only he would actually keep to such a planning. But even though there isn’t really time to go out, he still accepts the invites from friends to do so, ignoring the amounts of work he still has. He pretends to have fun, but at some point it all becomes void and useless anyway. It doesn’t matter. It’s something to keep the loneliness at bay with. Or perhaps he just hopes that they all see how lonely he really is when he shows up all by himself.
The taxi driver’s gruff voice pulls him out of his reveries and he looks up only to see the man ending his conversation and putting the phone away with a frown. Perhaps the evening drinking plans got cancelled. His eyes wander on to a picture of what he assumes to be the man’s wife and children and he wonders if maybe this man doesn’t go drinking as he can go home to something like that. He thinks back to his own family; his mother and father who had always loved him unconditionally, being the sole people to do so.
He can’t help but wonder whether life would be better if going back to his house actually meant anything. He wonders if maybe he needs a decent place, something to call home. Or would it be better if there were people waiting for him, smiling up at him as they saw him enter and greeting him with love and warmth? He wonders, but doesn’t know the answer to that and when he turns to look out of the window again, the seemingly sudden downpour surprises him.
They come to a halt in front of a street light and he looks at one of the huge billboards through the puddles rippling and growing on the ground. It has something to do with traffic accidents, one person dying. He remembers the cat that died earlier that morning because of an ignorant driver and feels a sigh leave him before he can stop it. Would he end up like that cat, thrown aside by someone who couldn’t care less about his existence?
Another sigh and he remembers the things he thought he put behind him; the warm touch of a loving hand, the happy smile on a frail face, blazing life in sparkling eyes. The pain clutches at his chest and he turns his face away from the street outside to stare at the back of the driver’s chair but it’s useless anyway. His mind pieces the separate memories together easily and he remembers what used to be the light of his life. He draws the face in the air with his eyes and stares at it until the abrupt halt of the taxi tells him he has arrived at his destination.
Slipping the driver the right amount of bills, he mindlessly thanks the man for the service before getting out. As he steps out of the car, feet dipping into some of the puddles he had been staring at just before, he leaves behind the mental drawing he made in the taxi’s interior, with it also forgetting the rest of the memories that go along with it.
Or at least that’s what he tells himself every single day.
It hasn’t worked yet so far.
Sunday, 6 November 2011
Fic Challenge - 038; I want you to stay forever [23/100]
Title: I want you to stay forever
Characters: Kibum/Leeteuk
Rating: G
Wordcount: 791
Summary: Forever is a rather abstract measure for time
A/N: So, well, finally I wrote something again. This thing actually marks my 101st finished Suju fic (collab and non-collab) and with that Memories actually becomes my 100th finished SJ fic (I never really counted). It's been a nice year and a half-ish so far in this fandom (or well, writing in this fandom since honestly, this fandom needs some work) and I'm glad to have got to know the boys and their music. I'm going to leave it at this and roll of to go do something completely non-SJ-related because I have no reason not to. I hope you enjoy this.
- - - - -
It’s about time for the biggest stage of their career as of yet. Kibum is huddled in between the other members, not exactly sure what he’s doing there, not exactly feeling like he belongs just yet, but it’s alright, he figures, because he doesn’t think any of them feels that way. They’re all nervous for sure, some are a little pale around the nose, others lean more towards a greenish colour and then there’s Jungs- Leeteuk who’s probably worst off of them all but shows nothing of those feelings on the outside.
The leader of the group, supposed to lead them through all these things without fail, supposed to make sure they’ll make it to the top. He’s not particularly sure that’s how it’ll work out. The job definitely sounds easier than it is. Getting the most spotlight and speaking time, sure, but also working the hardest, trying the best, caring the most,.. Leeteuk will be carrying all their burdens together all by himself and he doesn’t think this frail kid can take that.
They’re all kids, really, even though some are in their twenties already. They’re young and pretty much inexperienced except for some training of which the time span varies from person to person. This stage is like the beginning of everything, but somehow it feels more like it’s the end of something he’s not quite sure he wants to say goodbye to yet. But the pressure is there and so is the painful reality that this is really it. They’re going to be big things after this. Or at least that’s what they hope the outcome will be, that’s what they’ve been told.
“This is our moment,” Leeteuk says, glancing around the group shortly. “We’ve been training hard for this, it’s been long days and short nights, but we’re ready for this.” He smiles then and it brings some of the youthfulness back to his face where before there was only worry and exhaustion. They smile back at him, it feels almost automatically to Kibum, as if he’s no longer the one controlling his own expression. When there’s a need to smile you do so, no questions asked, just the brightest one you possibly can without looking fake.
“We’re here to show that Super Junior can remain together,” Leeteuk continues after a moment of silence, his words coming out faster since the time left before they have to get up on stage is ticking away. “We’re here to show that we are not a group that should be rotated to remain popular or up-to-date. We’re here to show them that we are. And that simple fact cannot just be taken away from us. So let’s give them our very best and keep doing so in the future.”
Leeteuk reaches out a hand and everyone does the same until they have one big pile of hands in the middle of their group. Twelve people huddled together, the same determination in all their hearts. Or almost all, perhaps, as Kibum almost hesitantly chimes in with the rest as they exclaim what appears to have become their battle cry. They stick as closely for a bit longer and Leeteuk takes use of the opportunity to say something more.
“I want Super Junior to last,” he says in a calm tone, as if completely sure of not only himself but them as well and the rest of the world just the same, really. “I want us to last in the hearts and minds of those that listen to us or watch us. Let’s do our very best to become the big thing we all dreamed of being at one point.” His expression grows more serious at the end and he eyes them all one by one. “But mostly,” he says then. “I want us to keep being ourselves. Let’s not change because of the industry. In the end I want you to be able to say that you’re still you no matter what happened in between. I want you to stay forever. Let’s help each other by being there forever.”
Kibum can’t help but smile bitterly upon hearing the words. As the group dissembles into several individuals and some duos making their way over to the side of the stage, he tells himself that the things he has just heard are real and that he’ll be able to last forever. He convinces himself of this and sends a determined nod to Leeteuk when the elder glances at him. Super Junior will become the next big thing. They will last forever.
But when he takes his first steps onto the stage and puts on the brightest smile he can manage just for their fans, he wonders how long exactly this forever will last.
Characters: Kibum/Leeteuk
Rating: G
Wordcount: 791
Summary: Forever is a rather abstract measure for time
A/N: So, well, finally I wrote something again. This thing actually marks my 101st finished Suju fic (collab and non-collab) and with that Memories actually becomes my 100th finished SJ fic (I never really counted). It's been a nice year and a half-ish so far in this fandom (or well, writing in this fandom since honestly, this fandom needs some work) and I'm glad to have got to know the boys and their music. I'm going to leave it at this and roll of to go do something completely non-SJ-related because I have no reason not to. I hope you enjoy this.
- - - - -
It’s about time for the biggest stage of their career as of yet. Kibum is huddled in between the other members, not exactly sure what he’s doing there, not exactly feeling like he belongs just yet, but it’s alright, he figures, because he doesn’t think any of them feels that way. They’re all nervous for sure, some are a little pale around the nose, others lean more towards a greenish colour and then there’s Jungs- Leeteuk who’s probably worst off of them all but shows nothing of those feelings on the outside.
The leader of the group, supposed to lead them through all these things without fail, supposed to make sure they’ll make it to the top. He’s not particularly sure that’s how it’ll work out. The job definitely sounds easier than it is. Getting the most spotlight and speaking time, sure, but also working the hardest, trying the best, caring the most,.. Leeteuk will be carrying all their burdens together all by himself and he doesn’t think this frail kid can take that.
They’re all kids, really, even though some are in their twenties already. They’re young and pretty much inexperienced except for some training of which the time span varies from person to person. This stage is like the beginning of everything, but somehow it feels more like it’s the end of something he’s not quite sure he wants to say goodbye to yet. But the pressure is there and so is the painful reality that this is really it. They’re going to be big things after this. Or at least that’s what they hope the outcome will be, that’s what they’ve been told.
“This is our moment,” Leeteuk says, glancing around the group shortly. “We’ve been training hard for this, it’s been long days and short nights, but we’re ready for this.” He smiles then and it brings some of the youthfulness back to his face where before there was only worry and exhaustion. They smile back at him, it feels almost automatically to Kibum, as if he’s no longer the one controlling his own expression. When there’s a need to smile you do so, no questions asked, just the brightest one you possibly can without looking fake.
“We’re here to show that Super Junior can remain together,” Leeteuk continues after a moment of silence, his words coming out faster since the time left before they have to get up on stage is ticking away. “We’re here to show that we are not a group that should be rotated to remain popular or up-to-date. We’re here to show them that we are. And that simple fact cannot just be taken away from us. So let’s give them our very best and keep doing so in the future.”
Leeteuk reaches out a hand and everyone does the same until they have one big pile of hands in the middle of their group. Twelve people huddled together, the same determination in all their hearts. Or almost all, perhaps, as Kibum almost hesitantly chimes in with the rest as they exclaim what appears to have become their battle cry. They stick as closely for a bit longer and Leeteuk takes use of the opportunity to say something more.
“I want Super Junior to last,” he says in a calm tone, as if completely sure of not only himself but them as well and the rest of the world just the same, really. “I want us to last in the hearts and minds of those that listen to us or watch us. Let’s do our very best to become the big thing we all dreamed of being at one point.” His expression grows more serious at the end and he eyes them all one by one. “But mostly,” he says then. “I want us to keep being ourselves. Let’s not change because of the industry. In the end I want you to be able to say that you’re still you no matter what happened in between. I want you to stay forever. Let’s help each other by being there forever.”
Kibum can’t help but smile bitterly upon hearing the words. As the group dissembles into several individuals and some duos making their way over to the side of the stage, he tells himself that the things he has just heard are real and that he’ll be able to last forever. He convinces himself of this and sends a determined nod to Leeteuk when the elder glances at him. Super Junior will become the next big thing. They will last forever.
But when he takes his first steps onto the stage and puts on the brightest smile he can manage just for their fans, he wonders how long exactly this forever will last.
Friday, 21 October 2011
[FIC] Memories
Title: Memories
Characters: Super Junior
Rating: R
Chaptercount: 26/26
Summary: Fifteen people try to find the memories they forgot - or maybe they're just looking for each other.
A/N: A fic written on a hunch. One day I thought; "Super Junior. And vampires. This calls for a fic!" and well.. Here we are? Memories is one of the stories that I'm proud of, despite its sometimes messy storyline. It's also a story that won't be fully understood until you've read it completely. Things will be very confusing as you read, but will also get explained in future chapters. Be warned.
- - - -
“Who’s we?” Kyuhyun asked first, his voice sounding slightly disbelieving.
“Heechul hyung, Hangeng hyung, Li Yin, Misun noona and I for starters.” Sindong stated calmly, a small smile brightening his expression as he knew exactly what would come after that.
“I will go too.” Jongwoon immediately stated as expected and it wasn’t like anyone present in the room was surprised over that fact with the way he had been protecting his wife up to that point.
“Count me in as well.” Zhou Mi added to that in a soft voice, a short nod in Heechul’s direction following those words. “Someone needs to have a say over him.” It was a joke to keep the mood light and it worked, some of the members even chuckling softly. Heechul’s gaze was less happy but it was obvious he was only playing.
“Same for Ryeowook and me.” Siwon spoke after a moment, the younger vampire looking at him in surprise for a moment but nodding anyway. “Jack’s been toying with us and our lives long enough now.” he added then, his smile grim, eyes filled with a great dislike that bordered hatred.
“Guys…” Hyukjae spoke up at that point, making all eyes turn to him. He had meanwhile cleaned his face from the tears and gathered himself again. He was standing in between Jungsoo and Sang Mi, Donghae hugging him from behind, chin resting on Hyukjae’s shoulder. “There’s no need to all state it separately. We’re all going to help Hangeng hyung and Heechul hyung out in the end anyway.” His eyes were a normal brown, but he didn’t have to read minds to know he was right.
“Perhaps. But I want my sleep first.” Sungmin responded to that and Jungsoo nodded slightly. “I prefer feeding first too, I haven’t had a decent meal in years.” His eyes flashed a vivid red at the mere thought of blood and as Sang Mi inched further away from the vampire almost invisibly, Youngwoon let out a small sigh.
“We all do. Let’s rest and feed first before continuing this discussion.” he contributed gruffly, running a hand over his face. “Talking about this on an empty stomach and with a headache isn’t going to get us far.”
“There’s time anyway.” Misun agreed, speaking again for the first time in a while, a smile on her face as she eyed the brotherhood that had been recreated between the people present in the apartment. “If we’re really going to go against Jack, you’re all going to have to learn how to control your powers better and how to fight other skilled, bloodthirsty Daywalkers. He’s a skilled fighter, it’s not going to be anything like storming in and taking over just like that. Besides, he probably expects some sort of attempt from my side to take back what is mine.”
“Well he’s not too wrong there, is he?” Henry snorted, his strikingly red eyes focused on the woman for a moment as a smile started brightening up his expression. “It’s nice to see you again, noona. Really nice to see you’re still alive as well. How’s the little one?”
The question raised memories in many of the other members’ minds except for Youngwoon, Jungsoo, Hyukjae and Shindong who had been changed before Jongwoon an Misun’s daughter had been born. Donghae and Kyuhyun had not been around anymore at that time either, but they had gotten their memories from Jongwoon, so his memories of his own daughter were still vividly clear in their minds.
“She’s fine.” Jongwoon spoke upon seeing his wife’s expression grow sadder again. “She lives with her grandparents who are taking good care of her. Last time I checked on her she was doing a great job in school.” He smiled back at the younger member, before turning to Misun and slipping his arms around her, pulling her against him and whispering something to her that was too silent for anyone else in the room to understand. They left the room then, gently closing the apartment door behind them. No one doubted they’d come back.
☆.:**´¨`**:.☆
“Alright.” Heechul spoke up mere seconds after the door had closed behind the couple. “We don’t have all day so I suggest you find yourself a space to sleep so that Seasoning and I can leave.” His eyes wandered over the people present before a small amused smile appeared on his face. “Just like before, three places on the bed, two in the couch, the rest will have to take the floor and the chairs. Fight it out amongst yourselves.” he added then, more amused by that fact than he probably should be.
But the others weren’t as set on good sleeping spots as he seemed to think they would be. In seemingly no time they had settled on where to sleep with no one complaining. Hyukjae, Sang Mi and Jungsoo took over the bed this time, Hyukjae sleeping in the middle after repeated requests from the girl. Henry and Sungmin curled up next to each other on the couch whereas Siwon, Ryeowook and Hangeng just settled for free chairs to sleep on.
Kibum surprisingly lay down on the ground as if nothing was wrong, soon joined there by Donghae and Youngwoon respectively. Shindong settled himself against the wall, closing his eyes but seeming to not actually relax. Kyuhyun was the only one not to take a rest despite badly needing it, but even though no one asked, they all knew he wanted to wait for Jongwoon to return safely before going to sleep.
It was like that that Heechul and Zhou Mi left the apartment together, their friends already fast asleep despite the sometimes uncomfortable positions. Li Yin wanted to come along with them but Heechul for some reason convinced her to stay behind and look after the sleeping ones. She let them go only after demanding – and getting – a kiss that had Zhou Mi looking away for a moment to leave them to their lovey-dovey privacy.
Yet Heechul didn’t leave him waiting long, soon taking hold of his hand and dragging him outside, closing the door behind them with a soft click. He allowed the older man to drag him along until they stepped outside onto the street, which was when he gently tugged his hand free and crossed his arms in front of his chest, looking at the other.
“So tell me why you’re taking me out with you when Li Yin is much more willing and much less tired?” he calmly asked, making Heechul look at him with a contemplating look in his eyes for a short moment before he shrugged.
“Because I like you, Seasoning. Now don’t complain and walk along, we need to be in time before they close for the day and we can’t get any more blood. I don’t think Hyukjae would appreciate it if Jungsoo or Jongwoon suddenly attacked his girlfriend.” The words were said in a somewhat uninterested manner, making Zhou Mi roll his eyes.
“We can get to wherever we need to be in no time so don’t give me stupid excuses.” he muttered then, starting to walk anyway. “And we both know the kid’s not his girlfriend. She’s barely half his age. What’s going on with her anyway? What was all that talk about it not being his business to speak up about?”
Surprisingly Heechul smiled despite the somewhat rude words of the redhead, reaching out and patting his shoulder. “See, this is exactly why I brought you and not Li Yin.” he said as he gently steered the other in the right direction at the end of the street. “She already knows everything. You’re much more fun to talk to.” He chuckled softly over a joke only he knew before giving an actual answer.
“The girl’s Jungsoo’s daughter. It was a slip-up with his girlfriend back in the day. He’d have had it removed because of his career, but she said she would raise it on her own and would make sure it wouldn’t affect him. He has no clue who she is, though, which is why I didn’t allow Hyukjae to say anything. Both Jungsoo and her are better off not knowing.” With those words, he suddenly broke out into a run, so fast he became invisible to human eyes.
☆.:**´¨`**:.☆
Misun rested her head against Jongwoon’s chest, closing her eyes and letting out a small sigh of contentment. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been able to relax and unwind, to leave the worrying to someone else and just enjoy the warmth of a loving embrace. The fact that Jongwoon was the one those arms belonged to made it all the more meaningful and to her surprise she soon felt the bitter sting of tears welling up in her eyes. The realisation that she was crying made her tense up, uselessly wondering when the last time was that she had done so. She couldn’t even remember, but most probably it had been over his death.
“Jagiya…” that warm, low voice whispered to her and she felt herself tremble because of the familiarity of it all. She never thought she would be in such a position again. There was a certain limit to the amount of happiness people had in their life and she had always figured she had reached hers, but this moment proved how wrong that assumption had been. “I’m here, you’re here too. There’s no need to cry. I love you.” All words that seemed so impossible yet were very true, which was proven by the way her husband’s shirt got stained by her tears.
“It all feels so surreal, Jongie.” she whispered back, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt and body trembling with the vastness of her emotions. “For the past ten years I lived thinking you were dead, that I’d have to go on alone, that I’d have to go back to see our daughter one day and tell her that her father died in a car accident. And yet there always was this small flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, the reality I was working in included you after all, but it never became more than that faint splatter of hope, hidden behind layers of harsh reality. Yet now you’re here. You’re really here.”
She could hear him swallow, knew that what she was saying probably was hard for him to take, but after staying strong for so long it felt incredible to be able to break down. And at the same time it made her feel too vulnerable, too open for more heartbreak. Luckily there was no such thing as Jongwoon pulled her even closer, probably holding her as tight as he could without care. For once she was even more glad to have become a venger and therefore able to withstand the brute force her husband now possessed in his vampire form.
“I’m really here.” he said then and a small noise escaped her at the implications those words brought with them. “I’m not leaving you again, dear. They’ll have to come with something huge to get me down this time – and even though his ego may be I don’t consider Jack huge.” The intent was obviously to cheer her up and it worked, however silly the joke may have been. She chuckled softly in between the tears, slowly letting go of him to wipe her tears away. He got to it before she could however, gently running his thumbs over her cheeks to dry away the last tear tracks and sending her a small smile then. She smiled back.
“Let’s go back inside, Jongie. You need to sleep and go feed after, you look horrible.” she spoke then, voice soft, filled with warmth. The slight disgust on his face had her taking a firm hold of his hand. “If there’s one thing I learned in the past years it’s that vampires simply need blood to survive and it won’t do you any good whatsoever to abhor it. I don’t blame you for it, nor do any of the others, so don’t blame yourself for it either.” Her encouraging smile was mirrored by his grateful one and he entwined his fingers with hers as they walked back down the hallway.
☆.:**´¨`**:.☆
With his hands tucked in his pockets, he calmly strolled through the hospital, waiting patiently for the two men that had gone inside the room to come back out. He was there to look over them after all, just like he had been there for every single one of them after their change. The only one he couldn’t protect had been Jungsoo, the vampire too close to his sire at all times to even try and get in between. But now the Jimin creature was dead and he had free range to protect these boys that were his responsibility.
Right as an anxious feeling started to eat at him, the door of the room opened and the tall redhead walked out of it, followed shortly after by the smaller Heechul. They didn’t notice him just like they never had before and he felt proud of his own skills again for a split second. He had always been able to stay out of their sight, hide his presence from them with the ease of years of training and a natural talent for it. But the smile froze halfway appearing on his face when suddenly Zhou Mi reached out and slapped his friend over the back of his head, right as they walked by him.
“You’re an idiot, hyung, that’s what you are. Why would you tell those people that you help out people who can’t afford to go to the hospital? What will you do if ever they try to check up on you and find there’s no such thing? You shouldn’t lie to people.” the redhead complained to the other, making him smile in amusement. They were still the same – bickering nonstop.
“What do you mean lie to people? I AM helping people! You see, I’m helping our friends who can’t afford to go to the hospital because they will be found out. I never said that I’m helping sick or hurt people, it’s just what they assume I’m doing. Now stop complaining and take my bag, it’s heavy as hell.” the black haired vampire countered and almost immediately Zhou Mi’s arm shot out to take hold of said bag. Yet the redhead didn’t hold on to it for very long.
“Take your bag back and stop ordering me around, hyung.” he said with a frown on his face, but the huff that came out of Heechul when he realised he was forced to keep carrying his own bag was even worse. It made him smile as he slipped out of the shadows of the hospital hallway and followed after them, completely relaxed, a hundred percent sure they wouldn’t even notice him if he stamped through the hallway at full speed.
It didn’t take long for the two to speed up their pace once they were outside and he easily followed after them, entering the apartment building with them and watching them step inside the right complex. He remained outside, allowing them to settle in and find themselves a place to sleep as well. Everyone inside was asleep already which was audible by the steady breathing from the few still living people inside and the complete silence that the others emanated.
Only when he was sure both Heechul and Zhou Mi were asleep just like everyone else, he walked up to the door of the apartment, opening it with surprising ease and stepping inside. The door slid closed behind him so silent even he himself couldn’t hear it click into the lock again, which made a smile appear on his face. His eyes took in the people spread around the room on the floor, in the couch, on the bed and everywhere they had found a place suitable to lie down and close their eyes. The most endearing was probably the sight of Jongwoon and Misun curled up together, right beside where Li Yin and Heechul were sleeping back to back.
He breathed out an inaudible sigh, closing his eyes for a moment. As their grandsire and the reason why they were all gathered together in this room now, he felt an urge to make sure they’d all stay as peaceful as they were at that moment. He certainly wouldn’t allow any of them to get hurt like they had been in the past. After so many years of looking over them, they had gotten themselves a spot in his heart, no matter how well he hid it from them.
“Don’t worry my friends.” he whispered to the room filled with the sleeping forms of the vampires he had indirectly created. “I’ll help you.”
Characters: Super Junior
Rating: R
Chaptercount: 26/26
Summary: Fifteen people try to find the memories they forgot - or maybe they're just looking for each other.
A/N: A fic written on a hunch. One day I thought; "Super Junior. And vampires. This calls for a fic!" and well.. Here we are? Memories is one of the stories that I'm proud of, despite its sometimes messy storyline. It's also a story that won't be fully understood until you've read it completely. Things will be very confusing as you read, but will also get explained in future chapters. Be warned.
- - - -
“Who’s we?” Kyuhyun asked first, his voice sounding slightly disbelieving.
“Heechul hyung, Hangeng hyung, Li Yin, Misun noona and I for starters.” Sindong stated calmly, a small smile brightening his expression as he knew exactly what would come after that.
“I will go too.” Jongwoon immediately stated as expected and it wasn’t like anyone present in the room was surprised over that fact with the way he had been protecting his wife up to that point.
“Count me in as well.” Zhou Mi added to that in a soft voice, a short nod in Heechul’s direction following those words. “Someone needs to have a say over him.” It was a joke to keep the mood light and it worked, some of the members even chuckling softly. Heechul’s gaze was less happy but it was obvious he was only playing.
“Same for Ryeowook and me.” Siwon spoke after a moment, the younger vampire looking at him in surprise for a moment but nodding anyway. “Jack’s been toying with us and our lives long enough now.” he added then, his smile grim, eyes filled with a great dislike that bordered hatred.
“Guys…” Hyukjae spoke up at that point, making all eyes turn to him. He had meanwhile cleaned his face from the tears and gathered himself again. He was standing in between Jungsoo and Sang Mi, Donghae hugging him from behind, chin resting on Hyukjae’s shoulder. “There’s no need to all state it separately. We’re all going to help Hangeng hyung and Heechul hyung out in the end anyway.” His eyes were a normal brown, but he didn’t have to read minds to know he was right.
“Perhaps. But I want my sleep first.” Sungmin responded to that and Jungsoo nodded slightly. “I prefer feeding first too, I haven’t had a decent meal in years.” His eyes flashed a vivid red at the mere thought of blood and as Sang Mi inched further away from the vampire almost invisibly, Youngwoon let out a small sigh.
“We all do. Let’s rest and feed first before continuing this discussion.” he contributed gruffly, running a hand over his face. “Talking about this on an empty stomach and with a headache isn’t going to get us far.”
“There’s time anyway.” Misun agreed, speaking again for the first time in a while, a smile on her face as she eyed the brotherhood that had been recreated between the people present in the apartment. “If we’re really going to go against Jack, you’re all going to have to learn how to control your powers better and how to fight other skilled, bloodthirsty Daywalkers. He’s a skilled fighter, it’s not going to be anything like storming in and taking over just like that. Besides, he probably expects some sort of attempt from my side to take back what is mine.”
“Well he’s not too wrong there, is he?” Henry snorted, his strikingly red eyes focused on the woman for a moment as a smile started brightening up his expression. “It’s nice to see you again, noona. Really nice to see you’re still alive as well. How’s the little one?”
The question raised memories in many of the other members’ minds except for Youngwoon, Jungsoo, Hyukjae and Shindong who had been changed before Jongwoon an Misun’s daughter had been born. Donghae and Kyuhyun had not been around anymore at that time either, but they had gotten their memories from Jongwoon, so his memories of his own daughter were still vividly clear in their minds.
“She’s fine.” Jongwoon spoke upon seeing his wife’s expression grow sadder again. “She lives with her grandparents who are taking good care of her. Last time I checked on her she was doing a great job in school.” He smiled back at the younger member, before turning to Misun and slipping his arms around her, pulling her against him and whispering something to her that was too silent for anyone else in the room to understand. They left the room then, gently closing the apartment door behind them. No one doubted they’d come back.
☆.:**´¨`**:.☆
“Alright.” Heechul spoke up mere seconds after the door had closed behind the couple. “We don’t have all day so I suggest you find yourself a space to sleep so that Seasoning and I can leave.” His eyes wandered over the people present before a small amused smile appeared on his face. “Just like before, three places on the bed, two in the couch, the rest will have to take the floor and the chairs. Fight it out amongst yourselves.” he added then, more amused by that fact than he probably should be.
But the others weren’t as set on good sleeping spots as he seemed to think they would be. In seemingly no time they had settled on where to sleep with no one complaining. Hyukjae, Sang Mi and Jungsoo took over the bed this time, Hyukjae sleeping in the middle after repeated requests from the girl. Henry and Sungmin curled up next to each other on the couch whereas Siwon, Ryeowook and Hangeng just settled for free chairs to sleep on.
Kibum surprisingly lay down on the ground as if nothing was wrong, soon joined there by Donghae and Youngwoon respectively. Shindong settled himself against the wall, closing his eyes but seeming to not actually relax. Kyuhyun was the only one not to take a rest despite badly needing it, but even though no one asked, they all knew he wanted to wait for Jongwoon to return safely before going to sleep.
It was like that that Heechul and Zhou Mi left the apartment together, their friends already fast asleep despite the sometimes uncomfortable positions. Li Yin wanted to come along with them but Heechul for some reason convinced her to stay behind and look after the sleeping ones. She let them go only after demanding – and getting – a kiss that had Zhou Mi looking away for a moment to leave them to their lovey-dovey privacy.
Yet Heechul didn’t leave him waiting long, soon taking hold of his hand and dragging him outside, closing the door behind them with a soft click. He allowed the older man to drag him along until they stepped outside onto the street, which was when he gently tugged his hand free and crossed his arms in front of his chest, looking at the other.
“So tell me why you’re taking me out with you when Li Yin is much more willing and much less tired?” he calmly asked, making Heechul look at him with a contemplating look in his eyes for a short moment before he shrugged.
“Because I like you, Seasoning. Now don’t complain and walk along, we need to be in time before they close for the day and we can’t get any more blood. I don’t think Hyukjae would appreciate it if Jungsoo or Jongwoon suddenly attacked his girlfriend.” The words were said in a somewhat uninterested manner, making Zhou Mi roll his eyes.
“We can get to wherever we need to be in no time so don’t give me stupid excuses.” he muttered then, starting to walk anyway. “And we both know the kid’s not his girlfriend. She’s barely half his age. What’s going on with her anyway? What was all that talk about it not being his business to speak up about?”
Surprisingly Heechul smiled despite the somewhat rude words of the redhead, reaching out and patting his shoulder. “See, this is exactly why I brought you and not Li Yin.” he said as he gently steered the other in the right direction at the end of the street. “She already knows everything. You’re much more fun to talk to.” He chuckled softly over a joke only he knew before giving an actual answer.
“The girl’s Jungsoo’s daughter. It was a slip-up with his girlfriend back in the day. He’d have had it removed because of his career, but she said she would raise it on her own and would make sure it wouldn’t affect him. He has no clue who she is, though, which is why I didn’t allow Hyukjae to say anything. Both Jungsoo and her are better off not knowing.” With those words, he suddenly broke out into a run, so fast he became invisible to human eyes.
☆.:**´¨`**:.☆
Misun rested her head against Jongwoon’s chest, closing her eyes and letting out a small sigh of contentment. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been able to relax and unwind, to leave the worrying to someone else and just enjoy the warmth of a loving embrace. The fact that Jongwoon was the one those arms belonged to made it all the more meaningful and to her surprise she soon felt the bitter sting of tears welling up in her eyes. The realisation that she was crying made her tense up, uselessly wondering when the last time was that she had done so. She couldn’t even remember, but most probably it had been over his death.
“Jagiya…” that warm, low voice whispered to her and she felt herself tremble because of the familiarity of it all. She never thought she would be in such a position again. There was a certain limit to the amount of happiness people had in their life and she had always figured she had reached hers, but this moment proved how wrong that assumption had been. “I’m here, you’re here too. There’s no need to cry. I love you.” All words that seemed so impossible yet were very true, which was proven by the way her husband’s shirt got stained by her tears.
“It all feels so surreal, Jongie.” she whispered back, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt and body trembling with the vastness of her emotions. “For the past ten years I lived thinking you were dead, that I’d have to go on alone, that I’d have to go back to see our daughter one day and tell her that her father died in a car accident. And yet there always was this small flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, the reality I was working in included you after all, but it never became more than that faint splatter of hope, hidden behind layers of harsh reality. Yet now you’re here. You’re really here.”
She could hear him swallow, knew that what she was saying probably was hard for him to take, but after staying strong for so long it felt incredible to be able to break down. And at the same time it made her feel too vulnerable, too open for more heartbreak. Luckily there was no such thing as Jongwoon pulled her even closer, probably holding her as tight as he could without care. For once she was even more glad to have become a venger and therefore able to withstand the brute force her husband now possessed in his vampire form.
“I’m really here.” he said then and a small noise escaped her at the implications those words brought with them. “I’m not leaving you again, dear. They’ll have to come with something huge to get me down this time – and even though his ego may be I don’t consider Jack huge.” The intent was obviously to cheer her up and it worked, however silly the joke may have been. She chuckled softly in between the tears, slowly letting go of him to wipe her tears away. He got to it before she could however, gently running his thumbs over her cheeks to dry away the last tear tracks and sending her a small smile then. She smiled back.
“Let’s go back inside, Jongie. You need to sleep and go feed after, you look horrible.” she spoke then, voice soft, filled with warmth. The slight disgust on his face had her taking a firm hold of his hand. “If there’s one thing I learned in the past years it’s that vampires simply need blood to survive and it won’t do you any good whatsoever to abhor it. I don’t blame you for it, nor do any of the others, so don’t blame yourself for it either.” Her encouraging smile was mirrored by his grateful one and he entwined his fingers with hers as they walked back down the hallway.
☆.:**´¨`**:.☆
With his hands tucked in his pockets, he calmly strolled through the hospital, waiting patiently for the two men that had gone inside the room to come back out. He was there to look over them after all, just like he had been there for every single one of them after their change. The only one he couldn’t protect had been Jungsoo, the vampire too close to his sire at all times to even try and get in between. But now the Jimin creature was dead and he had free range to protect these boys that were his responsibility.
Right as an anxious feeling started to eat at him, the door of the room opened and the tall redhead walked out of it, followed shortly after by the smaller Heechul. They didn’t notice him just like they never had before and he felt proud of his own skills again for a split second. He had always been able to stay out of their sight, hide his presence from them with the ease of years of training and a natural talent for it. But the smile froze halfway appearing on his face when suddenly Zhou Mi reached out and slapped his friend over the back of his head, right as they walked by him.
“You’re an idiot, hyung, that’s what you are. Why would you tell those people that you help out people who can’t afford to go to the hospital? What will you do if ever they try to check up on you and find there’s no such thing? You shouldn’t lie to people.” the redhead complained to the other, making him smile in amusement. They were still the same – bickering nonstop.
“What do you mean lie to people? I AM helping people! You see, I’m helping our friends who can’t afford to go to the hospital because they will be found out. I never said that I’m helping sick or hurt people, it’s just what they assume I’m doing. Now stop complaining and take my bag, it’s heavy as hell.” the black haired vampire countered and almost immediately Zhou Mi’s arm shot out to take hold of said bag. Yet the redhead didn’t hold on to it for very long.
“Take your bag back and stop ordering me around, hyung.” he said with a frown on his face, but the huff that came out of Heechul when he realised he was forced to keep carrying his own bag was even worse. It made him smile as he slipped out of the shadows of the hospital hallway and followed after them, completely relaxed, a hundred percent sure they wouldn’t even notice him if he stamped through the hallway at full speed.
It didn’t take long for the two to speed up their pace once they were outside and he easily followed after them, entering the apartment building with them and watching them step inside the right complex. He remained outside, allowing them to settle in and find themselves a place to sleep as well. Everyone inside was asleep already which was audible by the steady breathing from the few still living people inside and the complete silence that the others emanated.
Only when he was sure both Heechul and Zhou Mi were asleep just like everyone else, he walked up to the door of the apartment, opening it with surprising ease and stepping inside. The door slid closed behind him so silent even he himself couldn’t hear it click into the lock again, which made a smile appear on his face. His eyes took in the people spread around the room on the floor, in the couch, on the bed and everywhere they had found a place suitable to lie down and close their eyes. The most endearing was probably the sight of Jongwoon and Misun curled up together, right beside where Li Yin and Heechul were sleeping back to back.
He breathed out an inaudible sigh, closing his eyes for a moment. As their grandsire and the reason why they were all gathered together in this room now, he felt an urge to make sure they’d all stay as peaceful as they were at that moment. He certainly wouldn’t allow any of them to get hurt like they had been in the past. After so many years of looking over them, they had gotten themselves a spot in his heart, no matter how well he hid it from them.
“Don’t worry my friends.” he whispered to the room filled with the sleeping forms of the vampires he had indirectly created. “I’ll help you.”
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